Squeezed on:

doctor
If this case is at all typical, it’s very tough for a doctor in the UK to be permanently barred from practicing medicine. As reported by The Daily Express:

Dr Ellen MacInnes, who has also been banned from driving three times, had to provide a blood sample to prove she was fit to get back behind the wheel, a disciplinary hearing heard.

… However the doctor, of Chelmsford, Essex, abused her position of trust and lied to one of her patients by inventing an illness and claiming she needed to take a sample of their blood. She also forged the signature of a fellow ­doctor.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

peanut butter
This isn’t the movies, where the bad guy is escaping and the good guy picks up a rock and throws it 50 yards and nails the perp.  No, in real life, when you try something like that, something like this happens, as reported in the The Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter for the 88th Precinct – Fort Greene–Clinton Hill.

A DeKalb Avenue store clerk accidentally hit a customer in the face with a jar of peanut butter while trying to throw it at a man he was arguing with on Aug. 14, cops said.

Doh!

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Yeah, the beach may have a lot of sand, but it’s nothing like a sand trap. A Florida couple might argue otherwise. As reported by baynews9.com (St. Petersburg, Florida):

A couple was spotted hitting about a dozen golf balls into the Gulf of Mexico from the beach in Redington Shores on Sunday, according to witness Will Root.

The first thing The Juice thought was “they’re littering!”

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

phone call
Before you go calling the police about that giant schlong on your driveway, perhaps it’s worth determining if it’s paint or … A homeowner in Millville, New Jersey skipped that step, and called Johnny Law, unnecessarily, as reported by The News of Cumberland County.

Someone graced an East Vine Street driveway with a drawing of a penis early Monday morning or before.

The person who called police reported that someone had spray painted the phalus, but police on scene discovered it was chalk. They advised the property owner to wash it off with water and reported no actual property damage.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

birds
Doesn’t everyone like colorful birds? Well, if you’re in Center Line, Michigan, and want to make your drab bird a little more colorful – don’t. Why? In addition to the obvious reasons (so please, PETA, no more emails) because of this law:

Sec. 10-4. Artificially coloring birds.

It shall be unlawful for any person to artificially color, spray or paint any bird or fowl or to sell, offer for sale, or otherwise dispose of any such colored bird or fowl.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

stalk stalking
Dude. Of all people to stalk, the police? That’s what Thomas C. Massey of Traverse City, Michigan is accused of, per the Traverse City Record-Eagle:

Massey spent a good portion of Monday shouting at officers and making a profane gesture at them as he paced around the building, police said.

It wasn’t an isolated incident. Police contend Massey heckled and harassed local officers since at least March, and he’s often spotted around the law enforcement center.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

dachsund weiner dog
Ilinois high school senior David Clark will have to think twice, though he’s worn the shirt before, without incident. But not this time. So what did it say? “I [heart] My Wiener” with a picture of a dachsund under it. See, David’s dachsund was hit by a car and killed a few months back. The shirt is David’s way of honoring his dog.

Unfortunately, Principal Wes Choate didn’t see it that way. He gave David 3 choices: change shirts, turn it inside out, or leave. When faced with these stupid choices, David made the best one: he left – even though it meant getting a zero in each class. David Sr. makes a good point about the arbitrary dress code, which prohibits

students from wearing any clothing that is disrupting to the educational process, interferes with the maintenance of a positive teaching and learning climate or compromises reasonable standards of health, safety and decency.

Squeezed on:

two cents 2
The “Brown ‘N Serve” sausages were 98 cents in the aisle, but rang up at $1.00. When it happened the second time, consumer activist Mary Bach resorted to a familiar remedy – court. Wal-Mart said the overcharge was a mistake. What did the judge say? Per The Tribune-Review:

Murrysville District Judge Charles Conway sided with Bach in her civil lawsuit alleging unfair trade practices. He awarded Bach $100 in damages, plus about $80 in court costs.

Said a victorious Bach:

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

police stop
DUI checkpoints are unconstitutional because they violate the 4th Amendment, no matter what the Supreme Court said. (Where is the probable cause to stop someone when they are just driving down the road, minding their own business?) Still, it’s the law of the land. Anyway, in this particular case, they did catch an allegedly drunk driver, but in a most unusual way. As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat:

The village of Caseyville lost a police cruiser in the line of duty Monday when an alleged intoxicated driver crashed into it at a sobriety checkpoint.

Yeah, that’s not exactly the way the police would like the checkpoints to function.

Posted in: and
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

work
The night could most succinctly be described as “0 for 2”.  To call this gent a “robber” would be stretching the definition of the term, though it wasn’t for lack of trying. As reported by KUTV (Utah):

A man entered a Subway restaurant at 5550 W. 3500 S. just after 9 a.m., demanded money from the employee and indicated that he had a weapon, West Valley City Police said. During the holdup, the employee asked the suspect to wait and walked to the back of the store. When the worker didn’t return, the suspect became impatient and left.

Clearly the demand was not threatening enough. So …