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These gents only wish they had the opportunity to grill under the influence. Alas, their plan was foiled by Johnny Law. As reported by tcpalm.com:

Police officers were fairly certain they had recovered a stolen gas barbecue grill when they saw two intoxicated men pushing it up the road late one night this week.

You’d have to drunk to think that wouldn’t look suspicious.

The officers couldn’t immediately connect to the grill to its home. However, police used a crime website called Uneighbors.com to send out an alert about the recovered grill and heard back from its owner within a day.

Drunk people often make bad choices, followed by more bad choices …

The series of events started Monday when two North Carolina men on foot in the 3700 block of Mockingbird Lane stole the grill from a home, police said. About 10:50 p.m., a patrolman saw the men pushing the grill in the 500 block of Fiddlewood Road. Jacob Cecelski, 19, of Carolina Beach, N.C., and Riley Brenner, 20, of Wilmington, N.C., wouldn’t give the officer straight answers about where the grill came from and also gave him false names, police said.

Both were charged with misdemeanors for disorderly intoxication and giving false names while detained. They eventually admitted to stealing the grill, but couldn’t remember which house, police said.

Here’s the source, with mug shots.

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Seriously, what do you expect when you burglarize a haunted house? That the spirits are just going to let you waltz out the door with their otherworldly possessions? I don’t think so. As reported by the AP, out of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia:

A news report says a burglar who broke into a house claims he was held captive by a “supernatural figure” for three days without food and water. Police official Abdul Marlik Hakim Johar told The Star newspaper the house’s owners found the 36-year-old man fatigued and dehydrated when they returned from vacation Thursday. He says they called an ambulance to take him to a hospital. The man told police that every time he tried to escape, a “supernatural figure” shoved him to the ground. Abdul Marlik could not immediately be reached and other police officials declined to comment.

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People trying to sneak stuff into jail is not news. You can probably guess one of the techniques that is frequently attempted. Well here’s a new one, at least new to The Juice. As reported by North Country Now (New York):

A Moira woman has been arrested for allegedly trying to enter St. Lawrence County Correctional Facility with seven Tylenol PM pills taped to the bottom of her foot, according to St. Lawrence County Sheriff’s Deputies.

So it was unsuccessful. At least it was creative.

Brandy A. Carbino, 32, 64 Birch Lane, Moira, who was being booked into the jail, allegedly tried to smuggle in the pills, deputies report. She is currently sentenced to serve weekends at the jail on another charge.

Carbino was charged with second-degree promoting prison contraband, a class A misdemeanor and issued an appearance ticket for Canton Village Court on Dec. 20.

Looks like they’ll be tacking a few more weekends on. Here’s the source.

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The word “shit” is just that – a word. Certainly some folks prefer not to say it, hear it or see it, but, well, tough … Seriously, this is still America, right? Tell that to Brian Barnett, who was a Green Party candidate in Arkansas. I don’t know anything about his politics, and I will stipulate that his sign was an incredibly stupid way to try to attract voters. (Attention yes, voters no.) But there’s this thing called the First Amendment …

Barnett was ticked off that the Republican (Reeves) and Democrat (Betts) contenders for a state House seat would not debate him. So he was walking around Searcy, Arkansas with a sign that read:

Debate Brian! Chicken shit; 1. Kyle Reeves; 2. Monte Betts.

Free speech, right? Wrong. Per The Daily Citizen:

“You can probably get away with saying he’s chicken, but since he’s an alderman and a member of the city council, you can’t,” [Patrolman] Johnson told Barnett. “That word is not acceptable.”

Dude, I heard Putin is looking for a few good men. What did Barnett have to say for himself?

Barnett explained the sign to Johnson, saying it was designed to call attention to the refusal of Reeves and Betts to debate him.

“When you call someone chicken s*** that means they’re scared,” Barnett said.

So we’re cool, right? Nope.

When Sergeant Tom McGee arrived, the three went next door to a tire shop and Barnett could be heard offering to change the sign. Within minutes, however, Barnett was arrested, charged with disorderly conduct, apparently for refusing to obey an officer.

UFB. And they cuffed him, and put him in the patrol car! But wait! Someone must have pulled out a pocket Constitution!

Within minutes, Barnett was taken out of the car, given a citation and was allowed to go free. The sign was returned to Barnett and he was told he could stand where he chose with the sign. Barnett, confused as to why he was allowed to continue displaying the altered sign, now showing an “X” over the “i,” was told the matter would be explained to him further at his Nov. 20 court date in White County District Court, Searcy Division.

Confused? I’d say perplexed. Those cops really need to get their shit together!

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If you are among those who can look at a piece of bologna and still eat it, that may change after you read this. As reported by The Columbus Dispatch:

[Ex-deputy] Joseph M. Cantwell, 38, pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor health-code violations for giving Joseph Copeland a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed against another prisoner’s penis.

What was the evidence that this grade-school prank actually happened?

Cantwell, of Park Point Lane in Lewis Center in Delaware County, and another deputy, Phillip Barnett, photographed the sandwich incident in the Downtown jail. Both were fired by Sheriff Jim Karnes in May.

Photos? Were these guys in a cave when the Abu Ghraib photos were EVERYWHERE? So what was the punishment?

Franklin County Municipal Judge Harland H. Hale fined Cantwell $500 but suspended a 90-day jail sentence, provided that he complete his [5 years of] probation.

What about the sandwich-eater?

Copeland and two other prisoners have sued the county.

Since the Juice has a soft spot for personal injury lawyers, he is really hoping that Mr. Copeland filed this action pro se. You can read more here.

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As you’ll soon see, this fella has an appetite for dollar stores, and ice cream sandwiches. As reported by tcpalm.com:

32-year-old Robert Silvia, was arrested Oct. 12 after an assistant manager at a Family Dollar saw a man take “an ice cream sandwich from the front of his pants” and start eating it, a recently released Fort Pierce police report states.

The assistant manager said the man came in the store in the 700 block of South U.S. 1 in Fort Pierce and went to the cooler. The man took something, and left without paying.

“She watched him as he walked across the street to the Dollar Tree store, as he walked he removed an ice cream sandwich from the front of his pants and began eating it,” the report states. “He then entered the Dollar Tree and came out a few minutes later with a drink and then began to walk west on Georgia Ave.”

From the Family Dollar to the Dollar Tree to … the pokey? Yup. The man admitted to lifting the $1.00 ice cream sandwich, and apologized. To no avail. The assistant manager wanted to press charges.

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If you didn’t get in any trouble as a kid, either you’re very clever, or your childhood was incomplete. But this kid? At only 12, he’s had enough trouble to last him for a long, long time. As reported by www.ksat.com:

In Santa Fe, New Mexico, a 12-year-old boy high on marijuana led police on a chase and eventually rolled his car — and it’s not his first run-in with the law.

He was wearing a monitoring bracelet! Ever heard of a 12-year-old wearing a monitoring bracelet? Here’s how they got the ride:

A representative with the Sheriff’s Office said the boys broke into a home and stole the car’s keys.

Incredibly, after rolling the car, neither the boy nor his 15-year-old buddy were hurt badly. They were, however, arrested when they tried to take off.

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Surgery is scary enough. I’d like to know that my doctor is certain that operating while on crack would be a bad thing. It’s not that California ear, nose and throat specialist Li Quang Nguyen actually operated while on crack, but check this out, as reported by the OC Register:

In July 2007, Dr. Nguyen was staying at the Howard Johnson Express in Huntington Beach. Police responded to a call that maids could not enter the locked room for cleaning. Police found Nguyen in a deep sleep. Police removed rock cocaine, a clear vial of liquid cocaine, a glass pipe and a lighter, the documents say.

Hard to say “what crack” in those circumstances, right?

Nguyen admitted to police that he had freebased cocaine the day before but said he was not “hooked,” according to the documents. In April, he pleaded no contest to drug charges and was ordered to enter an 18-month treatment program.

Okay. Looking good, until the disciplinary hearing for his medical license…

… during his hearing, Nguyen said he knew nothing about the drugs and “went so far as to testify that he did not know if it would be dangerous to perform surgery under the influence of cocaine.”

The board’s disciplinary documents say, “He claimed he could not know if this would be dangerous since he had never tried it, but such an assertion made by a trained physician is simply preposterous and rather frightening.”

What, what, what? Dr. Nguyen, who had a previous disciplinary action, had his license revoked. To read more, click here.

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Some people smoke weed. Some people believe god tells them to do things. Therefore, some people who smoke weed believe god tells them to do things. No? Of course not. You need not have taken formal logic to know that is complete BS. Nevertheless, there was a young man in West Hartford, who, after smoking weed said he was doing god’s work… As reported by The Hartford Courant:

Police said a Middle Road resident arrived home Sunday and noticed the front door had been kicked in. [Levon T.]Sarkisyan [27], who identified himself as Leon Sark, then walked out the front door and told the homeowner “a light from above told him to do this,” said Farmington police Sgt. Stephen Egan.

Sarkisyan then told the homeowner he’d broken into the house because “God wants me to help the world,” Egan said. He then told the homeowner, “I mean you no harm.”

While in the house, Sarkisyan used a fireplace poker to smash statues, including one of a Roman soldier, and a marble table, causing about $10,000 in damage, Egan said. Sarkisyan also rummaged through closets, took a shower, then dressed in the clothing of a deceased former resident, Egan said.

No harm to you, just your house and your stuff.

The homeowner told Sarkisyan to sit down, then fumbled with a phone trying to call 911, Egan said.

Sarkisyan said, “You see, God will not let you use the phone,” Egan said.

Er, um, okay.

As they waited for police, the homeowner asked Sarkisyan how he broke into the home.

Sakisyan then stood up, “flexed his arm and said, “you see, super human strength,” Egan said.

Officers arrived moments later and took him into custody without incident.

Why, Sark, why?

Later, Sarkisyan told officers he’d smoked “a strange strand of herb” that caused him to do what he did, Egan said.

The charges?

… third-degree burglary and first-degree criminal mischief …

Sark clearly has problems, but lack of an education is not one of them. He graduated from UConn. Click here for the source.

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Unless you’ve never seen a movie or tv show, you’re familiar with the cop who makes a mess of things and ends up getting busted down to traffic. So what happens if you are a traffic cop, and you mess up? This gent is almost certainly going to find out. As reported in The New Straits Times:

A traffic policeman was ordered to enter his defence by the magistrate’s court yesterday for ordering a woman motorist to strip at a roadblock.

Say what?

Corporal A.S. Affendi Ahmad Sairi, 41, was charged with ordering Ang Ya Ying, 28, to remove her blouse and with pulling her pants to cause her embarrassment and insulting her modesty in front of a petrol station in Cheras at 1.15am on May 4 last year.

Defence counsel Faizal Abd Rahman told the court that he would be calling three witnesses, including the accused…

Whatever the deal is, take the plea bargain!

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