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Adding insult to injury, the public is now aware of this gent’s very own Plaxico Burress moment. But for the reporting law, nobody would have been the wiser. As reported by The Corvallis Gazette-Times:

Ethan Bennett, 36, told Benton County sheriff’s deputies he was at his residence at 24750 Cox Lane in Monroe about 4:15 p.m. Wednesday when he tried to shoot the [squirrel] with a .22-caliber rifle.

The squirrel reportedly ran up his left leg, and he pulled the trigger, hitting himself in the foot.

Doh!

Deputies contacted Bennett at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center, where he drove himself after the accident. Law enforcement agencies investigate all gunshot wounds admitted to the hospital.

Hospital personnel said Bennett was treated and released.

And if you’re worried about the squirrel …

Capt. Greg Ridler said Bennett did not kill the squirrel.

Whew. Not surprisingly, “Bennett declined to comment about the incident.”

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This is not a question a court security officer should be asking. But hey, what are you supposed to do with that thing when you go to the restroom? Clearly, not this. As reported by The New Hampshire Union Leader:

According to New Hampshire State Police, officers from Troop D responded to Concord District Court at 1:30 p.m. Friday to investigate a report that a court security officer had a sidearm that was unaccounted for.

Uh-oh.

Court Security Officer Julie Bickford reported that her sidearm was missing from her holster, and that she believed that she might have misplaced the gun while using a bathroom.

Not to cast aspersions, but really? You just up and lost your gun? While on duty?

The courthouse was searched by troopers, a K-9 team, and court security personnel, but the weapon was not located.

Let’s go to the videotape …

State police reviewed Concord District Court security tapes and identified a female, Courtney Rojek, 24, of Pittsfield, seen exiting the women’s bathroom with a handgun in her hand within minutes of Bickford exiting the women’s bathroom.

Police said Rojek was seen placing the semi-automatic handgun on a table in the vestibule just outside the bathroom, and motioning a male subject over to her, identified by police as Jacob Noury, 33, of Barnstead.

On video, state police say Noury was seen handling the handgun and then placing it in Rojek’s waistband. Rojek and Noury are then seen exiting the court and leaving in a vehicle.

Did it really not occur to them that there are cameras in the courthouse?

Arrest warrants were initiated for Rojek and Noury for Class A felony charges of theft of lost or mislaid property and Class b felony charges for possession of a firearm in a district or superior court facility.

State police, along with Chichester police, located both Rojek and Noury at a tattoo parlor owned by Noury on Route 4 in Chichester Saturday evening. Both were taken into custody without incident.

A search warrant was requested and granted for Noury’s residence in Barnstead. A search was conducted and the missing sidearm, a Glock 40mm semi-automatic pistol, was located inside the residence, according to police.

Noury and Rojek were held on $10,000 cash bail at the Merrimack County Jail. They are due to be arraigned Monday, in Concord District Court.

It’s not known whether Officer Bickford was disciplined, though it’s hard to imagine the consequences of losing your gun, while on duty in the courthouse, would not be severe. Here’s the source.

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If you’re going to commit fraud, at least be creative or clever. You know, something that would make a good movie. But nooooooo, you had to go and commit this super-simple, guaranteed-to- be-caught fraud. As seen in The New Hampshire Union Leader:

State Police were called to a single-car collision at 10 p.m. Aug. 15, 2011, at which St. Laurent had collided with a jersey barrier near Exit 3 on Daniel Webster Highway in Nashua.

At 11:24 p.m. that night, Progressive Northern Insurance Co. initiated a policy for St. Laurent by telephone, authorities said. The next day, St. Laurent told Progressive he had been in a car accident at 1 a.m. on Aug. 16, 2011, and filed a claim in excess of $1,000 in damages.

After an investigation, St. Laurent withdrew the claim.

That must have been one tough investigation. The dude filed a claim less than two hours after he got the policy! Then what?

The case was investigated by the state Attorney General’s Office and state Insurance Department’s Fraud Unit.

Again, another very short investigation. Not surprisingly, charges followed.

Peter St. Laurent pleaded guilty in Hillsborough County Superior Court in Nashua to one count of Class B felony insurance fraud, state officials announced in a press statement …

The time?

St. Laurent was sentenced in court to 12 months in the House of Correction and a $1,000 fine, both of which were suspended on good behavior and successful completion of one year of probation, authorities said.

Dude caught a break. Here’s the source.

Speaking of auto insurance, The Juice is a personal injury lawyer practicing in Maryland, Washington, DC and Virginia.

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There’s something to be said for doing things the old-fashioned way. For example, when you steal stuff, visit your local fence. Maybe it’ll decrease your profit margin, but you get one-stop shopping, and you know who you’re doing business with. This gent went new-school with Craigslist. Like many thieves before him, things didn’t work out too well. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

A Louisville man has been arrested for selling stolen goods on Craigslist.

Police say Blain Morgan used the popular classifieds website to buy and sell stolen property worth over $10,000. Officers caught up with him after he allegedly listed a stolen computer and printer on the site. According to police, those items were stolen during a business burglary.

Morgan was arrested Monday afternoon and charged with receipt of stolen property.

Doh! Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Yes, you can get busted for walking down the street with a Bible. And yes, of course there is more to the story. As reported by The Bradenton Herald:

The Bradenton Police Department detained a naked man after he was spotted walking in the 1100 block of Martin Luther King Avenue West at 12:09 a.m. Sunday, according to a report.

Details, details. So the guy was nude. People are too uptight.

Police said the man was carrying a Bible. When an officer tried to make contact with the subject he ran east where he was caught four blocks later after a brief struggle, police said.

The man was taken to Manatee Memorial Hospital for a medical evaluation. A charge of exposure of sexual organs has been filed with the State Attorney’s Office.

You’ll find the source here.

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The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

According to the documents, a Stovall Middle School student told investigators Smith danced for him Feb. 26 in his classroom in front of other students.

He said she placed a chair next to her desk and other students yelled for him to sit down in it. Music began playing and Smith began performing a “full contact lap dance,” according to court records.

The student told investigators Smith sat down in his lap, moved back and forth and touched him all over his body. Toward the end of the dance, according to the documents, the boy said Smith got on her knees and placed her head between his legs.

Happy birthday! You can read a little more, and see a photo of the teach, here.

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To those of you who have a problem with the phenomenon of bikini-clad baristas, this post almost certainly won’t do anything to change your opinion. But if you’re a fan, you can put this arrow in your quiver. Why? Because if this “Sweet Cheeks” barista hadn’t been so concerned about her appearance, her appearance would have been drastically altered. As reported in The Highline Times (Washington) Police Blotter:

One person was slightly injured when a minivan crashed into a bikini espresso stand near S. 262nd St. and Pacific Highway. Police at the scene say that the minivan went off the highway and crashed head-on into the drive-thru window at Sweet Cheeks Espresso. The driver was slightly hurt in the crash.

According to crews at the scene, the barista who would have been standing at the window was unhurt, as she was actually touching up her make-up in another room when the minivan hit.

Whew.

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Are you insinuating, sir, that I am not gainfully employed? Well, let me tell you something … Per wfmj.com:

School authorities report to police that the fifteen year old boy was caught in the school with five packages of pot on Tuesday. The assistant principal told officers that the boy confessed that he intended to sell the marijuana to another student.

Uh-oh.

When officers questioned the teen, they asked the student if he was employed.

Good question.

The student, who was wearing blue jeans and tie-dyed Jimi Hendrix tee shirt replied,”Well, I sell weed.”

Bam! Best answer in the history of Boardman Township, Ohio, ever, in any setting.

He faces charges in juvenile court of trafficking marijuana in school.

You’ll find the source here.

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If you are prone to occasionally jostling, you’ll want to stay out of Topeka, Kansas. Why? The long (non-jostling) arm of the law, that’s why. From the Topeka Municipal Code:

9.45.060 Jostling, crowding.

It shall be unlawful to be found jostling or roughly crowding or pushing any person in any public place.

Lest you think The Juice is making this up, click here and search “jostling”. (The “search” box is in the upper right corner.)

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Hey, The Juice wasn’t born yesterday, or the day before that, or …  this gent clearly thinks the police were. He “fell asleep” at 3:10 a.m. on the subway? As reported by brooklynpaper.com in the police blotter for the 84th Precinct (Brooklyn Heights–DUMBO–Boerum Hill–Downtown):

A thief swiped a sleeping man’s wallet on a Coney Island-bound N train on April 6, according to the authorities.

The victim said he went out for drinks in Manhattan and that when he boarded the train at Herald Square at 3:10 am, his wallet was in his front pocket. He said he fell asleep immediately and did not wake up until the train reached the Atlantic Avenue–Barclays Center stop, at which point he discovered that his billfold had been lifted, cops said.

Just so it’s clear, the guy goes out drinking on Saturday night, and is on the train at 3:10 a.m. on Sunday morning when he “falls asleep.” Really? He must be one sound sleeper, not waking up as someone took his billfold from his front pocket. Please. Does anyone really believe the dude was not 100% passed out? It was in his front pocket! Anyway, as for what the perp got …

The wallet contained debit and credit cards, a MetroCard, and $100 in cash, according to a police report.

Hey, it could have been worse (iPhone, watch, clothes [like he would have noticed?]).