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Regular Juice readers may remember this post about a law in Terrebonne Parish, Louisiana that prohibited the sale of silly string within three hundred (300) feet of any parade route within the parish on any day a parade is scheduled.

So, no selling of silly string, only on parade days, and only within 300 feet of the parade route. Well sir, that kind of leniency toward the devil that is silly string will not be tolerated in the town of Hopkinton, Massachusetts! For in that town, you may not sell or use silly string EVER. To wit:

ARTICLE I

Plastic String and Streamers

[Adopted 6-11-1990 ATM, Art. 26]

~ 154-1. Sale and use prohibited.

No person shall sell or expose for sale, use or cause or permit to be used any product designed to project a string or streamer of plastic material.

HT to The Hopkinton Patch for this tidbit.

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Why chase a non-violent suspect who is the subject of a “suspicious person” call when you can just Tase him? If you don’t know that The Juice is opposed to the frequent overuse of Tasers, then you must be a new reader. When used appropriately, the Taser is a good law enforcement tool. So is a gun, but that doesn’t mean you go all Wild West with it unless you have to. In yet another case of Taser overuse, check out this report out of Florida, per News-press.com:

Responding to a suspicious person call, an officer approached Martinez [who is homeless] as he was sleeping on a lawn chair by the pool around 1 p.m. at the complex at 4904 Vincennes St.

Clearly this suspicious man, who was SLEEPING on a lawn chair was a serious threat. Why wait until he runs to Tase him? Should have done it while he was sleeping. After all, he was trespassing.

While the officer was asking him questions, Martinez bolted across the pool deck.

Okay, now he’s clearly a threat to [fill in the blank]. So …

The officer deployed his Taser, hitting Martinez in the lower back.

In the process, Martinez rolled into the canal and swam across.

The officer then found Martinez hiding in an apartment rented by an acquaintance. When officers entered, Martinez escaped through the back door and was chased down by officers, who lost hold of him because he was still slippery from the swim.

Not a good day for the boys in blue, or Mr. Martinez.

Martinez was Tasered again but continued resisting and was Tasered several more times before being handcuffed.

So that’s AT LEAST four times this suspicious man was Tasered. And lest you think he did nothing, other than trespass and run:

The tenants of the apartment also told police $8 was missing from a baby collection jar. The money was found in Martinez’s pocket and returned.

Whew. Cape Coral residents can now emerge from their closets and under their beds. The streets are safe again! And what of Mr. Martinez?

He was … taken into custody and … charged with burglary, petit theft, loitering and prowling and resisting arrest without violence.

Click here for the source, which includes a mug shot of Mr. Martinez.

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Remember yesterday’s post about the driver who brandished a gun during an argument with a cyclist? Turns out he was released on bail, and never showed up for his subsequent court appearance. Fast forward to November 2010 in Idaho, where deputies tried to bring him in. A shootout ensued, and Mr. Scrivner, who shot a deputy in the stomach and ankle, was killed. Here’s the follow-up piece. HT to www.OhioBikeLawyer.com for bringing this to The Juice’s attention.

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Now maybe you don’t have a cell phone tower in your back yard … But if you did, you ‘d probably be protective of it too, just like this fella in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. As reported by 4029tv.com:

Benton County officials said the man’s wife knew the crew of four people were working on the tower in his back yard, but did not tell him. When the man saw the crew, he believed they were trespassers and shot at them with a .22 rifle, police said.

Just another example of harm caused by a failure to communicate …

Police said he hit one man in the calf. The victim was recovering at Northwest Medical Center in Springdale with non-life-threatening injuries.

Non-life-threatening? I’m sure it hurt, but the dude got shot in the CALF, with a .22! Not exactly a powerful weapon, and the calf? Anyway, the charges?

Benton County officials said Dohle is charged with Second Degree Criminal Mischief and Second Degree Battery.

Click here for the source.

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As a bicycle commuter who has been on the receiving end of many unkind words, The Juice can relate to this incident, up until the gun part anyway. From the “WTF Were You Thinking” category, as reported in the Colorado Springs Police Department Crime Blotter:

Incident Date: April 5, 2010 Time: 4:34:00 PM

Summary: Stetson Hills Officers were dispatched to a weapons brandishing stemming from a road rage situation occurring at the intersection of Old Farm Drive @ Old Farm Circle West. Officers spoke with an adult male victim who reported that he was riding his bike on Austin Bluffs Park Way when he was confronted by a motorist in a red Jeep Cherokee. The victim alleged that the suspect in the Cherokee yelled at him for being in the street on his bike. A short time later, the two came to a stop at an intersection and they engaged in a mutual discussion about the situation. The victim said at some point, the driver of the vehicle displayed what appeared to be a small caliber hand gun. The victim then used his cellular telephone to take a picture of the vehicles license plate. A robbery charge was attached because the victim said the suspect tried to take the phone away from him, so he drove away from the area and called the police. Officers used the license plate information to obtain the suspects address. They responded to 5220 Farm Ridge Place and spoke with 46 year old Curtis Scrivner. Scrivner was contacted in the back yard of his residence. Scrivner was not compliant with the officer’s requests and a brief stand-off occurred. A short time later Mr. Scrivner ran into his house. A short time later, officers made contact with the suspect by phone and successfully negotiated his surrender. Mr. Scrivner was arrested and booked into the criminal justice center for felony menacing and aggravated robbery.

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You’re probably thinking “oh, like you’ve never brandished?” A gun? No, The Juice has never brandished a gun. The same cannot be said for Ms. Shiquita D. Reed, whose recent trip to Brandishstan involved children at a bus stop! As reported by The Richmond Times-Dispatch:

A Chesterfield County mother with a history of disturbing, anti-social behavior was convicted Thursday of brandishing a gun [a .40-caliber semi-automatic pistol!] in front of three students at her daughter’s bus stop and sent to jail for two years.

Declaring Shiquita D. Reed a “danger to society,” Judge D. Gregory Carr of Chesterfield Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court convicted the 33-year-old mother of six on three misdemeanor counts of brandishing and sentenced her to a total of 36 months in jail with 12 months suspended.

What about her record?

Carr noted Reed’s prior record, including at least three convictions for assault and battery, one for destruction of property and another for brandishing a gun when she was 18, in 1996.

A year ago last month, Reed was charged in Richmond with three counts of brandishing a firearm in the course of six days, including one incident involving a student walking to school. But all three charges eventually were withdrawn because the witnesses either didn’t show up in court or refused to testify.

The Richmond commonwealth’s attorney’s office has dealt with Reed nearly a dozen times in recent years on a variety of charges, but most were dropped because of witness problems.

This may, or may not, explain why there has been such a problem with witnesses:

… Reed … [said] it wasn’t uncommon for her to walk her daughter to the bus stop and she had carried her gun there at least three times before…

“I always carry my gun,” Reed testified, adding that she straps it on soon after she wakes up in the morning.

Yikes. You can read more – a fair amount – and see Ms. Reed’s mugshot here.

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Some people smoke weed. Some people believe god tells them to do things. Therefore, some people who smoke weed believe god tells them to do things. No? Of course not. You need not have taken formal logic to know that is complete BS. Nevertheless, there was a young man in West Hartford, who, after smoking weed said he was doing god’s work… As reported by The Hartford Courant:

Police said a Middle Road resident arrived home Sunday and noticed the front door had been kicked in. [Levon T.]Sarkisyan [27], who identified himself as Leon Sark, then walked out the front door and told the homeowner “a light from above told him to do this,” said Farmington police Sgt. Stephen Egan.

Sarkisyan then told the homeowner he’d broken into the house because “God wants me to help the world,” Egan said. He then told the homeowner, “I mean you no harm.”

While in the house, Sarkisyan used a fireplace poker to smash statues, including one of a Roman soldier, and a marble table, causing about $10,000 in damage, Egan said. Sarkisyan also rummaged through closets, took a shower, then dressed in the clothing of a deceased former resident, Egan said.

No harm to you, just your house and your stuff.

The homeowner told Sarkisyan to sit down, then fumbled with a phone trying to call 911, Egan said.

Sarkisyan said, “You see, God will not let you use the phone,” Egan said.

Er, um, okay.

As they waited for police, the homeowner asked Sarkisyan how he broke into the home.

Sakisyan then stood up, “flexed his arm and said, “you see, super human strength,” Egan said.

Officers arrived moments later and took him into custody without incident.

Why, Sark, why?

Later, Sarkisyan told officers he’d smoked “a strange strand of herb” that caused him to do what he did, Egan said.

The charges?

… third-degree burglary and first-degree criminal mischief …

Sark clearly has problems, but lack of an education is not one of them. He graduated from UConn. Click here for the source, which includes one of the wackiest mug shots The Juice has seen in a while.

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Your boat breaks down in the middle of nowhere. But wait, help is on the way … or is it? Well, sort of. As reported by The Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Boynton Beach TowboatU.S. captain Timothy R. Pooler was dispatched to rescue two men in a disabled boat 25 miles off Delray Beach.

But the rescue operation Thursday evening suffered some irregularities, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. Pooler, 63, arrived drunk, four hours after being dispatched, and for several hours towed the disabled boat around in circles.

Doh!

At dawn, he asked the men, Lionel Casey and Lewis Dames of Fort Lauderdale, to drive his tow boat, which then ran out of fuel. Casey and Dames took fuel from their boat, which regained power after the engine had cooled sufficiently.

And they lived happily ever … um, not so fast.

So they towed Pooler’s boat. Until they decided to cut him loose.

Well, that was cold. Maybe not unreasonable, but still cold. And then?

Then their boat broke down again.

Hmm. Karma?

About 12 hours after their initial breakdown, a second tow boat delivered the men to shore — in Jupiter, 30 miles north of their departure point. The FWC picked up Pooler, who admitted that he was drinking and should not have reported for duty as a tow boat operator, and charged him with drunken boating.

All arrived home safely. It could have been a lot worse, like if the Captain was a tow truck driver. Here’s the source.

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You sell cars. A prospective buyer tells you that he wants to test drive a particular car … alone. Why alone, you might wonder? Wonder or not, this salesman agreed, and, as reported by the Oak Park (Illinois) Trib Local:

A man in his 40’s stole a gold 1996 Ford F150 truck valued at $3,500 from a car dealership on the 6100 block of Roosevelt Road ay 4:10 p.m. June 17.

The man requested to take the test drive alone while the salesperson followed in another vehicle. The man eluded the salesperson and fled.

Doh! Dude has bad judgment, and apparently isn’t a very good driver either.

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A convenience store clerk in Florida might as well have said “Hey fellas, want some money? Help yourself!” Here’s how it went down, as reported by www.wpbf.com:

Boynton Beach police said two men entered the store [the aptly-named E-Z Market] and found the clerk asleep in the back.

Police said one of the men took between $300 and $400 from the register while the other man kept watch to make sure the clerk didn’t wake up.

Both men then rode off on a bicycle, police said.

Fellow cyclists? Dagnabbit. Please, don’t hold this against The Juice and the ever-increasing number of cyclists out there.