Ma'am, that certainly is a nice television you have there... As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Belleville, Illinois)
12/30/12 - Theft -- First block of Kingery Court The victim reported the suspect came to her residence, struck up a conversation with her, and while she sat on the couch, he unhooked and unplugged her TV and walked out of the residence with it.Um. Mister, watcha doing with my tee-vee?
Yes folks, you read that correctly. As reported by detroit.cbslocal.com:
Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a “power–packed, super–concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt–crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo.”
Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged — and the police were called.Uh huh.
Festerman was charged with disorderly conduct, which carries a possibly penalty of $200 and/or 90 days in jail. Marine City Schools officials claim he attacked teachers and administrators with the foul smell.
They believe he was acting out over his son’s one-day suspension. In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out “Liquid Ass ” pranks wherever they go, though he said they punished their son for bringing their property to his class and disturbing the room.
What about Festerman’s assertion that he just accidentally sprayed the, um, scent while testing to see if there was any left?
“Our security cameras seem to indicate otherwise,” Wolford said.Bam! Here's the source.
Passing out in public is generally not a good thing. There are exceptions. As reported by The MetroWest Daily News (Framingham, Massachusetts):
On Friday, two women told police that they were about to go into the ATM at the Roche Bros., but [Eric Lee] Siggins was sitting on a bench outside, acting strangely. One of the women saw a handgun in the waistband of his pants and instead of using the ATM they called police, [prosecutor Maggie] Pastuszak said.A wise decision.
When police arrived, they found Siggins sitting down with legs fully spread and his head down between his legs. He was wearing a hooded sweatshirt with a scarf covering his face, and he never responded to anything they said to them, she said.
"He refused to take his hands from the pockets," said Pastuszak. "His hands had to be physically removed."
As police tried to get Siggins to remove his hands, a gun fell from his pants. The weapon was a BB gun made to look like a real gun, the prosecutor said.Doh!
In his pocket they found handcuffs, the [duct] tape, a razor-bladed knife and the string, Pastuszak said.Hmm.
Police charged Siggins, of 145 South Main St., with attempting to commit armed robbery, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct. Pastuszak told Judge Robert Greco that she expects a carrying a dangerous weapon charge to be added.See how lucky he was to have passed out? Think of the soup he'd be in had he gone through with it.
[The prosecutor] asked the judge to hold Siggins on $1,000 bail, but Siggins lawyer, Mark Wester, argued that no crime was committed.Said the judge:
"I don't see probable cause here for attempting to commit armed robbery," said Wester. "There was no struggling. He was passed out. It may be bizarre behavior, but it doesn't rise to the level of these charges."
Greco ordered Siggins held on $500 bail. He is due back in court on Nov. 19 for a pretrial conference.Here's the source.
In the latest addition to things you can do "while intoxicated," comes this story, as reported by The Bee News (out of Western New York):
Patrol responded to the Clarence Inn Motel for a report of an intoxicated male who was sitting in the road in a recliner. The subject and his chair were removed from the roadway.Could this be the new "planking"? Nooooooo!
Hey lady, get a life. If you were so offended by what you thought this guy was doing, why did you follow him? For the children? As reported by tcpalm.com:
A 34-year-old woman told Port St. Lucie police she saw a man in his vehicle in a plaza on Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard. He was "making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch," a recently released police report states.
The woman didn't see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating. He started to circle the parking lot, and she began following him and called police.Get a hobby! Or is being a busy body your hobby? Or is it keeping the world safe from masturbators?
He noticed the woman looking at him and stopped.
Police spoke to the man, also 34, who explained "he got the urge to scratch his testicles," a report states.
"He raised his right short leg up and began to scratch himself because of a rash ... on his testicles," a report states.The proof is in the, um, er, uh ...
He asked whether he could show police the rash to prove he wasn't engaged in anything else.
He "presented" his testicles to an officer, who verified the rash.
Police determined the man, who has no criminal history, did not expose himself and found no proof that he was performing lewd acts in public.Think this one is making its way around the police precinct? Here's the source, which includes the police incident report.
As The Juice always says, if you don't like what you're looking at, look away! Per The Dutch Harbor Telegraph (Dutch Harbor, Alaska):
1312 - Assistance Rendered – Previously convicted assailant reported that since he returned to town, his victim has been giving him the stink-eye. An officer advised the assailant to simply avoid looking at the victim.No, not the stink-eye! Run!
Surely you will agree with The Juice that this food company has crossed the line. Fortunately, there's a watchdog group who is on it. As reported by redhotrussia.com:
The Prosecutor General’s Office received an official complaint from the public organization – “Russian People’s Council“. Its activists accused Wimm Bill Dann (food company specializing in dairy products) in promotion of homosexuality.
Reason: packages of milk and yogurt contain the image of rainbow, which according to the head of People’s Council is “the universal symbol of LGBT movement and therefore is the open propaganda of vice“.No! Not ... a ... rainbow!
Complaint was filed by the Saint-Petersburg section of the organization. It should be noted that in the beginning of this year Saint Petersburg passed the law banning propaganda of “sodomy, lesbianism, bisexuality or transgenderism among minors”. In its current draft the violation of this ban is punishable by fine.Word is the group is working on a super-secret device that will zap rainbows whenever they appear in nature ... Here's the source.
Sadly, this story is not about a U.S. politician. This gent hails from Bosnia. As reported by Reuters:
"Seven days after my campaign began, the whole planet is talking about me," Mirad Hadziahmetovic told Reuters. "I think I have had a super campaign and proved to be the best market expert in Bosnia."
The self-proclaimed "innovator" had been running as an independent candidate for mayor of Zenica, the fourth-largest city in Bosnia with a predominantly Muslim population, in the October 7 ballot.The innovative marketing?
The election commission removed him from the race last week over pornographic material accessible on his campaign web page.Porn!
After each question visitors to his web page posed about local election issues, they were allowed to proceed to links with pornographic content, which had to be removed after the commission's decision.
Hadziahmetovic appealed against what he said was a "shameful decision" to Bosnia's state court this week and voiced confidence that it would be overturned.Add "eternal optimist" to "market expert" and "innovator."
Unless he is re-instated as a candidate, he will file a suit to the Strasbourg-based European Court of Human Rights, he said.
In an open letter asking for support from Western ambassadors in Bosnia, Hadziahmetovic said he only wanted to turn Zenica into a Hollywood instead of a Tehran.
"I know boys and girls in my country want to make love freely, have fun and enjoy life. They all dream of Hollywood, not Tehran," he wrote, refering to Zenica's current mayor, who comes from a Bosnian Muslim party with post-war links to Iran.You'll find the source here.
It's not that unusual for someone to walk into a police station seeking information. The question that this gentleman asked, though, was quite unusual. As reported by The Beacon-News (Aurora, Illinois):
An Aurora man who has been convicted of at least 14 crimes and traffic violations over the past 11 years was being held Tuesday in the DuPage County Jail after going to the Lisle police station to ask whether there were any warrants out for his arrest.
Dustin A. Nelson, 28, of the 400 block of South Fourth Street, was being held on $24,000 bail, Lisle Police Watch Cmdr. Ron Wilke said.What what what? [Turn volume on - Funnier for South Park.]
Nelson went to the police station on Monday “to inquire if there were any active arrest warrants for him,” Wilke said Tuesday in a release. He was told two warrants had been issued stemming from an incident the night of Sept. 3 in the 4400 block of Blackhawk Lane in Lisle, Wilke said.
The warrants were for assault, failure to report striking an unattended vehicle, improper backing and disorderly conduct.He's not exactly a hardened criminal, though he has developed a body of work...
DuPage County court records show that since 2001, Nelson has been convicted of at least 14 crimes and traffic offenses. He served jail sentences in October 2002, March 2005 and May 2006, after being found guilty of shoplifting in Naperville, Elmhurst and Villa Park, respectively, court records indicate.Here's the source.
Sure, the "is that a ... in your pants" is not a not totally uncommon theme. Still, a loris? As reported by the BBC:
Two of the men were found with slender lorises concealed in pouches in their briefs, a customs official at Indira Gandhi International Airport told the BBC.Yes, they had lorises in their underwear! How were these clever gents caught?
The animals were uncovered when security guards noticed a bulge in their underwear during a frisk.You can read more (a fair amount) here.
So maybe it's not 100% certain that he was drinking with the monkeys, but he let them out of their cages, he was drunk, and ... as reported by The August Chronicle (Georgia):
According to a GHSU Police Bureau incident report, a co-worker discovered Coley Mitchell, 32, partially unclothed in the Laboratory Animal Services technician locker room at the Sanders Research and Education Building about 10:30 p.m. Monday.Yikes!
Campus police said Mitchell, a Lab Animal Services technician, was highly intoxicated and sitting in a chair with his pants half-down.Partially clothed, highly intoxicated - what about the monkeys?
The spokeswoman said two monkeys were found outside their cages in the lab but were confined to the room. There is no indication the monkeys had been harmed.Whew.
Police said Mitchell became combative and uncooperative with officers while being escorted from the locker room.
He was booked into the Richmond County jail Monday on charges of public intoxication.
A spokeswoman said Mitchell was still employed by Georgia Health Sciences University on Friday.That'll probably change. Here's the source, including a mug shot.
You know the expression "throwing money out the window?" How about "money to burn?" Well, a man in Taiwan DID BOTH, and was arrested and "charged with public endangerment and destruction of currency," as reported by news.com.au.
The man tossed the bills [$1 million Taiwan ($30,000 US)] from a taxi in a crowded part of Taichung city on Sunday as people stopped to pick up the cash, Changhua police official Lin Shih-ming said.That's not all.
He is believed to have thrown heaps more money on an earlier road trip starting in the capital Taipei.And ...
The man also burned about T$400,000 and had two more sacks of cash ...Why? "He might have had a nervous condition, as his state of mind wasn't normal," Lin said. Indeed. And where did the money come from?
"... apparently [from] the proceeds of a property sale ..."Throwing any chance of a good tip right out the window [bah da bing], the taxi driver turned our monied friend over to the police.
Sure, neighbors have their disagreements. But check this out, as reported by nj.com:
An elderly man was arrested Monday night after a neighbor's fart allegedly drove him to threaten him with a gun, police said.
Daniel Collins, 72, had been involved in an ongoing dispute with the unidentified neighbor for some time, Det. Lt. Andrew McGurr told NJ.com.
The neighbor told officers that Collins pointed a revolver at him in the vestibule of their apartment building at 694 Cedar Lane at around 9:25 p.m.
Collins said he confronted the man after hearing him pass gas in front of his apartment door, but denied threatening him with a gun. He consented to a search, and officers recovered a .32 caliber revolver from his vehicle.Wait, you could hear it in your apartment? Yikes.
He was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats.Here's the source, including a mug shot of Mr. Collins.
If you want to vote for Eddie Gonzalez for Congress, you can't. But you can vote for VoteForEddie.com. As reported in The Miami Herald:
Unknown independent Eddie Gonzalez probably knew he'd get little money, no attention and have almost no shot against popular Republican incumbent Rep. Mario Diaz Balart.
So Gonzalez did the logical thing. He legally changed his name to “VoteForEddie.com.”Wait. You can do that?
Gonzalez.....er... VoteForEddie.com petitioned a Miami-Dade judge to have his new name on the ballot and, viola ...Here's the source.
If you find money along the side of the road, can you keep it? Maybe. It depends on where the money came from. In this, case, unfortunately for the finders, it's a "no." As reported by The South Bend Tribune:
The day after a Michigan City-area bank robbery, drivers apparently were stopping in Portage, Ind., and still finding money the holdup suspect allegedly threw from his car window along Interstate 94 during a police chase into Illinois.So what's the problem? Well ...
On Monday, authorities reminded people that their seemingly good fortune could land them in jail.Jail? Yikes!
"The bank has reported it as stolen, and it is bank property," LaPorte County police Chief of Detectives John Boyd said.
About 4 p.m. Saturday, a dispatcher received an anonymous call about drivers stopping on the shoulder and picking up cash at the 20-mile marker, police said.
The money belongs to the LaPorte Savings branch on Johnson Road, which was robbed about 2 p.m. Friday.And the bank robber?
The suspect, a 32-year-old man, was apprehended.Click here for the source.
Woman looking for hook up hooks up with man looking for same. But this was no ordinary hook-up, as reported by theprovince.com.
The 43-year-old man had met a woman four years his senior in a bar in the southern German city on Monday and she took him back to her apartment for sex, a police spokesman said in a statement.
"There they had sexual intercourse several times," the spokesman said.
"When the 47-year-old wanted even more, her partner said no."
The man then attempted to leave the apartment but the woman prevented him from escaping and demanded he sleep with her again.
The man then attempted to leave the apartment but the woman prevented him from escaping and demanded he sleep with her again.
"Because the 43-year-old saw no other alternative, he complied with the woman's wishes another few times so he could finally leave the apartment," the spokesman said.Doesn't life just suck? This poor, poor man. Finally, he took a stand.
"... when she continued to refuse and demanded even more sex from him, he fled to the balcony and alerted the police."What exactly do you yell in that situation?
The woman "then tried to talk the dispatched officers into similar activity but was unsuccessful."Is there a stronger word than "insatiable"?
She is now facing possible charges of sexual assault and illegal restraint.Yikes. Here's the source.
How does someone just up and lay claim to a street? When it's abandoned by the city, and reclaimed, but the documents are never filed in the land records, that's how. Unfortunately for Mullinville, Kansas, Mr. M.T. Liggett learned of this and took action. As reported by kwch.com:
Head north on Elm Street in Mullinville and you'll hit a road block--a series of them actually. It's not the city that has closed that stretch of road--it's M.T. Liggett. He says he owns it.
Liggett says the street is vacated property and therefore belongs to adjacent landowners including himself. Traffic can still pass through on the east side of the street--the side Liggett says his neighbor owns. The situation is not causing a traffic jam, but Mayor Andy Kimble says it's far from an ideal situation.
"It's a fifty to one hundred-year technicality that could have been taken care of quietly, but now we've got what we've got," Kimble says.Quietly? Good luck with that. Here's Mr. Liggett:
"I'll tell you what--if they want it back, they know where the court house is," Liggett says. "It's ten miles to the east!"Here's the backstory:
The mayor says that stretch of Elm is among three blocks of street the city abandoned back in 1908. A 1949 ordinance reopened the road, but Kimble says the change was never registered at the courthouse.
"It's been plowed when it snows, it's been grated when it's muddy, it's been mowed--all at city expense," Kimble says.
The mayor says that stretch of Elm has been treated like every other city street up until Liggett got wind of the descrepancy and put up the barricades.
The mayor says the city council will discuss solutions to this situation at its next meeting. He says he hopes to arrive at the friendliest solution possible.Hahahaha. Here's the source.
It would be misleading, though not totally false, to say this guy walked into a Florida Papa John's and stole pizza. Here's what happened, per wptv.com:
Polk County deputies say a man walked into Papa John's Pizza restaurant, put on a pizza costume, and then walked out of the Lakeland restaurant Sunday evening.You stole a pizza costume? The Juice is guessing you didn't know they have video cameras in the store.
Detectives say a white man, perhaps 18 years old, entered the restaurant with six others, wearing a white button-up shirt, dark pants and a dark tie. He put the costume on and left the store wearing it.
The costume is described as approximately six feet tall, and looks like a giant slice of pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives.
Video surveillance shows the images of the suspect and four persons of interest. They are described as three older white males with dark hair. One had a full beard. The fourth person of interest is described as a white female with dark hair.Here's the source, including a photo and a video (skip to around 2:35).
A tv? If you're wondering how this is possible, so is The Juice. As reported by WCCO (Minneapolis):
The officer then saw in plain view that King had a large item wrapped in plastic and stuffed down his pants. It was a 19-inch flat screen television. King also had other items in his pants, including a media player television remote, power cords, a bottle of brake fluid and two Xanax pills, a Schedule IV controlled substance.Shazam! You can read more, and see a photo of the perp here.
Yeah, firing a bottle rocket out of your butt is never a good idea. And it's even worse if it fails to launch! From the recently filed West Virginia case of Helmburg v. The Alpha Tau Omega Fraternity and Travis Hughes:
Defendant Hughes was highly intoxicated ... and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot a bottle rocket out of his anus on the ATO deck ...
Plaintiff and his girlfriend were also present on the ATO deck.
Defendant Hughes placed a bottle rocket in his anus, ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rock blew up in Defendant's rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.So, you might be wondering, what legal duties does the plaintiff allege were breached by ATO?
ATO owed plaintiff a duty ... to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant Hughes, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus.What about Mr. Hughes?
Defendant Hughes also owed plaintiff and others on the ATO deck a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.And here's a count for both defendants:
Plaintiff asserts that the activity of underage drinking and firing bottle rockets out of one's own anus constitutes an "ultra-hazardous" activity which exposes both of these defendants to strict liability.A painful night, all around.
