Squeezed on:

asshole%20a-bomb%20ass%20hole.jpg I gotta say, I really like the way Springdale District Court Judge Stanley Ludwig handled this one. Here’s what happened, as reported in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:

The alleged victim had accused his wife of beating him, Ludwig said. Ludwig said he found the woman innocent, believing the man’s injuries to be self-inflicted.

“You’re a controlling asshole who went to Honduras to find a submissive Hispanic woman to marry,” Ludwig recalled telling the man. “I guess I can call him a liar, but not an asshole.”

Props to the judge. What did the Arkansas Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission do with this? They issued a letter of reprimand, the first he has received in his 25 years as a judge. How did he respond to the reprimand?

I’ve probably said more outrageous things over the years. I was probably due.

Nicely done, sir.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

booze%20alcohol%20drinks%20bottles.jpg

Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your “friend” testifies …

“I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink.”

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here’s what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

“Why am I treated like a cunt?”; “Who’s the bitch giving orders?”; “You calling me drunk?” [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: “Don’t patronise me… fuck off.”; “The bitch couldn’t speak English who’s denying to serve me.”; “You bitch, you can’t even speak English.”[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

gross%20sign.jpg

If Pennsylvania residents Kimberly Holzlein and Jill Hillard ever offer you ANY food or drink, don’t take it! Why not? Per The Citizens Voice:

The two were charged with neglect of a care-dependent person while they were employees of ARC of Wyoming County.

The charges stem from accusations that Holzlein and Hillard served feces as pudding and urine as lemonade to a mentally challenged woman in their care during the summer of 2008 at an ARC group home in Tunkhannock Township.

They pleaded guilty. The sentence?

… up to a year in prison … [with] a minimum of 30 days.

Here’s the source.

Posted in: Gross
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

This is some serious chutzpah. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

A Chicago police officer fired after a video camera recorded him beating a female bartender [see above] is asking a judge to review his termination.

The grounds? They include:

[improperly] using the infamous videotape in deciding to fire him; and

wrongly viewing as a problem Abbate’s decision to invoke his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination at least 75 times during his board hearing.

Likelihood of success?

Abbate’s challenge could be moot, as he was convicted of felony aggravated battery in criminal court last summer. The city bars the hiring of people with felony convictions as police officers.

Um … er … nevermind.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

oh%20no%20you%20di%27int%20didn%27t%20funny%20sign.jpg

I told you not to tell me that, but you just couldn’t resist! You had to tell me that, as reported by news.com.au:

A robber wearing a transparent plastic bag over his head has held up a service station on the Gold Coast.

Pure genius.

Police said the man entered the BP service station at Labrador about 3.53pm yesterday wearing the plastic bag, and wielding a large carving knife, according to the Courier-Mail.

He approached the male attendant and demanded cash.

In response, the worker placed the money tray from the register on the counter and the robber helped himself.

At least someone was thinking clearly. (Get it!) Now this may surprise you, given the awesomeness of the disguise:

The worker was able to give police a good description of the bandit. He was described as about 170cm tall in his mid-20s and wearing three-quarter length denim shorts, a white T-shirt and a sky blue baseball cap.

And?

The man handed himself in to police today. Police expect to charge the man over the robbery.

This gent is up there with the wet bandits.

Squeezed on:

oops%20sign%20street%20road%20funny.jpg

Public urination must occur almost as frequently as … um … public intoxication? Anyway, you probably wouldn’t be reading this if the gentleman in question, Mr. Nathan Strawn, had not allegedly urinated on the Nativity scene in a public square in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania! The Juice is not a criminal lawyer, but how about this defense:

Public? I thought it was some old, abandoned barn. Damn you pea-sized bladder!

Back to the crime scene. As reported by The Times Leader:

[King’s College student] Nathan Strawn, 22, was arrested after “he was observed fully exposed urinating on the Nativity scene located on Public Square,” city police said in a press release.

The incident occurred at approximately 1:54 a.m., police said.

Strawn was charged with indecent exposure, desecration of venerated objects, open lewdness, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.

Say what? “Desecration of venerated objects?” Venerated by who? Regardless of one’s religious beliefs, the problematic nature of this vague charge should be axiomatic. As for the rest of the charges, well … er … uh … um. “Say, how ’bout those [fill in sports team]?”

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

chick-magnet-short-sleeves.jpg

Okay, so what did it say? I don’t know! This dude appeared before McCracken (Kentucky) District Judge Chris Hollowell wearing an “inappropriate” t-shirt. (James Hinman was in court on a contempt charge for failing to pay a traffic fine.) Said hardcore criminal Hinman: “The shirt isn’t really obscene, but it does imply something obscene.” What did it say?!

Said the Judge about the incident: “I’m not trying to be the fashion police, but what he was wearing was extremely disrespectful and inappropriate.” Damn it! AP reporter, what did it say?

“The T-shirt used an altered spelling of an expletive that implied an obscene phrase.”

Shizzle. I give up. Oh, and what about turning the shirt inside out? Hinman offered, but the Judge refused. Wait! Don’t go yet! I found it. Ridiculous self-censoring media makes you scour the net for a friggin’ shirt! Here it is, really.

court%20shirt.jpg

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

church%20beautiful%20pretty%20gorgeous%20heavenly.jpg

Now The Juice can certainly imagine parishioners thwarting a robbery attempt during a church service. But a church office is a pretty soft target. Nevertheless, as reported by The Charlotte Observer:

A northeast Charlotte church became a crime scene Wednesday evening, after a man tried to rob the place, police say.

It happened about 8 p.m. at the Written Epistles Church of Jesus Christ, in the 2900 block of Derita Road. That is off Gibbon Road, near the intersection of West Sugar Creek and Mallard Creek roads.

Police say a man armed with a shotgun entered the church office and demanded money.

But the man fled without taking anything, according to police. No arrests have been made, and there were no injuries.

Squeezed on:

bad%20friend%20friendship.gif

I think the subject of this post would agree with Saint Jerome, who said that “The friendship that can cease has never been real.” As reported in the Sun Star Courier:

A Columbia Station [Ohio] man was arrested Sunday for allegedly stealing a car from his friend. The man allegedly pushed his friend out of the car, took the keys and drove off while the pair was at the Royalton Road Shell station. The man was arrested about an hour after he took the car.

Cold. Stone cold. Time to get a dog?

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

judge.jpg

So this judge was being sworn in on Saturday in Ulster County, New York. For this solemn ceremoney, of course he placed his hand on a … dictionary? True. Seems they couldn’t find a Bible. Per The Daily Freeman:

In a light moment during Saturday’s ceremony, Kavanagh had [Donald A.] Williams place his hand on a dictionary, rather than a Bible, for the swearing-in. Williams said later that there was no Bible available and that he didn’t mind using a different book because the swearing-in was merely ceremonial. (He officially became the county’s judge on Friday.)

Here’s the source.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–