Legal Juice

If you watch football or basketball, no doubt you've heard announcers say that a team will continue running a certain play until their opponent is able to stop it. Well, it seems a bank robber in Florida subscribes to the same theory. Per The South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

Authorities are on the lookout for a robber with some brand loyalty: He's struck the same bank so many times, the tellers recognize him.

"It's him again," one of them said during the latest heist on Saturday, according to the Broward Sheriff's Office.

The man has targeted the BankAtlantic branch at 4211 W. Commercial Blvd., four times since Feb. 1.

Officials described him as a portly man with dread-locks.

You're probably thinking "is this guy nuts?" But consider this:

He has worn a different outfit for each heist.

Brilliant!

On Saturday, he wore black pants, a black T-shirt, dark gloves with red stripes and a black hat with red and yellow stripes. He ordered two tellers to stuff cash into a white, plastic grocery bag, then casually walked away, the Sheriff's Office said.

Here's the source.

If you're going to commit a burglary or robbery, you don't want to be recognized. So you need a good disguise - something that hides your identity and is easy to change out of. These disguises, done with A PERMANENT MARKER, failed on both counts. From the Daily Times Herald (Carroll, Iowa):

A resident of 1844 Randall Road called 911 to report two men with their faces painted black were trying to break into an apartment.

Moments later, Carroll police officers pulled over a car matching the suspects' vehicle a couple blocks away and found the two occupants with faces blackened by a permanent marker.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20, were arrested without incident.

Doh! And ...

McNelly was also charged with driving while intoxicated.

Curse you 911 caller! Here's the source

What do you think? As reported at sfbg.com, here's the veto letter the Terminator sent to legislators regarding a bill that "would have helped the Port of San Francisco with some financing issues."

You don't see it? How about now?

BAM! So what did the Governor's office say when questioned about the letter? As reported by The Huffington Post:

"My goodness. What a coincidence," said Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear. "I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen."

So, so busted.

You are a 77-year-old man, unloading groceries from your car, when a guy comes up to you with a gun, demanding that you empty your pockets. You do it, right? Not if you are Pat Gillespie of Flint, Michigan. As reported by mlive.com:

Gillespie had a bag with a two-liter of Pepsi, and he took a swing and hit the man. The man got a shot off, hitting Gillespie in the groin.

Your weapon against a gun is a two-liter Pepsi container? And?

The man, who was with another male, ran off empty handed.

UFB. Said Mr. Gillespie ...

“I didn’t want to give them nothing.”

What about that shot to the groin?

...Gillespie was taken to the hospital but later released.

There was little appearance that he was shot, other than a hospital wristband. He said he feels fine, although he is just a little sore.

The Juice does not recommend trying this at home. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

In the annals of history, this has got to be the first report of a harmonica beat down. Yeah, I said "a harmonica beat down." Here's the story, per The Tulsa World:

According to Decai Liu's arrest report, his roommate was in the bathroom getting ready for work when Liu, 52, burst in and started beating him with the instrument.

Liu was charged Thursday with assault with a dangerous weapon in the attack Saturday in the 4500 block of West Norman Street in Broken Arrow, records show.

When officers arrived about 9:30 a.m., the roommate was covered in blood from cuts on his head and face. Medics took him to St. Francis Hospital, the report states.

Police tried to arrest Liu, but he allegedly resisted and head-butted one officer. Police eventually subdued him with pepper spray, according to the report.

Liu's roommate told police, "I don't know what his problem was," the report indicates.

Prosecutors also charged Liu with resisting an officer and assaulting an officer, court records show. Liu is in the Tulsa Jail in lieu of $6,500 bail.

Here's the source, including a photo of Mr. Liu.

Lots of folks in the United States think our drug laws are too harsh. Maybe, but check out how it is in Malaysia, per The New Straits Times:

KOTA BARU: A 44-year-old Thai carpenter was sentenced to death by the High Court yesterday after he was found guilty of trafficking in cannabis four year ago.

Mohamad Che Soh of southern Thailand was charged with trafficking in 17,062g of cannabis in front of Linda Restaurant in Bukit Bunga, Tanah Merah, at 8.30pm on Jan 4, 2005.

Earlier, Mohamad's lawyer, Wan Jawahir Wan Haron, appealed to judge Datuk Muhamad Ideres Muhamad Rapee to reduce the sentence, saying that his client had repented but it was rejected by the judge.

And ...

MUAR: A 40-year-old labourer was sentenced to death by the High Court yesterday for trafficking in 45.08g of monoacetylmorphine four years ago.

Harun Mukri was found guilty of committing the offence at No. 33 Kampong Parit Tegak, Parit Sulong, Batu Pahat, at 11.30am on July 24, 2005. Judicial commissioner Datuk Ahmadi Asnawi said the prosecution had proved its case beyond reasonable doubt.

He was also sentenced to three years' jail and three strokes of the rotan for another charge of possessing 5.43g of methaphetamine at the same place and time. The court, however, dismissed a third charge of being in possession of 83.8g of cannabis.

I'm not sure how I missed this May 2009 story, but it's none the worse for wear. Bradley Dean Milne, age 33, had a helluva ride. As reported by the Northern Territory News:

Darwin Magistrates Court heard that the couple were planning to drive to East Arm Wharf in the Mazda ute to have sex.

The key word there is "planning." They didn't quite make it ...

Police prosecutor Leigh Cahill said Milne "became aroused" and the woman gave him oral sex while he was driving until they reached the traffic lights at the Berrimah Rd intersection.

Zoinks! But wait ...

They turned right onto Berrimah Rd, and the woman straddled Milne while he kept driving, swerving into the kerbside and back into the middle lane.

Then, after a call from a witness, came the buzz kill, and a truly classic defense offered up by Mr Milne:

When police stopped the car and Milne was asked why he had been drinking - with a blood alcohol concentration of .097 per cent - he said: "Come on, mate. What would you do? We were going to the wharf but we didn't quite get there."

And check out this defense offered up by Mr. Milne's lawyer:

Mr Rowbottam told the court that Milne had not been paying attention to his intoxication, and had been surprised at the reading. "He wasn't concentrating on that - he was concentrating on his amorous situation," he said.

Really? That's what you offer as mitigation? The charges were:

... not wearing a seatbelt, driving without due care and drink-driving when a witness called police after seeing his car swerving all over the road.

The time? No time, just a $1,400 fine and a six-month license suspension.

So, not only did Adam Michael Kelly violate a parking meter, he also cussed out a police officer! Brilliant! As reported by The Cairns Post:

Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets on August 31 about 8.40pm and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: "Yeah baby, you know you want it."

Police prosecutor Sen-Constable Michelle Long said Kelly was making large pelvic thrust actions and officers saw people walking by reacting with disgust at the performance.

This definitely sets a new standard for beer goggles ... Although some might find the parking meter behavior humorous, the conduct that followed was extremely offensive:

Then, while talking to police, a woman of Asian appearance walked by and in a loud voice Kelly looked at her and said "fucking gook, fuck off home", Sen-Constable Long said. [expletives reinserted]

At that point, police arrested the young labourer and took him to the watch-house.

The defense?

Kelly’s lawyer Richard O’Shane said his client had been extremely drunk after an extended binge-drinking session with teammates to celebrate the end of the CDRL football season.

"He can’t remember much of the incident," Mr O’Shane said.

You know the crime. The time?

...Kelly spent the night in the watch-house ... and was fined $150 in court yesterday for causing a public nuisance.

Here's the source.

The Juice loves bicycles. He even commutes to work by bike. But if he were ever going to attempt a robbery, he wouldn't use a bicycle for the getaway! That's what James Lachenauer, Jr. is charged with. Incredibly, he wasn't caught on his bike. Per the South Florida Sun Sentinel:

Police said Lachenauer was armed with a silver revolver and entered the Medication Station Pharmacy on Woolbright Road around 10:30 a.m. He ordered the six people inside the business to the ground and pointed the revolver at a clerk and demanded oxycodone and morphine.

Lachenauer handed a backpack to the pharmacist, who filled it with 18 bottles of morphine sulfate, Oxycontin and oxycodone.

Lachenauer ran out of the pharmacy and onto a bicycle. He then dumped the bicycle and ran to his house in the 2300 block of Southeast Fourth Street, where he asked his mother for a ride to the store.

So how was he caught?

... officers combed the area for the suspect. Detective Jason Llopis observed a small green SUV on South Federal Highway driven by a woman and occupied by a man who matched the suspect's description. The car was stopped and the passenger was identified as Lachenauer.

And the goods?

Detectives recovered the backpack, which contained the 1,524 pills, in the car. Police found the revolver at Lachenauer's house.

Doh! The charges?

... armed robbery and trafficking in oxycodone and hydrocodone.

I doubt he'll be cycling anytime soon. Here's the source.

Back in the day, getting high in the back of the bus was something that happened when the bus driver hit a bump in the road. This was not the case with two Ohio boys who were busted recently, as reported in the South Side Neighborhood Watch at Akron.com.

LAKEMORE: On Sept. 1, police charged a Samuel Road male and an Albrecht Avenue male with illegal use and possession of drug paraphernalia after a school bus driver reported they smoked marijuana on the bus and police found a drug pipe hidden in a seat and lighters on both of the boys.

I can't say I always behaved on the bus, but seriously!

Just how did 2 men in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania avoid the daily maximum withdrawal amount on the ATM at the Delaware County Memorial Hospital? They took the ATM! During visiting hours! Per myfoxfilly.com, it may have had up to $96,000 in it. The security tape above shows most of the heist. Click here to read more.

There's just no way 48-year-old William King was going to get away with the multiple burglaries he recently committed. How do we know this? Per The Toronto Star:

A man burrowed his way through drywall into two salons where he stole cash, cigarettes and a lighter, had a smoke and a bathroom break.

Then he made his big mistake: He dropped his wallet.

Doh! And what was in the wallet?

...a City of Toronto paycheque, a credit card, a parole card.

If you live in Toronto, you might find this a little troubling:

In the hair salon, the police found fingerprints but somehow walked over the caper's key clue. A store employee stumbled upon the wallet while sweeping up the damage.

Maybe the officer and the store employee should change jobs? Here's the source.

He's a 38-year-old former lay minister at a Lebanon County (Pennsylvania) church, and here are his priors, per the Lebanon Daily News:

[In] October 1997, he was arrested and charged with exposing himself to a Lebanon Valley College student in a college parking lot. He was convicted in November 1998 and was sentenced to 15 months probation.

He pleaded guilty to invasion of privacy and disorderly conduct in May 2000 and was sentenced to two years probation for taking pictures of a partially nude girl in a changing booth in a store at the Harrisburg East Mall.

In January 2001, he was charged with loitering outside a North Cornwall Township home and was sentenced to one to 12 months in county prison.

Krpata was sentenced in March 2001 to county prison for six to 12 months for violating terms of [the November 1998] probation.

He pleaded guilty to attempted invasion of privacy for trying to peek at customers in changing booths at the Jubilee Shop in Lebanon on Oct. 11, 2002. He was sentenced the following April to three months to one year in county prison for that offense.

In May 2007, Krpata was sentenced to 11 months in Lebanon County prison for violating conditions of his parole for walking onto a school bus in April at a Hummelstown-area gas station and talking to a woman. At the time of his sentencing in 2007, Krpata was on parole for a conviction on charges of loitering and peeping into a neighbor's home on April 29, 2006. He was sentenced for that offense in January 2006.

And most recently ...

Christopher Krpata ... was sentenced Monday to three years of probation and ordered to complete sex-offender treatment for an obscenity-law violation, said Jennifer Gettle, deputy Dauphin County district attorney.

Krpata of 211 W. Park Ave. violated the obscenity law by viewing pornography on a laptop computer at work, and someone who entered the room saw it, Gettle said. The offense happened when he worked at Coca Flats Hotel in Hummelstown in December 2007.

Here's hoping the treatment works.

You be the judge. Mr. Moyer "was accused of touching the woman's chest and buttocks in the Toontown area of the Magic Kingdom." As reported by clickorlando.com:

"I'm not guilty," Moyer told the judge. "I haven't, as the prosecution says, molested or grabbed -- maybe unintentionally touched, but that's as far as it went.

The defense [said] that there were nine other people in the room, including Moyer's family and other Disney employees who are assigned to watch over the characters, and none of them witnessed anything inappropriate.

"The state wants you to believe this man, in front of all these people, molested this woman. No one saw it. It was never caught on camera," said defense attorney, Zahra Umansky.

For the state of Florida:

Prosecutors said during the trial that photographs show the Disney cast member pushing Moyer's hands away from her after he touched her.

The woman playing Minnie Mouse said she did not yell for help because she feared that she could lose her job for being out of character. She did report the incident after Moyer left the area, according to investigators.

The verdict? Guilty. The time?

... 180 days of probation, 50 hours of community service and a $1,000 fine. [Mr. Moyer] also must undergo a mental health evaluation and write a letter of apology to the victim.

To read more, and see some video, click here.

Regular readers know the Juice is not a fan of dress codes. Check this out, from Georgia's Thomson-McDuffie Junior High School website:

In order to foster a climate conducive to [blah, blah, blah] ... the following guidelines have been developed with input from councils, faculty, administration, and students.

... sunglasses are not to be worn on campus. ... No grills are to be worn.

No shades or grills? That's cold.

Proper and acceptable undergarments must be worn and must not be visible to others. Cleavage must not show.

How will the school know if the undergarments are "proper and acceptable" if you can't see them! Brilliant!

Shoes or sandals must be worn. ... and athletic sandals are not allowed at school.

No "athletic sandals?" Say what?

Shirts or blouses must have sleeves; shirts and blouses must be tucked in. ... Belt line must be visible at all times. Any shirts or blouses that cannot be tucked in may not be worn.

NFW. You have to tuck your shirts and blouses in! Please, transfer me!

Shorts/pants must be long enough to touch the top of the kneecap. Shorts/pants must be fitted at the waist and not be baggy or frayed at the bottom.

Really? The kneecap?

All students must wear identification badges properly at all times.

Is it me, or is this starting to sound like a detention facility?

Personal grooming should be done at home, not at school.

I can't brush or comb my hair?

The principal of the school has a right to prohibit any item of clothing he deems to be inappropriate.

Wow. That is just laughably unenforceable.

Now that you know the crimes, the times ...

Penalty for failure to comply with dress code: First offense - correction (if possible) or ISS and 3 hours detention. Second offense - correction (if possible) and one (1) day of Saturday School. Third offense - three (3) days ISS and required parent conference. A Fourth offense is considered Defiance and will result in three (3) days suspension minimum.

Here's the school's website.

Let's say you have a resale store, and you want some "new" merchandise at a good price. What to do? Steal it! That's what Celia Arocho of Berwyn, Illinois has been charged with, per The Chicago Tribune.

Arocho, 52, stands charged with several crimes following her arrest last Saturday in Riverside. Police pulled over the vehicle she was driving because it matched the description of a green SUV which had earlier struck a parked car. Weitzel said they found open containers of alcohol inside the SUV and arrested Arocho on drunken driving charges.

And?

Then officers found two chairs and a plant in her vehicle. They later searched her business, at 7022 16th St., and her Cicero home and found numerous stolen items that she intended to resell at the store, which has been open about two months, Weitzel said.

"She didn't break into homes," said Riverside Police Chief Tom Weitzel. The accusation is that "she just took items off porches and from yards and offered them for resale at her business."

Talk about low overhead... Click here to read the full story.

Not you, knucklehead. You can pick up your beer and keep drinking, unless you're in Malaysia. Such was the case for 32-year-old part-time model Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a mother of two who was busted for throwing a beer down at a night club, and sentenced to six strokes of the cane (and fined). And she's not appealing. Per the New Straits Times:

... Pahang Syariah chief prosecutor Datuk Abdul Rahim Jaafar said the caning would not cause physical injury as it was merely to make the offender feel repentant.

You can read more here.

Okay, so that's a slight exaggeration, since the sound barrier on land is about 761 mph (it varies with the atmospheric conditions). But perhaps I am in a state of shock after reading that a nun in Italy was busted for going 110 mph! Really, and with 2 other nuns in the car. Why? Well, as reported at news.com.au, they were ...

... on their way to visit the Pope after a bathroom fall.

Demon driver Sister Tavoletta, 56, was at the wheel of the Ford Fiesta, while two other nuns aged 65 and 78, who have not been named, were with her when shocked police pulled them over.

When stunned officers asked them why they were speeding, Sister Tavoletta said: "We had heard how the Pope had fallen over and we were on our way to make sure he was OK."

The nuns were stopped on a dual carriageway at Quincinetto, near Turin - just an hour's drive from Pope Benedict XVI's summer holiday chalet at Les Combes.

They had heard that Pope Benedict XVI had slipped and fractured his wrist at the Salesian convent where they live and immediately got into a car to try to visit him.

A Turin police spokesman said: "The officers involved were amazed to see three nuns in the Ford Fiesta when it stopped - it had been clocked at 110 mph.

"Hopefully, Sister Tavoletta will be making sure she confesses her bad driving the next she goes to confession but in the meantime she will have to pay the 375 Euro (A$659) fine she was given."

Unlikely, since she is fighting the fine (and the one-month suspension she received), having retained "Italy's best known lawyer in driving cases, Anna Orecchioni."

She said: "I will be taking this matter before a judge to get the penalty removed and the nun's licence reinstated."

Here's the source.

That may be an understatement. Sure, if you're in jail, maybe it's not a big deal to steal from another inmate. But what about stealing a computer from the jail? Yup. Per the Kalamazoo Gazette:

Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr. sentenced [Western Michigan University student William K.] Bradley on Monday, telling the Kalamazoo resident his jailhouse theft was "the dumbest crime I've heard today" and "may be in the top half-dozen in my career."

Bradley, who has racked up six felonies and four misdemeanors by the age of 25, agreed with the judge, saying, "I'm not the best criminal."

This had to hurt ...

Bradley asked for home arrest, but Giguere instead ordered him back to jail for six months.

Not a good sophomore year for Mr. Bradley.

You know those ideas that leave you asking yourself "why didn't I think of that? It's so simple." Well, this isn't one of them. The only simple thing about this scheme is the dude that tried to pull it off. From the South Florida Sun-Senitnel:

Add a zero to a $5 bill and it becomes a $50? Well, one would-be thief today tried to pass off a fake fifty at the Ace hardware store, 510 E. Boynton Beach Blvd., police said.

At about 8:08 a.m., an unidentified shopper brought a few items to the counter and handed over the money. When the clerk questioned another store employee about the authenticity of the bill the man ran out of the store, according to a police log.

"A closer examination of the bill revealed that it appeared to be a five dollar bill that the suspect attempted to transform into a fifty," the report stated.

Look at that fiver up there! How could you possibly turn that into a fifty?

On several occasions, I have put an envelope in my bike bag and arrived home, having forgotten to stop by the mailbox. Never, though, have I stopped by the mailbox, having forgotten to put on my clothes. Florida resident Marilyn Incigeri made that trip to the mailbox ... As reported by tbo.com:

A Brooksville woman was arrested Tuesday after she walked to her mailbox topless.

Neighbors' complaints brought a deputy to 834 Easy Street around noon, where he said he saw Marilyn Incigeri standing on the back porch of her house in the nude.

Snap!

When Incigeri, 46, spotted the cruiser she retreated back into her house and emerged wearing blue jean shorts and a white halter top. She was placed into custody while a deputy interviewed four neighbors.

Naked lady? I didn't see any naked lady?

[Neighbors] told the deputy Incigeri walked to her mailbox wearing only a pair of shorts. There had been an argument between them and the suspect earlier, according to a report.

Incigeri, who reportedly showed signs of intoxication, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of indecent exposure.

I feel safer. Here's the source.

Dude. Of all people to stalk, the police? That's what Thomas C. Massey of Traverse City, Michigan is accused of, per the Traverse City Record-Eagle:

Massey spent a good portion of Monday shouting at officers and making a profane gesture at them as he paced around the building, police said.

It wasn't an isolated incident. Police contend Massey heckled and harassed local officers since at least March, and he's often spotted around the law enforcement center.

Massey, of Traverse City, was arrested in March after he crept around the Grand Traverse County Jail property taking information from jail employees' license plates and peeping in their cars, Emerson said. Charges weren't approved in that incident.

On Monday afternoon, Massey -- who police said was clad in a Hawaiian shirt and a Christmas tie -- approached an officer who pulled into the lot behind the building. The officer asked Massey if he needed help, and he began to spew profanities.

Massey repeatedly refused to calm down, so officers arrested him. He allegedly struggled and "body checked" a patrol vehicle and broke a mirror during the arrest, Emerson said.

The charges? Two minutes in the box for body checking a police vehicle...

Grand Traverse County Prosecutor Al Schneider charged Massey with attempted malicious destruction of police property and disturbing the peace. He remained in custody Tuesday afternoon and is expected to be arraigned today.

Why the animosity toward the police? Not a clue.

"Nobody seems to know why he has a beef with us or what his problem is ... it's just bizarre," [Capt.] Emerson said.

To read more, click here.

You take your car in to be repaired. Clearly you're not going to leave anything valuable inside of it. But what about leaving the tires and wheels on it? I am not joking. Apparently, you need to take them with you. As reported in The Charlotte Observer:

Mickey Coffino dropped off her Audi at the dealer on a Friday afternoon to get her trunk and window fixed. On Monday, the dealership called to say her tires and wheels had been stolen.

And the dealership won't pay for replacements!

The reason Audi of Charlotte on Independence Boulevard wouldn't help out boils down to one thing: insurance.

Each Audi dealership is an independent business and carries insurance to protect from liability. Though General Manager Bill Taylor said he wished he could do more, he said making an exception to his written policy for customers' property would open him to claims of unfairness from past customers.

“The dealership goes to great lengths to protect the customer's property,” Taylor said.

"Great lengths?" Hmmm. Check out his analogy:

He described the situation as one in which a person goes to a shopping mall and buys something at Target. The customer puts the item in the car and goes shopping at Old Navy. While in the second store, the customer's car is vandalized. Should Target or Old Navy be held responsible?

Um - NO! She left her car in your care. Do you not see the difference? The customer didn't take her car to Old Navy or Target to be repaired. And though it appears that, contractually, the dealer is on solid ground, I DON'T CARE. Do the right thing by the customer. Is this really the kind of PR a car dealership wants in these brutal times for the auto industry? We're talking about $1,000! Sheesh. Here's the story.

Sure, there are more than 1,338,000,000 people in China, but we're still talking about a boatload of corruption. As reported by crienglish.com:

Chinese disciplinary organs have punished 881,000 officials for misconduct from July 2003 to December 2008, the Communist Party of China (CPC) Central Commission for Discipline Inspection (CCDI) said on Wednesday.

I'm wondering how many people they needed to investigate the "852,000 cases of corruption, commercial bribes, and other discipline or law-breaking activities" that were involved. Were crimes committed?

... 24,718 of them had been transferred to judicial organs to wait for criminal charges ...

No doubt these folks will be thinking about Zheng Xiaoyu. ...

... former food and drug administration head Zheng Xiaoyu ... Zheng was executed in 2007 for taking 6.49 million yuan (about 889,000 U.S. dollars) in bribes, and for dereliction of duty.

So he wasn't a public official, but can you imagine what would happen to a Chinese Madoff? Here's the story.

So this 78-year-old woman thinks her 84-year-old husband had an affair 35 years ago. What did she do? As reported by The Daily Herald:

The woman allegedly told police she pushed her husband down and hit him with a bowl and a metal pipe. Investigators recovered the woman's diary in which she allegedly wrote, "I beat him again." The diary described how she hit her husband with a carpet sweeper and went after him with a knife. The diary entry also stated that "I told him it would be worth going to jail just to watch him bleed to death," [Snohomish County deputy prosecutor Valerie] Shapiro wrote.

A witness told police the woman admitted that she had kicked her husband three times in the groin over the last six months because she believed he'd had an affair 35 years ago, according to court documents.

Damn! His injuries?

The man suffered several broken ribs, a shattered pelvis and a fractured wrist, ... Shapiro wrote in court documents.

The woman was charged with assault and remains in jail on $70,000 bond. Here's the source.

For the sake of argument, let's say you have, oh, roughly 296 marijuana plants growing in your basement. The police come to your door, asking if they can search your house. You say ... yes? You do if you are Nathan King, Jr. of Kanawha County, West Virginia. Shockingly, Mr. King was arrested and charged with cultivating marijuana, as reported by wsaz.com. Dude!

For real. Apparently it wasn't the first time Michael Rainey's cat mistook neighbor Joseph Loflin's yard for a litter box. As reported by Click2Houston.com:

"'Your cat has been back there defecating in my back yard,'" [former police officer] Loflin said he told his neighbor. "I used the slang word, the four-letter word to describe what the cat was doing."

The "slang word?"

Both men agree that Loflin used the "s" word. Rainey said his 13-year-old daughter was nearby.

Not the S-bomb! Now it's on.

"I said, 'Look, I've asked you twice. This is the third time. Don't use that language in front of my daughter,'" Rainey said he told Loflin. "That's when he responded, 'There's nothing wrong with the word, and if I want to use the word, I'll use the word.'"

Uh huh. So there's a 13-year-old out there who hasn't heard the word "shit" before? He probably thinks his daughter isn't on Facebook ... So how did the police get involved?

"I didn't call him a filthy name," Loflin said. "I didn't call him … I didn't use any profanity towards him. I used it as a noun, then I used it as an adverb to describe what his cat was doing. I think it was greatly taken out of context." After Loflin threatened to get a trap, Rainey called the police. The police wrote Loflin a ticket for disorderly conduct because of language.

The Juice is glad to hear that Mr. Loflin will fight this asinine ticket.

Here are some interesting excuses offered by speeding drivers, as recalled by a Tennessee judge and some police officers, as reported by The Murfreesboro Post:

... When he asked why she sped, the driver replied, “My colon has fallen in my vaginal canal.” Spence wrote her a ticket anyway. He figured she could bring medical proof to court if she wanted to contest the ticket. She paid it without a hearing.

Smyrna Police Traffic Officer Casey Hughey stopped a speeding driver and asked about the reason for traveling so fast. “My colonoscopy bag is leaking,” the driver replied. “Prove it,” Huey said. When the driver proved his case, Huey simply told the driver, “Have a nice night.”

Murfreesboro Police spokesman Kyle Evans, a former traffic officer, said he stopped a man and inquired about the reason for speeding. “The reason I was going so fast is because I couldn’t see the speedometer,” the driver said. Evans peered inside the car and the speedometer appeared fine. The driver explained. “Sir, I had my head so far up my butt there’s no way I could possibly see how fast I was going,” the driver said. “After a few short laughs and a warning citation, he was on his way,” Evans remembered. “It was the most original excuse I’ve heard in my 10 years as a traffic officer.”

Tennessee Highway Patrol Trooper Kay Peay clocked a man driving more than 100 mph on U.S. Highway 231 South (Shelbyville Highway) one cold morning. “Why are you going that fast?” Peay asked. He replied he was trying to get his window to defog because he couldn’t see. “Let me get this straight,” Peay said. “You’re going 100 mph because you couldn’t see?” “Right,” the driver answered. He got a ticket.

THP Sgt. Rick Smith said he’s had several drivers ride right behind him when he’s driving with his lights and sirens on while responding to an emergency call. In one case, a “silver-spoon-fed 18-year-old driving a Mercedes” chased Smith responding to an crash call. Finally, Smith got behind the driver and pulled him over. The driver complained at the scene and later to Judge Loughry that Smith entrapped him. “He told the judge I said he was a smart a--,” Smith said. “The judge told him he tended to agree with me.”

Say what? Yuk. Nice one. Dork. Mama's boy. Click here to read more.

Former Labour MP Helen Clark (Peterborough, Cambridgeshire) is in the soup for some things she allegedly said to a barmaid. You know things are probably not going well when your "friend" testifies ...

"I felt she had had a lot to drink. I felt she was out of control. In my opinion I thought Helen had had too much to drink."

Thanks, friend. As reported in The Herald, here's what the prosecutor alleges Ms. Clark said to barmaid Susana Arsalani after Ms. Arslani refused to serve her any more alcohol:

"Why am I treated like a cunt?"; "Who's the bitch giving orders?"; "You calling me drunk?" [expletive reinserted]

She said Clark had also said: "Don't patronise me... fuck off."; "The bitch couldn't speak English who's denying to serve me."; "You bitch, you can't even speak English."[expletive reinserted]

Lovely. Ms. Clark was charged with being drunk and disorderly and using threatening words and behavior. Here's the source.

No doubt you should always be on time for a court appearance. But let's say you don't have a ride, and there's this car sitting over there ... Yup, he [allegedly] stole it! As reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer:

Spinnie, 42, of Norwood, is accused of stealing a Chevrolet Uplander on Tuesday in order to get to his 9 a.m. arraignment at the Hamilton County Justice Center. He was due there to face a judge on a charge of receiving stolen property filed Monday in which he was accused of stealing $1,800 worth of jewelry.

But Spinnie never made it to his hearing. A Cincinnati police officer spotted him driving the Uplander outside the justice center and arrested him on a charge of receiving stolen property. Spinnie told the officer he paid a man $10 to use the vehicle.

Am ... out ... side ... the ... justice ... center ... Nooooooooooooo!!!! Missed it by that much!

Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.

17 other teenagers! But wait ...

Police officers went to the house in response to reports of loud music and people yelling about 3:20 a.m. Sunday, Husak said. The teenagers, ranging in age from 16 to 19, were given breath tests at the scene and cited for violating a village underage drinking ordinance ...

It was so loud somebody called the cops!

Margaret Couch, 46, told officers who were called to her home in the 200 block of Cottonwood Road that she was sleeping and unaware of the party, said Buffalo Grove Police Cmdr. Steve Husak. Couch was cited for violating a Buffalo Grove nuisance ordinance.

No! Sleeping? That's the best you can do? How about "What was that, sonny? I'm a little hard of hearing." Or "I thought it was that 'non-alcoholic' beer." Here's the Chicago Tribune article.

Sure, I'll bet just about every one of you has talked on a cell phone while driving. But a Kettering, Ohio woman took it to another level. As reported by The Dayton Daily News:

Police in Ohio say a woman has been charged with child endangering after another motorist reported she was both breast-feeding a youngster and talking on a phone while driving.

Police in the Dayton suburb of Kettering say the caller told them he saw the woman Thursday.

Officer Michael Burke says authorities used a license plate number to track down 39-year-old Genine Compton.

He said the woman told officers she was breast-feeding and wouldn't let her child go hungry.

Burke said the legal concern is that Compton had a child in her lap while driving, not that she was breast-feeding in public. He said the child was under 2 years old.

Police say the woman faces up to 180 days in jail and a $1,800 fine if convicted of the misdemeanor.

Here's another multitasking story.

Colorado bus driver Jim Moffett is a hero, regardless of what the State Patrol thinks. As reported by the Rocky Mountain News:

Two elderly women exited the bus and tried to walk across Federal to their trailer home on the east side, Moffett's stepson Ken McDonald said Tuesday.

"With that light snowstorm, my stepdad didn't think they could cross the street safely," McDonald said. "So he got off the bus with another passenger, and they helped the ladies cross."

The four people had made it about halfway across Federal, and most of the northbound traffic had slowed to let them go the rest of the way, McDonald said.

"But one pickup driver got impatient and passed in the left- hand turn lane," McDonald said. "He plowed right into my stepdad - but not before (my stepdad) pushed the old ladies and the other guy out of the way."

Not only did Mr. Moffett prevent the elderly ladies [and a passenger who was helping out] from being injured or killed, he did so at his own expense.

Moffett is at St. Anthony Central Medical Center with bleeding in the brain, broken bones in his face, a dislocated shoulder, a broken wrist and possible ruptured spleen and liver.

For his trouble, Moffett got a jaywalking ticket!

Ryan Sullivan, of the State Patrol, said that while Moffett's "intentions were good," jaywalking caused the accident.

Think maybe those "good intentions" would cancel out the jaywalking ticket? Discretion? Compassion? Anyone? Bueller?

Here's what Andrew Allen admitted stealing from a home in Blackpool, England, per the Blackpool Gazette:

"He stole a dustpan and brush, a cat basket, a trowel and lawn feeder, a basket with tools and a gardening glove."

Street value - £51 ($75 US)! Dude, why? In a nutshell: Methadone, sleeping pills, and alcohol.

How do you think this conversation will go? "So, what are you in for?" Uh, er, um ...

If you live in Kern County, California, the answer is ... there is no limit! That's got some folks mighty angry with Ms. Kimi Peck, who has at least 168 dogs insider her home, according to KGET News. That's a lot of dog hair. (Can you imagine washing and brushing all of those dogs?) Why so many dogs?

Peck says the animals at her house are society's throwaways: dogs deemed too vicious or turned over to animal shelters in the Southland over the last 15 years and facing certain euthanasia.

You can probably guess why she moved to Kern County.

"I would never have come up here if it weren't for the laws that stated it's ok to have as many dogs as you want as long as they are individually licensed and have rabies vaccinations," Peck said.

In fact ...

Peck says she never applied for special zoning or a permit because she was told by Animal Control that she didn't need one.

What's in store for Ms. Peck?

"We're going to go to the Board at the end of February, and ask the Board of Supervisors to make a determination there is a zoning violation there and to consider imposing administrative citations against [Ms. Peck]," said County Building Inspection Division Director Charles Lackey.

Think Ms. Peck is going to pack up and look for a more receptive locale? No chance.

"What do I say to them [her complaining neighbors]? Get a life. Get a life, you poor pathetic people," Peck said. "These are lies. And these people better be prepared for a lawsuit."

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

Didn't I tell you not to complain about the calzone? But no, you wouldn't listen. As reported by the Sun Sentinel:

Flagler County authorities say a restaurant owner pistol-whipped and beat a customer who complained that his takeout order was incorrect.

Joseph Milano, the owner of Goomba's Pizzeria, has been charged with aggravated assault and battery with a deadly weapon and released on bail.

According to a police report, security footage from the pizzeria shows that Milano struck Richard Phinney with a gun. He then jumped over a counter and started to assault Phinney and his roommate.

Phinney was at the pizzeria to collect a refund for a calzone, which he said was prepared incorrectly. He was taken to a hospital after the incident with a bloodied head.

Is it just me, or would you like to try one of Goomba's calzones too?

All this for some cigarettes? Check this out from the Pocono Record:

Two males backed a pickup truck through the front glass door of the Tobacco Road store on Route 209 in Middle Smithfield Township at 3:38 a.m. Monday, police said.

And then they took a bunch of cigarettes? Not exactly.

The males then exited the vehicle and tried to break in, but couldn’t.

Damn. Where are we going to find another closed store with a window and cigarettes at 3:40 in the morning?

They fled the scene in the vehicle and, 12 minutes later, drove the same vehicle into the front entrance of Beer Nuts in Jay Park Plaza on Route 209 in Smithfield Township. They entered that store, took cartons of cigarettes and fled the scene.

Mission accomplished. The men are still at large, no doubt puffing away.

As reported in the Tacoma Washington News-Tribune:

In May, a 22-year-old Gig Harbor man spent a night drinking at a tavern with a friend before seeing how fast he could drive his car – on an airport runway. According to court documents, Jesse Andrew Floberg, who worked at the Tacoma Narrows Airport, used a code to let himself in, drove onto the runway – and floored it. He hit 105 mph before the car sheared off a runway light, went airborne and landed upside down at the bottom of an embankment, court records said. Floberg suffered minor scrapes, police said. His passenger was more seriously injured. Floberg pleaded guilty to DUI and had his pilot’s license, er driver’s license, suspended 90 days.

Motha trucka!

Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that's probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his ... What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.

What did she say happened?

Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

"She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

Who do you believe? Regardless, she was arrested for misdemeanor battery after "... the deputy saw the injury, [and] photographed it ..." Yow!

A 19-year-old New Zealand man named Eptai Taiwhanga, as reported by 3 News ...

...walked into Westport police station drinking alcohol and carrying cannabis resin.

Maybe he thought it was a pub?

Unsurprisingly, except to him perhaps, he was hit with breaching Westport's liquor ban and possessing a Class B drug.

Judge Jane McMeeken said Taiwhanga was "incredibly stupid" and fined him $400.

"You had cannabis in your pocket and drew attention to yourself by drinking in a police station."

Doh!

What was so unusual about this ATM withdrawal in Beaumont, Texas? Well, it wasn't that Mr. Leandro Sanchez made the withdrawal around 3 a.m. It was simply this - he took the entire ATM! From a bank! With a forklift! I guess he didn't think it would set off an alarm. It did. Here's the source (kfdm.com).

Let's just say you're divorced, and your ex-wife calls to tell you one of your kids is being held for ransom. I think most folks would pay up. Just suppose, though, that your ex-wife called to say that one of your children was again taken hostage, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again! For real. This woman told her ex-husband that one of their kids (sometimes their son, sometimes their daughter) had been kidnapped SEVEN TIMES over a five-year period! And you know how many times he paid? Six! For a total of £530,000 ($808,000 US!). As reported by The Telegraph:

In the summer of 2001, she told her estranged husband, named only as Pedro GM, who was living in a different town, that strangers had entered her home and taken her daughter Sara, demanding payment of 30,000 euros (£23,000) for her safe return.

A year later, she claimed that the girl had been taken again, this time to settle a drug debt, and asked her husband to cough up 48,000 euros (£38,000) for her release.

In 2003 she again approached her husband, this time claiming that their son Emilio had been snatched after she failed to pay 36,000 euros (£28,000) she owed to a clothing wholesaler. He once again paid the money and the child was “returned” unharmed.

In 2004, she faked another kidnapping, again of her teenage son Emilio, claiming that drug dealers were demanding 54,000 euros (£43,000) for a package of cocaine that the boy had lost. Once again, the father paid the ransom demand to his wife to pass on.

In December 2005 and January 2006 she again claimed that their son had got himself in trouble and was being held to ransom, but this time she said he had been taken by members of a gypsy family who wanted blood money totalling 180,000 euros (£142,000) because he had taken the virginity of a 13-year old relative.

Finally, in Sept 2006 she and her friends concocted a story claiming that Emilio had again been abducted from outside their home in the Madrid suburb of Fuenlabrada. On this occasion, the boy himself called his father, claiming his attackers were torturing him and were threatening to kill him unless a ransom of 252,000 euros (£200,000) was paid.

How were they caught?

Minutes later [after the boy called his father] he was spotted in the street having a drink with friends, said the private detective hired by Pedro G M to investigate the case.

I think it's only appropriate to end this post with some quotes about greed.

"To be perfectly honest, what I'm really thinking about are dollar signs." Tonya Harding

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed” Gandhi

"I'm a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Greed is a fat demon with a small mouth and whatever you feed it is never enough." Janwillem van de Wetering

"How did I get involved in a terrible film like Best Defense? The door opened and four men came in carrying a check." Eddie Murphy (Note that, although it might seem criminal, Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress is a civil claim.)

And my favorite:

"Money doesn't talk, it swears." Bob Dylan

Dude had 60 pot plants growing in 2 rooms. As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], there was a fire in his apartment building, leading to the discovery of the weed. So how much time do you think he's facing? Zippy. Nada. Squadoosh. Sure he doesn't have a record, but if it happened to you or me, fuhgeddaboutit. We're doing time. But not Mr. Graham McConnell, who actually had a pretty good story, which might even be true. Per The Paisley Daily Express:

[His lawyer said] “He is a man who has been using cannabis for some time and made the foolish decision to cultivate the drug in order to avoid coming into contact with those who traffic in the drug."

“He had decided to grow a lot of the stuff, dry and freeze it and, by doing so, not become involved with those who traffic in drugs on the street.”

True or not, that's a tough sell. Mr. McConnell was sentenced to 300 hours of community service. Here's the source.

You're not going to believe what this formerly respectable couple did to try and avoid a £60 ($88 US) ticket and three points. And it's not like it would have put the wife over the top - her driving record was spotless. So Mrs. Diane Rodger, a lecturer [professor] was doing 40 mph in a 30mph zone when she was nailed by a speeding camera. Instead of just paying the fine, what did she and her husband Michael (a magistrate!) do? As reported in the Mail Online:

After consulting an internet website for tips on challenging speeding tickets, they altered the car's appearance.

They changed the style of the Skoda's number plate and removed stickers from its windscreen in a bizarre attempt to persuade police it had been 'cloned' and that she was not the driver...

Then they tried to weasel out of it.

Over the next three months Nottinghamshire Central Ticket Office, which deals with speeding fines, received five letters contesting the ticket, all signed by 'Mr Rodger JP'.

They variously claimed he had no knowledge of the offence, that the car was regularly used by others, that the car may have been 'cloned', that the car was parked in Nottingham city centre at the time of the offence and that the captured image was not clear enough to identify the driver.

The letters also claimed that the middle letter on the number plate was indistinct and that his vehicle did not have stickers in the windscreen, unlike the images of the speeding car.

So the cops went to their house to ask them about the letters. What did they say?

Mrs Rodger stated she had, while Mr Rodger claimed he had signed them without reading them. Thomas Elmer, defending Mr Rodger, said: 'It was his wife who wished to evade the penalty but it was their joint idea how to go about it."

Partners in an asinine crime. The Judge agreed.

The couple wept as Judge David Brunning told them they had been 'staggeringly stupid' and that he had 'just been persuaded' not to send them to prison. Instead, they were each given six-month jail sentences, suspended for two years.

They were also ordered to carry out 300 hours of unpaid work each and to pay £5,000 costs between them after admitting intending to pervert the course of justice.

Here's the source.

What's up with these crazy hoons? As reported by The Age:

A P-plate driver [driver with a probationary license] was caught doing burn-outs in a police station car park. The 23-year-old hoon left a 20-metre skid-mark in the Craigieburn police station car park before driving off. Police later impounded his VN Commodore for 48 hours.

That's a 65-foot skid mark! In a police parking garage! Here's another hoon story.

Such is not the case with Donald J. Jacobs, Jr. of North Platte, Nebraska. Per the North Platte Telegraph:

According to the police report, Jacobs was intoxicated and assaulted his girlfriend with the pot when he discovered she made macaroni for his dinner. The assault caused the food to be tossed throughout the residence, as he struck her with the pot, according to the report.

More importantly, the victim "...had a cut on the bridge of her nose and a bruise on her face. ... it must have been a significant hit because the handle of the pot was broken." Damn! Oh, and it was 3:30 a.m. when the police arrived, and not for the first time.

"He definitely has a history," [police investigator Dale Matuszczak] said.

So what happened to Mr. Jacobs?

[He] was arrested and booked into the Lincoln County Jail on second-degree domestic assault, a Class 3A felony. The charges carry a maximum sentence of 5 years in prison and/or a $10,000 fine. Jacobs was arraigned Monday and held in custody on a $5,000 bail.

Wonder how he likes the food in jail?

It was not a good day for Manheim Township, Pennsylvania resident Michael Hufford. At about 11:00 a.m., he was in an accident, and was busted for suspected DUI. The police released him to his girlfriend. Just 5 hours and 8 minutes later, Mr. Hufford was in another accident, and was again busted for suspected DUI. This time, per Lancaster Online, "Hufford .. was committed to Lancaster County Prison in default of $10,000 cash bail..."

Any parent would be rightfully angry upon learning that their child was bullied. Perhaps, though, stabbing the bully is not the proper response. Say what? Per the Toronto City News:

Here's what [the police] say happened: two female students at an Oshawa school - which isn't being named - were engaged in a war of words. The elder of the two was allegedly picking on the 13-year-old, forcing the young girl to kneel in front of her.

So the younger girl told her mom what had happened, pouring out her sad story. But instead of going to the principal, cops allege the mom went straight to the bully.

Uh oh.

Witnesses told them they saw a car pull up on Olive Ave. on Wednesday at about 7:30pm, come to a sudden halt and then heard a woman shouting at the girl who was standing on the street.

As the startled bystanders watched in stunned surprise, the woman allegedly got out of the vehicle, grabbed the youngster by the hair and stabbed her in the left side of her stomach with a pocketknife.

The girl was taken to hospital, where doctors said that the knife luckily hit a bone - otherwise, it would have been much worse.

Mom was busted for assault. The bully was busted for uttering threats. Here's the source.

At least in Germany it is. As reported by Reuters (a few years ago):

A Cologne court fined a man who admitted he was having sex with a hitchhiker sitting astride him when he drove his car into a road sign. But only because he fled the scene of the accident with his naked accomplice.

Said a court spokesman:

"It's hard to believe but in fact no law was broken with the intercourse on the motorway. It's a situation lawmakers never thought about."

Is this a story these folks will be telling their grandkids? Unlikely.

[The driver] did not know the name of the woman who left her clothes behind in the car.

Hey, I like crunchy foods, probably more than most folks. But I absolutely draw the line at glass. Yes, glass. Ms. Lynette Margaret Quessy thought she would get her husband to deal with his drinking problem by lacing his food with glass! As reported by news.com.au:

Her husband first noticed glass in a roll when he bit into it and chipped a filling on his tooth.

Er, uh, sorry.

A week later he noticed what looked like rock salt on some biscuits.

... he realised it was glass and again found glass in his sandwich the next day.

Wife makes lunch. Glass in lunch. What to do.

He started keeping his lunches in a freezer in his garage and eventually went to the police after discovering a container of crushed glass in the pantry.

AFT, dude. Did she own up to it? Yup.

[Ms. Quessy] admitted putting fragments of a smashed light globe in her husband's packed lunch five or six times in October and November last year.

Ouchee!

Of course, if you don't mind having your head handed to you ... As reported in The South Asian Post:

A woman chopped the head off a man who allegedly tried to attack her and then paraded the head through a market in northern India, police said. Police arrested the woman late on Thursday after receiving calls from frightened witnesses, said police officer Ram Bharose. The woman, 35, told police she had gone to a nearby forest to cut grass for fodder for her cattle when a man attacked her from behind. ''In a bid to save her dignity she beheaded him with a sickle,'' Bharose said, adding that the woman had bite marks on her neck and cheek.

Safe to say she'll never be attacked again ...

If there is a worse driver out there, I'd be shocked. As reported in The Hamilton Spectator, here are some highlights of Toronto resident Gloria O'Neill's driving history:

Her driver’s licence was suspended as far back as 1978, when she was just 21. In 1984, it was suspended again.

Still forbidden to drive, she got a new licence under a different name.

When that, too, was suspended, she got a third.

In 1995, according to parole documents, O’Neill rolled her car on Highway 401, breaking her back in two places. She was charged in March of that year with driving while under suspension and got 15 days in jail.

Five years ago, after she [ran a red light, and] dragged a pedestrian to his death in a crosswalk, a court banned her from driving for 10 years. [At the time of this hit-and-run, she was driving with TWO suspended licenses, under different names.](She was also convicted of perjury for lying at her bail hearing about her criminal record and multiple licence suspensions.) She only served 9 months for killing this man!

Before you get to angry (#!@*&%!), consider this:

Recently she declined repeated interview requests, saying she has consulted psychiatrists to cope with the trauma of the fatal crash.

“I’m trying to get over it,” O’Neill said when reached by phone. “I have a life and I’m trying to get on with it. I just want to live my life. “

Really? Trying to get over it? By ....

Not longer after that conversation, with five years left on her driving ban, O’Neill got behind the wheel of a Lincoln Town Car registered to her husband, another suspended driver.

On Aug. 28, two Record journalists watched as she drove the shiny red car out of her Toronto parking garage and disappeared down the street.

All told,

[Ms. O'Neill] has been involved in at least 15 collisions, often in rented or borrowed cars.

LOCK HER UP! Oh, and don't forget about her criminal history, unrelated to driving.

In 1979, under the last name Cloutier, she was sentenced to five years in prison for the beating and robbery of a 62-year-old man while she ran a Toronto brothel. According to media accounts of the trial, while the victim was being entertained by a 16-year-old prostitute, O’Neill and another man robbed him of jewelry, a camera and cash, before beating him so badly he was blinded in one eye.

To read A LOT MORE, click here.

A strange crime as reported in The Hartford Advocate:

It's always surprising to see what lengths people will go to get away with petty crimes, even if it's for something as silly as ganking baby food. According to the Courant, 22-year-old Bristol resident Paul Bergeron allegedly tried lifting some of the instant baby formula Enfamil from a Shaw's supermarket on Sept. 26 in West Hartford. Police caught on in the parking lot when Bergeron was seen holding the formula in plain sight and yelling "Go, go, go!" to his getaway driver. They reportedly slammed into an unmarked cop car and Bergeron allegedly tried to get away on foot. He ended up in a fourth-floor laundry room, where he was allegedly punished by a police dog and hit with a stun gun. He faces robbery and assault charges.

Ouchee!

No, not texting, reading or polishing fingernails. (We actually had a case involving a woman who was eating crabs while driving - I swear.) But this dude, he was injecting himself with heroin while he was driving! Per the Hartford Advocate:

According to police reports, on Oct. 3, 25-year-old Larry Shallow of Windsor was allegedly seen banging heroin while driving on I-291, giving a whole new meaning to driving under the influence. An onlooker allegedly saw Shallow injecting a hypodermic needle into himself who then passed it to his friend. Police followed the car to a McDonald's, where they reportedly greeted Shallow. He (allegedly) admitted to throwing the needle out the window on the highway and mixing 12 bags of heroin in a bottle cap. Shallow was charged with possession of heroin, drug paraphernalia and, on top of that, driving with a suspended license.

Wow.

Ullricht Walter, a German citizen living in South Africa, had good reason to doubt that his wife loved him. Per The Times:

... Ullricht had discovered e-mail correspondence ["steamy love letters"] between [his wife] Linda and her high-school sweetheart, who even flew out from Germany for a clandestine meeting.

So he wanted her to prove that she loved him. As luck (bad!) would have it, a love test presented itself! In an affidavit, Mr. Walter wrote:

I thought ... that if I gave her a task so outrageous and contrary to her nature it would prove to me and her that we would overcome our problems.

I told her to drive off in the Clio to prove to me that she loved me and the children and that she had made a commitment to our marriage.

Just one thing - the parking lot she stole the car from has closed-circuit television cameras. Doh! The car was found at the Walter's house, wrapped in plastic so their dogs wouldn't scratch it! What happened to the Walter's marriage? As they await sentencing, they moved out of their house, and have separated. Ms. Walter said "that she might never be able to forgive her husband for what he asked her to do." Oh really? Did she forget about the "e-mail correspondence ... [with] her high-school sweetheart, who even flew out from Germany for a clandestine meeting?" Wacky. To read more (a fair amount), click here.

Now, either this lady had a really big bag, or the Victoria's Secret "PINK" bras are really, really small. Why? Because she stuffed 160 of them into her bag! Here's the story from The Miami Herald:

There's a bra bandit on the loose in Southwest Florida. The Lee County Sheriff's Office is searching for an individual they say stole 160 bras valued at nearly $6,000 on Thursday from a Victoria's Secret store, the latest in a string of bra burglaries in the area.

Since February, authorities say 452 bras valued at nearly $19,000 have been stolen from two of the chain's Southwest Florida locations. Six different bra thefts at the stores have been reported during that time.

Investigators say a female customer walked into the store Thursday and immediately went to a four-drawer cabinet with new bras of the PINK brand name. The store manager told deputies the woman waited until employees were busy helping customers and then thrust the bras into a bag and exited the store.

An incredibly threatening ... squeegee. Really. Maybe the drugs killed him - maybe not. Here's the story, from the Orlando Sentinel:

A sheriff's office spokesman said the man who deputies Tasered in south Orange County died this morning.

Capt. Angelo Nieves of the Orange County Sheriff's Office confirmed the man was "under the influence" when deputies used a Taser to control him. The agency has not released the man's name.

Witnesses told deputies the man was charging at cars with a hammer on Landstreet Road and Orange Blossom Trail overnight.

Orange County deputies arrived at the scene and determined the man was holding a squeegee. Cmdr. Spike Hopkins said deputies found a wrench in the man's vehicle and determined the suspect was dangerous. "The bizarre behavior was indicative of someone who was overdosing," Hopkins said. Reports show the deputies tried to calm the man, but it didn't work. Deputies stunned him with a Taser twice.

Here's the source.

About a month ago, Oscar Reynolds Jr. was acquitted of robbing the Liberty Bank in Jonesboro, Arkansas. Guess what Mr. Reynolds was doing this past Tuesday? He was robbing that same bank! Unlike the first time, where he was acquitted because he could not be positively ID'd, smart money says Mr. Reynolds will see the inside of a cell this time. Why? Per The Jonesboro Sun:

In a police interview Reynolds “admitted to entering the bank with a gun and committing the robbery.”

Doh! And ...

“There also was money found under the mattress in the bedroom where Reynolds was [hiding]. One of the bills found had a serial number that was logged by the bank as being stolen."

“A firearm was found in the adjacent apartment that matched the description of the gun that the suspect used.”

To read more (just a bit) click here.

Before I tell you what Christopher Lucero told New Mexico State Police Officer Kurtis Ward, just remember one thing: Lucero was drunk! As reported in The Albuquerque Journal, Lucero said he was weaving because:

His passenger spilled his beer ...

Doh! There's more.

... next to Lucero, 31, was a half-emptied bottle of Corona in a cup holder, police said. And that wasn't even the beer he spilled. That was the one he had popped open to replace the one that had spilled on the floorboard while he went across three lanes of traffic on the interstate ...

What about the field sobriety tests? Lucero was too drunk to do them. And, this was his SIXTH DWI arrest. What is he still doing on the road?