Legal Juice

It's 3:30 a.m. What's the rush? That would be a good question to ask Mr. Warren Melamed. As reported by www.newschannel5.com:

Mount Juliet Police say the two ambulance drivers were taking a patient out of a home on a stretcher at 3:30 Saturday morning, when they say, Melamed, attempted to drive the ambulance away.

"They immediately laid the patient down and asked the gentlemen to get himself out from behind the wheel," said Wilson Co. Emergency Management Director John Jewell.

Police say the Brentwood resident was angry because the ambulance was blocking him in, and he was trying to move it.

The Juice concurs with this neighbor.

"What's the urgency at 3, 3:30 in the morning? Why do you have to leave that quickly that you can't wait until they load this man up and get him where he needs to be," said neighbor Amanda Hamblen. "That person having that emergency right then is the only person that matters."

So, what happened to Mr. Melamed?

[He] was arrested and charged with a misdemeanor, unauthorized use of a class A vehicle.

Hmm. And who is this fellow anyway?

Online Melamed lists himself as CEO of Oral Health Management, a local chain of dentist offices. Calls Tuesday for comment weren't returned.

Oh my. That's not going to be good for business. Here's the source, including a photo of Mr. Melamed.

Can you really get four years in prison for driving a riding mower through town? Yes, you can. As you might expect, there's more to it than that. As reported by qconline.com:

For the sixth time in his life, William "Pete" White is heading to the Illinois Department of Corrections.

 A Mercer County judge sentenced the former Viola man Tuesday to four years in prison for driving with a revoked license back on July 18, 2011.

Mr. White, 43, was arrested for driving a riding mower through town.

Mr. White's defense attorney, Dan Dalton, argued he never had seen someone sent to prison for driving a mower.

Maybe so. But how many folks who drive mowers through town on a suspended license have a record like this?

Judge Greg Chickris said he also considered other factors, such as Mr. White's 57 prior convictions for various criminal felony and misdemeanor offenses, the first when he was 15 years old.

"

Note: That's 57 convictions. Yikes.

He (Mr. White) was basically on a crime spree here," Judge Chickris said. "He has a horrendous history of prior delinquency and criminal activity."

This was Mr. White's 11th conviction for driving on a revoked license, according to Mercer County Probation and Court Services Director Vicky Hansen. He has been convicted six times for driving under the influence of alcohol, she said.

Wow. You can read a lot more here.

Even if you like sweet and sour sauce, ain't no way you like it as much as this Washington State man. As reported by The Highline Times:

A man entered a fast food restaurant at the 14800 block of 4th Ave. S.W. asking for some condiments. The clerk told him no. That angered him so he pulled out a knife and demanded they hand over some sweet and sour sauce. There were no reported injuries and it was unclear if they had the suspect in custody.

Clearly a head-scratcher.

The Juice really, really dislikes liars. Everyone screws up. When you do, just own up to it, and accept the consequences. A drunk-driving English lawyer took a different approach. As reported by The Independent:

Francis Bridgeman, 43, attempted to create an elaborate web of lies to cover up the drink-driving offence ... Bridgeman's Land Rover Sport was found locked and in a ditch in Shovers Green, Ticehurst, East Sussex, at about 1am on April 7, 2010, having crashed into a telegraph pole, police said.

Officers traced the Land Rover to Bridgeman's home in Wards Lane, Wadhurst, but the lawyer claimed armed men had kidnapped him in the car park of Wadhurst railway station, before driving him off at knifepoint with a bag over his head in another vehicle and then dumping him in Cousley Wood

And, as an officer of the court, you're sticking with that? Really?

Sussex Police said a breath test carried out at his home proved he was just over the drink-drive limit and he was arrested on suspicion of drink-driving.

Barely over! So he can't even claim that he came up with such a lame story because he was shitfaced!

Police launched a kidnap investigation but Bridgeman's recollection of events could not be substantiated, police said.

And physical evidence?

Bridgeman's DNA was found on the Land Rover's airbag, showing that he must have been driving the car when it crashed, Sussex Police added.

Curse you, DNA!

He was charged with perverting the course of justice, drink-driving, driving without due care and attention and failing to report a road accident.

After a 5-day trial, guess how long it took for the jury to find him guilty? 45 minutes! So what was the sentence?

Judge Guy Anthony banned Bridgeman from driving for 18 months and ordered that he pay £4,200 costs.

Additionally, Bridgeman was sentenced to 12 months in jail.

Quoting a line from Sir Walter Scott's poem Marmion, [the Judge] said: "Oh, What a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive."

He added: "You wasted valuable police time and public expense in order to escape a drink-driving offence when you should have had the courage and decency to plead guilty from the outset. To pervert the course of justice is a serious offence and warrants a custodial sentence."

Hear, hear, your Honor. Hear, hear. You'll find the source here.

Drunk driving is all too common. What about driving drunk to a drive-thru, and then drinking while you're at the window? It's happened at least once. As reported by wmbfnews.com:

A South Carolina woman is now out on bond after allegedly admitting to drinking while she was in the drive-thru of a Little River fast food restaurant Monday evening.

Yikes!

According to a police report obtained by WMBF News, officers with the Horry County Police Department were dispatched to the Burger King located at 1568 Highway 17 in reference to a person in the drive thru who was possibly intoxicated.

Once they got there, they found Debra Marie Lafferty, 51, of Mt. Pleasant and asked her to move to the back of the vehicle she was driving, the report said.

Officers said Lafferty became very loud and belligerent as they tried to talk with her, and they could sense she was under the influence of alcohol.

According to the report, Lafferty admitted she had been drinking. She was then placed under arrest for public disorderly conduct "for being grossly intoxicated in public."

Her vehicle was towed and she was taken to the J. Reuben Long Detention Center. She was released Tuesday morning at 8:45 a.m. on a $262 bond.

Shazam! Here's the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Lafferty.

What would you do for some nuggies? Definitely not what a California woman was willing to do, as reported by whptv.com.

Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles was seen opening customers’ car doors in the McDonald’s drive through at 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday, according to the Burbank Leader. Baseer was allegedly offering to swap sexual favors for the fast food item.

A witness reported her bizarre behavior to the authorities. Baseer was arrested on suspicion of prostitution.

Yikes. Here's the source.

Maybe you haven't heard about bath salts. Or maybe you have, and think the hype is overblown. Well, what would you say if The Juice told you that bath salts could cause you to yearn for Mike Huckabee? As reported by Northwest Florida Daily News:

According to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office arrest report, Rhett Daniel Burleson broke into his father's home and was lying on the kitchen floor. Burlseon was "raving about Jesus, Mike Huckabee, and how people were 'full of [shit].' " (expletive reinserted)

The deputy asked Burlseon what was going on and he yelled that he needed to speak to Mike Huckabee and demanded that he be delivered to him.

Say what?

Burleson was talking very quickly and was speaking to someone not in the room that he claimed to be Jesus.

Burleson initially complied with the deputies allowing them to cuff him, but he suddenly began to resist and attempted to scratch one deputy's face.

[He] was arrested and charged with felony battery on an officer and felony resisting arrest with violence.

Later, deputies learned Burleson was under the influence of a synthetic drug such as spice or bath salts.

Yikes. Here's the source.

The answer is "yes," one man can stop a speeding locomotive. Is it a good idea? Nope. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A 26-year-old man accused Thursday of standing on railroad tracks in the area of Northeast Palmetto Drive and causing a train to make an emergency stop was arrested, according to an affidavit released Friday.

Joseph Robert Fabrey was arrested by a Martin County Sheriff's deputy on a felony unauthorized person interfering with railroad train charge and a misdemeanor trespass on property charge.

The train conductor pointed to Fabrey and said he stood in the middle of the railroad tracks as the train approached. The engineer repeatedly used the horn and had to stop the train.

A worker identified as an assistant road master said Fabrey was standing on the tracks and stepped off "at the last minute," according to the report.

Yikes. A felony. And the defense?

Fabrey ... denied standing on the tracks.

No doubt that defense will prevail against the engineer and the assistant road master ... Here's the source, including a mug shot.

What kind of person would rough up a swan? Well, this kind of person, as reported by myfoxorlando.com:

A man is behind bars after police say he roughed up a swan. John Wynne is accused of grabbing a swan by the neck from Lake Eola. Orlando Police arrested him for animal cruelty and grand theft. He is being held in the Orange County Jail on $1,000.00 bond.

Totally uncool. Here's the source, including a mug shot.

The Juice has not had a "booth" dance (uh, yeah, sure, right), but he can't believe a stripper would give one without getting the cashish first. Well this stripper did, unfortunately for all parties concerned. As reported by cnews.canoe.ca:

A stripper will spend the next nine months in jail for smashing a beer bottle over the head of a customer who refused to pay her. Tamara Valcourt was sentenced this week for the Dec. 1 attack at the Chez Venus bar.

Crown prosecutor Julie Gagne said Valcourt attacked the man as he was leaving the strip club without paying the $100 he owed for a booth dance.

"The defendant struck the victim with a beer bottle," said Gagne. "(He was hit) behind the ear and suffered a deep, four-centimetre cut."

The Crown and the defence [she pleaded guilty] agreed that Valcourt should serve an additional nine months on top of the 36 days already served. She was also slapped with two years' probation and has been barred from the Venus club.

Any priors? Well ...

The judge took into account the stripper's prior criminal record that included convictions for obstructing police in 2006 and assault in 2007.

Yikes. Here's the source.

Just to be clear, we're talking about using chalk to write on the sidewalk. In Orlando, that can land you in jail. Really. Just ask Timothy Osmar. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

Just before Christmas, OPD [Orlando Police Department] arrested 25-year-old Timothy Osmar for "writing or painting advertising matter on streets or sidewalks"

The criminal "advertising" in question? Slogans like "Justice Equals Liberty."

Advertisting? Really? UFB, as is this ...

As of Friday, Osmar was still in jail ..

Through Christmas and New Year's! Mayor Dyer?

Dyer's office was unapologetic, saying city codes clearly outlaw chalk writing.

Please, tell me this guy isn't a lawyer. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Even for those who believe in Karma, The Juice doubts you think it's this instantaneous. How instantaneous? Check out this dude who tried to skip out on his bar tab, as reported by www.phillyburbs.com:

Police said the man, who may be from Honduras, was asked to leave the Sandbar [in New Hope, Pennsylvania] shortly after 6 p.m. Saturday. He was handed his bill and asked to pay, but after receiving the bill ran out the back door, police said. He fled across Waterloo Street and somehow fell over a wall onto water covered rocks below.

The man, whose name was not released Saturday night, was pulled from an area of the shoreline not easily accessible from above by a team of firefighters aboard a rescue boat. He was brought to shore and taken to St. Mary Medical Center in Middletown.

Do you believe?

So the cops caught these guys with a cell phone they had already thrown away? How's that possible? Well, as reported by the Volusia County [Florida] Sheriff's Office:

A 66-year-old woman had gone to the store Saturday afternoon and when she returned to her Saxon Boulevard home she discovered that someone had smashed a back window and gotten inside. When deputies responded, jewelry, a laptop computer and a cell phone were discovered missing. The victim used a cell phone locator service to get the general area the phone was in.

How did the police get from the "general area" of the phone to the perps?

After calling the phone several times, it was finally found ringing in a garbage can in front of a Baton Drive house at about 11:47 p.m. Deputies then looked around for any other evidence.

Voices coming from the yard on one side of the house led a deputy to two men hiding behind a tree: 20-year-old Gabriel Hidalgo and 21-year-old Heriberto Hidalgo. Both men initially made up stories about what they were doing in the area, but once stolen jewelry and a handgun were found on them they admitted to the home burglaries. The jewelry they had came from the Saxon Boulevard break-in and two handguns were traced back to a Friday burglary on Tivoli Drive.

Doh! Not only did they leave the phone on, they tossed it in a garbage can right where they were! [Their house?]

Both Deltona men were charged with carrying a concealed weapon, loitering/prowling, burglary, armed burglary, three counts of grand theft and criminal mischief. Heriberto Hidalgo was also charged with giving false identification to law enforcement and possession of narcotics paraphernalia. He also had a Seminole County arrest warrant for failure to appear.

Here's the source.

Does marinating a cat really enhance the flavor? Hey, don't shoot the messenger. (And please, PETA folks, no more emails. The Juice truly likes animals, especially cats.) Mr. Gary Korkuc was caught literally marinating his cat. Here's the story, as reported by www.buffalonews.com:

Buffalo police say officers heard the cat meowing when they stopped 51-year-old Gary Korkuc of Cheektowaga to ticket him for running a stop sign Sunday night.

They say they checked the trunk and found 4-year-old Navarro in a cage, his fur covered with oil, crushed red peppers and chili peppers.

Very uncool. But why?

Police say Korkuc told them he did it because Navarro was ill-tempered.

... he [also] told them he was going to cook Navarro. But they say Korkuc also complained that the neutered male cat got pregnant after he was spayed.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] A pregnant male cat? Anyway, it looks like Navarro will be fine, as he was cleaned up and is awaiting adoption. And Mr. Korkuc?

[He] was charged with cruelty and released; his phone number isn't listed.

Think he's glad he opted for an unlisted number?

So you're going out for a beer. What's the big deal if you order a cold one, and then step out to, say, rob a bank? As reported by wtsp.com:

[Pasco County, Florida] Deputies say they got a call around 1:42 Thursday afternoon of a man robbing the Wells Fargo Bank located at 8994 State Road 52. About 10 minutes later, they encountered a man who fit the robber's description a few doors down at the Hayloft Bar.

No, it can't be him. Or could it?

A bartender told deputies the man ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes, and then returned to his drink.

Think he ordered a Duff beer? Doh!

Deputies arrested 52-year-old John Robin Whittle on one count of robbery.

Here's the source, including a photo.

It was an easy day at the office for the police officers assigned to this caper. As reported by The Daily Mail:

It was an early festive gift for John Dacre who had called in 'special branch' after the [Christmas] trees and dozens of holly wreaths and festive decorations went missing from his nursery in Spenborough, West Yorkshire.

The thieves had even stolen two of his trollies to cart off their loot.

You were given a hint as to how they were caught...

... once Mr Dacre had spotted the incriminating pine needles on the ground the police were soon on the case.

Together they followed the trail along the Spen Valley Ringway and across fields, stopping at a house in Firthcliffe where the officers found the trees [dumped in a garden].

Ironically, the stolen trees were "supposed to be "low needle drop" trees which don’t shed so easily." Mr. Dacre was clearly thrilled with the outcome.

'The police were absolutely brilliant. We walked together following this trail through the pouring rain and I joked to them that all we needed was a big magnifying glass and then we’d be real supersleuths!'

The thieves, not so much. See, the police didn't just find the stolen items at the house.

'As an extra present, officers also found a cannabis farm at the address.'

Hmm. Perhaps the owners sampled the crop earlier that day? Here's the source.

So you didn't hear about the sale at Macy's where, for a very limited time, everything was $5? Well, there is a catch. There's always a catch. As reported by wpbf.com:

Vasthi Marseille and Marline Santelus were arrested Thursday on charges of grand theft and organized scheme to defraud.

Wait. You're arresting them for buying things on sale?

Police said the women [Macy's employees] selected almost $1,000 worth of merchandise that they manually marked down to $5 apiece while working at the Macy's in the Town Center at Boca Raton.

Yeah. Who would ever figure that out? It's not like it would be in the computer or anything. The back story of this brilliant crime is truly fascinating:

According to the arrest report, Marseille said she knew of another sales associate "who had done unauthorized price adjustments for other employees in the past," so she figured "why not?"

Or not. Here's the source, with photos of the ladies.

Have you ever heard of an ice cream truck driver - while parked - getting hurt on the job? Well, you're about to. And it's a strange one. As reported by The Salt Lake Tribune:

A Taylorsville woman is accused of spraying an industrial-strength cleaning solution in the eyes of an ice cream truck driver because she thought the treats were too expensive.

The Juice doesn't even know where to begin with this one.

The driver’s "eyes burned," and she was hospitalized after the Aug. 7 confrontation at an apartment complex near 700 West Mackinac Drive, police wrote in charges filed Monday.

According to court documents, the suspect approached the driver and ordered her to leave. When the driver did not leave, the woman sprayed the truck’s windows then sprayed the driver multiple times in the face with Mean Green cleaner, police wrote.

Clearly this is a woman with major issues.

The woman later told police she sprayed the ice cream truck driver because "she charges too much for ice cream," investigators wrote. When the officer arrested her, she tried to pull away and threatened him, saying she would "sock [the officer] in the face" and "kick [the officer] in the balls," police wrote.

So, instead of paying an extra, say, dollar, she's looking at charges of ... "assault, assault against a peace officer, interference with an arresting officer and committing a violent offense in the presence of a child." Brilliant! Here's the source.

You're really going to make a federal case over a can of beans? Well, yes. Because that was no ordinary can of beans, as reported by The Hartford Courant.

Police on Saturday arrested a Fair Haven man who they say received a kilogram of cocaine through the mail that had been hidden inside cans of beans.

So maybe it was a few cans of beans.

William Suarez-Claudio, 26, of 63 Market St., was charged with possession of narcotics with intent to sell ten ounces or more of narcotics and possession of narcotics with intent to sell within 1500-feet of a school. The drugs had a value of more than $100,000, police said.

Who spilled the beans?

Officers from the New Haven police department's Tactical Narcotics Unit, working with inspectors from the U.S. Postal Service in Connecticut, intercepted a parcel that had been mailed in Puerto Rico.

After obtaining a search warrant, police opened the package and discovered the cocaine. It had been divided and hidden inside sealed cans of kidney beans. The beans had been removed and replaced with water. The cocaine had been compressed into large chunks, wrapped in plastic and covered with petroleum jelly, police said.

The parcel was delivered to 63 Market Street, first floor, where it was received by the first floor resident, Suarez-Claudio, police said.

Snap! It's the fuzz. Head for the back door!

Suarez-Claudio attempted to flee through the rear of the apartment building as officers were coming through the front door to execute a warrant, but police stationed in the back yard took him into custody. Suarez-Claudio had the parcel in hand as he attempted to flee, police said.

Should have known they always cover the back door, at least on TV. Here's the source.

It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night ... as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) ...

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two 'Star Wars' light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here's the source, including a photo.