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So you say you’re the Constable? Yes sir, and my office is enshrined in the Constitution of The Commonwealth of Kentucky. There are more than 500 of us.

The job may not pay well (zippy!), but it does come with some perks, including that you get to do it without any training! It does not, however place the officeholder above the law. As reported by wdrb.com:

“They arrested [Bullitt County Constable Clifton] Hudson on a traffic stop and followed up with a search warrant on his home,” says Bullitt County Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Mike Murdoch. “That’s where they were able to find drug paraphernalia, many other pills and marijuana including a ledger showing money he’s owed for prescription pain pills.”

Hudson had been serving as constable in the Mount Washington area since 2011.

Bullitt County deputies say citizens complained about him selling drugs before he was even elected, but because of his position it was harder to capture him in the act.

So what powers does a Constable have? Per kentuckyconstable.com:

Constables are Peace Officers with broad powers of arrest and authority to serve court processes. The Constable has the authority to enforce both the Traffic Code and the Criminal Code of Kentucky. They may execute warrants, summonses, subpoenas, attachments, notes, rules and orders of the court in all criminal, penal and civil cases (KRS 70.350). The Kentucky Constitution, Section 106, Constables will possess the same qualification as the sheriffs and may exercise jurisdiction in any part of the county. (OAG 62-115 and 40-776).

Those are some serious powers for a job that requires no training. Are they popular? Well …

Last year, Kentucky lawmakers considered eliminating the office after a Jefferson County Constable shot an accused shoplifter.

Last month a report from the State Secretary of Justice and Public Safety called the office outdated and irrelevant.

Click here to read an article about the report. As for Constable Hudson, click here, for a little bit more, including a mug shot.

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This may be the worst trade ever made in a jail, anywhere. As reported by the Des Moines Register:

A western Iowa man already convicted on federal fraud charges has been sentenced to more than two years in prison for selling his pain pills for candy.

Say what? And they weren’t just any old pain pills.

Donald Washburn of Marion was given the sentence earlier this week in Cedar Rapids. The time will run concurrently to his separate sentence of more than 11 years in prison on various federal fraud charges.

Prosecutors say the 63-year-old sold his prescription oxycodone medication to other inmates for candy bars while he was held in the Linn County Jail awaiting sentencing on the investment fraud case.

This guy was able to convince people to invest money with him? Scary. The nature of his scams?

Washburn was convicted in February of bilking investors out of more than $800,000 in phony gambling and mining ventures.

 

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In another installment of “Curse you, McDonald’s!”, a woman at a McDonald’s in Kansas City just LOST it over her hamburger order. As reported by KMBC-TV:

On Dec. 27, a woman at the McDonald’s at 3255 Main St. was upset about her order and returned her hamburger twice, demanding her money back.

Surveillance video showed that the woman started throwing things. She grabbed a water dispenser and dumped it on the counter. She also shoved a cookie container and several cash registers off the counter and threw a “Wet Floor” sign at the clerk.

When the clerk said she was going to call police, the woman fled the restaurant.

Hmm. I wonder where she’s headed …

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Can you really steal someone’s driveway? Yup, one paver at a time, as reported by Ocala.com.

The victim told Deputy Michelle Wright that she left her home in the 4500 block of Northwest 120th Street around 7:30 a.m. When she arrived home at 6 p.m. and drove onto the driveway, she felt a large “bump.”

Uh oh.

She said she got out of her vehicle and noticed that the concrete pavers used to make the driveway were missing.

They stole my driveway! In broad daylight! Surely someone saw this?

A witness told the deputy about seeing two men digging up the pavers, but said the activity didn’t seem suspicious because the victim had workers constructing a barn on the property.

Fair enough.

The men are described as a tall, heavyset black male in his 30s and a white male of small build who stood roughly 5-feet 3-inches tall. They were driving an older model black pickup hauling a flat-bed utility trailer.

And it’s probably parked on a sweet driveway, newly constructed with concrete pavers … Here’s the source.

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Nobody has to go to the bathroom this badly. To what length did this man go to try to get his wife to leave the bathroom? You won’t believe this one. Per The Northwest Florida Daily News.

According to the Fort Walton Beach arrest report, the couple was arguing inside of the bathroom of their residence on Windsor Lane on Dec. 8 when the husband [age 38] asked the woman to leave the room so he could urinate. He threatened to urinate on his wife if she did not leave.

Yeah, like you would ever …

She refused and the husband turned toward the wife and urinated on her, according to the report.

Ewwwwww. Yes, that’s why this is posted in The Juice’s “Gross” category.

The wife shoved the husband and told him to stop several times then began to hit the man on the shoulder causing him to stop.

Please, tell me this is a crime.

The man was charged with a misdemeanor domestic violence battery and his court date is Dec. 26.

Yes! Think he’ll agree to a plea, or choose to appear in court? Here’s the source.

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How bad was this gent’s weekend? Let’s just say that, for a man whose last name is “Irish”, there was nothing lucky about it. As reported by The Union Leader:

Police were called to the Mall at Rockingham Park Friday at 8:19 p.m. in response to complaints that a man – later identified as Sean Irish [age 35] – appeared disoriented as he walked around the parking lot looking into parked cars. Officers spoke with Irish, then called Salem Fire & Rescue to have him checked out due to his condition, police said. Irish had prescription drugs on him and police believe he may have taken up to 80 pills in a short period of time, according to deputy police chief Shawn Patten.

80 pills? Must have taken a while to come down from that.

After the brief exam, Irish was told he was under arrest. He allegedly struggled with officers as he was being taken into custody. He was eventually released on $1,000 bail …

Up to 80 pills, and he was released? Maybe he wasn’t in such bad shape because …

On Saturday, police were called to LaQuinta Hotel for a report of a man refusing to pay or leave the premises. Responding officers found Irish at the scene and took him into custody. Irish allegedly had a small amount of marijuana on him. He was charged with two counts of possession of a controlled drug, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and criminal trespass. Irish was released again following his arrest.

That is officially a very bad weekend. Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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Not sure how The Juice missed this one. In this case, the old saw is true – that a picture is worth a thousand words. (Click on the link below.) As reported by Reuters:

Four men stand tied up in front of one of the two donkeys which residents had accused them of stealing, at a kiosk in the town of Otumba, in the state of Mexico November 25, 2012. The local community had tied up and beat up the four men for the theft before handing them over to police officers after an eight-hour long negotiation, local media reported.

Shazam! Beat them up, and then held them hostage! And then turned them over to the police. You can see the picture here.

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Every year, somebody (okay, Fox News) finds a few instances of folks either following the Constitution (this often involves taxpayer-funded Christmas displays), or some entity trying to be sensitive to all religions (and maybe atheists too?), and blasts them relentlessly. Well, that’s a bunch of hogwash. But this? No, The Juice, as a lover of all Christmas lights (even those cheesy pre-wired animals – yes, the moving ones too) cannot abide by this truly outrageous conduct. As reported by The Beacon-News (Aurora, Illinois):

A 68-year-old man who lives near Yorkville told police that his exterior Christmas lights were cut between 9 p.m. Thursday and 12:05 a.m. Friday, the Kendall County sheriff’s office said. The victim said it is the third time in a week the lights have been cut at his home in the 0-99 block of Timberview Lane, police said. Police had no suspects.

They cut his lights 3 times! The Juice implores all residents of Timberview Lane, in all blocks, not just the 0-99 block, to be on the lookout for this scofflaw! Do it for the kids!

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The Juice is a personal injury lawyer, not a constitutional scholar. Still, this Alabama law just doesn’t pass the smell test. Judge for yourself.

Section 13A-14-4 – Fraudulently pretending to be clergyman.

Whoever, being in a public place, fraudulently pretends by garb or outward array to be a minister of any religion, or nun, priest, rabbi or other member of the clergy, is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine not exceeding $500.00 or confinement in the county jail for not more than one year, or by both such fine and imprisonment.

Yeah, good luck with that one.

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Let’s just say that Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell did not get off to a very good start, unless, that is, you think it’s just fine to discriminate against homosexuals. As reported by talkingpointsmemo.com:

McDonnell (R) on Feb. 5 signed an executive order that prohibits discrimination “on the basis of race, sex, color, national origin, religion, age, political affiliation, or against otherwise qualified persons with disabilities,” as well as veterans.

So what’s the change?

[The executive order] rescinds the order that Gov. Tim Kaine signed Jan. 14, 2006 as one of his first actions. After promising a “fair and inclusive” administration in his inaugural address, Kaine (D) added veterans to the non-discrimination policy – and sexual orientation.

Here’s the source.