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The weapon of choice? An umbrella. The location of the attempted robbery – a Burger King drive-thru! As reported by The Journal Gazette (Fort Wayne, Indiana):

According to Allen Superior Court documents, [Amanda M.] Ringler [27] pointed an umbrella at an employee through the drive-thru window and demanded money. The employee hit the restaurant’s panic alarm, and Ringler drove off empty-handed, though witnesses notified police of her car’s description.

All that careful planning down the drain!

… Ringler, of Payne, was charged in March with attempted robbery. Last month, Ringler pleaded guilty to attempted theft.

The time?

Allen Superior Judge John F. Surbeck sentenced her to three years in prison, but ordered Ringler to serve 183 days, while he suspended the remaining two years and 182 days. Surbeck also ordered Ringler to serve one year of probation.

Shazam!

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If a store won’t take your fake hundred … just go to the next one, and the next one … As reported by Lancasteronline.com:

Toni Lyn Miller, 32, of Sinking Springs, passed a fake $100 bill at one outlet store and tried in vain to pass a similar bill at four other outlet stores, East Lampeter Township police Lt. Robin Weaver said.

Shouldn’t have gotten greedy.

In each incident, the she selected an inexpensive item to receive a large balance of change in return.

Yeah, that’s not suspicious at all. And who would have thought that maybe one of the merchants who rejected the hundred would call the police? Um, lots of people?

Police charged Miller with five counts of felony forgery, four counts of misdemeanor criminal attempt at theft by deception and one misdemeanor count of theft by deception.

She was arraigned on the charges and committed to Lancaster County Prison.

Here’s the source.

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It’s unclear what it will take for this Maine woman to understand that “911” is for emergencies. Check out the series of events, as reported by The Bangor Daily News:

Shirley Isacson, 66, “placed 10 calls to 911 in just over an hour” Friday, he said. “She was not reporting any type of emergency.”

The calls started at around 4:15 p.m. Friday and after being warned several times to stop calling for help if she did not need it, Isacson was given a ticket charging her with misuse of the emergency 911 system.

Lesson learned? Nope.

At around 10:30 p.m. Sunday, Belfast Police Department officials called Old Town to say they had received a call from Isacson’s number and the woman wasn’t making sense. While en route to her home, Old Town police got a second call from Maine State Police barracks in Orono saying they received a similar call.

You are not going to believe who Ms. Isacson called when the police knocked on her door.

… Isacson called 911 to say police were at the door harassing her …

Nooooo! This time she was just given a warning. Surely that’s it. Nope.

An hour later she called the non-emergency number for the Old Town Police Department and when police arrived …

Wait for it …

… she called 911 to say police were again at the door harassing her.

If you’re wondering when this ends – not yet!

In fact when police told her she was under arrest, “she tried to call 911 again,” Casey said.

Isacson was arrested and charged with misuse of the emergency 911 system and taken to Penobscot County Jail in Bangor, where she remained Monday night, a jail official said.

The Juice is exhausted. Here’s the source.

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As Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said: “you couldn t make up something stranger than this.” So here’s what happened, per knbc.com. Old Edward Bishop went and stole himself a pickup truck. Not so exciting, but …

…while [Mr. Bishop was] sitting outside a convenience store, a man with a gun hopped in and ordered him to start driving.

The car thief got jacked! Problem was, nobody looked at the fuel gauge.

The pickup ran out of gas and the gunman ordered Bishop to get out and push, but Bishop ran away and called police.

Now both Mr. Bishop and jacker Jomo Sexton are in the pokey.

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Hell, The Juice himself is not the most patient driver. Suffice it to say that, if his car were miked, there would have to be a serious delay, with someone’s finger always on the button. But this dude in Houston? He either has an incredibly short fuse, was in a really bad mood, or both. As reported by www.khou.com:

Police said [David Charles] Patronella [age 56] was driving behind another man southbound on Highway 6 on September 28. When the two drivers reached a light on Westheimer at Briargreen, Patronella allegedly lowered his window and pointed a gun at the other driver. No words were ever exchanged.

Who needs words when you have a gun?

Patronella continued on his way once the light turned green, but the other motorist followed him.

The motorist wrote down Patronella’s license plate number and the address of his home. He then turned that information over to police. The victim said he did not know who Patronella was or why he was upset, but thought it could have been because he was driving slow.

The victim was also able to identify Patronella by a photo lineup created by police.

Are you surprised that a slow driver was so detail-oriented? The Juice would have been surprised had it not gone down this way.

Patronella was charged with aggravated assault. [His] bail was set at $30,000.

You’ll find the source here.

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If given the choice, an overwhelming majority of kids would choose not to go to school, ever. But you gotta go, something this kid is learning the hard way. As reported by The Northwest Florida Daily News:

A 13-year-old boy [from Niceville!] was arrested Nov. 8 and charged with battery after an argument about him going to school turned physical.

The boy hit his mother in the chest when she tried to get him into the car to go to school, according to his NIceville Police Department arrest report.

He then threw pine cones and sticks at his father, the report said.

He then picked up the family cat and … just kidding.

After being read his rights, the boy told the officer he didn’t want to go to school and his mother tried to make him go by applying a pressure point behind his ear. That’s when he hit her, the report said.

The boy was arrested and taken to the police department. From there, he was transferred to the Department of Juvenile Justice, the report said.

The Juice is thinking this probably won’t happen again.

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Really? You’re going to use a taser (in the back!) on a guy who posed NO THREAT to anyone? Have you read the manual? Even used properly, people die, Jack. Think about it.

For more taser posts, scroll down a bit, and enter “taser” in the “Search This Blog” box.

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Why shouldn’t you mess with the the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Protection? Here’s why: They “fined a Marshall Township man more than $100,000 for destroying two acres of wetlands to build a recreational pond.” As reported by timesonline.com (Beaver, PA):

The DEP announced Wednesday that Francois Bitz, 52, of 1640 Pleasant Hill Road has agreed to pay a $137,800 fine as part of a consent order for violating the state’s Clean Streams Law and the Dam Safety and Encroachments Act.

Bitz also will pay recovery costs and oversight fees to the DEP and the Allegheny County Conservation District, the state agency release said.

From 2009 to 2010, without necessary permits, Bitz excavated approximately 2 acres of wetland and impacted about 1,100 feet of stream while constructing a pond on his property, the DEP release said.

Good thing he only coveted a 2-acre pond.

The DEP said it issued two compliance orders to Bitz in July 2010 after inspections revealed he had excavated portions of a stream channel of an unnamed tributary to Big Sewickley Creek, which is classified as a trout-stocked fishery. The agency said Bitz also disturbed significant portions of earth in the surrounding wetlands without developing an erosion and sediment control plan, which could lead to pollution in the stream.

Dude.

The agreement stipulates that the restoration of the property must begin within two months and be completed within six months of the permit being issued, the release said.

Fortunately for all parties concerned, it looks like Mr. Bitz can well afford to repair the damage.

In 1990, Bitz and three colleagues at Carnegie Mellon University co-founded Fore Systems, a Marshall-based technology company that had its first major success when it landed a contract to develop computer network switches for the Navy in 1991.

Here’s the source.

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We all have days that we just want to end, even The Juice. But we all, er, most of us, that is, power through those days. Not this gent. The damage? You won’t believe it. As reported by The Union Leader:

A former civilian painter who pleaded guilty Thursday to setting two fires aboard the USS Miami could serve about 20 years in prison and have to pay some of the $500 million in damages and injuries. [The victims in the case include the Navy as well as seven firefighters and sailors who were injured during the first fire, which took 12 hours to extinguish.]

Casey James Fury, 24, who worked at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for two years, faces two counts of arson after he confessed to setting a four-alarm fire aboard the $900 million Los Angeles Class submarine May 23 and a smaller fire in the dry dock at the Kittery facility June 12.

Why? [Just pretend that you don’t already know.]

Investigators determined Fury, who worked as a painter and sandblaster, started the two fires because he was anxious and wanted to leave work.

Fury, who has been in custody at Cumberland County Jail since his arrest July 22, and his attorney, David Beneman, signed the agreement to plead guilty Tuesday with Thomas Delahanty, U.S. attorney for the District of Maine, and Assistant U.S. Attorneys Darcie McElwee and James Chapman.

Delahanty said Fury entered his plea in federal court Thursday.

So what’s the deal?

As part of the agreement, Fury could be imprisoned no less than 188 months – just over 15.6 years – and no more than 235 months – about 19.6 years, according to court records.

“The judge accepted it pending on a presentencing investigation,” Delahanty said, adding he anticipates the report to be finished in the next three months.

Here’s what Mr. Fury could have faced (or could be facing if the deal is ultimately rejected by the Judge):

Per federal statute, the first arson charge could keep Fury in prison for the rest of his life, and the second count has a maximum penalty of 25 years.

Here’s the source, including a photograph of Mr. Fury.

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Have you ever heard of squirrels invading a person’s home? Apparently this has been a major problem for a man in Parsippany for 17 years! It has been so bad that Mr. Slaughter (yes, that’s his real name) caught over 50 squirrels in recent years and released them several miles away. How bad was the squirrel problem? Per The Star-Ledger:

Slaughter said yesterday he had been trying to keep squirrels off his property for 17 years, catching them with the trap and then releasing them a few miles away in a wooded area.

During that time, he said, the animals broke into his home and were responsible for foul odors, and they destroyed the wooden edges on his roof.

So why is Mr. Slaughter in hot water?

[Mr. Slaughter] forgot to remove the trap two weekends ago as he went out of town to celebrate his birthday and the Easter weekend, resulting in a squirrel starving to death in the cage. It remained there for at least four days, he said.

Unfortunate, but criminal?

[Mr.] Slaughter, 52, has been charged with needlessly killing an animal and not providing food, water or protection to an animal, police said.

Said Mr. Slaughter:

“I just stupidly left the thing out.”

The Juice would let it go at that. (Please, PETA members, no emails! It was an accident!)

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