Squeezed on:

thief%20coat%20elementary%20school%20sneaky.gif Oregon elementary school teacher Elizabeth Lucinda Logan picked the wrong way to supplement her income. She stole a student’s coat and sold it on eBay! As reported in the Hillsboro Argus, Judge Marco Hernandez called her behavior “bizarre.”

He said it didn’t make sense that someone of her intelligence would testify she immediately tried to get the coat back from the online auction site when she found out the coat might belong to a third-grade girl.

“As if it was lost in cyberspace somewhere,” Hernandez said. “A teacher with a master’s degree and 20 year’s experience doesn’t do that. She says ‘let’s go find the owner now and return it.’

“Your concern wasn’t to return the coat to the correct owner, but to protect your record on eBay.”

So a jury found her guilty. The sentence?

Judge Marco Hernandez ordered Elizabeth Lucinda Logan, 42, to perform 150 hours of community service over the next six months and serve 18 months of probation. She must also pay a little over $1,300 in court costs, fines and restitution. She is not to use online auctions during the probation period.

No eBay? That is cold. But wait! Logan’s lawyer may request a new trial based on jury misconduct. Really.

Squeezed on:

bite%20biting%20funny%20fish%20teeth.gif
Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that’s probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his … What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

According to a sheriff’s office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.

What did she say happened?

Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

“She then bit it to get him away from her,” the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

Who do you believe? Regardless, she was arrested for misdemeanor battery after “… the deputy saw the injury, [and] photographed it …” Yow!

Squeezed on:

passed%20out.jpg
This is eerily similar to a recent Juice post, though with a much less compelling rationale, and no bags of poop. How would you like to return to your home on a Sunday morning and find some dude passed out on your couch? In his underwear? Having raided your refrigerator? A couple in Pierson, Florida was not too pleased. So they woke the dude up, and he went right back to sleep! When a cop came – he still couldn’t get the dude up! Two more cops came and took him to jail, where he is being held on $5,000 bail.

Squeezed on:

chinese%20flag%20china.gif

Sure, there are more than 1,338,000,000 people in China, but we’re still talking about a boatload of corruption. As reported by crienglish.com:

Chinese disciplinary organs have punished 881,000 officials for misconduct from July 2003 to December 2008, the Communist Party of China (CPC) Central Commission for Discipline Inspection (CCDI) said on Wednesday.

I’m wondering how many people they needed to investigate the “852,000 cases of corruption, commercial bribes, and other discipline or law-breaking activities” that were involved. Were crimes committed?

… 24,718 of them had been transferred to judicial organs to wait for criminal charges …

No doubt these folks will be thinking about Zheng Xiaoyu. …

… former food and drug administration head Zheng Xiaoyu … Zheng was executed in 2007 for taking 6.49 million yuan (about 889,000 U.S. dollars) in bribes, and for dereliction of duty.

So he wasn’t a public official, but can you imagine what would happen to a Chinese Madoff? Here’s the story.

Squeezed on:

Dog%20teeth%20biting%20bite%20mad.jpg

The police dog did a good job subduing the suspect, biting him on the arms and legs. But then he forgot who he was working for. Per The Daily Telegraph:

Police and the dog squad were called to a home on The Causeway just before 2.30am after receiving reports of a man hiding in a garage.

During a struggle, one of the police dogs set upon the man and bit him on the arms and legs.

Good boy! Good …

A female officer was bitten on the thigh, while the male officer suffered a leg bite and calf dash.

Yow! Here’s The Daily Telegraph article.

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

double%20eagle%20doubleeagle%201933%20gold%20coin%2020%20twenty%20dollars.jpg

Check out the new $20 coin! What do you mean there is no new $20 coin? But that guy said … Per The Patriot News:

State police are looking for a man who passed a fake $20 coin at an ice cream parlor in Williams Township, Dauphin County. Police said the man, described as white, short and stocky, with black curly hair, used the coin Friday evening to purchase ice cream at Willow Tree Ice Cream. After the suspect convinced the owner of the shop the coin was a new issue that was just entering circulation, the owner gave the man change.

Police said the man left in a teal Dodge Caravan registered to Mervin M. Horst of Newmanstown, Pa. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Horst is asked to contact state police at Lykens at 717-362-8700.

Damn you Mervin! (or “Damn you man driving Mervin’s car!”) The store owner would have been thrilled had he received the coin pictured above, which is a 1933 GOLD $20 coin (a double eagle), and was last minted in 1933.

Squeezed on:

angry%20old%20lady.jpg

So this 78-year-old woman thinks her 84-year-old husband had an affair 35 years ago. What did she do? As reported by The Daily Herald:

The woman allegedly told police she pushed her husband down and hit him with a bowl and a metal pipe. Investigators recovered the woman’s diary in which she allegedly wrote, “I beat him again.” The diary described how she hit her husband with a carpet sweeper and went after him with a knife. The diary entry also stated that “I told him it would be worth going to jail just to watch him bleed to death,” [Snohomish County deputy prosecutor Valerie] Shapiro wrote.

A witness told police the woman admitted that she had kicked her husband three times in the groin over the last six months because she believed he’d had an affair 35 years ago, according to court documents.

Damn! His injuries?

The man suffered several broken ribs, a shattered pelvis and a fractured wrist, … Shapiro wrote in court documents.

The woman was charged with assault and remains in jail on $70,000 bond. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

teacher%20mad%20bad%20mood%20angry%20upset%20pissed%20off.jpg

The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: “Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night.” For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he’s in jail. Here’s an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr. Colpaert:

“I’m wondering why you’re still teaching if you’re in jail? I’m not in jail. I’m bringing lunch for my friends. No, you’re going back to your work release position. How can you be a role model for your students? Are you familiar with what’s going on at all with the case? Why don’t you tell us? I don’t really feel like explaining it. The court’s done a pretty good job of that.”

Alrighty then.

According to court records, the secretary says Colpaert started harassing her husband with phone calls and text messages after she decided to patch up her marriage.

During a hearing to obtain personal protection orders against Colpaert – the secretary and her husband submitted several of Colpaert’s email messages to Macomb County Judge Ed Servitto.

In one from October – Colpaert writes to another school co-worker about what he was allegedly planning to do at a party that the secretary was going to attend with her husband. One message states: “me and some of my friends will be waiting outside.” and “the s**t is definitely gonna hit the fan.” In another message Colpaert allegedly told the party hostess “I cant [sic] and WILL NOT promise that nothing will go down at your house.”

As for the text messages that Colpaert allegedly sent to the secretary’s husband – they’re so obscene we can not describe them on television.

Damn it! The Juice is not fond of censorship. Anyway, here’s how Mr. Colpaert ended up in jail:

When the judge granted the PPOs for the school secretary and her husband, according to the hearing transcript, he had some strong words for the teacher. Judge Servitto said “I can’t believe you’re an educator.” He also told Colpaert: “I don’t know that you should be a teacher. I don’t know. It just amazes me”

What’s truly amazing is that Donald Colpaert violated the PPO within minutes of leaving Servitto’s courtroom.

According to police reports, in the court hallway– Colpaert told the secretary’s husband, “we could have settled this man to man, it’s on now, it’s on.”

After those comments – a judge sent Colpaert to jail for 30 days for violating the PPO.

So it’s definitely “on,” with the “it” being the pokey, not an asskicking. How does tenure fit into the equation?

The Van Dyke Public School District did suspend Donald Colpaert for 3 days without pay for violating a directive they had given him to stop contacting the secretary. An attorney for the district tells Action News at this point, that’s the highest level of punishment that can be leveled against a tenured teacher.

Time to take a long, hard look at those tenure provisions.

Squeezed on:

WIND%20UP%20TOY%20TEETH.jpg

It can’t feel good to be dumped. (Like The Juice would know?) But surely it must be better than having your penis nearly bitten off? The question could be posed to a 56-year-old Belgian man who has some serious teeth marks on his … Per The West Australian:

A Thai woman bit her Belgian boyfriend’s penis out of jealousy during sex, but doctors managed to save the nearly-severed organ, police and reports said today.

“We still don’t know the identity of the suspect or whether he wants her to be prosecuted,” police Lieutenant Colonel Norwich Chulavanich said.

Local media reported that the pair quarrelled after she learned the Belgian man was having an affair with another Thai woman.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

old%20faithful.jpg

There might be a webcam on you … right now. There’s definitely one on Old Faithful at Yellowstone National Park, as 6 trespassers found out. Some folks watching it online saw them leave the boardwalk, and saw 2 of them urinate on Old Faithful! They called park rangers, and the suspects were rounded up, as reported by redgreenandblue.org. (Click on the link for the webcam photos.) What happened to them? Per the AP,

Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers [at the Old Faithful Inn] have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser.

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years.

The second employee’s case is pending.

The geyser was not erupting at the time.

If it was, that likely would have been punishment enough …

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated: