Squeezed on:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Is it worse to burgle your family or strangers? That’s for you to decide. But this particular theft was particularly uncool (and gross) regardless.  As reported by kmov.com (St. Louis, Missouri):

The victim of a burglary says her father’s ashes were stolen and that two relatives and a third man are to blame after they thought they were stealing cocaine.

“I just couldn’t believe that they would take the ashes,” said Debora Matthews, the victim of the robbery. “But you know, they were kids and I guess just stupid.”

Ma’am, there’s no need to guess about that one.

Matthews says Devin Gesell and two minors rummaged through her home in St. Peters, stealing several items in addition to the ashes. She also says she believes the minors are two of her father’s grandchildren.

“I’m very upset because of the minors. I mean [they] were his grandsons,” Matthews said. “They did that to their grandfather. They didn’t even realize it was their grandfather’s ashes.”

But the did realize it eventually. How? Well …

She says the three thought the ashes stored in a container was cocaine, but after they tasted it, they realized what they had really stolen. However, instead of bring it back, they scattered the ashes all over the highway as they fled.

St. Peter’s police arrested Gesell and the minors. Gesell is now facing possible burglary and theft charges.

They tasted their grandfather’s ashes! You’ll find the source, and a video of the story, here.

(This post, and the thousands of others on LegalJuice.com, are brought to you by Washington, DC, Maryland & Virginia automobile, bicycle, and pedestrian accident attorney John Mesirow.)

Squeezed on:

school bus

Regular Juice readers will remember this recent post about a school bus aide in New Jersey who stole lunch money – and lunches! – from a bunch of kids on her bus. Well, it turns out that’s not all she stole.  Per The South Jersey Times (via nj.com):

The bus aide who allegedly stole lunches and lunch money from 29 kids was given an additional charge of theft for also stealing from the bus driver, police said.

Rosa M. Rios, 33, of East Broad Street, was charged on Feb. 20 with robbery and theft after being caught on camera rifling through backpacks of kids — ranging between 3 and 5 years old.

Bam!

Millville police began investigating Rios on Feb. 4 after the bus driver complained about money being stolen from her. When police watched the security camera footage from the bus, they saw Rios going through the backpacks.

Upon further viewing of the security camera footage, she was also observed stealing from the bus driver’s pocketbook as well, according to Lt. Jody Farabella.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot of Ms. Rios.

 

Squeezed on:

post office box postal

Yeah, like the post office is going to grant access to a post office box to someone other than the person renting the box. Well, there’s one woman out there who thinks that should be the case. No doubt she would feel otherwise if someone wanted access to her post office box. As reported at nj.com:

A postal customer who was refused access to someone else’s post office box physically assaulted the postal employee who refused her, police said.

Yes, that’s certain to engender cooperation.

On Thursday, Gail Montgomery, 47, of Bridgewater, grabbed and pulled the hair of postal employee Linda Zhang at the United States Post Office at 495 North Bridge Street, according to Lt. Timothy Hoey of the Bridgewater Police.

Montgomery physically assaulted Zhang after the employee would not allow Montgomery to access another person’s post office box, Hoey said.

This next bit will probably not come as a big shock to you:

After the incident, police found that Montgomery had outstanding warrants in three other jurisdictions, Hoey said.

So what happened to Ms. Montgomery? She found some temporary lodging.

Montgomery was lodged in Somerset County Jail in Somerville in lieu of $2,100 bail, Hoey said.

You’ll find the source here.

Squeezed on:

restroom bathroom

Nobody likes it when the moment passes. (If you don’t get this reference, you missed a hilarious Seinfeld episode.) Nevertheless, some discretion is called for, especially if you are in a federal building!  As reported by journalstar.com:

An Illinois man who used indoor potted plants as toilets was sent to jail for five days.

The Omaha Police Department says officers responded to a report of a 32-year-old man defecating on a potted plant in the waiting room area of the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services building in Omaha. A building supervisor says he then urinated on another plant.

The man pleaded guilty to indecent exposure and received a five-day jail sentence Tuesday in lieu of paying a fine.

Police say the man explained his actions by saying, “Sometimes you have to let the bear outside the woods.”

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

disc golf

There’s a certain part of Helena, Montana where – let’s just say if you’re going there, LEAVE YOUR DISC AT HOME, lest you be accused of folfing.  You really don’t know what “folf” means? Well, as defined by the Helena Montana Code, folf is “A game formally called disc golf. It is played with golf discs and simulates the game of golf in accordance with the rules of golf on a course usually containing nine (9) to eighteen (18) “holes” or “tones”. The holes or tones are predesignated stationary targets. The purpose of the game is to hit each of the targets with the golf disc with a minimum number of throws.”

But you can’t just folf anywhere. No sir.

5-13-2: FOLFING PROHIBITED:

No person shall play or engage in the game of folf or throw a golf disc at nighttime in any area within the business improvement district that has not been sanctioned as a designated folf course by the city. (Ord. 2797, 6-23-1997)

Son, you have been warned. And if you don’t heed, well here’s what.

5-13-3: PENALTY:

Any person violating the provisions of this chapter is guilty of a misdemeanor and may, upon conviction, be punished by a fine not to exceed five hundred dollars ($500.00) or imprisoned in jail for a term not to exceed six (6) months, or both.

Can you imagine someone actually getting 6 months in jail for playing disc golf? Here’s a link to the Helena, Montana Code.

Squeezed on:

middle finger flip the bird fuck you

You probably already guessed that the country in question is not the United States. The country is Turkey.  As reported by todayszaman.com:

The case was opened by former Justice and Development Party (AK Party) deputy and lawyer Süleyman Sarıbaş. In a leaked recording of a phone call that was made as part of the corruption investigation, Cengiz, of Cengiz Holding, which has received lucrative state tender contracts, such as for the third airport, was heard using extremely vulgar language with reference to the nation and the public. Sarıbaş sued Cengiz for TL 10,000 over the businessman’s comment to his friend, “We will f–k this nation,” referring to the people of Turkey. An İstanbul court on Tuesday decided Cengiz must pay TL 8, 000 in compensation.

Sarıbaş has promised to use the money awarded in the lawsuit to sponsor a new ablution area and bathroom for the mosque in his hometown.
“I went to the mosque in my village in December. The ablution room and bathrooms were in very bad condition. I called on the imam and the villagers and said that once summer comes, I will have new ones made. The project plan was prepared the other day, and now his [Cengiz’s] money will go where it belongs,” Sarıbaş said.

Following the court decision, Sarıbaş also said that any citizen could sue Cengiz for his profanity targeting the nation in order to punish that kind of mentality.

Any citizen can sue? It sounds more like “this nation” is going to “f–k” him! Here’s the source.

(Legal Juice is brought to you by Washington, DC personal injury lawyer, and bicycle commuter, John Mesirow.)

 

Squeezed on:

cosmetics makeup make-up

Who says crime doesn’t pay? It paid awfully well for this family. The operative word is “paid” because the jig is up! As reported by NJ Advance Media for NJ.com:

Three members of an Edison family have been sentenced after guilty pleas in a cosmetics counterfeiting ring that earned them hundreds of thousands of dollars, according to Middlesex County Prosecutor Andrew Carey.

Shazam!

Jorge Robles, 51, was sentenced to five years in prison after he pleaded guilty to second-degree counterfeiting. His ex-wife, Ana Del LaMota, 45, was sentenced to three years of probation and will have to pay restitution for third-degree counterfeiting. Their daughter, Rossy Robles, 23, was admitted into pre-trial intervention after a guilty plea on third-degree counterfeiting. She has to remain out of trouble and keep a job for three years.

So what was the scam?

They imported hundreds of pounds of fake Chinese cosmetics and sold them as Make-up Art Cosmetics brand, the prosecutor said. MAC is part of the Estee Lauder company. The family then sold the counterfeit cosmetics to retailers in New York with the business name Baby Castle. Rossy Robles had her own separate Internet retail business, the prosecutor said.

Click here for the source.

Squeezed on:

police station

If you want to get the police department’s attention, there are other ways. This way, though, will definitely work! As detailed in the Colorado Springs Police Department blotter:

On 01-09-14 at approximately 0756 hours, officers from the Sand Creek Division were dispatched to the Brunswick Zone, 999 N Circle Drive regarding a robbery. The investigation revealed an unknown male entered the business and verbally threatened the victim to open the cash register. The victim was unable to comply compelling the suspect to leave the area. The suspect is described as a white male in his mid- 30s, approximately 5’7 with a thin build, short blonde hair with a goatee, wearing a large black jacket and jeans. The investigation is continuing.

He got away! Or … did he?

***UPDATE***
On 01/10/2014 at approximately 12:51am, the Colorado Springs Police Department received a call from the pay phone at the 7-11 at 995 N. Circle Drive. The caller, later identified as 36 year old Paul Harrill, advised that he was upset that police had not come when he had attempted to rob the Brunswick Bowl earlier. Officers responded to the scene and located Harrill a short distance away from the 7-11. The investigation revealed that Harrill was upset with police officers and firefighters over a disturbance that he had been involved with on the evening of 01/09/2014. So a couple of hours later, he had called the police from the 7-11 pay phone complaining about the contact. When officers did not come to talk to him as soon as he wanted, Harrill went and attempted to rob the Brunswick bowl to get officers attention. When officers did not locate him after the attempted robbery, he was even more upset so he called back again on the morning of 01/10/2014. Harrill was booked into the El Paso County Criminal Justice Center on the charge of Attempted Robbery.

Think he’s satisfied with the police response now?

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

hug

If more people were as suspicious as this “good samaritan,” The Juice would move to an island. Hell, he might just do it any way. As reported by khou.com:

A loving husband triggered a massive police presence on Tuesday at a Cricket Store in southeast Houston

Police received a call that someone in the store was being held against their will.

What did the man do to warrant all this?

Actually, the store manager was hugging her husband goodbye.

A passerby saw the embrace and thought she was being held hostage.

Next time, do us all a favor, and keep it to yourself!

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

question mark

What exactly is HRUI? You have to ask? It’s horseback riding under the influence. The Juice has blogged daily for 7 years, and he hasn’t come across a similar case. Driving a motorized barstool under the influence? Yup. Driving riding mowers under the influence? Many times. Anyway, as reported by 9news.com (Denver, Colorado):

Patrick Schumacher is facing charges of riding a horse while under the influence of alcohol after witnesses saw the rider and horse occasional wandering into traffic on Broadway near the school Monday afternoon [in Boulder].

Officers observed that Schumacher was slumped to his right side as he crossed streets and forced pedestrians off the sidewalk. Police pulled the horse over, and Schumacher was arrested on suspicion of riding under the influence after he was given a sobriety test.

How do you pull a horse over? But wait, it gets a little stranger still.

Police say Schumacher had a small dog in his backpack and beer in one of his saddlebags. The horse and the dog have been impounded.

 Schumacher is also facing a misdemeanor animal cruelty charge as well as prohibited use of weapons and a reckless endangerment charge.

Wow. Lots of charges. In case you’re wondering where he was going with his dog and his beer …

Schumacher told officers that he was traveling from Larkspur to Bryce, Utah (a 600-mile journey by car) on his horse in an effort to attend his brother’s wedding.

Schumacher said he previously lost his driver’s license, so he decided to ride his horse to Utah.

Brilliant! You’ll find the source here.