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A Malaysian woman is almost certainly going to find out. Per The New Straits Times:

[A 28-year-old] woman is facing the death sentence after being caught with 1kg of heroin at an airport in Changsha, central China, last Saturday.

Do you know how much a kilo is? About 2.2 pounds. And it could have been A LOT LESS than that.

The … woman faces death by lethal injection if convicted as China’s Criminal Law stipulates that trafficking of more than 50g of heroin is punishable by death.

50 grams = 1.76 ounces. Here’s the source.

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So what can Turkish citizens no longer bring back from a trip abroad? If you guessed “an artificially fertilized egg,” you’re … right! Per the BBC:

Artificial insemination is already illegal [in Turkey], but women have until now been able to go overseas to seek sperm donors.

Now they will face punishment of one to three years in prison for doing so.

You can read more (a lot) here.

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I’m guessing you now know why Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd might care about a traffic sign … Yup, because the sign was reprogrammed to say:

KEVIN RUDD SUCKS

The Juice is amused. The police, not so much. As reported by The Daily Telegraph:

Police are baffled how they did it but the Prime Minister definitely has a problem in Rose Bay – with a large illuminated traffic sign sending the message: “Kevin Rudd sucks”.

The sign, which dramatically appeared overnight on New South Head Road, has proven a traffic stopper.

Locals have been stopping their cars to take photographs – and the sign caused such a distraction that the police were called in at 3am today.

Working hard to preserve the Prime Minister’s honour, the dedicated police officers took to the power box powering the sign with bolt cutters to turn off the lights.


Honour? Isn’t that shown through deeds? Bolt cutters? Is that how the sign was going to be removed when the road work was done? Go figure. Source: The Daily Telegraph

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lady%20justice.bmp British hero policeman Andrew Shovelar is on trial for attacking his former girlfriend, a trial which was only supposed to take 8 days, but had wrapped its third week. What’s the problem, you’re wondering. Well, you see, several of the jurors have to go on holiday. What’s a judge to do? Not cancel the trial after 3 weeks, right? Wrong! HE DITCHED THE TRIAL SO A JUROR COULD GO ON HOLIDAY! Said Judge Heath:

It was made plain that she would be on the plane to Portugal.

It is the only realistic decision I can take in the circumstances.

No, my right honorable friend, it is not. It’s asinine! Now you know how the juice feels about jury duty. This is insane. What an incredible waste of time and resources! And the new trial? It’s set for 6 weeks in January 2008! (To read more, click here.)

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What would you do if you were running late for work? Would you stab yourself in the leg, and then report to the police that you were “approached by someone in his 40s who asked for a cigarette, then .. stabbed you?” Maybe you wouldn’t, but at least one person would, a 22-year-old Alpine Township (Michigan) man. Per Woodtv.com, after the initial report …

The man was re-interviewed and admitted to the fabrication. He told police he had overslept and was late, then decided to stab himself and report the incident.

Investigators are in the process of obtaining a warrant for his arrest for the false report of a felony.

Doh!

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Surely she didn’t mean she literally had a gun there… But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here’s what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!” [expletive reinserted]

If you’re thinking that perhaps she was drunk, you can listen to the 911 tape (it’s not real exciting) and judge for yourself. As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn’t the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my …

Sure, it’s funny, at least through Juice-colored glasses … Here’s the source (with a photo).

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A New Jersey man has been charged with soliciting a hit for $20 (and drugs) up front, plus payments after the hit. $20! Fortunately for the intended victim, the would-be hitman was an undercover police officer. From the pages (virtual, that is) of The Jersey Journal) …

A Union County man is being held at the Hudson County jail in Kearny on charges he offered drugs and a $20 down payment to an undercover police officer in an attempt to recruit him to paralyze or kill a man, officials said.

Abram Soliman, 21, of Elizabeth, was recently indicted on the charges of conspiracy to commit murder and conspiracy to commit aggravated assault, Union County Prosecutor’s Office spokesman John Holl announced today.

In July a 19-year-old Elizabeth man approached Elizabeth police and the Union County Prosecutor’s Office claiming Soliman asked him to kill a man, Holl said. They launched an investigation and set up a meeting with Soliman, the informant, and an undercover officer, Holl said.

Soliman first asked the officer “to paralyze this other man,” and then changed the request to murder, saying “He wanted this other man to disappear,” and offered drugs, cash and loot, officials said.

Should have gone with his gut ..

He said he would make a down payment of $20 and promised installment payments after the murder, officials said. Soliman’s gripe against the intended victim apparently stemmed from a drug deal gone bad, Holl said.

$20!

Soliman was arrested shortly after the meeting and has been held in Kearny since then in order to avoid a potential conflict with other inmates at the Union County jail, Holl said. His bail is set at $250,000.

Here’s the source.

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Assault by … breast milk, right from the source. Loyal Juice readers will recall a similar incident from across the pond a few years ago. Here’s the skinny, from wkyt.com:

A very unusual assault on an officer has more than doubled the trouble for a woman in Owensboro, Kentucky.

Thirty-one-year-old Toni Tramel was arrested Thursday for public intoxication, a misdemeanor. But it’s what she did later that has people talking.

As Tramel changed into an inmate uniform, she squirted a stream of breast milk into the face of the female deputy watching over her.

After the deputy decontaminated herself from the bio-hazard, Tramel was charged with third degree assault on a police officer. Her bond was set at ten-thousand dollars due to the felony charge.

Bam!

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After 6 years of litigation, everything else was settled in this divorce, which began just 4 months after the birth of the child at the heart of the controversy. Just what is the controversy? Whether the birth mother can prohibit her daughter’s stepmother from calling the stepmother “Mum” or a variation thereof. Really. This was the only issue left for a Judge in Australia to decide. Per the Australian:

The woman, who cannot be named, argued that her ex-husband was deliberately undermining her role as their child’s mother, by encouraging his new wife to answer to the terms “Mum” and “Mummy” and “Mummy-D” (D being the first letter of the stepmother’s first name).

Biological mum’s argument:

… the stepmother should not be permitted to refer to herself “as a motherly figure”.

Biological dad?

By consent, her ex-husband agreed that his new wife should not be “Mum or “Mummy” but thought “Mummy-D” was fine.

Sounds like a reasonable compromise. Mum?

Ms Klement [mum] was “adamant that the child should only call her Mum” or any variation of “Mum”.

Judge, please, put an end to this.

The court declined to make an order that the child not refer to her stepmother as “Mummy-D” in part because the judge was concerned that such an order would lead to further litigation “where it would be up to the court to determine whether the father had breached the order in relation to encouraging the child to use the term Mummy-D”.

Well done, sir. Here’s the source.

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Getting kicked there hurts. How about getting shot there?

A Vallejo teenager allegedly shot himself in the testicles Thursday afternoon, police said.

Police said the 17-year-old, whose name is being withheld because he’s a minor, walked into Kaiser Permanente Vallejo Medical Center at about 5:45 p.m. with a gunshot wound.

The gun is still outstanding, police said, and the teen has not been cooperative.


Cooperation is probably not at the forefront of this kid’s mind right now… Source:
The Oakland Tribune/Times-Herald