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kauai%20legal%20juice%20birds%20of%20paradise.jpg Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It’s definitely the coolest place I’ve ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can’t bring the patient’s horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

“On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital],” [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. “We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse.”

legal%20juice%20coral.jpg Ma’am, I want to live on your island! Yes, we understand. Oh – one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative – he brought the wrong horse!

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Yes indeed. Washington [state] resident Roy “Billy” Day did not appreciate being dumped. So he camped out (literally) in his ex-girlfriend’s attic. (He had a sleeping bag and a fan up there!) He then cut a hole in the ceiling, jumped down and assaulted his ex and her daughter. He hit his ex more than 20 times.And he punched her daughter too. Mr. Day is being held on $500,00 bail. Click here to read the entire story.

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Is it just me, or does “Friday” evoke positive thoughts for you too? For most folks, it’s the end of the work week, and the beginning of the weekend. Well sir, an Italian court took a different view of “Friday.” As reported by the BBC News:

Italy’s top court has banned a couple from naming their son Venerdi (Friday), saying such a “ridiculous” name could expose the boy to mockery.

That’s not all, though.

The judges also ordered that the boy be renamed Gregorio – after the saint’s day on which he was born.

What the hell is going on in Italy? Do you think the parent should appeal? This was the appeal!

The Cassation Court upheld earlier rulings by lower courts that Friday was too reminiscent of the name of Robinson Crusoe’s native servant in the classic shipwreck novel.

And what’s up with my Italian brethren?

Gian Ettore Gassani of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers backed the ruling.

Non mi piace. Here’s the source.

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Minnesota man Scott Wagar had enough. His house had been getting hit for 7 years. Per wcco.com:

Wagar never used to have a problem with homecoming traditions, until he became one. Years ago he caught a group of Willmar High School students trying to cover his house in toilet paper and he made them clean it up. Since then, the pranksters have been coming back for more.

“They come with ketchup, and peanut butter, and eggs and toilet paper,” said Wagar.

So Mr. Wagar decided to fight back.

This year, Wagar borrowed a pair of night vision goggles from his son and waited outside. It wasn’t long before he saw a group of about 20 kids approaching his house from the east, through a soybean field. He confronted them and asked them to leave. They refused and began throwing eggs at him. That’s when Scott unleashed his secret weapon.

“I figured that fox urine against eggs was probably equal force, and so I should be okay,” said Wagar.

Using a Super Soaker squirt gun, Wagar sprayed the teens with fox urine. One teen grabbed him around the neck, and when he wouldn’t let go, Wagar bent his finger back.

Question: Where do you get fox urine, let alone enough to fill a Super Soaker? Regardless, though sentiment in town seems to be on Mr. Wagar’s side, he was charged with 5th degree assault for spraying the little miscreants, who have not yet been charged.

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Yes, “right to dry,” not “right to die,” though some people may jump off their condo balconies if, heaven forfend, Project Laundry List, and some New England legislators get their wish. What do they want? Per The Boston Globe:

If successful, the measures in Vermont and Connecticut would be the first in New England, and among the first in the country, to protect the age-old custom of air-drying laundry. (The proposal in New Hampshire died in committee, but proponents say they plan to try again next session.)

And why is this a good idea?

“People think it’s silly, but what’s silly is to worry so much about having to look at your neighbors’ undies that you would prevent them from conserving energy,” said Vermont state Senator Dick McCormack, a sponsor of “right to dry” legislation. “We’re not making a big deal over clotheslines; we’re making a big deal over global warming.”

Sign me up. This I why I will NEVER live in a condominium, or anywhere with a homeowner’s association. Too many friggin’ rules. Here is the Rulies [my word – somebody please add to Urban Dictionary and Wikipedia – props to me] argument:

“If you imagine driving into a community where the yards have clothes hanging all over the place, I think the aesthetics, the curb appeal, and probably the home values would be affected by that, because you can’t let one homeowner do it and say no to the next,” said Frank Rathbun, a spokesman for the Community Associations Institute, a national group based in Virginia that represents thousands of homeowner and condominium associations, many of which restrict clotheslines.

Mercy! Here’s to line-drying.

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f-bomb%20fuck%20bomb.jpg… walked right out of the courthouse, a free man. This is the same man who is being investigated for e-mailing death threats to [former] President Bush. Michael Dahlquist was in court in New York regarding some threatening letters he sent a woman in 2004. He had pleaded guilty, and served some time, but was in court for violating his probation.

So Judge David Howard had been talking for less than a minute, when, as reported in the Rutland Herald, Mr. Dahlquist interrupted him:

“And the numerous occasions where the court has repeatedly violated my constitutional rights,” Dahlquist said.

When Judge Howard warned him that he could be tossed, let’s just say Mr. Dahlquist did not take heed:

Go fuck yourself, you piece of shit. You’re obligated by law to uphold my legal rights. Fuck you.

And then Judge Howard tossed him from the courtroom.

“While he is obviously very angry at times and believes the court is holding him illegally, that does not prove psychosis. Since two judges have disagreed about his condition and the need for hospitalization and several psychiatrists disagree as to his conditions and needs, it is hard to hold as delusional that the defendant is upset and feels he should be released,” Howard wrote.

Judge Howard then determined that Mr. Dahlquist had served all his time. So he left the courthouse a free man.

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Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news.com.au:

Her husband first noticed glass in a roll when he bit into it and chipped a filling on his tooth.

Er, uh, sorry.

A week later he noticed what looked like rock salt on some biscuits.

… he realised it was glass and again found glass in his sandwich the next day.

Wife makes lunch. Glass in lunch. What to do.

He started keeping his lunches in a freezer in his garage and eventually went to the police after discovering a container of crushed glass in the pantry.

AFT, dude. Did she own up to it? Yup.

[Ms. Quessy] admitted putting fragments of a smashed light globe in her husband’s packed lunch five or six times in October and November last year.

Ouchee!

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His penis! And the tattoo says “Hot Rod.” That HAD to hurt! The patient was undergoing surgery, and was sedated when the surgeon took the photo. Seems the doc showed it around (so he’s not a brain surgeon – ba-da-bing), and someone made an anonymous call to the press. Snap!

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Holy Shit! No, actually, the name of the Canadian band is “Holy Fuck.” The band, featured on this month’s cover of the magazine “Exclaim,” was told by the venue Coachella that their gig was canceled because of their name.

Funny thing though. Holy Fuck played there before! And remember, Canada has much more relaxed laws and attitudes about “bad words” than the U.S. The Toronto band Fucked Up performed live on MTV Canada, although they were introduced as “Effed Up.” According to the MTV Live producer, you can’t even say “effed” on MTV in the U.S. Some other groups making the rounds: Total Fucking Destruction (their CD is available in Wal-Mart, really), Fucked Up, Fuck the Facts, Fuck, and Fucking Wrath.

In response to an Associated Press poll which found that 67 percent of the respondents were bothered “a lot” by hearing swear words, Fucking Wrath drummer John Cerar replied:

“Who cares? We’re a metal band. If someone has a problem with it, fuck it.”

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Hey, I’m all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt, if it’s a close call, and there’s no history. You make the call on this one. Per the Palm Beach Post:

The Judicial Qualifications Commission filed formal charges against [Palm Beach County Circuit Court Judge Howard] Berman in December 2000. Three women – two probation officers and a former public defender – accused him of groping, inquiring about their underwear and asking for sex. He threatened to “bury” one if she told. Three additional women stepped forward with similar stories.

Laura Johnson, now a county court judge, reported that when she and Berman were prosecutors, he invited her to his home to help with some cases. Johnson told investigators Berman disappeared into his bedroom, then returned carrying cocktails – and wearing only a maid’s apron.

Wow. So what did Judge Berman do? He stepped down three days before the judicial commission hearing.

Fast forward a few years. In 2005, Berman was hired as an assistant state attorney, where he was apparently doing okay, until recently. According to recently released personnel records,

Berman … was suspended without pay for 10 days after asking a secretary, “Wanna be naughty?”

Mr. Berman’s defense?

In his written response to the allegations, he said he was merely admiring the woman’s engagement ring and said, “It’s not too gaudy.”

So was it “gaudy” or “naughty?” Not a tough call. So on top of the 10-day suspension,

Berman was ordered to avoid contact with the woman, who was not identified. He was further warned that if any similar complaints were lodged, he would be fired, according to the disciplinary report signed by Chief Assistant State Attorney Paul Zacks.

Here’s hoping the maid’s apron doesn’t make another surprise appearance.

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