This one is bizarre, even to the Juice. Shaun Michael Burke has been charged with seriously beating a woman with a rubber dildo (wrapped in duct tape) while he robbed her house. The police also suspect that her dog bit Mr. Burke – for the last time. He has also been charged with killing the dog by duct-taping it to a tree (causing asphyxiation). Mr. Burke is in deep shit if the blood in the dogs mouth turns out to be his. (The attacker was wearing a leather mask.) Click here to read the full story in the Daily Mercury.
Maybe you wouldn’t be so impressed if I told you that Elizabeth Okazaki pretended to be a student for 4 months at UCLA, even obtaining a BruinCard that allowed her to use the recreational facilities (where she stored some of her stuff!) and the libraries. She just got busted, and booted. But her prior stint?
She posed as a physics graduate student at Stanford University for four years! Apparently Stanford is a real destination for fake students. They recently discovered that a woman who lived in a dorm and attended classes for a year was a fake student! Crazy.
Kathleen Jennings, age 19, is getting hosed. This young lady is no reprobate. She is a Cub Scout leader who works with disabled children! And she is an A student, and is studying math at Manchester University. She’s never been in any trouble before. She is now, and here’s why: While riding the train, she put the tips of her flip-flops on the unoccupied seat in front of her. Said the big bad railway man: “Are you comfortable?” She immediately put her feet down. Not good enough.
Ms. Jennings was charged with “wilfully interfering with the comfort or convenience” of other rail passengers. Actually, I’d say that’s what the railway man did. Just to reinforce the kind of young lady we’re talking about, this was her reaction upon being charged:
I was crying my eyes out. I am not the sort of person who would do anything wrong. I have never been in trouble before and, working with children, I do not want a criminal record.
She will have to pay an attorney, and could face a fine of up to £150 ($218 US). Brilliant!
And Ms. Jennings is not alone. Since the “no feet on the seats” policy was implemented in February 2007, the company operating the trains, Merseyrail, has taken about 250 people to court! Mercy! If you want to read about another scofflaw who was busted under this 120-year-old rule, click here.
In Italy, you can be a part-time Judge and a practicing attorney. So there were these identical twins, one of whom was a part-time Judge and a lawyer. The other sister had finished law school, but was not a practicing attorney, or so everyone thought.
Seems the Judge (Gabriela Odisio) was double-booked, and asked her sister to stand in for her! And it worked the other way too, with Patrizia sitting as a Judge for her sister. It worked for 3 years! How did they get busted? Slip of the lip. A client overheard them talking about it!
When the moment comes, I think it’s safe to say that most of us would prefer not to be in a public place, especially a fast food restaurant. The moment came for Henry Chai in a Wendy’s Restaurant in Montgomery County, Ohio. Now, as fast food goes, I like Wendy’s. I don’t want to believe that little Wendy, with those cute red braids, would allow this to occur. And remember, these were just allegations.
There was no toilet paper! Mr. Chai had to use his handkerchief! When the nightmare ended, Mr. Chai did what I think most of us would – he sued Wendy’s, seeking
$2.00 for the loss of a handkerchief, $5,000 ‘for the unreasonable risk to his health,’ $2500 ‘for humiliation and negligent infliction of emotional distress,’ and $5000 in punitive damages for Wendy’s ‘wanton act of failing to provide toilet tissue in contravention of the Ohio Food Services Rules.’
Wendy’s lawyers hit the law books, then filed a one sentence reply to Mr. Chai’s complaint: “Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha.” Actually, they asked the court to dismiss the claim “for failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted.” To Mr. Chai’s horror [don’t worry, he appealed], the court agreed.
The Court finds beyond doubt that the Plaintiff can state no cause of action upon which relief can be granted. The entire complaint consists of the Plaintiff’s frustration and inconvenience caused by the temporary omission of toilet paper from the men’s restroom area… The plaintiff had several alternatives and his lack of ingenuity caused an alleged $2 loss. This Court has held a scheduling conference [oh to be a fly on the wall for that one] and has considered the facts set forth in the motions and having spent adequate time reviewing the allegations and facts brought to the Court’s attention, this Court finds that the Plaintiff is not entitled to proceed further with this action.
Well, this did not sit well with Mr. Chai, so he appealed. And what do you think happened?
For offenses involving socks, two British men were sentenced to 18 months in jail (for “conspiring to commit acts of gross indecency”), and put on the sex offenders’ registry for 10 years. Really. Per The Southport Visiter:
Two men swindled hundreds of people in Southport out of their socks back in the 1990s.
How do you “swindle” folks out of socks?
Claiming to be collecting the socks for good causes, the men approached unsuspecting victims in the resort’s bars and clubs and paid revellers up to £5 for their footwear.
They made sure to take pictures of the victims with their socks and then meticulously tagged each pair with the donor’s name before wrapping them in sandwich bags.
Creepier. Guess what the police found at one of the dude’s flat?
… 4,000 pairs in binbags in a cupboard. Officers described their astonishment when they found they had to wade through an 18 inch deep “carpet” of smelly socks. “They were everywhere and anywhere,” an officer said.
“They were all over the furniture, hanging from lampshades and even in the microwave, frying pan and cooker.”
“It was like there had been an explosion in a sock factory and socks had blown all over the place. In my 25 years with the police I have never seen anything like it.”
Here’s the source.
Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:
Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn’t in one.
The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.
City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.
When an employee told the man the office really didn’t have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, “I know you have money. It’s a bank.”
He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.
If they catch the dude, just imagine the ribbing he’ll get in jail …
All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record:
Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said.
And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly.
The males then exited the vehicle and tried to break in, but couldn’t.
Damn. Where are we going to find another closed store with a window and cigarettes at 3:40 in the morning?
They fled the scene in the vehicle and, 12 minutes later, drove the same vehicle into the front entrance of Beer Nuts in Jay Park Plaza on Route 209 in Smithfield Township. They entered that store, took cartons of cigarettes and fled the scene.
Mission accomplished. The men are still at large, no doubt puffing away.
Let’s say you rob somebody, and then you’re foolish enough to call him the following day to taunt him. Would you do it from a phone that could be traced to you? A young man in New York did. And it led to his arrest, along with his 4 alleged accomplices. As reported in New York’s “The Journal News” …
[Lt.] Clark said the incident occurred Tuesday, when the victim, who works at the Scarsdale Public Library, left work about 9 p.m. to catch a bus home. About 20 minutes later, as he waited at the Post and Olmsted roads bus stop, he was attacked by a group of young men who police said beat him until he momentarily blacked out. They fled in a car after taking the man’s briefcase.
Knocking the dude out? That’s cold. Why’d they do it?
“The investigation revealed that this was a completely random attack, and that these young men set out to beat somebody up,” Clark said. “Taking the briefcase was almost incidental. One of the men said that his mother had died recently, and that he was angry and just wanted to beat someone up.”
Really? I didn’t know random asskicking was one of the 5 stages of grief. Just how did the bust go down?
The next day, [the victim] received the taunting phone call, which he immediately reported to police. Within hours, Scarsdale Detectives Russ Morvant and Servando Rodriguez were able to trace the call to a house on North Kensico Avenue in White Plains. They found Marzano, of 100 N. Kensico Ave., there, along with Pacicca, of 1649 Hall Ave., and Brown.
Find anything else?
The detectives also found the stolen briefcase and other items belonging to the victim …
Certainly nobody (save some of the cheaters) would argue that it’s wrong to cheat on your spouse. Likewise, just about everybody (save a few vengeful souls) would argue that Rajni Narayan, of Adelaides, Australia, went too far when she “… set fire to her husband’s genitals…” As reported by the Press Trust of India:
An Indian-born Australian woman who allegedly set fire to her husband’s genitals suspecting his fidelity has appeared in a local court with fresh charges of murder slapped against her.
Rajni Narayan, 44, who allegedly murdered her husband, in a bizarre manner by torching his genitals which set her Cleveland Avenue townhouse in Adelaides ablaze had later told her neighbourers “it’s just a penis I wanted to burn I didn’t mean this to happen” Narayan who suspected her husband of having an affair told the neighbours, “I am a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me, I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else.”
Narayan was remanded to police custody until Friday and had to undergo a Psychological assessment as prosecutor said that her engineer husband Satish was asleep in their double-storey house when his wife set his genitals on fire after dousing them with methylated spirit on Dec 8 last, Adelaide Now reported.
The blaze reduced to rubble the couple’s USD 700,000 house and also damaged neighbouring houses. Satish Narayan, 47, succumbed to his burns in hospital last week, the paper said. After being produced before the local magistrate here the public prosecutor said the charges against the widow had been upgraded to murder. You can read more here.