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Perhaps it was just the candor pander, but The Juice is always impressed when someone just fesses up, like this woman did when she included a bag of cocaine with her bank deposit! No “ur, uh, um” from this woman, as reported by The Hartford Courant:

A Wethersfield woman making a bank deposit about 4 p.m. Thursday included something extra in the envelope she passed to a drive-up teller at the Rockville Bank on Ellington Road, police said.

Contained in Kendl Murphy’s deposit envelope was a small bag containing a white powder, police said. While a teller handled Murphy’s transaction, other bank staff called police.

Responding officers used a chemical field test and the powder tested positive for cocaine, said Sgt. Scott Custer.

Aha! Now what do you have to say for yourself?

As for the suspected cocaine, “she said something to the effect that it was left over from the weekend and she didn’t realize she left it in that envelope,” Custer said.

The less forthcoming of you might be thinking about her confession up and wondering “was she high?” And the answer is … nope.

Police tested Murphy and determined she was not under the influence of anything at the time of the incident.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Ms. Murphy.

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Does marinating a cat really enhance the flavor? Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. (And please, PETA folks, no more emails. The Juice truly likes animals, especially cats.) Mr. Gary Korkuc was caught literally marinating his cat. Here’s the story, as reported by www.buffalonews.com:

Buffalo police say officers heard the cat meowing when they stopped 51-year-old Gary Korkuc of Cheektowaga to ticket him for running a stop sign Sunday night.

They say they checked the trunk and found 4-year-old Navarro in a cage, his fur covered with oil, crushed red peppers and chili peppers.

Very uncool. But why?

Police say Korkuc told them he did it because Navarro was ill-tempered.

… he [also] told them he was going to cook Navarro. But they say Korkuc also complained that the neutered male cat got pregnant after he was spayed.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] A pregnant male cat? Anyway, it looks like Navarro will be fine, as he was cleaned up and is awaiting adoption. And Mr. Korkuc?

[He] was charged with cruelty and released; his phone number isn’t listed.

Think he’s glad he opted for an unlisted number?

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Yet another traffic stop for faulty equipment (no tail lights – doh!) that leads to … finding drugs in a body cavity? True. As reported in the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

August 9, 2010

Summary: Officer Anthony Voltz and Tyler Walker conducted a traffic stop on a vehicle for no tail lights. The passenger Sherry Luster had four felony warrants and was taken into custody. Inside the vehicle officers also located multiple baggies and two scales consistent with narcotics. Ms. Luster was transported to CJC where it was discovered she had secreted 3.5 grams of crack cocaine in her vagina. Ms. Luster was charged with possession of a schedule II substance.

“Secreted”? Not bad for a dry police blotter.

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How can you entice men to go to something, like say, church? In a word – strippers. There’s some crazy stuff going on in Warsaw, Ohio… From The Columbus Dispatch:

Every weekend for the last four years, [Pastor Bill] Dunfee and members of his ministry have stood watch over [strip-club owner Tommy] George’s joint, taking up residence in the right of way with signs, video cameras and bullhorns in hand. They videotape customers’ license plates and post them online, and they try to save the souls of anyone who comes and goes.

Can they do that?

George … sued the church in federal court several years ago, claiming a violation of his constitutional rights, but he lost.

Okay, Plan B ….

Now, the dancers have turned the tables, so to speak. Fed up with the tactics of Dunfee and his flock, they say they have finally accepted his constant invitation to come to church.

It’s just that they’ve come wearing see-through shorts and toting Super Soakers.

They bring lawn chairs and – yesterday, anyway – grilled hamburgers, Monster energy drinks and corn on the cob.

How do the parties view this battle of wills?

[Dunfee] said their presence has united his church members and reinvigorated their mission to shut down the club.

“They have now seen the evil firsthand,” Dunfee said. “This has just made us stronger.”

George laughed at that notion.

“They’re just mad,” he said, “because their wives won’t let them come to my club.”

You can read a lot more about the dueling protests (and see photos) here.

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Do you think a man’s feet can smell so bad that he got kicked out of a university? Yes, and Teunis Tenbrook has been fighting getting the boot (sorry) FOR 10 YEARS! Exactly how a case like this can take 10 years is a mystery to me, but whatever Mr. Tenbrook did, it worked. As reported by UPI:

A judge ruled to allow Teunis Tenbrook, who was banned from attending classes at Erasmus University in Rotterdam after administrators said his foot odor was distracting to professors and students, to resume his education at the school after a 10-year lapse, The Sun reported Tuesday.

The judge said professors and students would “just have to hold their noses and bear it” if the smell of Tenbrook’s feet bothers them in the future.

The sweet smell of victory!

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Go into the right bathroom in Japan, and you’ll find an envelope with a note and a 10,000 yen ($116 US) note. So far, the “mystery lavatory man” has left such a gift in 425 bathrooms throughout government offices across Japan. The reason is unknown, although the notes provide a clue:

Enclosed is a gift of ¥10,000. Please use this for your ascetic training and devote yourself to good deeds, keeping a pure heart and not holding evil thoughts in your precious human heart.

Unfortunately for the mystery man, the money is not being spent that way. Authorities believe all of the money has been turned over to them. If the money isn’t claimed, it goes to the municipality where it was found.

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bicyclist%20cyclist%20finger%20flipping%20bird%20fuck%20you.jpg For your reading pleasure, here are some choice 2007 legal-related highlights from an article in the Arkansas Times:

Worst citation: A Little Rock bicycle rider was cited in May for shouting “Turn on your lights!” as two police cruisers sped past him on Seventh Street near the state Capitol. One of the policemen stopped and wrote the cyclist a ticket for expressing “dislike” of how the police were doing their jobs. Dismissed, of course. Is there such a thing as a ticket that an officer can give himself for being a prick?

Worst nap: Police arrested a Camden motorist in May and charged him with DWI when he fell asleep at the wheel after placing a to-go order in the drive-through lane at McDonald’s.

Worst class to attend if you’re a raccoon: An agri/shop teacher killed a live, caged raccoon with a nail gun in November at the start of a Huntsville High School class on wildlife skinning. School authorities saw no need for a reprimand or anything, and in fact with all the attention the coon-killer teacher became something of a folk hero at Huntsville, one admirer showing support by killing and skinning a dog and hanging the carcass on the gatepost of another Huntsville teacher who was thought to have reported the original coon-killing to the Humane Society.

Worst geezery: A state appeals court in March upheld a lower court’s ruling that an 85-year-old Hot Springs psychologist should pay about $1,000 a month in alimony to his estranged wife, a psychiatrist, age 52. The court said the man squandered the couple’s marital assets (earned mostly by the wife), using the money to buy cars and expensive lingerie for young Chinese women and to give them large sums of cash, instead of using it to pay bills. Last straw was said to be a box with a snake inside that turned up on the wife’s driveway, with a note inside saying, “Die, Bitch.” From guess who.

Worst packing: David Huckabee, son of the erstwhile governor, was arrested in April when Little Rock National Airport authorities found a loaded pistol in his luggage as he attempted to board a plane. He said he forgot it was in there.

Worst trunk surprise: Police found a missing car and returned it to its owner, a North Little Rock woman, in February, without bothering to check out the smell coming from the trunk, which the woman found to contain the body of her slain husband, who had also been reported missing.

Best news for sadists: In opposing a legislative measure in March to prevent the torture of household pets and horses, the outdoor editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette warned homeowners that if the bill passed they could be arrested if their pussycat hassled birds at a yard feeder. Such nonsense, fanned by the Farm Bureau, frightened legislators into voting to let the sicko torturers, abusers, and starvers of Arkansas animals proceed with their fun.

Best hole: A sheriff’s deputy lunched at the International House of Pancakes at Benton in March, then went into the men’s room and blew a hole in the ceiling with his service revolver, then exited to explain to customers and employees that the bang they’d heard wasn’t a gunshot but rather the sound of a commode lid falling. Then he made a rather hasty departure. The Benton Courier ran a big picture of the hole.

You can read the entire Arkansas Times article (long, and with some entertaining entries) here.

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Okay, the good news: Ontario resident Barry Shell won the lottery, hauling in $4,377,298. The bad news? Per The Toronto Star:

… after a smiling Shell, 45, had posed for an OLG [Ontario Lottery and Gaming] photo holding his cheque for $4,377,298, he was arrested outside the building on outstanding criminal charges and taken into police custody.

The charges?

… failing to appear, theft under $5,000 and possession of property obtained by crime.

Seems the OLG conducts a “rigorous investigation” of anyone who claims a prize. Here’s the full story.

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Indeed it was for Mark Pannell of Buffalo, New York. Here’s how his day went, as reported by The Buffalo News:

… at about 8:45 a.m. Saturday … deputies stopped Pannell’s car on Grand Island Boulevard near Staley Road for what is being described as minor traffic violations.

Okay. A routine stop, then …

When Deputy Shaun Hediger returned to his patrol vehicle with Pannell’s driver’s license, Pannell stripped down to his underwear and fled into the woods.

Shazam! Surely he was quickly apprehended? Nope.

Deputies pursued Pannell, but lost site of him in the dense underbrush. Even bringing in state troopers, a Border Patrol helicopter and K-9 dog didn’t initially help. After about three hours, the search was suspended.

You gotta figure that he’s gone, at least for a while. Nope. He was spotted at 11:30 p.m., fully clothed. When the police chased him, he jumped into the river. He soon ran out of gas, though, and surrendered. What had he been doing all day – since 8:45 a.m.?

Pannell told police he was in the woods throughout the day, and even took a nap in a tree house at one point. When it got dark, Pannell told police, he returned to the south Grand Island Bridge.

Perhaps this is why he was running (though the stripping down to the underwear part remains unexplained): He was driving on a suspended license, and had outstanding warrants for marijuana possession and traffic offenses. Add charges for “obstructing government administration” to that list.

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This is one dude whose car you better not screw up, or else … Or else what? Here’s what, per the Orlando Sentinel:

A convicted felon is accused of battering an Orlando mechanic because of dissatisfaction with the mechanic’s work.

Yikes. And it wasn’t just any old [alleged] battery.

Patrick called his mechanic, Renaud Myrtil, on Sunday to complain about transmission problems with his gold 2000 Mazda 626. Myrtil had worked on the vehicle in June, according to the arrest affidavit.

When Patrick arrived at the mechanic’s shop about 5:30 p.m. Monday, Patrick told Myrtil to get in the vehicle so Patrick could demonstrate the problems with the car as it was in motion. Myrtil sat in the front passenger seat; a friend of Patrick’s was in the back seat behind Myrtil.

Fair enough, right? Because that “sound” always magically disappears if you’re not in the car.

While driving westbound on Washington Street toward Orange Blossom Trail, Patrick became angry while describing the vehicle’s problems, Myrtil told police.

Patrick and the man in the back seat, both of whom were wearing reflective work vests, then began to beat Myrtil, who told police that he did not try to leave the car because the vehicle was in motion.

When the car arrived in the area of Old Winter Garden Road and Ferguson Drive, Patrick told the man in the back seat to pass forward a gun. Myrtil hit Patrick with his left elbow, causing Patrick to drop the gun to the floor of the car.

Wo! Mr. Patrick was now doubly pissed.

Myrtil told police that Patrick then used a 12-letter expletive to refer to him and threatened to kill him.

[Hmm. 12-letter expletive. Really? Note even “motherf***ker”? Weak.]

Myrtil then jumped out of the car and flagged an Orange County Sheriff’s Office deputy, according to the arrest affidavit. The sheriff’s office contacted Orlando Police after determining that the crime happened within city limits.