Squeezed on:

angry man face upset pissed ticked off irate
A certain gentleman (not the guy in picture) will be cursing child safety locks in cars for quite some time. Why? As reported by nola.com (The Times-Picayune):

A man accused of stealing more than $20,000 in cash after burglarizing a Metairie coffee shop might have gotten away if it wasn’t for a pesky child-safety door lock, according to authorities. The driver of a Jeep Grand Cherokee pulled over by Deputy Michal Voltolina during the early morning hours of July 4th bolted from the vehicle after a brief chase, according to Col. John Fortunato, spokesman for the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office.

But Brent Prince, 22, of Metairie, found himself in handcuffs after becoming trapped inside the Jeep by the vehicle’s safety locks.

Squeezed on:

jail cell person man in
Yes, incredibly, this is a real story. As reported by myfoxdetroit.com:

Three Bloomfield Hills kids who refused an order by a judge to go to lunch with their father have been ordered to a juvenile detention facility.

“I felt like I was watching them be executed,” said Maya Tsimhoni.

Squeezed on:

rock paper scissors
Who would think of “rock, paper, scissors” as a gambling game? A Seattle man did (it’s unlikely he will again, at least for a while), and was looking for takers. He found one, and it didn’t end well. As reported by komonews.com:

King County prosecutors claim Michael Langley stabbed at another man after his friend lost a $1 bet on a street corner rock-paper-scissors match. Langley, 36, has been charged with second-degree assault in the June 29 incident.

Prior to the incident, the alleged victim had been soliciting rock-paper-scissors opponents near the intersection of Broadway and East Pike Street in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

number ten 10 address
I’m not drunk! I know where I live! It’s No. 10 right there. Well, not exactly. As reported in The Moultrie News Police Blotter:

A drunk guy got a ride home one night to his apartment and told the driver he lived in apartment No. 10, according to a report.

He got a ride home! Excellent.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

courthouse
This fellow was indeed born free and naked, but he’s in the slammer now (and clothed). He’s fortunate not to have been held in contempt. Perhaps the judge liked his singing. As reported by The Irish Times:

A 49-year-old man from Youghal in Co Cork, who constantly sang ‘Born Free’ when he appeared in court in Derry on Monday, has been remanded in custody.

Nicholas Roper was arrested in in Altnagelvin Hospital on Saturday night and charged with disorderly behaviour in the hospital’s accident and emergency department.

Squeezed on:

drunk drink glass martinin
Lots of people drink too much. Some people go on crime sprees. Not too many people do both simultaneously. Added to the list – a gent from from Wasilla, Alaska. Per The Alaska Dispatch News:

A 27-year-old Fairbanks man faces multiple charges after he robbed a Wasilla coffee stand, pulled a gun on another man, fled from authorities at high speed and drunkenly exposed himself along the Parks Highway, Alaska State Troopers say.

In an online dispatch, troopers wrote that a woman called authorities after she arrived at work around 5:15 a.m. Thursday at the coffee stand, on the Parks Highway at Vine Road. She found a man stealing money and other items from the stand, troopers said.

Squeezed on:

old man grandpa
You be the judge. Mr. Moyer “was accused of touching the woman’s chest and buttocks in the Toontown area of the Magic Kingdom.” As reported by clickorlando.com:

“I’m not guilty,” Moyer told the judge. “I haven’t, as the prosecution says, molested or grabbed — maybe unintentionally touched, but that’s as far as it went.

The defense [said] that there were nine other people in the room, including Moyer’s family and other Disney employees who are assigned to watch over the characters, and none of them witnessed anything inappropriate.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

gavel judge court order in the
If you thought you could find an expert on anything, you would be wrong.  As reported by HurriyetDailyNews.com:

A Turkish judge has taken full responsibility in a pornography case while acquitting the investigation’s suspects after the court failed to find an “expert on artificial vaginas.”

You’re probably wondering why the judge would need such an expert, aren’t you?

Squeezed on:

shopping cart
Admittedly there aren’t a lot of plausible explanations for shoplifting. Nevertheless, this one is a real doozy.  As reported by The Times and Democrat (Orangeburg, South Carolina):

An Orangeburg woman was charged with shoplifting at the Walmart on North Road.

Walmart Loss Prevention personnel said the woman attempted to take $487 in groceries and merchandise Tuesday.

Squeezed on:

teacher school blackboard black board
The Juice’s middle school teachers were so boring. Such was not the case for a Houston middle schooler. As reported by The Houston Chronicle:

A 42-year-old Aldine middle school teacher who allegedly performed a lap dance for a student on his birthday has been charged with a felony.

Felicia A. Smith, of Spring, is charged with improper relationship with a student, according to a criminal compliant filed in the case.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated: