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Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It’s definitely the coolest place The Juice ever visited.

But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can’t bring the patient’s horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

“On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital],” [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. “We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse.”

Yes ma’am, we understand. Oh – one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative – he brought the wrong horse!

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The Juice definitely doesn’t – and not just because it would reduce the amount of material out there. Anyway, talk about a harmless prank. And a damn funny one too … Check this out, as reported by khou.com:

What happens when you drop the C and the L from class? You get in trouble, that’s what.

Three Cypress Ridge High School students were suspended and fined $135 each for allegedly pulling a prank in the senior class photo.

Seniors posed for the panoramic photos last month. First, there was a formal picture with students in the front row wearing t-shirts that spelled out “Class of 2010.”

So far, no problem. But then …

The second panoramic was an informal shot. The students were allowed to move around so they rearranged themselves, leaving only “ass” on the front row.

“I heard C and L ran off. That’s not ass’s fault. That’s C and L’s fault, said senior Austin Knight. “It was funny and they shouldn’t have been punished.”

Right on, sir! You have just been awarded “quote of the month” – “That’s not ass’s fault.”

But it was the three students wearing A, S and S that got in trouble. Along with the fine and suspension, they lost their positions as officers for various clubs.

“S” man George Bermudez, who was the senior class secretary, said it was an accident.

Cy-Fair ISD officials didn’t buy that story.

In a statement, the district said: “Three students were disciplined in accordance with the Student Code of Conduct. ”

Uncool. Here’s the source, including video.

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judge%20mad%20angry%20upset%20pissed%20irate%20.gif She did. She called the Judge an asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, “a two-syllable curse word—a crude term referring to the anus.” Must be a “family” newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.’s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty. Twice. First, she cited her poor health, which the Judge rejected. Then, she said she was a racist, which the Judge also rejected. That’s when she called the Judge an asshole, only he didn’t quite hear it. So…

When the judge asked Muller to clarify her remark, [she] repeated it. He charged her on the spot with direct criminal contempt of the court — a second-degree misdemeanor— and Muller was promptly handcuffed by a court bailiff and taken into custody.

Now Judge McCune was pissed.

“How in the world did you think that running your mouth in such a foul, profane way would be appropriate in court, of all places?” McCune asked Muller. “Did it even dawn on you that you were already here and you might as well make the most of it?”

Ms. Muller’s reaction? Not a “crude term referring to the anus.”

Muller apologized to the judge as tears streamed down her face. “I’m very sorry for calling you that. I did not know it was illegal, and I did not mean to cause disrespect,” she said.

Muller added that cursing was “a very bad habit” of hers and that she was feeling upset, sick, and very broke. “I’m very poor, and I barely have any money at all,” she protested. “I do not appear to be sick, but I am internally sick.”

Now you know the crime. The time? Three days in jail (plus $233.00 in court costs and fees). One final nugget from Ms. Muller:

“I didn’t know I would go to jail for freedom of speech.”

Zoinks! Here’s the source (including photos). And if you like “contempt” stories, click here.

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The day may come when The Juice reveals the 11th commandment… But this day, we have the story of a man who violated the 12th commandment: Don’t Be Afraid. And his dog almost paid the ultimate price. Per the Cairns Post:

A man was so convinced he was going to jail for hosting a noisy New Year’s Day party he put his things in storage and arranged to have his dog put down, a Cairns court heard.

But an anxious Keat Paul Wylie, 20, who faced Cairns Magistrates’ Court yesterday for contravening a police direction to turn his stereo down, was told he could only be fined for the offence.

“Mr Wylie has been very stressed, he had actually sought legal advice and was told by the lawyer he was definitely going to jail for six months,” duty lawyer Michelle Emeleus said.

Hmm. Can you say “bar counsel?”

“As a result he had put his property in storage and he was about to have his dog put down.”

Yikes.

The court heard police told Wylie to turn down the music at his home in Cooktown Rd, Edmonton, about 10.30pm on January 1.

But when the loud music continued, they returned at 2.17am to issue him with a notice to appear in court for contravening the direction.

Wylie, who is on a suspended sentence, was fined $250 and had no conviction recorded.

Remember, Juice readers, to heed the 12th commandment: Don’t be afraid!

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No! No! No! If you’re doing something illegal – like soliciting a prostitute! – don’t call the cops to complain when it goes south! As reported by WMUR in New Hampshire:

A man and a woman were charged with prostitution Tuesday after, police said, the man called them to report that the woman didn’t have sex with him after he paid for it.

Jeanna Mercure, 22, of Manchester, N.H., and Robert Smith, 32, of Marlborough, were charged with prostitution.

Police said Smith called the Marlborough Police Department on Monday and reported that he had paid Mercure and a third party $150 to have sex with him on Sunday night. Smith called police after Mercure failed to have sex with him, police said.

Doh! Doh! Doh! Here’s the source, including mug shots.

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What’s worse than getting bitten by a rabid bat? Having to pay for all of the treatment out of your own pocket. Fortunately for David Froelich of Delaware County, Ohio, he only got bitten once. As reported by the Columbus Dispatch:

A little-known Ohio law allows a person bitten or injured by a rabid animal to ask county commissioners to reimburse up to $1,500 for medical treatment. The request must be made within four months of the bite, and a doctor must verify the treatment.

The debate came when Froehlich, 61, asked the county commissioners to help cover his $5,000 hospital bill for a series of rabies-vaccine shots.

… the commissioners unanimously agreed to pay Froehlich the maximum reimbursement allowed under the law. Commissioners weren’t obligated to fulfill Froehlich’s request, because it was made two days after the four-month window had closed.

Fortunately for Mr. Froelich …

… a 1928 state attorney general’s opinion grants commissioners discretion when considering such claims, so waiving the timeline is within the law.

Think this happens often? Nope.

Brad Cole, managing director for research at the County Commissioners’ Association of Ohio, said he knew of no other such rabies-bite reimbursements.

Whew, and ..

Cole said the reimbursement law was revised in 2000 to increase the payment amount from $200 to $1,500, which was the estimated cost of treatment at the time.

Whew. You can read more here.

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Yes sir. This is one lucky man. But just remember, there are two kinds of luck … As reported in the police blotter of the Sun Star Courier (Ohio):

At 4:04 p.m. on Friday, a man was arrested on an active warrant after putting out a fire in his own vehicle on Barr Road.

The 34-year-old man’s truck caught fire due to failed wiring with the LED lights. A resident gave him a fire extinguisher to calm down the blaze.

After running the man’s information it was discovered that he had an active warrant from Cuyahoga County for failure to appear in connection with child support.

Doh!

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Although no nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com:

Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit.

You can see the video here.

The model was posing yesterday for photographer Zach Hyman who has gained recent notoriety for his photos of nude models posing at New York landmarks, snapping shots of naked New Yorkers (all volunteers) from Times Square to Chinatown for his portrait series.

Hyman gives himself just 30 seconds to take 10 shots of nude models with his Hasselblad 500 C/M film camera and conducts his shoots in all natural light. The pictures typically can sell for anywhere from $2,000 to $9,500.

Let me get this straight: Hyman makes between $20,000 and $95,000 for a 30-second photo shoot, and he’s not even the one at risk of being arrested? Hmmm. A good camera, a few models … The Juice is taking a leave of absence … (Ms. Neill was charged with public lewdness.)

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angry_man.png Maybe Illinois attorney Marvin Gerstein will now keep his temper in check … and trim his bushes. As stated by the Supreme Court of Illinois:

On or about June 15, 2005, Respondent [Mr. Gerstein] received a Notice of Public Nuisance signed by Jason Arrasmith, an Environmental Control Officer for the City’s Public Works Department. The notice stated, in part, that the City had inspected Respondent’s property and found that the bushes and vegetation growing in the parkway in front of Respondent’s house were a nuisance because they created a visibility hazard for drivers entering and exiting driveways near Respondent’s house. The notice directed Respondent to abate the nuisance by cutting the vegetation to a maximum height of 24 inches by June 23, 2005.

You already know he didn’t do it. On July 5, 2005, Mr. Gerstein met with City Attorney Jack Waaler and agreed to wack the weeds by July 12th, and that Mr. Arrasmith “had sole discretion to determine whether his yard was in compliance with the agreement.” Come July 12th, think Mr. Gerstein complied? Nope. So the City sent a contractor to do it. Gerstein was not pleased. Here’s the letter he sent to Jason Arrasmith that same day:

Jason:

I hate your fucking existence. What you did to my property was a vicious attack against the sumac cover planted by Irene Poulsen.

Your existence obviously is predicated upon a pair of pig fucking parents otherwise I can’t otherwise explain that you are the by product of the sow factor of birth. Too bad your abortion of a birth wasn’t successful.

So know this you scum piece of a cunt. I pray every time I pass the front portion of my property that the rest of your life is a living hell. I damn you in the name of my God you piece of human dog shit.

Marvin

Ouch! But Mr. Gerstein was not done. Guess what set him off next? The invoice for the yard work! Gerstein’s letter to Mr. Arrasmith is long, but here are a few highlights:

Okay Creep … you can take your Nuisance Abatement invoice and shove it up your anus… On another note, I want to know when I can expect the complaints provided to you in my letter of July 14, 2005 to be addressed. Because I am telling you right now boy, you living abortion, too bad your mother didn’t flush you down the toilet when you were born, I knew this did not happen to [City Attorney] Jack Waaler because his head is too big, and obviously he is the product of some other aberration …

The punishment? It should be noted that Mr. Gerstein “has been disciplined on three previous occasions for conduct that includes sending profane and insulting letters to attorneys and others involved in cases he was handling for clients.” His law license was suspended for 60 days. You can read the entire Consent Petition to Impose Discipline here.

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asshole%20a-bomb%20ass%20hole.jpg I gotta say, I really like the way Springdale District Court Judge Stanley Ludwig handled this one. Here’s what happened, as reported in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette:

The alleged victim had accused his wife of beating him, Ludwig said. Ludwig said he found the woman innocent, believing the man’s injuries to be self-inflicted.

“You’re a controlling asshole who went to Honduras to find a submissive Hispanic woman to marry,” Ludwig recalled telling the man. “I guess I can call him a liar, but not an asshole.”

Props to the judge. What did the Arkansas Judicial Discipline and Disability Commission do with this? They issued a letter of reprimand, the first he has received in his 25 years as a judge. How did he respond to the reprimand?

I’ve probably said more outrageous things over the years. I was probably due.

Nicely done, sir.

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