Legal Juice

[Warning: kids, leave the room.] Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to £2, exactly the required fee. I can answer her question the same way I answer my kids on occasion [the occasion being that I can't think of a reason] - because. Ms. Hodges is not one to take such things (including a £60 [$120 US]) fine lying down. She e-mailed the council, and, per The Guardian, here's how it responded:

Despite clear instructions on the reverse of Mrs Hodges' vouchers warning that you can only use two vouchers at any time, the council decided to use its discretionary powers and revoke the fine.

However, this cancellation came with the proviso that should Mrs Hodges get another parking ticket, that fine will not be cancelled.

So kids, remember today's lesson: while 2 x 1 = 2, don't assume that 4 x .5 = 2. Click here to read more.

Calvin Edwards of Fort Pierce, Florida takes his chicken VERY seriously. Just ask his brother. Per The Treasure Coast Palm:

The brother said he and Edwards were “scuffling over chicken wings when Calvin pulled a small pocket knife and threatened to cut him” ...

Not just chicken, but chicken wings. Now it's all making sense ... But surely Mr. Edwards has a different version?

Edwards said his mother and brother started yelling at him and said he “needed to defend himself.”

The charges? Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and battery. Pretty serious, since the brother only had a scratch on his wrist, and the knife was never found.

This one is bizarre, even to the Juice. Shaun Michael Burke has been charged with seriously beating a woman with a rubber dildo (wrapped in duct tape) while he robbed her house. The police also suspect that her dog bit Mr. Burke - for the last time. He has also been charged with killing the dog by duct-taping it to a tree (causing asphyxiation). Mr. Burke is in deep shit if the blood in the dogs mouth turns out to be his. (The attacker was wearing a leather mask.) Click here to read the full story in the Daily Mercury.

Maybe you wouldn't be so impressed if I told you that Elizabeth Okazaki pretended to be a student for 4 months at UCLA, even obtaining a BruinCard that allowed her to use the recreational facilities (where she stored some of her stuff!) and the libraries. She just got busted, and booted. But her prior stint?

She posed as a physics graduate student at Stanford University for four years! Apparently Stanford is a real destination for fake students. They recently discovered that a woman who lived in a dorm and attended classes for a year was a fake student! Crazy. You can read more, mostly about the UCLA story, here.

Kathleen Jennings, age 19, is getting hosed. This young lady is no reprobate. She is a Cub Scout leader who works with disabled children! And she is an A student, and is studying math at Manchester University. She's never been in any trouble before. She is now, and here's why: While riding the train, she put the tips of her flip-flops on the unoccupied seat in front of her. Said the big bad railway man: "Are you comfortable?" She immediately put her feet down. Not good enough.

Ms. Jennings was charged with “wilfully interfering with the comfort or convenience” of other rail passengers. Actually, I'd say that's what the railway man did. Just to reinforce the kind of young lady we're talking about, this was her reaction upon being charged:

I was crying my eyes out. I am not the sort of person who would do anything wrong. I have never been in trouble before and, working with children, I do not want a criminal record.

She will have to pay an attorney, and could face a fine of up to £150 ($218 US). Brilliant!

And Ms. Jennings is not alone. Since the "no feet on the seats" policy was implemented in February 2007, the company operating the trains, Merseyrail, has taken about 250 people to court! Mercy! (You can read more here.) And if you want to read about another scofflaw who was busted under this 120-year-old rule, click here.

In Italy, you can be a part-time Judge and a practicing attorney. So there were these identical twins, one of whom was a part-time Judge and a lawyer. The other sister had finished law school, but was not a practicing attorney, or so everyone thought.

Seems the Judge (Gabriela Odisio) was double-booked, and asked her sister to stand in for her! And it worked the other way too, with Patrizia sitting as a Judge for her sister. It worked for 3 years! How did they get busted? Slip of the lip. A client overheard them talking about it! For the full story from the Times Online, click here.

When the moment comes, I think it's safe to say that most of us would prefer not to be in a public place, especially a fast food restaurant. The moment came for Henry Chai in a Wendy's Restaurant in Montgomery County, Ohio. Now, as fast food goes, I like Wendy's. I don't want to believe that little Wendy, with those cute red braids, would allow this to occur. And remember, these were just allegations.

There was no toilet paper! Mr. Chai had to use his handkerchief! When the nightmare ended, Mr. Chai did what I think most of us would - he sued Wendy's, seeking

$2.00 for the loss of a handkerchief, $5,000 'for the unreasonable risk to his health,' $2500 'for humiliation and negligent infliction of emotional distress,' and $5000 in punitive damages for Wendy's 'wanton act of failing to provide toilet tissue in contravention of the Ohio Food Services Rules.'

Wendy's lawyers hit the law books, then filed a one sentence reply to Mr. Chai's complaint: "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha." Actually, they asked the court to dismiss the claim "for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted." To Mr. Chai's horror [don't worry, he appealed], the court agreed.

The Court finds beyond doubt that the Plaintiff can state no cause of action upon which relief can be granted. The entire complaint consists of the Plaintiff's frustration and inconvenience caused by the temporary omission of toilet paper from the men's restroom area... The plaintiff had several alternatives and his lack of ingenuity caused an alleged $2 loss. This Court has held a scheduling conference [oh to be a fly on the wall for that one] and has considered the facts set forth in the motions and having spent adequate time reviewing the allegations and facts brought to the Court's attention, this Court finds that the Plaintiff is not entitled to proceed further with this action.

Well, this did not sit well with Mr. Chai, so he appealed. And what do you think happened?

Continue reading "Wendy's, Toilet Paper, And ... A Lawsuit?" »

For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for "conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency"), and put on the sex offenders' registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you "swindle" folks out of socks?

Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.

Creepy.

They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.

Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude's flat?

... 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.

“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker."

“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”

Here's the source.

Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn't in one.

The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.

City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn't have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, "I know you have money. It's a bank."

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

If they catch the dude, just imagine the ribbing he'll get in jail ...

All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record:

Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said.

And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly.

The males then exited the vehicle and tried to break in, but couldn’t.

Damn. Where are we going to find another closed store with a window and cigarettes at 3:40 in the morning?

They fled the scene in the vehicle and, 12 minutes later, drove the same vehicle into the front entrance of Beer Nuts in Jay Park Plaza on Route 209 in Smithfield Township. They entered that store, took cartons of cigarettes and fled the scene.

Mission accomplished. The men are still at large, no doubt puffing away.