Legal Juice

For the sake of argument, let's say you have, oh, roughly 296 marijuana plants growing in your basement. The police come to your door, asking if they can search your house. You say ... yes? You do if you are Nathan King, Jr. of Kanawha County, West Virginia. Shockingly, Mr. King was arrested and charged with cultivating marijuana, as reported by wsaz.com. Dude!

This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald:

Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday. Security guards on Sunday were checking dorm rooms to make sure they were emptied when they discovered the plants in plastic containers around 7:47 p.m., police said.

Annica D. McGuirk, 19, of Cabot, Ark., has been charged with cultivation of marijuana, and sale and use of marijuana ... according to the Waldo County Sheriff’s Office.

Okay, so it would be his 8th strike. But really, do you want to send a 31-year-old man away for life for stealing a laptop and a tv? As reported by kfor.com:

Brew is always on the move at Pope Distributing in Enid, but beer wasn't what was on tap for a couple of criminals who recently paid Pope's an unwelcome visit and stole a television and laptop computer.

Officers arrested 31-year-old Conan Carson, who is now charged with second-degree burglary. Come to find, he has seven previous felony convictions and because of his lengthy criminal history, Carson could face life behind bars.

They must really need dermatologists in Edmonton. Either that or perhaps they make it a practice to coddle offending doctors. Dr. Paul Lubitz had sex with not one, not two, not three, but FOUR of his patients. Really, should this guy be practicing medicine? [No!] He is, after serving an 18-month suspension. Here's the source.

And check out this comment from a website with consumer comments on health care providers [it's the 3/20/08 entry]:

I am a former staff member of Dr.Lubitz. I was terminated, along with all the other staff, when he "Fell ill". NONE of us were given our vacation pay or severance and were told we would have to sue if we wanted it! I can also tell you that he wrote the reviews on this page on 6/7/07 - the first listed one, and 6/6/07 - the positive review! I saw him do it. He is not a nice man, and always treated his staff horribly. He only cares about himself!

Even if this is technically a crime (like you never speed!), what kind of person would report this? Very uncool. The guy wasn't hurting anybody. As reported by The Republican-American:

A man from Stonington faces public indecency charges after state police said he was driving nude on Interstate 84 on Wednesday morning. Police arrested Seth Roberts, 30, of 1 Minor St., at about 10:50 a.m. Roberts also was charged with breach of peace.

One would think it goes without saying that perhaps the first rule of robbing a bank (other than not getting caught at the scene) is to not allow yourself to be identified, be it by a surveillance camera, fingerprints, a wallet ... A wallet? Yes, Albert Vincent Perkins allegedly robbed a bank in Kansas City, and left his wallet behind, with his driver's license in it! Per the AP:

The U.S. attorney's office said the teller and a customer in the bank identified the photo on the driver's license and another photo in the wallet as the robber. Perkins was arrested Thursday night. Police say he took about $3,100.

No, it's not the "give us cash to protect yourself from us" kind of protection. Without even being there, Chuck Norris has singlehandedly ended a series of break-ins at a bakery in Split, Croatia. From the Croatian Times:

Store bosses have seen off burglars by placing a life-sized photo of Hollywood action star Chuck Norris in the window.

The posh bakery shop in Split, Croatia, had often been broken until they put up the poster of the karate champ with a sign saying: "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

Now the bakery hasn't had a single burglary for more than a month. "People seem to respect him," said a sales assistant.

You're Benjamin J. Marchant, and you're just sitting in a courtroom in Dickson County, Tennessee. You haven't done anything, other than give a ride to a friend who does have some business before the court. And what did Judge Durwood G. Moore do to Mr. Marchant? From a decision by the Tennessee Court of the Judiciary:

While he sat in your court you observed him and ordered your bailiff or police officers in the courtroom to take Mr. Marchant into custody and to administer a drug test on his person. Mr. Marchant was neither a litigant, a defendant or a person who had business before the Court and was a citizen observer. Mr. Marchant at your direction was seized by police officials and required to provide a urine sample which was drug tested. When the drug test was revealed to be negative Mr. Marchant was released. The ordering of the seizure of Mr. Marchant and this testing were illegal and neither statutory nor constitutional basis existed for your conduct.

This public censure represents the highest degree of judicial discipline authorized by law short of the Court seeking a judgment recommending your removal as a judge from office. In the future you are to accord all citizens who appear in your court their constitutional rights and they shall not be seized on your suspicion for unauthorized drug tests. Each individual who appears before you shall be afforded their due process rights and shall be properly charged and noticed before any adverse action is taken against them.

So this woman (no, that's not her, but I could you resist using that picture?) crashed her car and refused a breathalyzer test. For her crime, she was sentenced to 80 hours of community service. Apparently nobody anticipated that she would show up for the community service in 4-inch heels. She was sent back to court, as the boots were deemed a health and safety hazard. What do you think should happen? Here are excerpts of the story from The Daily Mail:

Debbie Stallard was told she couldn't do the manual work because her boots were a health and safety hazard.

The 47-year-old, from Paignton in Devon, claimed she was unable to wear flat shoes for medical reasons. 'Since I was a little girl I have only been able to walk on the balls of my feet. Even my slippers have two and a half inch heels.

'The long and the short of it is that I can't wear flat shoes because of a medical condition I have had since I was a child. 'It's health and safety gone mad. I was made to feel stupid'.

The mother-of-two had been sentenced to 80 hours community service after she was convicted of damaging a vehicle and failing to provide a specimen of breath.

Within 10 days she arrived at the probation service's community payback workshop in Torquay but was told her towering boots would be unsuitable for 'the vigorous work ahead'.

The probation service took her back to court last Friday asking that the community service order be revoked and replaced with another punishment.

Judges have adjourned the case until more detailed medical reports are made available.

Probation officer Heidi Randle said: 'She attended on the date required but was sent away because she was wearing heels. 'We tried to contact the GP [General Practitioner] in this case and received a letter which was non-committal and does not say anything specific about wearing flats.

'It is a non-NHS [National Health Service] matter and, for a fee, he would write a more detailed report'.

Ms Stallard's solicitor John Darby said: 'My client has always lived on her toes. 'She has always worn heels and in her last job had to sign a disclaimer so she could wear high heels to work. She can't walk in flats.'

A spokesman for the Probation Service said: 'We take the health and safety legislation for offenders very seriously. 'Ms Stallard was offered protective footwear but refused to comply. We had no option but to return the order to court for magistrates to re-sentence as they see fit.'

Regular readers know that the Juice is not fond of folks who try to weasel out of jury duty. But this is one of the more idiotic methods I've seen employed (but did it work?). As reported by the Bozeman Daily Chronicle:

Erik Slye, a Belgrade auto painter in his mid-30s, was summoned to appear for jury duty on Jan. 26 by District Judge John Brown’s court. Slye, who had previously told the court that he could not take time off from work to serve on a jury, responded with a written tirade of insults and profanities that landed him in front of the judge last week. His wife now says she wrote the affidavit, even though her husband signed it.

Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my familys well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury . Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F__k alone.

... the note landed Erik Slye in front of Judge Brown. On April 21, Brown had Slye read the entire note aloud in court.

“Mr. Slye, do you think I’m a moron?” Brown asked after he was finished.

Erik Slye said no, and apologized to Brown and the clerks of the court.

[Judge] Brown excused Erik Slye with a warning.

Asked if she had any advice for others trying to get out of jury duty, she offered only this: “Freedom of speech doesn’t apply to jury affidavits.”