Articles Posted in Say What?

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emergency phone 911
People do the darndest things when they’re plastered. Example number 12,434, 523 comes to you from The Northwest Florida Daily News:

The call [from 55-year-old Fort Walton Beach man] came in to Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office E911 system at 12:19 a.m. on June 24, according to the arrest report. He said “Send coroner, I just killed myself.”

Fort Walton Beach Police officers were dispatched to his home, because it was in the city, the report said. They found that he didn’t not have an emergency and “was only highly intoxicated.”

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jail cell person man in
Yes, incredibly, this is a real story. As reported by

Three Bloomfield Hills kids who refused an order by a judge to go to lunch with their father have been ordered to a juvenile detention facility.

“I felt like I was watching them be executed,” said Maya Tsimhoni.

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gavel judge court order in the
If you thought you could find an expert on anything, you would be wrong.  As reported by

A Turkish judge has taken full responsibility in a pornography case while acquitting the investigation’s suspects after the court failed to find an “expert on artificial vaginas.”

You’re probably wondering why the judge would need such an expert, aren’t you?

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shopping cart
Admittedly there aren’t a lot of plausible explanations for shoplifting. Nevertheless, this one is a real doozy.  As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

An Orangeburg woman was charged with shoplifting at the Walmart on North Road.

Walmart Loss Prevention personnel said the woman attempted to take $487 in groceries and merchandise Tuesday.

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Money in the form of many large bills
You never know when you might need some cash. Some folks deal only in cash. (The Juice can think of a few …)  But this much?  As reported in The Brooklyn Paper’s Police Blotter (68th Precinct – Bay Ridge/Dyker Heights):

A crook hit the jackpot when he lifted $18,600 from an Eighth Avenue apartment between May 26 and June 3.

The resident was out of town for the span, and when he returned to his house between 67th and 68th streets in Dyker Heights, he found that someone had broken into his apartment and taken the cash and an iPhone 6 from his bedroom dresser, police said.

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cell phone
Regular readers know that The Juice scours the globe to find stories. This one comes to you from Guyana, via the Guyana Chronicle:

A South Ruimveldt man was on Tuesday placed on $12,000 bail by Chief Magistrate Priya Sewarnine-Beharry for damaging his girlfriend’s sister’s phone. Erick Forde, of Lot 25 Shopping Plaza, South Ruimveldt Gardens, pleaded not guilty to the charge that alleged that on 18 February at Lot 186 Thomas Street, Kitty, he unlawfully and maliciously damaged a Samsung cellular phone valued $152,000, property of Tracy Miller.

According to Police Prosecutor Bharat Mangru, Forde was dating Miller’s sister and on the day in question, there was an argument over a text message that came through Miller’s phone when the defendant became annoyed and broke the phone.

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smart phone smartphone
You may think that this could not happen in the United States. You would almost certainly be right. (The “insulting words” were not disclosed.) It happened in the United Arab Emirates. As reported by

The Federal Supreme Court has ordered a retrial for a man convicted of swearing at a colleague in a WhatsApp message, after prosecutors said the fine handed out was far too lenient. The Arab was fined Dhs3,000 by a court of first instance but prosecutors appealed the verdict, saying he should face a fine of up to Dhs250,000 or imprisonment.

The UAE’s most senior court backed prosecutors in a judgment issued this week.

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heaven stairway
Forget about the other circumstances surrounding this man’s detention. It must have been obvious to the officers that something was amiss when the man said he was told to leave heaven. As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

A 53-year-old Cordova man was taken into custody and transported to the Regional Medical Center just before 3 a.m. Thursday after he was seen running completely naked down Cannon Bridge Road.

The man told a deputy that he had gone to heaven and was hearing people tell him to go back.

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If you want to be master of your domain, do NOT live in a neighborhood governed by a homeowners association. If you choose to do so, just remember that things like this could happen to you.  As reported by (Nashville, Tennessee):

A Brentwood homeowners association is threatening to sue a family if they don’t take down a wheelchair ramp in the next week.

After Michael Broadnax suffered a stroke late last summer, his wife became the head of the household.

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school black blackboard board
It’s just this simple: if you screw up in school, your parents will find out eventually. These boys thought they could avoid that fate. As reported by The New York Post:

Police in Serbia have arrested two schoolboys they accuse of having stormed a Belgrade classroom masked and armed with a plastic pistol and making off with their teacher’s grade book.

Police said in a statement on Wednesday they had apprehended two unidentified seventh-grade pupils and seized a replica handgun, a knife, a balaclava cap and pair of sunglasses after the incident on Tuesday during school hours in the Belgrade suburb of Kotez.