Legal Juice

We don't know if there is intelligent life elsewhere in the universe. And it seems unlikely that we'll find out by installing software on our computers to detect the presence of aliens. But that is precisely what the former director of IT for the Higley Unified School District in Arizona is accused of doing. As reported by abc15.com (Phoenix, AZ) ...

Brad Niesluchowski ...has resigned [after being given a notice of termination in October, per Superintendent Denise Birdwell] amidst an investigation that he installed software to spy for aliens on school computers.

Dr. Birdwell said Niesluchowski installed the software program SETI@home on nearly 5,000 HUSD computers. SETI stands for the "Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence."

And?

Birdwell said the program caused the district's computers to run 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

That's a lot of juice, no? Yes.

The district estimates during the 9 years of Niesluchowski's employment, he cost the district as much as $1.6 million in electricity, bandwith and the diminished life expectancy of computers.

Costly and odd, but criminal?

Birdwell said the district is working with Gilbert Police as part of a criminal investigation.

The Juice is down with restitution, not prosecution.

This Ohio bank robbery suspect was much more alert than the police officers who were dutifully searching him as he was face down on the hood of a car. So how did he get rid of what was likely the note he used when he allegedly robbed a bank? He ate it! Check it out:

As reported at Ohio.com:

Twinsburg police Patrolman Daniel Biada said a dash cam video of Thursday's arrest of John H. Ford, 35, of Cleveland, shows Ford gobbling a piece of paper while officers searched his pockets.

''As we're searching him, officers are removing items and throwing them on the cruiser [hood],'' Biada said. ''We're searching him for weapons. We're not looking at his head.''

Twinsburg police reviewed the images captured on camera and said they observed Ford leaning over to eat something off the hood of the cruiser.

''He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman,'' Biada said. ''He just ate it right there.''

Notwithstanding his quick thinking, it's not looking too good for Pacman.

Authorities said they found a .38-caliber pistol on the driver's side floor of Ford's car and a wad of cash covered in red ink on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Ford is also a suspect in bank robberies in Stow and Akron.

Suggestion: Don't hold Mr. Ford anywhere near the evidence room.

This story is truly wacky. First, you have a Proctor, Minnesota man who took a La-Z-Boy chair and put a lawnmower motor in it, and a steering wheel. Per the Duluth News Tribune, "It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels." All tricked out and no place to go? Not exactly. Dennis LeRoy Anderson (62!) took his chair out on the town. And got lit. Then he took to the streets - and crashed into a parked car! How drunk was he? Really, really drunk (.29). Oh, and ...

He has one prior DWI conviction.

Doh! In fairness, I should mention that Mr. Anderson offered an explanation for the accident:

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Curse you woman! You know the crime (he pleaded guilty). The time?

Judge Heather Sweetland sentenced Anderson to 180 days in the St. Louis County Jail or at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center and fined him $2,000 plus court fees. She stayed the jail time and one-half of the fine for two years of supervised probation. As conditions of his probation, Anderson must submit to a chemical dependency assessment, follow all recommendations, abstain from alcohol and unprescribed drugs, be subject to random testing and undergo 30 days of electronic monitoring.

Here's the source.

So this 46-year-old woman in Florida had a boyfriend for about a year. Then she had to, um, go away for a little while (to jail). Well, really, did you expect her boyfriend to just sit around and wait? When his girlfriend's 25-year-old daughter was there? They didn't wait. Seems they got real close when mom was in jail. That worked out okay, until mom got out of jail, and moved backed into the family home. Snap!

As reported in The Orlando Sentinel, both mom and daughter were involved with boyfriend. Apparently this didn't sit too well with mom.

Johnson [the mom] told officers that after they left she went to go to bed, but her daughter "struck her with a closed fist on the forehead because she was jealous," according to her arrest affidavit.

Really? You're sticking with that?

But another witness at the scene, a juvenile, said Johnson entered the room where Richard Bowman [the boyfriend] was staying and grabbed his crotch. She would not let go, the witness told Fixl and that's when she struck her mother, according to the report.

Richard Bowman also told police Johnson grabbed him and would not let go. At one point, she said she was going to "rip them off," according to Bowman's account.

It probably won't surprise you to learn that both women were charged, and, that the charges for both of them were bumped up to felonies because of ... prior convictions.

You can see mother and daughter, and read the entire story, by clicking here.

Of course the Juice would never condone vandalism, but ... how about that artwork! No doubt the City of Ottawa will think twice before installing a sign with an empty panel. A skilled vandal took the opportunity to fill that empty panel with ... well ... look at the picture above and figure it out for yourself. To read more (a fair amount), here's the Ottawa Citizen piece on the sign.

Talk about chutzpah. Check out this burglary, as reported by Sweden's "The Local" and "Helsingborgs Dagblad"

A thief in southern Sweden took time off during a weekend break-in to surf pornographic websites on a company computer ... local newspaper Helsingborgs Dagblad reports.

Here comes the real chutzpah:

Already faced with the prospect of having to procure a new welding machine, the owner also suffered the indignity of being called out for lax sweeping procedures. A message on the company's computer screen spelled out the burglar's considered opinion:

"You need to clean up. Regards, Thief."

Did they catch "Thief?"

Police have so far been unsuccessful in their attempts to track down the hygiene-conscious bandit.

This story is wacky for 2 reasons: it involves a robbery due to some bad beef jerky, and the alleged robber works 2 doors down from the scene of the crime! As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer:

Police say a Cleveland barber got so upset by what he considered bad beef jerky that he returned to the store where he bought it and tried to rob the owner.

Police say the 28-year-old barber walked into the store where he bought the snack, just two doors down from his barbershop, and tried to rob the owner Thursday night.

The owner told the man he recognized him and chased him outside with a baseball bat.

The first police officer who arrived on the scene was also familiar with the barber because he cuts the officer's hair.

Police arrested the man at his girlfriend's house a few miles away.

The barber told police the stick of beef jerky he bought sickened him and his dog.

That's exactly why I give it to my dog first ... (I'm kidding! I don't have a dog. Unfortunately, my cats don't like beef jerky ...)

It's easy to play Monday-morning bird smuggler. But do you have any better ideas? From the L.A. Now blog (by Scott Glover) of the Los Angeles Times:

A man who allegedly flew from Vietnam to Los Angeles with 14 live birds hidden in his pants was one of two men indicted on smuggling-related charges today by a federal grand jury in Los Angeles.

Duc Le, 34, and Sony Dong, 46, are charged in an eight-count indictment with conspiring to smuggle dozens of birds into the United States, including red-whiskered bulbuls, magpie robins and shama thrushes.

Both men were arrested last month after investigators determined that Dong had 14 birds fastened to pieces of cloth around his calves, said Asst. U.S. Atty. Mark Williams. A subsequent search revealed dozens more illicit birds, officials said.

The photo is from the U.S. Attorney's office.

Now, dear, don't be ... oh my! He is driving backwards - down the highway! As reported by tdn.com (Washington State):

Police arrested a driver Thursday night who was cruising along Interstate 5 — in reverse.

The 41-year-old man drove at least three miles backward on Interstate 5 before his arrest around 8:30 p.m. Thursday, Cowlitz County Sheriff’s deputy Ryan Cruser said.

Holy shiznit! 3 miles in reverse? That's some serious talent right there.

Police said they saw the man laughing as they approached the vehicle, which came to a stop in the middle of three northbound lanes at milepost 55 — not far from a rest area by the Cowlitz County-Lewis County border, according to Cruser.

The man refused to roll down his windows when police approached his rented 2009 Dodge Avenger, Cruser said. Police broke the window to arrest him.

Wait. Don't ta ....zzzzzzzzzz

Deputies used a Taser to subdue the driver when he began to struggle during the arrest, said Sgt. Blair Schmidt with the Washington State Patrol.

Alcohol and drugs are not believed to be a factor in the incident, Cruser said. Police plan to have the driver, a resident of Canada whose name wasn’t released, evaluated for possible mental problems.

Perhaps mad, definitely mad skills ... Here's the source.

It's 4:30 a.m. in Lincoln, Nebraska, and this guy needed some cigarettes. He was probably drunk (from drinking Bud Light.) Why would I guess that he was drinking Bud Light? Well sir, as reported by the Lincoln Journal Star:

A man who robbed a north Lincoln Kwik Shop on Monday morning brought a disguise — he was wearing a Bud Light box on his head.

The man had a green rag wrapped around his hand, implying he had a weapon, when he entered the store at 4400 Cornhusker Highway around 4:30 a.m. He made off with nine packs of Newport cigarettes, valued at nearly $50, police Capt. Bob Kawamoto said.

A truly wacky - and at least for now unsolved - crime. Here's the source.

No, it's not the "give us cash to protect yourself from us" kind of protection. Without even being there, Chuck Norris has singlehandedly ended a series of break-ins at a bakery in Split, Croatia. From the Croatian Times:

Store bosses have seen off burglars by placing a life-sized photo of Hollywood action star Chuck Norris in the window.

The posh bakery shop in Split, Croatia, had often been broken until they put up the poster of the karate champ with a sign saying: "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

Now the bakery hasn't had a single burglary for more than a month. "People seem to respect him," said a sales assistant.

Don't mess with Chuck Norris.

Sure, everyone has either heard about, or engaged in, a love tumble in a strange place or two. But, as Maxwell Smart often said to the Chief, "would you believe" a couple in British Columbia was caught having sex IN A GARBAGE TRUCK!? As reported in the Courier Mail, there were " ... reports of people walking suspiciously behind a business ..."

"When the officer was out of his car having a look around, checking doors he could hear noises coming from the dumpster," said Sgt. John Price.

The officer called out and got no response, so he pulled out his flashlight and took a look inside.

"He peeked over the edge and in the bottom of the dumpster, a man and a woman (were) full-on nude, intertwined, oblivious to his presence," Price said, confirming the pair were in the act.

Since they were having sex in a garbage truck, I guess it's not surprising that they didn't notice the police officer. The dude was "taken into custody on an unrelated outstanding warrant." The "30-year-old woman was simply told to go home."

I think this dog skipped a lot of classes at the Police K-9 Academy...

A motorized barstool! Think about it. You hop on it at home, drive right into (and up to) the bar, down a few, then drive back home. Brilliant! The proud owner, Kile Wygle, said it can go 38 mph! Luckily for him, he was "only" going 20 mph when he crashed. Unluckily, he was busted for "driving" under the influence (and with a suspended license!). And, as reported by News Talk 610 WTVN:

Wygle was treated for minor injuries at Licking Memorial Hospital where he joked with Trotter about drinking 15 beers before the crash. He refused the blood-alcohol test.

Click here to see a picture of the stoolmobile.

The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: "Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night." For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he's in jail. Here's an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr. Colpaert:

"I’m wondering why you’re still teaching if you’re in jail? I’m not in jail. I’m bringing lunch for my friends. No, you’re going back to your work release position. How can you be a role model for your students? Are you familiar with what’s going on at all with the case? Why don’t you tell us? I don’t really feel like explaining it. The court’s done a pretty good job of that."

Alrighty then.

According to court records, the secretary says Colpaert started harassing her husband with phone calls and text messages after she decided to patch up her marriage.

During a hearing to obtain personal protection orders against Colpaert – the secretary and her husband submitted several of Colpaert’s email messages to Macomb County Judge Ed Servitto.

In one from October – Colpaert writes to another school co-worker about what he was allegedly planning to do at a party that the secretary was going to attend with her husband. One message states: "me and some of my friends will be waiting outside." and "the s**t is definitely gonna hit the fan." In another message Colpaert allegedly told the party hostess "I cant [sic] and WILL NOT promise that nothing will go down at your house."

As for the text messages that Colpaert allegedly sent to the secretary’s husband – they’re so obscene we can not describe them on television.

Damn it! The Juice is not fond of censorship. Anyway, here's how Mr. Colpaert ended up in jail:

When the judge granted the PPOs for the school secretary and her husband, according to the hearing transcript, he had some strong words for the teacher. Judge Servitto said "I can’t believe you’re an educator." He also told Colpaert: "I don’t know that you should be a teacher. I don’t know. It just amazes me"

What’s truly amazing is that Donald Colpaert violated the PPO within minutes of leaving Servitto’s courtroom.

According to police reports, in the court hallway-- Colpaert told the secretary’s husband, "we could have settled this man to man, it’s on now, it’s on."

After those comments – a judge sent Colpaert to jail for 30 days for violating the PPO.

So it's definitely "on," with the "it" being the pokey, not an asskicking. How does tenure fit into the equation?

The Van Dyke Public School District did suspend Donald Colpaert for 3 days without pay for violating a directive they had given him to stop contacting the secretary. An attorney for the district tells Action News at this point, that’s the highest level of punishment that can be leveled against a tenured teacher.

Time to take a long, hard look at those tenure provisions ... Click here for the source.

When you think of a crime spree, don't you think of a string of similar crimes? Irishman
Richard William O'Flynn, in Australia on a 2-year visa, defied convention with his spree. As reported by livenews.com.au:

His most bizarre act was to take a goldfish into a Ticketek office in the CBD and demand money so he could pay for food to feed it.

On another occasion he and a male friend got drunk and entered a cake store, where he demanded a "gay cake" for their "gay wedding". O'Flynn then picked up a cake decorating knife and threatened the assistant, asking for money. When she told him she would call the police, he and his friend left the store, the court was told.

O'Flynn... also pleaded guilty to wilful damage for kicking a car during an argument in Bundaberg.

And finally,

He also pleaded guilty to using [the telephone] to menace, harass or cause offence after repeatedly calling a real estate agent and abusing her because she left a flyer in his mailbox.

We all hate those flyers, but seriously dude, recycle, don't hate. What is Mr. O'Flynn's fate? His guilty pleas were met with a sentence of "12 months [in] jail suspended after 80 days, which he has already served in pre-sentence custody." A few parting words from the Judge:

Judge Griffin described O'Flynn's behaviour as "disgraceful" and said Australia would be better off without him. [O'Flynn is returning to Ireland at the end of the month.]

"We will all be altogether pleased to see you go," Judge Griffin said.

Really, is that any way to treat a guest in your country? Here's the source.

For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for "conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency"), and put on the sex offenders' registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter:

Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.

How do you "swindle" folks out of socks?

Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.

Creepy.

They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.

Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude's flat?

... 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.

“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker."

“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”

Here's the source.

This man clearly belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India:

Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. "Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on. Girls looked the other way as he walked towards the Law faculty, unabashedly," said an official.

How 'bout those security guards?

"Security personnel tried in vain to stop the youth, who had entered through the gate opposite MSU's Experimental School at noon," the official said. "Five security guards accosted him only to be snubbed by the youth, who asked them to call higher officials. The guards even gave him a sound thrashing, so much so that their batons broke," the official narrated.

Seriously, 5 guys with batons couldn't stop a naked man? Nope. ...

...this did not deter the youth who ran to Experimental School and supposedly vanished out of the gate.

At least they didn't tase him.

And if that wasn't enough excitement on campus for the day ...

Meanwhile, the dust was just about to settle on the matter when another incident took the campus by the storm. A group of monkeys wreaked havoc after a baby monkey was electrocuted in the morning when it came in contact with a live wire.

The apes started attacking passers-by walking near the site of the accident. The crisis ended when fire brigade officials disentangled the monkey's body from the electric wire, after which monkeys picked up their deceased offspring and left.

Damn. That's more excitement than I saw in my entire 7 years of college.

Here's the story from ABC News (that's the Australian Broadcasting Corporation):

A Darwin man has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the Stuart Highway.

The man is already in jail until August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car boot and two plants on the back seat.

Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving.

He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters. He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.

He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle. Magistrate Sue Oliver says the driving was bizarre to say the least and conduct she expects of someone much younger.

Just to recap: While driving 91 miles per hour (without a license), dude was filming himself while masturbating. And, he had a loaded gun, pot pipes, and pot plants with him in the car. Oh my.

Just what is the condition imposed by Judge Tom Broadmore for granting bail to Mr. Ben Hana (who was charged with cannabis possession and obscene exposure)?

That he wear underwear.

For real. Per The Dominion Post, it seems that Mr. Hana is "... well known around Wellington [New Zealand] as Blanket Man." Unfortunately, that's apparently all he wears - a blanket. As his lawyer described it ...

"He wears high-risk clothing. It's a way of life rather than a deliberate attempt at lewdness."

"High-risk." Nice touch. What did the Judge think?

Judge Tom Broadmore was sceptical of Ms Dixon's explanation: "I was walking down Courtenay Place and I'm sure he was exposing his genitals. It's just not something the public should have to tolerate."

Counselor?

Ms Dixon suggested making the wearing of underwear a bail condition as a "precautionary measure".

Done? Done.

The judge agreed to bail on condition that Hana not enter licensed premises, other than supermarkets, not drink alcohol and that he wear underpants or boxer shorts while in public.

To see a photo of Mr. Hana in his new attire, click here.