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lawyer%20attorney%20funny%20joke%20small.jpg Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

lawyer%20attorney%20funny%20joke.jpgDude! Dude! And here’s what he told the disciplinary commission:

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would “get a kick out of this.”

As it turned out, the only kick came from the disciplinary commission, which reprimanded Mr. Cwik. You can read the commission’s entire report here (search “Cwik” and click on the last result.)

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drunkdriving.jpgThis will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving – for the 13th time. He’s also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn’t happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least. Mr. Hogg resides in New Zealand.

Surely the Judge wouldn’t give Hogg another chance? Especially since he was also just convicted of possession of meth and three counts of possession of drug utensils? Wrong! The dude WALKED. No jail time (just 200 hours of community service). I’m not going to get into the mitigating factors because WHO CARES! Said the Judge: “In the long term, surely the courts must be in the business of avoiding offending.” What about doling out some justice? Protecting innocent citizens? judge.gifBeware, Kiwis – Hogg has now obtained a learner’s permit.

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No, not that. This guy fell asleep while … burglarizing a house! He must have been exhausted, because he slept through the homeowner coming home and calling the police, and the police coming to the home. So what finally woke the burglar up? A police officer tripped over him while gathering evidence and taking photographs! As reported in the Herald Sun:

An officer was having a look around taking photos when he tripped over something on the floor… A 30-year-old man from Keysborough, Victoria [obviously not cut out for a life of crime, like the guys in the video below] was swiftly arrested, interviewed and charged with burglary and theft.

To read more (very little) click here.

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thief%20coat%20elementary%20school%20sneaky.gif Oregon elementary school teacher Elizabeth Lucinda Logan picked the wrong way to supplement her income. She stole a student’s coat and sold it on eBay! As reported in the Hillsboro Argus, Judge Marco Hernandez called her behavior “bizarre.”

He said it didn’t make sense that someone of her intelligence would testify she immediately tried to get the coat back from the online auction site when she found out the coat might belong to a third-grade girl.

“As if it was lost in cyberspace somewhere,” Hernandez said. “A teacher with a master’s degree and 20 year’s experience doesn’t do that. She says ‘let’s go find the owner now and return it.’

“Your concern wasn’t to return the coat to the correct owner, but to protect your record on eBay.”

So a jury found her guilty. The sentence?

Judge Marco Hernandez ordered Elizabeth Lucinda Logan, 42, to perform 150 hours of community service over the next six months and serve 18 months of probation. She must also pay a little over $1,300 in court costs, fines and restitution. She is not to use online auctions during the probation period.

No eBay? That is cold. But wait! Logan’s lawyer may request a new trial based on jury misconduct. Really.

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What did Canadian elementary school teacher Maria Pantalone do that resulted in her pleading guilty to assaulting a 12-year-old boy? Hint #1: She threw something at him. Hint #2: It was brown. Need another hint? Hint #3: It smells really, really bad. Yes, it was feces! And the kid was not even one of her students! Why did she do it? “I couldn’t take it anymore. It was total, total frustration,” she testified, as reported in the Toronto Star. The punishment? Zippy. No fine or jail time. She was suspended, but with pay. Her future as a teacher remains uncertain. Yes, there are several nagging questions: Where did she get the human feces? What could the kid possibly have done to drive her to do it? We’re unlikely to find out because there is a publication ban to protect the minor’s identity. Damn! Here’s the article.

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portable%20toilet%20knock%20push%20fall%20over%20funny.jpg
… with someone in it! Over a $28 debt! And the tipper was running for city council! True! And there’s more. Here’s the story from the Salem News:

Ken Sawicki, a candidate for Salem City Council, spent two weeks of the campaign behind bars this fall for allegedly locking a man inside a portable toilet and knocking it over in an attempt to collect a $28 debt.

Police said Sawicki confronted the man over the missing money at Riley Plaza one morning in October. The man said he needed a moment to use the bathroom and stepped inside the portable toilet. Sawicki then allegedly locked the man inside with a padlock and began rocking it back and forth.

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bicyclist%20cyclist%20finger%20flipping%20bird%20fuck%20you.jpg Here are some choice 2007 legal-related highlights from an article in the Arkansas Times:

Worst citation: A Little Rock bicycle rider was cited in May for shouting “Turn on your lights!” as two police cruisers sped past him on Seventh Street near the state Capitol. One of the policemen stopped and wrote the cyclist a ticket for expressing “dislike” of how the police were doing their jobs. Dismissed, of course. Is there such a thing as a ticket that an officer can give himself for being a prick?

Worst nap: Police arrested a Camden motorist in May and charged him with DWI when he fell asleep at the wheel after placing a to-go order in the drive-through lane at McDonald’s.

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911%20tattoo.jpg All of these laws are on the books. Click on the statute and see for yourself.

No tattoos? Yup, no tattoos!

It shall be unlawful for any person to tattoo or offer to tattoo any person. As used herein to “tattoo” means to insert pigment under the surface of the skin of a human being, by pricking with a needle or otherwise, so as to produce a permanent indelible mark or figure visible on the skin. Provided, however, that the provisions hereof shall not apply to any act of a licensed practitioner of the healing arts performed in the course of his practice. §21-841

I’m in trouble with this next one:

Profane swearing consists in any use of the name of God, or Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost, either in imprecating divine vengeance upon the utterer, or any other person, or in light, trifling or irreverent speech. §21-904

No “holy shit?” No “damn you to hell?” No “sweet Mary, mother of God?” What about “holy crap?” Not to worry too much, though. The penalty:

Every person guilty of profane swearing is punishable by a fine of One Dollar ($1.00) for each offense. §21-905

Kids, watch your butts because:

… nothing contained in this Act shall prohibit any parent, teacher or other person from using ordinary force as a means of discipline, including but not limited to spanking, switching or paddling. §21-844

Damn, switching or paddling? Well, at least the fraternities have one less thing to worry about.

Again with the duels!

Any person guilty of fighting any duel, although no death or wound ensues, shall be guilty of a felony punishable by imprisonment in the State Penitentiary not exceeding ten (10) years. §21-662

Oh no you didn’t just try and serve me with those legal papers on Saturday.

Whoever maliciously procures any process in a civil action to be served on Saturday upon any person who keeps Saturday as holy time, and does not labor on that day, or serves upon him any process returnable on that day, or maliciously procures any civil action to which such person is a party to be adjourned to that day for trial, is guilty of a misdemeanor. §21-912

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f-bomb%20fuck%20bomb.jpg… walks right out of the courthouse, a free man. This is the same man who is being investigated for e-mailing death threats to President Bush. Michael Dahlquist was in court in New York regarding some threatening letters he sent a woman in 2004. He had pleaded guilty, and served some time, but was in court for violating his probation.

So Judge David Howard had been talking for less than a minute, when, as reported in the Rutland Herald, Mr. Dahlquist interrupted him:

“And the numerous occasions where the court has repeatedly violated my constitutional rights,” Dahlquist said.

When Judge Howard warned him that he could be tossed, let’s just say Mr. Dahlquist did not take heed:

Go fuck yourself, you piece of shit. You’re obligated by law to uphold my legal rights. Fuck you.

And then Judge Howard tossed him from the courtroom.

“While he is obviously very angry at times and believes the court is holding him illegally, that does not prove psychosis. Since two judges have disagreed about his condition and the need for hospitalization and several psychiatrists disagree as to his conditions and needs, it is hard to hold as delusional that the defendant is upset and feels he should be released,” Howard wrote.

Judge Howard then determined that Mr. Dahlquist had served all his time. So he left the courthouse a free man, at least for now. Click here to read more (a fair amount).

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Barbers Anderson and Banks are opening up a barbershop. While the space was being remodeled, an old, ornate sign was uncovered. As reported in The Argus, the sign reads “J. Barker”, “dispensing chemist” and “practical phrenologist,” and is carved in ornate gold leaf writing. Since the sign has historical significance,

They were then told by planning officers from the city council they must keep the old sign as it is protected by conservation laws – even though it advertised the wrong kind of business.

So they have this cool old sign, and life is good at Trafalgar Barbers, no? No, it’s not.

Last week the barbers received a letter from the Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain saying it was illegal to advertise themselves as a “dispensing chemists” when they weren’t. The letter said it would take further action unless the sign, which contravened the Medicines Act 1968, was taken down.

Only one problem – they paid £500 ($1,000 US) for their sign, and a new “old” sign would cost about £1,000 ($2,000 US)! They don’t have it, and they’re feeling a bit boxed in. Said Mr. Anderson:

The council has made us break the law. It feels like we are in a nowin situation and it is all a bit bizarre. We never wanted the sign in the first place but were told we had no choice. Now we are being told we have to take it down and pay for another one. We are told we have to preserve the cultural heritage of the area but all the other shops in the area have the signs they want above the door.

Yeah! People, get your shit together and let these guys cut hair! Here’s The Argus article.

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