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Well, kind of. A 17-year-old Washington student stood before his class and presented his essay on why marijuana should be legalized. And? Oh no you didn’t… Per The News Tribune:

At the end of his speech … [he] pulled out a joint, lit it and smoked away. Then he ate the remains.

Yes! Victory! He ate it, so you can’t … what’s that?

For that he got a quick escort to the school office and then a ride to Remann Hall juvenile jail.

The boy … was arrested on suspicion of unlawful drug possession, a misdemeanor.

In case you were wondering, he has a 3.7 GPA. To read more (a fair amount), click here.

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Are you worse off if you mistext (text the wrong number) or sext? That would depend on what was in the mistext, and who you sent it to. One Mindy Lynn Neugebauer, 26, of Mangum [Oklahoma] would likely go with mistexting. Here’s why, per The Altus Times:

According to reports, agent Chris Counts of the Distirct III Drug Task Force received a text message that said, “if you want a hit of this stuff (reference to illegal narcotics) before it is all gone, you better get over here.” He texted back asking the address and got an answer. Counts checked the utility registration and found it to belong to Neugebauer.

Uh oh.

Officers went to the address and told Neugebauer about the text message, and she said she thought she had sent the message to a friend. She said the hits she was talking about were from a blunt marijuana rolled inside a cigar, and that was all she had in the residence.

Hmmm. Admit to something and hope they’ll buy it and go away. Successful? Nope.

She allowed officers to search the house where they found a loaded .22 caliber pistol in the bathroom closet, and a small plastic sack containing suspected cocaine under her mattress. A field test determined the presence of cocaine from the powder.

The evidence was submitted to the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation laboratory for further testing.

Amazing how a mistyped number can change your life.

A felony warrant was issued for Neugebauer on charges of possession of a controlled substance and unlawful possession of a controlled drug with the intent to distribute. Bond was set at $25,000.

Source: The Altus Times.

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Why would you grow your weed outside and risk discovery when you can grow it in your house … er houses? As an added bonus, you can grow it year round. That’s exactly what some folks in New Jersey figured. Per nj.com:

Police uprooted a multimillion-dollar network of homes used to grow marijuana in the largest bust of pot production in New Jersey history… Within three days last month, police seized a total of 3,370 growing plants, 115 pounds of harvested pot and $65,000 cash.

Authorities said the total operation was worth $10 million based on potential output per plant.

Shazam! That’s a serious operation. But what about the juice? No, not me, the electricity required to grow all that weed. Isn’t that how they catch these folks?

The suspects also bypassed electrical meters to conceal how much power the homes were concealing and steal electricity.

Clever. So what brought this thing down? A lucky break.

The investigation started accidentally on Feb. 17 when Monroe Township Police Officer Thomas Lucasiewicz smelled marijuana coming from the chimney of a home on Spotswood-Englishtown Road. When he knocked, Thu N. Nguyen opened the door, and Lucasiewicz smelled unusable pot plants being burned in the fireplace, authorities said.

Nguyen was arrested and police found 1,064 pot plants growing in the basement and master bedroom.

That was only the beginning, and the bust led to search warrants for five more rented houses in four other towns: Millstone, Old Bridge, Manalapan and Manahawkin.

Five of the homes were being used to grow marijuana. One of the suspects lived in a sixth home, on Hidden Court in Old Bridge, where police seized $60,000 cash and vacuum bags used to package the pot.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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So this victim had his car window smashed, and his stereo, GPS, and tires stolen. But at least he could get to work on Monday. How, you might wonder? This is clearly one of the stranger crimes The Juice has encountered. Per lancasteronline.com (Pennsylvania):

A thief in Lancaster Township took the time to replace a set of wheels that he took off a vehicle, police said.

A resident of Riverside Avenue reported that a window on his vehicle was shattered overnight Sunday on Ranck Mill Road, police said. The vehicle’s four wheels were taken and were replaced with four wheels with worn tires.

A stereo and GPS also were taken, police said. Loss is $850.

Go figure.

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A Malaysian woman is almost certainly going to find out. Per The New Straits Times:

[A 28-year-old] woman is facing the death sentence after being caught with 1kg of heroin at an airport in Changsha, central China, last Saturday.

Do you know how much a kilo is? About 2.2 pounds. And it could have been A LOT LESS than that.

The … woman faces death by lethal injection if convicted as China’s Criminal Law stipulates that trafficking of more than 50g of heroin is punishable by death.

50 grams = 1.76 ounces. Here’s the source.

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So what can Turkish citizens no longer bring back from a trip abroad? If you guessed “an artificially fertilized egg,” you’re … right! Per the BBC:

Artificial insemination is already illegal [in Turkey], but women have until now been able to go overseas to seek sperm donors.

Now they will face punishment of one to three years in prison for doing so.

You can read more (a lot) here.

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I’m guessing you now know why Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd might care about a traffic sign … Yup, because the sign was reprogrammed to say:

KEVIN RUDD SUCKS

The Juice is amused. The police, not so much. As reported by The Daily Telegraph:

Police are baffled how they did it but the Prime Minister definitely has a problem in Rose Bay – with a large illuminated traffic sign sending the message: “Kevin Rudd sucks”.

The sign, which dramatically appeared overnight on New South Head Road, has proven a traffic stopper.

Locals have been stopping their cars to take photographs – and the sign caused such a distraction that the police were called in at 3am today.

Working hard to preserve the Prime Minister’s honour, the dedicated police officers took to the power box powering the sign with bolt cutters to turn off the lights.


Honour? Isn’t that shown through deeds? Bolt cutters? Is that how the sign was going to be removed when the road work was done? Go figure. Source: The Daily Telegraph

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lady%20justice.bmp British hero policeman Andrew Shovelar is on trial for attacking his former girlfriend, a trial which was only supposed to take 8 days, but had wrapped its third week. What’s the problem, you’re wondering. Well, you see, several of the jurors have to go on holiday. What’s a judge to do? Not cancel the trial after 3 weeks, right? Wrong! HE DITCHED THE TRIAL SO A JUROR COULD GO ON HOLIDAY! Said Judge Heath:

It was made plain that she would be on the plane to Portugal.

It is the only realistic decision I can take in the circumstances.

No, my right honorable friend, it is not. It’s asinine! Now you know how the juice feels about jury duty. This is insane. What an incredible waste of time and resources! And the new trial? It’s set for 6 weeks in January 2008! (To read more, click here.)

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What would you do if you were running late for work? Would you stab yourself in the leg, and then report to the police that you were “approached by someone in his 40s who asked for a cigarette, then .. stabbed you?” Maybe you wouldn’t, but at least one person would, a 22-year-old Alpine Township (Michigan) man. Per Woodtv.com, after the initial report …

The man was re-interviewed and admitted to the fabrication. He told police he had overslept and was late, then decided to stab himself and report the incident.

Investigators are in the process of obtaining a warrant for his arrest for the false report of a felony.

Doh!

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Surely she didn’t mean she literally had a gun there… But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here’s what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!” [expletive reinserted]

If you’re thinking that perhaps she was drunk, you can listen to the 911 tape (it’s not real exciting) and judge for yourself. As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn’t the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my …

Sure, it’s funny, at least through Juice-colored glasses … Here’s the source (with a photo).