Legal Juice

What would you do for some nuggies? Definitely not what a California woman was willing to do, as reported by whptv.com.

Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles was seen opening customers’ car doors in the McDonald’s drive through at 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday, according to the Burbank Leader. Baseer was allegedly offering to swap sexual favors for the fast food item.

A witness reported her bizarre behavior to the authorities. Baseer was arrested on suspicion of prostitution.

Yikes. Here's the source.

So you're going out for a beer. What's the big deal if you order a cold one, and then step out to, say, rob a bank? As reported by wtsp.com:

[Pasco County, Florida] Deputies say they got a call around 1:42 Thursday afternoon of a man robbing the Wells Fargo Bank located at 8994 State Road 52. About 10 minutes later, they encountered a man who fit the robber's description a few doors down at the Hayloft Bar.

No, it can't be him. Or could it?

A bartender told deputies the man ordered a beer, disappeared for about 30 minutes, and then returned to his drink.

Think he ordered a Duff beer? Doh!

Deputies arrested 52-year-old John Robin Whittle on one count of robbery.

Here's the source, including a photo.

It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night ... as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) ...

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two 'Star Wars' light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here's the source, including a photo.

It's not hyberbole to say that this is almost certainly the strangest ticket ever issued. The offense? As reported by Al-Anba Daily:

In the first incident of its kind, a traffic policeman [in Kuwait City] issued a citation against an Arab motorist for having bad breath. 
A police source said it is a very strange incident and problematic too because the penalty is not known. “Will the motorist be fined; if so, how much will he have to pay and if his car is impounded, how long will it be in the police garage?” he asked. 
Incidentally, it is also mentioned on the citation that the motorist admitted that his mouth smells.

Surely she didn't mean she literally had a gun there... But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here's what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!" [expletive reinserted]

As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn't the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my ...

Many, many parents with teenage sons (or younger!) cringe at the mere mention of "COD" or "Call of Duty." Cringe turns to dread when a new version is introduced. For the record, it should be noted that COD isn't just a kid thing. As proof, The Juice offers you Exhibit A, as reported by The Aurora Sentinel (Colorado):

Instead of breath-taking violence and graphics, a Denver man hoping to snag the new, coveted video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” scored only an old-fashioned paper summons.

Police say Lomorin Sar, 31, became irate, threatened to shoot employees at an Aurora Best Buy and blow up the store because they didn’t have a copy of the ballyhooed game he said he pre-ordered.

Snap! (or "snapped.")

Sar was charged with disorderly conduct after the incident Monday night at the store near Tower Road and Interstate 70.

Witnesses told police Sar asked employees when they were leaving work because he planned to shoot them in the parking lot as they left. Police say he also threatened to blow up the store.

A store manager called police and officers stopped Sar in his SUV and issued him a citation.

“Investigating officers issued a criminal summons to a man who threatened to carry out his own version of Modern Warfare at the electronics store. Fortunately, this situation did not end in violence,” said Aurora police spokesman Detective Bob Friel.

Yikes. Here's the source.

If you're a dog person, and your dog is sick, you're going to be upset. But what if the vet tells you that your dog is fine? This story from The Hamilton Spectator (Ontario) illustrates that sometimes, hell oftentimes, things don't make sense.

Police say the two downtown Hamilton residents took their dog to the vet’s office on Highway 8 in Greensville just after 6 p.m. and – although he and his assistant were closing up and leaving for the night – the vet agreed to open up and examine a growth on the dog’s body.

No good deed goes unpunished ...

When he returned from the examination room a few minutes later and told the couple the growth was nothing to worry about ...

They were ecstatic, right? Nope.

... the woman became very angry and pulled a large knife from her backpack and menaced the doctor and the assistant.

When the assistant tried to call 911, the woman slashed the phone cord with the knife. The man with her then armed himself with a hammer from the backpack but did not raise it in a threat.

WTF is wrong with you people?

Sergeant Terri-Lynn Collings said a cleaner who was in another part of the building heard the commotion and called police.

Admit it. This is getting exciting.

While the cleaner was calling, the vet got between the woman and his assistant, allowing his staff member to scoot out of the room to safety. The doctor then ran out the front door to a neighbour’s home and called 911.

Well done sir. And the perps?

The man and the woman and their dog ran from the office as police began to swarm into the area.

The pair were caught hiding in a nearby yard as the woman was trying to call a cab.

The charges?

The woman, who is 21, from Hamilton, is charged with two counts of assault with a weapon, possession of a dangerous weapon and mischief.

The man, who is 41 and also from Hamilton, is charged with possession of a dangerous weapon.

Crazy. Here's the source.

Do you think you would wake up while someone was setting your pants on fire? This gent didn't. As reported by nj.com:

A 47-year-old Trenton man suffered burns to his leg when his pants were set on fire last night after he fell asleep on the front porch of his home, police said.

The man awoke around 9 p.m. on the 1200 block of East State Street to find his pant leg on fire, police said.

Is The Juice the only one who thinks this guy was shitfaced?

The man was taken to the hospital and treated for second-degree burns to his calf.

The man told police no one was in the area when he awoke and no suspects have been identified. The case remains under investigation.

Here's the source.

As a personal injury lawyer himself, The Juice has heard many stories about behavior before, during and after car accidents.
This one, though, takes the cake. As reported by The Union Leader (New Hampshire):

Jared D. Hooper, 21, of 26 Partridge Lane, was arrested after police responded to the area of Garden and Westville roads around 6:30 p.m. to investigate the accident involving Hooper and another vehicle.

Arrested for what was described as a "minor" car accident? Hmm.

Deputy Police Chief Kathleen Jones said Hooper struck the other vehicle and then got out of his car and ran over to yell at the female driver.

Not cool, but ... wait for it ...

“He started smashing on the window and was yelling at her. Then he stopped and took off all of his clothing,” Jones said.

Bam!

“When officers got there he was standing there naked. He was still screaming. He had absolutely nothing on. This was definitely an unusual occurrence” said Jones...

As for the obvious question ...

Contacted at his home Wednesday night, Hooper said he couldn’t comment on the accident or the reasons why he took off his clothes.

“Unfortunately I can’t respond to questions. I have nothing to say,” he said.

The crime?

Hooper was charged with driving while intoxicated, and with disorderly conduct, lewd behavior and criminal threatening.

Here's the source, which includes a photo of Mr. Hooper.

Maybe, maybe when the police find a body, they miss a small stab wound. But, and this a big "but," what if the knife is still in the body? Could they miss it? Yup. As reported in The Medway Messenger:

Police failed to spot a dead pensioner had been murdered - until undertakers found a knife in his back, an inquest heard.

Officers were called to the home of Antoine Denis, in New Road, Chatham, after neighbours raised the alarm.

The 66-year-old was pronounced dead by a police nurse when he was found slumped on his bedroom floor.

But an inquest was told the weapon and a stab wound were only found by undertakers as they prepared to move his body on January 9.

DC [Detective Constable] Linda Robb told coroner Roger Sykes the knife was missed because it was dark in the flat and Mr Denis was lying on his back.

What, you expected the police officer to turn the body over? Don't be ridiculous.

Recording a verdict of unlawful killing, Mr Sykes said Mr Denis had died from a single stab wound, which penetrated his lung due to "the unlawful act of a person whose identity has not yet been established".

The perp? Still at large.

Kim Albone, of Luton Road, Chatham, was charged with murder on January 21, but was later released after a decision by the Crown Prosecution Service. Officers are still hunting Mr Denis' killer.

Here's the source.

This is just gross - really, really gross. A guy broke into two separate cars and, well, you'll have to hear it from The Star-Ledger (via nj.com):

Twice in one night, a burglar entered cars in Carteret, ransacked the vehicles and then defecated inside, according to police.

How would you like to be the police officer who catches this case? "Yeah, we'll need some of that for DNA testing."

On Tuesday night, an intruder entered a 2005 Chrysler Pacifica parked on Park Avenue, grabbed a GPS unit, and before leaving, relieved himself on the backseat, police said.

The same night somebody entered a 2007 Toyota Camry parked on George Street. Nothing was taken, but the burglar also relieved himself on the rear seat, authorities said.

Not cool, dude. Not cool. (It reminds The Juice of a certain Seinfeld episode.)

Technically it's a burglary, since the home was broken into, and something was stolen. But really, jellybeans? And nothing else? As reported by the Erie Times News:

Police said the burglar broke the window in the front door of a home in the 12000 block of East Lake Road in North East Township sometime between 7 and 11:59 p.m. on April 24. Once inside, the burglar took some jellybeans sitting on the dining room table and left.

Police said no other property inside the home was missing or moved.

Nutty. Here's the source. (In the same vein, check out this post.)

Remember, this guy was allegedly drunk. So what kind of DUI was it? Per the Beaver County Times (Pennsylvania):

An Ohioville police report said a 911 call came in at 1:40 p.m. Thursday for an “out-of-control male” in the 6000 block of Tuscawaras Road.

Hmm. Seems pretty average so far.

On the way to the location, the officer spotted Mark Grove, 44, of 146 Valleyview Drive driving a lawn tractor down the middle of the road, the report said.

Go on ...

Grove smelled of alcohol, was slurring his words and was nearly unintelligible, the report said. There was also a coffee mug sitting on the tractor that was leaking beer, the report said. Grove told the officer, “I’m drunk. Just take me home,” the report said.

"Oh sure. No problem. What's your address?" Um. No.

Once in the patrol car, Grove tried to kick out the window of the car and then kicked the officer three times, the report said. Grove then threatened to “tear up the hospital” and head-butted the partition between the front and rear seats of the patrol car, the report said.

Now you're really not getting that ride home.

At the hospital, Grove refused to take a blood-alcohol test or sign any forms, the report said. Once back at the police station, Grove attempted to escape from police custody and damaged a bench and the floor of the station, the report said.

As Mr. Sulu would say "oh my."

Grove is charged with drunken driving, aggravated assault, criminal mischief, institutional vandalism, resisting arrest, escape, disorderly conduct, driving under suspension, habitual offender for driving under suspension and disregard for traffic lanes.

Here's the source.

Your home is your castle, right? And your garage too? Not always, as this Florida man found out. As reported by tcpalm.com:

Port St. Lucie police on Sunday went to Francisco Rojas' home after his wife told 911 dispatchers her 49-year-old husband was "drunk and in the garage trying to pull his tooth out with a pair of pliers, and she needs the police to respond."

Yeow!

Three officers made contact with Rojas. "We observed him attempting to extract his tooth and there was vomit on the floor from his attempts," an affidavit states.

Rojas' wife lifted the garage door at an officer's request to dispel the barf smell.

Asked what was troubling him, Rojas started cursing and was asked to calm down. "This is my [fucking] house, I can say and do whatever the [fuck] I want," an affidavit states. "I'm [fucking] drunk and you can't do nothing about it." [expletives reinserted] 

Another officer asked Rojas to calm down, but he's accused of more yelling and cursing that "affected the public decency as well as the peace and quiet of the children playing in the neighborhood."

Rojas, of the 1000 block of Southwest Firestone Avenue in Port St. Lucie, was arrested on a breach of peace charge.

Breach of peace? Wasn't the guy quietly trying to pull out his tooth (and puking) before the police came and stirred things up? Ay ay ay. Here's the source, including the charging papers.
 
 

Nobody can argue that times are not tough. Some people might argue, though, that this is not the best way to go about getting money. As reported by wesh.com:

It’s not normally a problem when a disrobed woman asks customers for money at a strip club. But it is when the woman doesn’t work there.

Deputies said that’s exactly what happened Tuesday night at the Baby Dolls strip club in Pinellas County.

Deputies arrested Natalie Marie Behnke, 25.

Yikes. You can read more, and see her photo here.

If everyone just went about their business, we'd all be better off. But the cops would sure be bored. No worries about being bored for some cops in Indiana, as reported by The Chicago Tribune:

The still-unidentified man was discovered wandering along the [Interstate 65] just south of U.S. Highway 30 at about 2:30 p.m. "marching like a drum major" while holding the 35-inch [samurai] sword, state police said in a news release.

The shirtless man moved the sword rhythmically like a baton until Master Trooper Rick Hudson approached, officials said. The man swung defensively at Hudson, but dropped the sword when Hudson ordered him to, authorities said.

So far, so good ...

Authorities said the suspect then tried to get into the 2010 Chevrolet SUV until he was ordered to the ground at gunpoint and Merrillville police took him into custody.

Nice job, pal. Just got yourself some more charges.

Once in custody, the man gave authorities different names and addresses, but told Lake County Jail officials that he was “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”

The charges?

Though his identity hadn't been verified, authorities charged the man with attempted car jacking, resisting law enforcement and possession of marijuana.

You'll find the source here.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has had a haircut they have been unhappy with. But, unlike with virtually every other problem, this one actually does go away with time. A man in Norway couldn't wait. So, as reported at newsenglish.no:

A man in Drammen was so unhappy with his new haircut that he called police, demanding assistance because he didn’t want to leave the hair salon.

News bureau NTB reported that according to the Søndre Buskerud Police District’s logs, the man claimed that the hairdresser had done such a bad job that he couldn’t go outside without a cap. He apparently didn’t have one.

He also had complained about the result of his haircut to the salon’s proprietor, but was told it was too late to do anything about it.

If only the owner had told him he could take care of it ... and then shaved him bald!

The police receiving his call for help told him they had many duties in the course of a day, and responded to many calls, but his would not be one of them.

Here's the source.

It's not uncommon for people to try to shoplift by putting items down their pants. But an entire rack of ribs? Twice? Truth, as reported by The Sentinel (Pennsylvania).

After going three months without getting in trouble, a Carlisle man was back in police custody Sunday afternoon after trying to steal a rack or ribs by sticking them in his pants.

Carlisle police said Donald Noone, 65, attempted to pull the same stunt on May 22 at the Giant on South Spring Garden Street.

This next bit will shock you.

Both times, Noone was found to be "highly intoxicated" when he tried to steal the meat, police said.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

There's probably a perfectly logical explanation for this man's behavior. Or not. As reported by The Gainesville Sun:

A man wearing a long sleeved shirt and nothing else while carrying a mop and bucket Wednesday was arrested for exposing himself.

The man told police he was trying to water plants and check the electrical meters.

Now it all makes sense?

Witnesses called the Gainesville Police Department after they spotted the man walking around outside his apartment building without his pants but with the mop and bucket.

One witness told police that the man began to chase her and her 11-year-old child, and then told the woman, “If you can get the mop to work right, I will cook you a steak dinner.”

Following his arrest for indecent exposure, the man told Officer Christopher King that in addition to watering plants, he had been checking electrical meters for himself and his neighbors.

Say what? Here's the source.

Yes, honesty is the best policy. Perhaps this gent will reap some good karma from his courtroom candor. Per The Florida Sun Sentinel:

In federal court on Thursday to answer to charges that he guarded an Oakland Park brothel, [Willie David Rice] gave this response when the judge asked about his line of work: "Criminal."

Shazam!

After an awkward pause, Rice, 45, explained he's never had legitimate employment. He was one of three people arrested in May during a raid on the Boom Boom Room, a bordello with underage girls.

U.S. District Judge William Dimitrouleas said in the 22 years he's been on the bench and asked about employment, "it's the first time I've heard that answer."

And likely the last. It probably won't surprise you that Willie "The Truth" Rice pleaded guilty (to possessing a firearm by a convicted felon). He could get 10 years in the big house. Here's the source, including a photo of The Truth.