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The source for today’s Juice? A Change.org petition that came The Juice’s way. No doubt this law will end homosexuality in Alabama… Clearly a class adhering to the requirements of this law cannot be called sex “education.” The law is Section 16-40A-2 of the Alabama Code:

MINIMUM CONTENTS TO BE INCLUDED IN SEX EDUCATION PROGRAM OR CURRICULUM

… (c) Course materials and instruction that relate to sexual education or sexually transmitted diseases should include all of the following elements:

… (8) An emphasis, in a factual manner and from a public health perspective, that homosexuality is not a lifestyle acceptable to the general public and that homosexual conduct is a criminal offense under the laws of the state.

This is just stupid and wrong on so many levels. Who is this “general public” referring to? Not the American public. And “homosexual conduct is a criminal offense”? Sure, some of it is (sodomy). But what about two men holding hands? You can read the full text of this small-minded, bigoted law here.

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Where is the absolute best place for a fight to occur? Think about access to medical care. From The Arab Times:

KUWAIT CITY, March 16: Four citizens, including two youths, sustained serious injuries when two families of 30 Kuwaitis engaged in a bloody fight at Mubarak Al-Kabeer Hospital, reports Al-Qabas daily.


Sources said police rushed to the Mubarak Al-Kabeer Hospital after the Operations Department of the Interior Ministry received information about the fight, and arrested several participants and referred them to Jabriya police station.


Apparently, the fight started due to a dispute between a man and his ex-wife, and sources said the man was in hospital for treatment due to injuries he sustained in a traffic accident. The man is said to have argued with his ex-wife who happened to be in the hospital at that period and he started beating her, so members of the two families rushed to the hospital and started fighting.

Yikes.

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Actually, the Royal Mail said the week David Portman took off to mourn his dog’s death was just the last straw. In his 5 years as a mailman, Portman missed 137 days. Claiming that his absences were either work-related or genuine injuries not of his doing, and that he shouldn’t have been fired for mourning the loss of his dog, Portman filed a claim for unfair dismissal. (The injuries/illnesses included a broken foot, sprained ankle, whiplash, and asthma.)

Who do you think won? Wrong! (or “Right!”). Portman won – a sum in excess of £10,000 (over $15,000 US). Said the Sheffield tribunal:

The vast majoirty of the claimant’s absence days were occasioned through injuries sustained in accidents at work’ which should have been discounted by the Royal Mail… None of the claimant’s absences were for other than wholly legitimate and genuine reasons.

 

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In the world of 911 operators, this probably wasn’t even that wacky of a call. Still, it was really stupid. It’s almost like you’d have to be drunk to do something this dumb. Per clickorlando.com:

A Brevard County mother was arrested after she called 911 and asked dispatchers to sends officers to scare her children, police said.

You know, it’s not so easy raising teenagers. Wait, the kids are how old?

According to jail records, Melissa Townsend, 27, was arrested Tuesday after making the call to emergency officials about her kids, ages 1 and 3.

Doh.

“I need a police officer to come out and scare the (expletive) out of my kids,” Townsend said on the 911 call. “They’re not listening to me and they need to learn respect. They need to learn that lesson.”

Yeah, if you start letting them disrespect you at age 1, who knows how they’ll turn out?

The dispatcher told the upset mother that police would not do what she asked. “We don’t come out and scare kids,” the dispatcher said.

Police responded to Townsend’s Indian Harbour Beach home and found the mother drunk, officials said.

And if this behavior wasn’t troubling enough, check this out:

Police said when they tried to arrest Townsend she kicked an officer in the groin multiple times.

That there’s about the worst kind of resisting arrest.

Townsend was booked into the Brevard County Jail on several charges, including child neglect and battery on a law enforcement officer.

Click here for the source, which includes a mug shot.

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&@#$#@)+&!!!! Everyone has thought about cussing someone out. Lots of us have done it. Not so many have done it on another attorney’s voicemail. A longtime prosecutor in Clark County, Washington sure wishes he hadn’t. As reported in The Columbian …

A 27-year veteran attorney of the Clark County Prosecutor’s Office — who has tried a number of high-profile criminals — has been demoted after leaving an explosive, profanity-laced two-minute voice-mail message on a defense attorney’s cellphone.

What made Mr. David so angry?

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How young? Single digits young. While it wasn’t a real car, the road was real enough. Per khou.com:

A Houston father has been charged with endangering a child after he let his 3-year-old son drive a toy car on a busy road.

Three!

Officials said on March 8, Jeremy Scott, 23, let his son drive a toy car on a road in the Northshore area as he drove alongside in his own vehicle.

Not to worry, though …

Police said Scott was controlling the toy car with a remote control.

Remote control? Whew.

Scott is charged with endangering a child. He pleaded no contest to get deferred adjudication.

Clearly Mr. Scott is now making better decisions. That’s not the kind of case you want to bring to trial. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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In this case, The Juice is willing to mete out some instant justice. Guilty!

Brought to you by the Colorado Springs Police Department Police Blotter:

CSPD received a report of a small SUV driving West in the 1700 Block of Woodman Rd that was weaving all over the roadway. The SUV crossed the median striking a Stop Sign and side swiping four other vehicles. The SUV turned South on Academy Blvd in the North bound lanes, continuing South to Dublin Blvd, where it turned West in the East bound lanes striking yet another vehicle. The vehicle continued traveling, pulling into the Sunflower Market at 1700 Dublin Blvd. Arriving Officers located and contacted the occupant, a 30 year old female, and began assessing her as a possible DUI driver.

With all that havoc, and the fact that she could have killed some folks, some time in the pokey is in order.

(The Juice is a personal injury lawyer practicing in Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia.)

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These gents only wish they had the opportunity to grill under the influence. Alas, their plan was foiled by Johnny Law. As reported by tcpalm.com:

Police officers were fairly certain they had recovered a stolen gas barbecue grill when they saw two intoxicated men pushing it up the road late one night this week.

You’d have to drunk to think that wouldn’t look suspicious.

The officers couldn’t immediately connect to the grill to its home. However, police used a crime website called Uneighbors.com to send out an alert about the recovered grill and heard back from its owner within a day.

Drunk people often make bad choices, followed by more bad choices …

The series of events started Monday when two North Carolina men on foot in the 3700 block of Mockingbird Lane stole the grill from a home, police said. About 10:50 p.m., a patrolman saw the men pushing the grill in the 500 block of Fiddlewood Road. Jacob Cecelski, 19, of Carolina Beach, N.C., and Riley Brenner, 20, of Wilmington, N.C., wouldn’t give the officer straight answers about where the grill came from and also gave him false names, police said.

Both were charged with misdemeanors for disorderly intoxication and giving false names while detained. They eventually admitted to stealing the grill, but couldn’t remember which house, police said.

Here’s the source, with mug shots.

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Seriously, what do you expect when you burglarize a haunted house? That the spirits are just going to let you waltz out the door with their otherworldly possessions? I don’t think so. As reported by the AP, out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia:

A news report says a burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a “supernatural figure” for three days without food and water. Police official Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar told The Star newspaper the house’s owners found the 36-year-old man fatigued and dehydrated when they returned from vacation Thursday. He says they called an ambulance to take him to a hospital. The man told police that every time he tried to escape, a “supernatural figure” shoved him to the ground. Abdul Marlik could not immediately be reached and other police officials declined to comment.

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People trying to sneak stuff into jail is not news. You can probably guess one of the techniques that is frequently attempted. Well here’s a new one, at least new to The Juice. As reported by North Country Now (New York):

A Moira woman has been arrested for allegedly trying to enter St. Lawrence County Correctional Facility with seven Tylenol PM pills taped to the bottom of her foot, according to St. Lawrence County Sheriff’s Deputies.

So it was unsuccessful. At least it was creative.

Brandy A. Carbino, 32, 64 Birch Lane, Moira, who was being booked into the jail, allegedly tried to smuggle in the pills, deputies report. She is currently sentenced to serve weekends at the jail on another charge.

Carbino was charged with second-degree promoting prison contraband, a class A misdemeanor and issued an appearance ticket for Canton Village Court on Dec. 20.

Looks like they’ll be tacking a few more weekends on. Here’s the source.