Legal Juice

This ad was banned by Australia’s Advertising Standards Bureau after viewer complaints. I'm with Gavin Collins, the managing director of Crazy Domains. He blamed “feminist bloggers” for stirring up the controversy and is fighting the ban.

Pasties were booked into evidence - for real. The Juice is confident you can see where this post is going. So, here are your choices: Starbucks, where the baristas are fully clothed, or Bikini Bottoms Espresso Stand, where the baristas wear bikinis and ... pasties. Exactly. Looks like the folks in Pierce County, Washington are unlikely to have that choice anymore. As reported by The News Tribune:

Pierce County prosecutors on Tuesday filed a misdemeanor charge of unlawful public exposure against a bikini barista spotted last year serving coffee while wearing only pasties on her breasts.

It’s the first time Pierce County prosecutors have leveled such a charge since some area espresso stand owners began requiring their baristas to show skin in addition to making drinks.

In other Pierce County news, home sales suddenly plummeted... Also, it appears that Pierce County's success in attracting new businesses to the County was fleeting. In fact, existing businesses are now relocating elsewhere ...

[Deputy prosecutor] Benton said he charged [the barista] because her alleged conduct, if true, would constitute “a blantant violation” of the county ordinance banning public nudity.

Even if true, I have one word of advice: warning. Was it really necessary to arrest this 19-year-old? Who was the rat ... er ... concerned citizen?

A woman driving by the stand at 7919 176th St. E. on Oct. 7 called sheriff’s deputies after she spotted Lenn outside the stand. She was wearing a thong bikini bottom and no top, according to court records.

Curse you, woman!

A deputy dispatched to investigate the call found Lenn inside the stand making drinks, according to an arrest report. Lenn was topless but had X-shaped pasties covering her nipples, the report states.

[The barista] became angry when told she would be cited for indecent exposure and began to yell that baristas at other stands also wore pasties on the job, deputy Kevin Fries wrote in his report.

“I asked [her] if she was aware that it was illegal to wear the pasties in public,” Fries wrote. “She said no. [She] said that the female owner, Cheryl England, had told her and the other girls that it was OK to wear them.”

Having been duly warned ...

[The barista] then went into the back of the stand, removed the pasties and put on a bikini top, Fries continued.

And, as noted above ...

The deputy confiscated the pasties and booked them into the South Hill precinct property room as evidence, his report states.

Really? This is a good use of everyone's time? Here's hoping the pasties mysteriously disappear from the evidence room. Here's the source.

Let's just say that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell is not off to a very good start, unless, that is, you think it's just fine to discriminate against homosexuals. As reported by talkingpointsmemo.com:

McDonnell (R) on Feb. 5 signed an executive order that prohibits discrimination "on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities," as well as veterans.

So what's the change?

[The executive order] rescinds the order that Gov. Tim Kaine signed Jan. 14, 2006 as one of his first actions. After promising a "fair and inclusive" administration in his inaugural address, Kaine (D) added veterans to the non-discrimination policy - and sexual orientation.

One can only imagine what this man will be able to do (and undo) in 4 years. Here's the source.

(Full disclosure: "Hair" is one of The Juice's top ten favorite films.) Even in late 2009, long hair is STILL an issue in some schools. The crazy thing about this story is, we're talking about a 4-year-old boy! (Click on the link at the end of the post to see his picture.) Seems Taylor's long hair violates this Texas schools dress code. As reported by The Dallas Morning News:

It's too long, Mesquite ISD administrators say, and Taylor can't attend class with other students until he gets a haircut.

Since early November, the pre-kindergartner has had lessons with a teacher's aide in the library at Floyd Elementary School, cut off from other students. Neither his parents, who refuse to cut his hair, nor the school district is happy about that, but no one knows when it is likely to end.

A 4-year-old essentially in solitary confinement because of his hair. Brilliant!

"The school cannot give us an honest reason why we should force him to cut his hair. He loves his hair," said Taylor's father, Delton Pugh Jr., on Tuesday. "I'll move out of this school district before I'll force him to cut his hair."

According to Taylor's mother, Elizabeth Taylor, no one complained about her son's hair until October, when the principal told her it needed to be cut. She refused because he likes his hair long, his father has long hair and the family has American Indian heritage.

Even so, she tried to work with the school and this idiotic rule.

She did trim the child's hair along the sides and back, but school officials said it was still too long. She offered to put Taylor's hair in a pony tail and slick back the front so it "will look nice," she said.

Aaaargh! You can read more (a lot) and see a picture of Taylor here.

Two drunks guys (Dean Gardener, 19, and Jason Fender, 22) decided to hassle two cross-dressing men. Big mistake. True, the drunk "bully" got one punch off, but that was it. Per The Daily Telegraph:

But the fight is over in a matter of seconds as the other cage fighter, sporting a wig and a sparkling black dress, floors both the assailants with two lightning-quick punches.

(This incident starts at about the 1:00 minute mark in the video below.)

Shazam! Did you see those lightning bolts? (at 1:21 and 1:22 in the video)

The attackers are arrested by police as they stagger down the road. Officers later learned the cross-dressers were actually cage fighters on a fancy dress stag night out.

So that's the crime. The time?

Both men admitted using abusive words and behaviour. They were electronically tagged and given a four-month community order and a curfew from 7am to 7pm.

Here's the source.

[Sorry if this disappoints anyone, but that there is a costume.]

So wet t-shirt contests might not be your thing, but really, is it something you want to spend time prosecuting? In Mason City, Iowa, that would be a "yes," as reported by RadioIowa.com.

A magistrate court jury in Cerro Gordo County has found the owner of a Clear Lake tavern not guilty of violating that community's adult entertainment ordinance. The six-member panel returned the verdict after Alan Slater was charged last June after allegedly holding a wet t-shirt contest at The Marina.

Slater testified that he was planning to hold a wet t-shirt contest at the bar, but then backed out after thinking that he'd receive a citation from the city. He said he then let the public host the contest at the bar and directed his staff to keep things within the law.

Clever man, that Mr. Slater.

The Juice abhors vagueness. The European Union register of hand-luggage restrictions (which, by the way, was secret until last year!) prohibits passengers from bringing "any blunt instrument capable of causing injury" on the plane, as reported by The Austrian Times. Pretty vague right? Right, as Vienna, Austria resident Gottfried Heinrich learned the hard way.

[Mr.] Heinrich was thrown off a flight to Antalya, Turkey, at Vienna International Airport in 2005 for having his tennis rackets with him – after having already cleared general-security screening.

Thrown off the plane! Mr. Heinrich was pissed!

Heinrich was so angry that he brought a compensation case against the Austrian authorities for having failed to inform him he was carrying banned items.

And ...

The Austrian court said the matter was of such great importance to all airline passengers in the European Union that it referred the case to the ECJ [European Court of Justice] in Luxembourg. After winning his case yesterday, Heinrich is now able to pursue his compensation case at a Vienna court.

Here is the ECJ's reasoning:

... the unpublished European Union (EU) register of hand-luggage restrictions could not be enforced because passengers had no way of knowing exactly what was prohibited.

What else had passengers not not known they were not allowed to take in the cabin?

... skateboards, golf clubs and fishing rods ...

Go figure. Here's the source.

Juice devotees know that Sweden really is Big Brother when it comes to names. Apparently that applies to license plates too.

Check this out from The Local: Officials with Sweden’s Road Administration (Vägverket) have denied a driver’s request for a licence place with what at first glance appears to be a completely innocent combination of characters.

Recently, the agency received a request from an individual who wanted a licence plate reading X32IARO.

Despite no obviously offensive reference in the desired combination, Vägverket nonetheless rejected the application.

“It looks like something completely different when seen through a rear-view mirror, and on the road, many end up reading things through the rear-view mirror,” said Vägverket spokesperson Mikael Andersson to the Svenska Dagbladet newspaper.

When read in reverse, as it would be seen through a rear-view mirror, X32IARO suddenly appears as ORALSEX.

So?

Andersson explained that the agency has no specific set of rules for how applications are reviewed and that the hidden meaning of seemingly harmless set of letters and numbers just happened to be uncovered by a Vägverket employee reviewing the application.

Give that man a ... kick in the arse!

“It’s not like we have a checklist for how we check the applications, but it requires a certain degree of creativity to discover inappropriate words,” said Andersson.

So nice to see someone take pride in their work ...efilateg...

Is it just me, or does "Friday" evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it's the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of "Friday." As reported by the BBC News:

Italy's top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a "ridiculous" name could expose the boy to mockery.

That's not all, though.

The judges also ordered that the boy be renamed Gregorio - after the saint's day on which he was born.

What the hell is going on in Italy? Do you think the parent should appeal? This was the appeal!

The Cassation Court upheld earlier rulings by lower courts that Friday was too reminiscent of the name of Robinson Crusoe's native servant in the classic shipwreck novel.

And what's up with my Italian brethren?

Gian Ettore Gassani of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers backed the ruling.

No me gusta. (Yes, I know that's Spanish.)Here's the source.

The word "shit" is just that - a word. Certainly some folks prefer not to say it, hear it or see it, but, well, tough ... Seriously, this is still America, right? Tell that to Brian Barnett, a Green Party candidate in Arkansas. I don't know anything about his politics, and I will stipulate that his sign was an incredibly stupid way to try to attract voters. (Attention yes, voters no.) But there's this thing called the First Amendment ...

Barnett was ticked off that the Republican (Reeves) and Democrat (Betts) contenders for a state House seat would not debate him. So he was walking around Searcy, Arkansas with a sign that read:

Debate Brian! Chicken shit; 1. Kyle Reeves; 2. Monte Betts.

Free speech, right? Wrong. Per The Daily Citizen:

“You can probably get away with saying he’s chicken, but since he’s an alderman and a member of the city council, you can’t,” [Patrolman] Johnson told Barnett. “That word is not acceptable.”

WTF? Dude, I heard Putin is looking for a few good men. What did Barnett have to say for himself?

Barnett explained the sign to Johnson, saying it was designed to call attention to the refusal of Reeves and Betts to debate him.

“When you call someone chicken s*** that means they’re scared,” Barnett said.

So we're cool, right? Nope.

When Sergeant Tom McGee arrived, the three went next door to a tire shop and Barnett could be heard offering to change the sign. Within minutes, however, Barnett was arrested, charged with disorderly conduct, apparently for refusing to obey an officer.

UFB. And they cuffed him, and put him in the patrol car! But wait! Someone must have pulled out a pocket Constitution!

Within minutes, Barnett was taken out of the car, given a citation and was allowed to go free. The sign was returned to Barnett and he was told he could stand where he chose with the sign. Barnett, confused as to why he was allowed to continue displaying the altered sign, now showing an “X” over the “i,” was told the matter would be explained to him further at his Nov. 20 court date in White County District Court, Searcy Division.

Confused? I'd say perplexed. Those cops really need to get their shit together! To read more (a fair amount) and see the sign, click here.

Yup. A 20-year-old construction worker named Cory Bishop got a ticket for having "indecent" stickers on his car. Where are things apparently going so well that they have time to write tickets for such a harmless "offense?" Harrisonville, Kansas. Per the Kansas City Pitch, here's what the stickers said:

Imports are like tampons. Every pussy has one.

Spark plugs are for Pussies.

Stroke this Bitch.(with an illustration)

Bishop fought the ticket and ... lost. But ...

... the prosecuting attorney eventually threw out the charge against Bishop...

That's not it, though.

On September 5, the ACLU’s new chief counsel and legal director, Doug Bonney, fired off a letter to Harrisonville Mayor Kevin Wood questioning the ordinance. He cited case law that upholds citizens’ right to display language that others deem “vulgar.” He suggested the city at least amend the measure. “The current ordinance’s ban on display of ‘indecent’ signs on private property is unconstitutional and cannot stand,” Bonney wrote. “We would like to work with the City to resolve this problem.”

Here's betting that law won't be on the books very long. Click here for the source.

Sure enough. Kathyrn Fridge, a 28-year-old Texas mom, as reported in the Galveston County Daily News,

went with her 2-year-old daughter and mother to Wal-Mart on Aug. 4 to buy batteries just in case Edouard left the county without electricity the following day.

As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), there were no batteries. Said Ms. Fridge to her mom:

“They don’t have any fucking more.”

Unfortunately, La Marque Assistant Fire Marshal Alfred A. Decker IV overheard Ms. Fridge and ... busted her! Can you believe that shit?

“All of the sudden he comes from around the corner two to three feet away and said, ‘You need to watch your mouth,’” Fridge said.

And then?

Fridge said she walked away to leave, but Decker told her she needed to come to his car and started to pull out his handcuffs.

Oh no you didn't handcuff this woman for dropping the f-bomb.

...she was led outside, handcuffed and then issued the citation [for disorderly conduct].

Damn. If you want to read more, including Decker's side of the story (from his Chief), click here.

If you have eyes, you've no doubt noticed that skirts have gotten pretty short lately. Some schools, like Monroe High School in Ohio, are stemming the upward creep of the hemline by instituting dress codes. As reported by WLWT.com, skirts should be no shorter than 3 inches above the knee. This is bad news for the school's cheerleaders. The school has determined that the cheerleading uniforms they issued violate their dress code! So the cheerleaders can't wear their uniforms on Fridays - game days - a tradition that goes back to ... a long time, okay.

Here's my solution - make an exception! And why is it okay for the cheerleaders to dress "inappropriately" at school rallies and sporting events? Here's the source, with a photo and video.

By now probably everyone has heard of a few stupid homeowner's association rules. But check this one out. Jim Greenwood lives in a suburb of Dallas, Texas called Frisco. More specifically, he lives in - hold your nose up, and speak nasally - Stonebriar Village. Now with his son just turning 16, old Mr. Greenwood wanted to get him a safe ride. So he dropped about $30,000 on a nicely appointed 2007 Ford F-150.

Now you're thinking - the Stonebriar Village Homeowner's Association does not allow trucks to be parked in driveways. You would be ... wrong! They just don't allow FORD trucks [to be parked overnight, that is, in a driveway]. If Mr. Greenwood had dropped the extra coin for a Lincoln Mark LT, that would not violate the rules. What's the difference? According to Mr. Greenwood, not much.

"It happens to come off the same assembly line in Dearborn, Mich., as the Ford F-150."

What is the penalty for this high crime? $50 each night he's cited for leaving the truck in the driveway overnight. It's Texas, so you can probably guess what Mr. Greenwood decided to do.

"We're doing the right thing now. We're parking it in the garage."

Yeah, that wasn't my guess either. I'm with Austin American-Statesman writer John Kelso:

I wouldn't call that doing the right thing. Greenwood should stick it to these snoots. After all, this is Texas. If you can't park a new pickup in your driveway in the Lone Star State, what's next? A ban on high school football, deer season and chicken-fried steak?

Click here to read the source.

So 55-year-old Wyoming resident David Anthony Vaughn was enjoying "Iron Man" at the Eastridge Movies when the unthinkable occurred - the projector malfunctioned. Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! When Mr. Vaughan demanded a refund, he was offered a voucher to see another movie. Maybe a later showing of "Iron Man?" Anyway, as reported in the Casper Star-Tribune:

According to witnesses, Vaughn became agitated as theater employees tried to explain their policy to him, yelling at workers and telling other patrons they were being ripped off. One customer heard him say that he was going to get his money's worth before he ripped a computer monitor from the ticket counter and threw it through the glass door. After breaking the glass, the monitor came to rest by a table in the mall food court.

Shazam! Makes you wonder what he would do when faced with a serious injustice (real or perceived). Surely when the police arrived, Mr. Vaughan realized that, perhaps, he overreacted?

Vaughn told [Sgt.] Randel his actions were justified because the theater refused to refund a patron's money.

He was busted and booked. Here's the source.

Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ...

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

smiley faces painted on the driveway;

lampshades tied to bushes, and ...

the stuffed animals and signs, some with religious slogans, [that] cover virtually the entire yard, the house and the carport.

So what have the neighbors done?

[They] have complained repeatedly over the past year, leading to visits by police officers, firefighters, elected officials, and representatives from several county agencies. Residents aired their objections recently at a public forum held by County Executive Ken Ulman.

The results?

... inspectors have uncovered no violations of county codes. In a county where many newer neighborhoods follow Columbia's example of controlling appearances through stringent private covenants, Alban's yard seems beyond the reach of government regulation.

Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

"We don't do pretty," said county zoning enforcement chief George Beisser. "What's one person's junk is another person's art."

I'm with Cato Institute "expert on private property rights" Roger Pilon who suggested that the neighbors should "lighten up." Here's the Sun article.

Ms. Gill Hodges committed an almost unspeakable crime [kids, leave the room]: she used four parking vouchers to pay for her parking, instead of two! And she had the nerve to wonder what difference it made, since her four vouchers added up to £2, exactly the required fee. I can answer her question the same way I answer my kids on occasion [the occasion being that I can't think of a reason] - because. Ms. Hodges is not one to take such things (including a £60 [$120 US]) fine lying down. She e-mailed the council, and, per The Guardian, here's how it responded:

Despite clear instructions on the reverse of Mrs Hodges' vouchers warning that you can only use two vouchers at any time, the council decided to use its discretionary powers and revoke the fine.

However, this cancellation came with the proviso that should Mrs Hodges get another parking ticket, that fine will not be cancelled.

So kids, remember today's lesson: while 2 x 1 = 2, don't assume that 4 x .5 = 2. Click here to read more.

Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press:

The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Carrying on a tradition established more than 50 years ago, Timmer chucked the octopus onto the ice of the Pepsi Arena in Denver. Not only did he get booted from the game, he also got busted by the Denver police. For what? "Throwing stones or missiles." Really.

"It shall be unlawful for any person to throw any stone or other missile upon or at any vehicle, building, tree or other public or private property, or upon or at any person in any public way or place which is public in nature, or on enclosed or unenclosed ground."

So what happened? Denver Magistrate Catherine Cary dismissed the charges. To read more, click here.

So Vaune Dillmann is a retired policeman who owns the Mt. Shasta Brewing Co. in Weed, California. (The town was named after lumber baron and state senator Abner Weed.) The bottle caps of his beer read "Try Legal Weed" (surrounded by "A Friend in Weed Is a Friend Indeed.") No big deal, right? Wrong, in a big way. Per The Nashua Telegraph:

The U.S. Treasury Department's Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau says those three little words allude to marijuana use.

The bureau's bureaucrats have told Dillmann he needs to stop using the "Try Legal Weed" bottle caps. If he doesn't, he could risk fines or sanctions. His worst fear: being forced out of business.

After 5 years in business, and the sale of more than 400,000 bottles of beer with the "Try Legal Weed" caps, what caused the feds to get involved?

Regulators caught up with the caps in February, as Dillmann was seeking label approval for his Lemurian Golden Lager. They issued a rejection sheet citing several typeface technicalities and one deal breaker: the words "Try Legal Weed."

Regarding that rejection,

Dillmann has appealed. He vows not to cave, and expects a long, expensive legal battle if need be. He says he just wants to keep his caps and not lose his shirt.

Give 'em hell, Mr. Dillmann. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Remember the story about the Swedish parents who wanted to name their daughter "Metallica?" Or the Swedish transvestite who wanted to change his name to Pia? Add to that list the Swedish couple who wanted to name their daughter "Elvis." Fuhgeddaboutit, said the National Tax Board. Why? Because ...

Elvis "is a first name of a masculine type."

While the King might be pleased with that determination, no doubt Elvis's parents are not. They should follow Metallica's parents lead, who fought the law, and won. Here's the UPI story.