Legal Juice

I would wager that this was one door-to-door salesman some of you Juice readers would be quite pleased to see. What was he selling? Weed! As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), one of the doorbells he rang at 3:30 a.m. was at the home of a Brownsville police officer. Doh! Per The Brownsville Herald:

Anthony Carrazco, 19, was arrested at the officer’s apartment at approximately 3:30 a.m. when he tried to sell the officer three ounces of marijuana, said police spokesman Jimmy Manrrique. He was later charged with one count of possession of marijuana and one count of possession of a prohibited weapon.

Because the apartment was located near a school zone, the charges were upgraded to state jail felonies.

(Carrazco) went to an apartment building in the downtown area. He had over three ounces of marijuana in his possession and obviously looking for people to buy marijuana from him.

An intoxicated Carrazco went door to door looking for a buyer and when a man opened the door, he made the offer.

(Carrazco) asked him if he wanted to buy marijuana. This person he approached is a Brownsville police officer. The officer said he would be right back and went to go get his badge and handcuffs.

Carrazco was cooperative and didn’t offer any resistance.

If you're wondering "Is there a 'right' Mercedes to steal?" - the answer is a resounding "yes." It would be a Mercedes that doesn't have a lion in the back.. Per The Telegraph:

Caesar, Circus Probst's ferocious five-year-old star, was being transported a Mercedes van when the vehicle was stolen.

The thief drove off, but abandoned the vehicle with the engine still running after crashing into a road sign. It was unclear whether the thief's sudden awareness of the animal in the back of the van had inspired him or her to abort the mission.

Police recovered the van in the early hours of Wednesday morning in Wuppertal, in western Germany.

They towed the van away, unaware of its feline freight, and it was not until midday on Wednesday that the circus lion was returned to its rightful owners, more than 12 hours after the adventure began.

"Caesar is fine. We're not worried about him," said Laurens Thoen, a circus spokesman.

"Since yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon he has been in his enclosure at the circus."

This guy could not have made it easier for the police officer to bust him. He just flat-out looked guilty. From pennlive.com:

Cesar Lopez, a 29-year-old Lebanon, Pa., man, was busted Saturday when he walked up to a police officer with a small bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead, according to Lebanon police.

Police said the officer went into a Turkey Hill convenience store on Lehman Street at 3:25 a.m. Saturday and saw Lopez holding a baseball cap and peering inside it. When Lopez approached the officer, he looked up, and the officer said he saw a small plastic bag stuck to Lopez's forehead. The bag appeared to contain marijuana, police said.

The officer retrieved the bag from Lopez’s forehead and said, “Is this what you are looking for?,” according to the police report. Lopez was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

It is not uncommon for people to hide drugs in the inside lip of a cap, police said.

Oh my god! Did you hear that screaming out back? I'm going to call the police! What did the police find? As reported in the Northern Territory News:

Officers scrambled to respond to an emergency call from a woman who reported a possible attack when she heard someone "in distress" behind a fence about 6.30am.

But when police arrived they discovered what the resident had heard was, in fact, cries of passion.

They found a naked couple having sex on a mattress in a laneway backing on to the resident's property on Gap Rd, Alice Springs.

The officers did not charge the man and woman and asked them to move on.

Darn it! I went and gave it away, didn't I? If I asked you to guess what some of the members of Polk County's High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area task force were doing while their coworkers were executing a search warrant, you'd probably guess "playing a Wii" right? As reported by Florida's News Channel 8:

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco's house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

While some detectives hauled out evidence such as flat screen televisions and shotguns, others threw strikes, gutter balls and worked on picking up spares.

A Polk County sheriff's detective cataloging evidence repeatedly put down her work and picked up a Wii remote to bowl. When she hit two strikes in a row, she raised her arms above her head, jumping and kicking.

... detectives with the Polk County Sheriff's Office, the Auburndale, Lakeland and Winter Haven police departments did not know that a wireless security camera connected to a computer inside Difalco's home was recording their activity.

In this [alleged] car thief's defense, how could he have known that the POV ("personally owned vehicle") he stole belonged to a police officer. Oops. This is from the Colorado Springs Police Blotter:

Summary: On 08/13/2009 at 0600, off duty Officer Ruben Crews reported his POV as stolen from his residence. the vehicle did contain some police gear including his police jacket.

Officer Crews and his spouse were out searching for the vehicle and upon returning to their home they found the vehicle in the driveway. They also discovered that a window had been breached to the residence. Upon searching the outside of the residence, Officer Crews encountered a male identified as Michael Reeder, DOB: 05/30/64, wearing his police jacket. Officer Crews produced his badge and identified himself as a police officer. A struggle ensued and Reeder was taken into custody.

Officer Crews sustained a hand injury and was treated at Memorial Hospital. Reeder sustained a head injury as was taken to Penrose for a medical clearance.

Reeder will be charged with Motor Vehicle Theft and Burglary.

18-year-old burglar Jake Ormerod could have called any cab company. But he didn't ... As luck would have it [bad luck, that is], the burglary victim was a cab driver. And one of things Mr. Ormerod stole from his house was a cell phone - the very phone he used to call the cab company. You've probably figured out that the cab company he called was the victim's! Doh! As reported by The Sun:

Don [Smith, age], 53 - whose home was raided by Ormerod - said: "He must be the unluckiest burglar in the world. He could have chosen any cab firm to ring, but he called mine.

"If that wasn't bad enough, he happened to get the one controller on duty who would recognise my mobile number immediately."

Perhaps you might feel otherwise, but despite receiving 77 parking tickets this year - all "unearned" - Illinois resident Tom Feddor would not dream of giving up his "0" license plate. His grandfather got it in 1971, and it's been in the family ever since. So why has Mr. Feddor been receiving so many tickets that he has to go to court about once every three weeks? Here's why, as reported by the Chicago Tribune:

It turned out that some city parking-enforcement aides punched in 0 when testing their electronic ticket-issuing devices, Revenue Department spokesman Ed Walsh said. Officials weren't aware there was a 0 plate or that Feddor was receiving tickets, Walsh said in response to the Tribune inquiry.

Adding to Feddor's headaches, the letter "O" Illinois license plates registered to convicted felon Lawrence Warner, a co-defendant in the corruption trial of former Gov. George Ryan, sometimes resulted in Feddor receiving ticket notices from the city that belonged to Warner, he said.

"Mr. Warner was always very nice about helping to straighten out the problem," Feddor said.

Warner is serving a prison sentence for his role in sweetheart deals when Ryan was secretary of state.

Here's a very good example, per WTHR.com:

It was a day that kept getting worse for a Terre Haute man who put his car in a ditch and then tried to get it out with a "borrowed" tractor.

When officers arrived, they discovered a large farm tractor and car in a ditch, apparently after falling from the bridge. The driver of the tractor had fled the scene.

Troopers got a tip that the driver was hiding at a nearby farm house on Rio Grande Road. Officers went to the residence and took the driver into custody without incident.

The driver was identified as Kevin Michael Whitesell, age 31, of Terre Haute, IN. Whitesell was taken to the Vigo County Jail. He faces charges of Driving While Intoxicated, Class A misdemeanor; and Leaving the Scene of a Property Damage Crash, Class C misdemeanor. Additional charges may be filed.

Police say at around 5:00 am, Whitesell crashed his 2000 Chevrolet Cavalier on Bluejay Road just west of Eppert Road. He then walked to a farm house on Rio Grande Road, approximately two miles from the scene, and obtained a 1998 John Deere 9100 Series four-wheel driver tractor.

Whitesell then drove back to his car on Bluejay, hooked the overturned car to the tractor and began dragging the car (on its top) eastbound on Bluejay.

As Whitesell attempted to make a right turn onto Eppert, he lost control and drove the tractor over the west side of the bridge, dragging the car with it. The tractor was owned by Plant Farms and the owner of the car was Whitesell. Police say Whitesell was an employee of Plant Farms, but he took the tractor without his employer knowing about it.

Damage to the bridge was estimated at $10,000 to $20,000 and the tractor was valued at $150,000.

The police dog did a good job subduing the suspect, biting him on the arms and legs. But then he forgot who he was working for. Per The Daily Telegraph:

Police and the dog squad were called to a home on The Causeway just before 2.30am after receiving reports of a man hiding in a garage.

During a struggle, one of the police dogs set upon the man and bit him on the arms and legs.

A female officer was bitten on the thigh, while the male officer suffered a leg bite and calf dash.

This is a lesson that a Unity College (Maine) student learned the hard way. After school is over, and your cleaning out your room, MAKE SURE TO TAKE YOUR MARIJUANA PLANTS WITH YOU! Per the Portland Press Herald:

Unity College held its graduation ceremonies Saturday. Security guards on Sunday were checking dorm rooms to make sure they were emptied when they discovered the plants in plastic containers around 7:47 p.m., police said.

Annica D. McGuirk, 19, of Cabot, Ark., has been charged with cultivation of marijuana, and sale and use of marijuana ... according to the Waldo County Sheriff’s Office.

One would think it goes without saying that perhaps the first rule of robbing a bank (other than not getting caught at the scene) is to not allow yourself to be identified, be it by a surveillance camera, fingerprints, a wallet ... A wallet? Yes, Albert Vincent Perkins allegedly robbed a bank in Kansas City, and left his wallet behind, with his driver's license in it! Per the AP:

The U.S. attorney's office said the teller and a customer in the bank identified the photo on the driver's license and another photo in the wallet as the robber. Perkins was arrested Thursday night. Police say he took about $3,100.

Longtime Juicers may remember this one. Rockproof.

If you're going to break into a tavern and steal 4 1/2 cases of beer, it's not a good idea to leave YOUR LIBRARY CARD ON THE FLOOR. Yes, these are allegations, but it sure doesn't look good for 34-year-old Kristopher Lehnhardt of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. As reported in The Sheboygan Press, according to a criminal complaint:

A bartender at Cozy Bar, 116 E. Mill St., called police about 2:30 a.m. Feb. 22 after discovering lights on, a cooler open and a window screen cut in the basement.

She also found Lehnhardt's Mead Public Library card on the floor by a door, where it appeared to have been used in an attempt to unlock the door.

Missing were four cases of Miller Lite and six cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

A friend of Lehnhardt's told police Lehnhardt admitted taking the beer and putting it outside to pick it up later.

Is it just me (it often is), or is it a little strange for a couple to exchange cell phone videos of their genitals? Because that was Christopher Walker's explanation for sending a cell phone video of his genitals to ... not his girlfriend! Doh! Per the BBC:

When interviewed, Walker said he had been off work and and been drinking when he tried to send the call to his girlfriend, but had got the number wrong.

He said the footage of his genitals was meant for his partner ...

That, Juice readers, is the question of the day. It will be answered when Sarah Welch has her day in court from ... (see YouTube video below).

As reported by TMZ.com:

Sarah Welch -- a model and former contestant on "The Bachelor" -- is suing several companies involved with the fashion show she worked at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood on October 18, 2007.

Welch claims she suffered "great injuries to her body, shock and injuries to her nervous system" after she fell through a hole in the runway which was created by the performer who went on before her. [She] is suing for negligence and is seeking unspecified damages.

Think this guy is drunk? You'll know for sure at 45 seconds.

Hey, look out for that ... lamppost. As reported by the BBC:

CCTV has captured the moment when two handcuffed prisoners' attempt to escape custody came to a crashing end as they ran into a lamppost.

The pair ran away while awaiting their court hearing in Hastings and managed to cross a street towards a car park before they were recaptured.

Got the gun? Check. Ready to do this? Check. In the bank? Um. No. Per the Lexington Herald-Leader:

Police in Nicholasville say a man showed a gun and tried to rob a bank, but he wasn't in one.

The Jessamine South Elkhorn Water District has offices in what was formerly a branch of Farmers Bank.

City police spokesman Scott Harvey told the Lexington Herald-Leader a man came into the building Tuesday, showed a pistol and demanded money.

When an employee told the man the office really didn't have any money, the confused would-be robber replied, "I know you have money. It's a bank."

He was told it was no longer a bank and he left with nothing.

Let's say you rob somebody, and then you're foolish enough to call him the following day to taunt him. Would you do it from a phone that could be traced to you? A young man in New York did. And it led to his arrest, along with his 4 alleged accomplices. As reported in New York's "The Journal News" ...

[Lt.] Clark said the incident occurred Tuesday, when the victim, who works at the Scarsdale Public Library, left work about 9 p.m. to catch a bus home. About 20 minutes later, as he waited at the Post and Olmsted roads bus stop, he was attacked by a group of young men who police said beat him until he momentarily blacked out. They fled in a car after taking the man's briefcase.

"The investigation revealed that this was a completely random attack, and that these young men set out to beat somebody up,'' Clark said. "Taking the briefcase was almost incidental. One of the men said that his mother had died recently, and that he was angry and just wanted to beat someone up."

The next day, [the victim] received the taunting phone call, which he immediately reported to police. Within hours, Scarsdale Detectives Russ Morvant and Servando Rodriguez were able to trace the call to a house on North Kensico Avenue in White Plains. They found Marzano, of 100 N. Kensico Ave., there, along with Pacicca, of 1649 Hall Ave., and Brown.

The detectives also found the stolen briefcase and other items belonging to the victim ...

You would think that even a petty thief would be mindful of the the old adage about "going to the well once to often." Not this guy. As reported by the Australian publication The Age:

A serial beer bandit who was caught after stealing beer on three separate occasions from the same house. Wendouree man Leigh John Parkes first stole beer and some loose change in January after seeing a carton of lager in an open garage. Parkes, 25, struck again two months later, lifting the roller-door and stealing 36 stubbies worth $50. Within weeks he was back, but when he found the roller-door locked, he forced open a window. He stole another carton of beer and some tools, worth $170. Parkes was jailed for six months.

Seriously, I thought you were someone else ... As reported by The Arkansas Times:

Best reason not to work under your car

In August, a Springdale man, angry at his girlfriend, went to the trailer park where she lived, saw her doing some mechanical work under a jacked-up car, kicked the jack away, causing the car to fall, seriously injuring the woman underneath it. Man was charged with assault, among other felonies, and got no satisfaction from the crime since, uh, it wasn't his girlfriend the car fell on. Some other woman. No word on whether his plea was, “Oops, sorry! Meant to kill somebody else.”

Think of the last place you would burn rubber. As reported in The Age:

... [a] P-plate driver [driver with a probationary license], 20, who picked up his Holden sedan from the police impound yard at Preston, paid a release fee, got in the car, revved the engine, acknowledged his friends, and did a burn-out as he drove out. He was seen fishtailing the car down Beecher Street before being arrested later that day.

Not that there is ever a "good" time to commit burglary ... But if you're a burglar by trade, you definitely do not want to break into a house when ... it's filled with police officers! As reported by The Age:

TWO men who broke into a Melton [Australia] house at midnight — while police were already inside carrying out a drug raid. The officers, acting on a tip-off that the house was being used to grow hydroponic cannabis, had just arrested a man in his 20s when the burglars broke in through a side window. When they saw the police, they allegedly attacked the officers before running off. They were arrested a few days later.

I'll give you a hint. Tony Van, of San Francisco, California, went to court to find out what the jury decided in his auto theft case. Here's another hint, he didn't take the streetcar to court. (Please, no e-mails if it doesn't go to the courthouse.) His transportation to court: a stolen Lexus SUV! Here's how the police discovered this, per the Marin Independent Journal:

While Van was in the courthouse awaiting the verdict, two Civic Center employees on a break noticed some loose Yorkies around a Lexus in the parking lot. As they gathered up the dogs, several puppies were found unattended inside the Lexus on the sweltering day. Authorities suspect some of the dogs jumped out a window.

Sheriff's deputies were summoned and discovered that the 2005 Lexus had been reported stolen. Then Van came out to the vehicle, with the keys in his possession, authorities said.

Van's jury returned and convicted him in the case of the stolen [$125,000] Porsche [Carrera]. Sentencing is pending.

Did I mention that the Iowa City, Iowa man hugged a cop? Oops. Here's the story, as reported by the AP.

Hugs aren't getting any kisses from the law in Iowa City. Luke Schreder is now charged with assault on a peace officer, for hugging a policeman. Authorities say the drunken 21-year-old was told to get away, when Schreder said an officer looked like he needed a hug. Officers say Schreder didn't take the hint and embraced the officer. That's when the long arm of the law put the cuffs on the alleged hugger.

It takes some doing but, yes, you can. A 63-year-old Floridian named Mary Davis found this out the hard way. She was pissed off when the police, who came to her house in response to a domestic dispute, arrested her son. As reported by the Florida Times-Union:

... [Ms.] Davis, attempted to leave in her car, according Baker County Sheriff Joey Dobson. When Davis put the vehicle in reverse and attempted to leave, a deputy standing in the open driver’s door of the van had to jump out of the way, Dobson said. Davis instead backed into a riding lawnmower, fell from the vehicle and was run over. The van then rammed into a Sheriff’s Office vehicle.

Following up on yesterday's Legal Juice post, it appears that Captain Decker is an f-bomber himself, and an s-bomber! (The guy is probably an honorable public servant. Regular Juice readers know, though, that it irks the Juice when people make a big deal about so-called "bad" words.) As reported in the Galveston County Daily News:

In an apparent domestic dispute, Stephen Taylor complained to Dickinson police and a League City justice of the peace, accusing Decker of threatening him with profane language within earshot of Taylor’s freightened 9-year-old daughter. According to [Stephen Taylor's] affidavit, Decker and Taylor’s ex-wife were dating at the time.

A judge on Aug. 29, 2007, issued an arrest warrant for Decker on a Class B misdemeanor terroristic threat charge.

In the affidavit, Decker is accused of placing his head and arms inside Taylor’s truck, while his daughter, a passenger, had her head between her knees, crying and shaking.

Taylor’s affidavit states: “(Decker) was calling me a ‘chicken s—, mother f---. Get out and I will beat your ass.”

A Galveston County assistant district attorney reduced Decker’s case to a Class C misdemeanor threat charge.

According to court documents, Decker paid $263, received 180 days’ probation and was ordered to have no contact with Taylor.

Many of you are too young to have watched "The Odd Couple" on tv. There's a courtroom scene (see above) in which Felix is representing his buddy Oscar. Felix warns the court that, when you "assume," you make an "ass" of "u" and "me." That would apply in this case from Sweet Home, Oregon. Sweet Home resident Richard Bryan Smith has the misfortune of sharing his name - and birth date! - with a registered sex offender. Per the Albany Democrat-Herald,

... someone printed and distributed flyers from a California sex offender watch list bearing the picture and registration information for the offender named Smith. Below the printout information was a handwritten note with the Sweet Home Smith’s address and the message: “He has relocated ... Right down our street!”

That's what Bob Nicks was threatened with by the Performing Rights Society (PRS), which collects royalties for musicians - a lawsuit for one penny. Per the Evening Chronicle:

The not-for-profit organisation says any boss who plays music to their workers or customers through a radio at work needs a licence.

You may consider this debt as too small to warrant legal proceedings. However, we are firmly instructed to commence proceedings for recovery unless payment is made within seven days.

In the event of a judgement being obtained we shall seek all fixed costs and fees together with statutory interest.

The sum currently owed by yourself is relatively small and we would reasonably advise you to settle this issue forthwith without further expense and cost to yourself.

A PRS spokeswoman said: “PRS has reviewed the situation with Bob Nicks. Regrettably we made a mistake and we will be contacting Bob directly to apologise.

Talk about really bad timing (or being really stoned - or both), as reported by The Maryland Coast Dispatch [Ocean City]:

On Monday evening, an OCPD officer was in the Liquor Mart on 18th Street investigating a theft when he observed a female standing at the counter paying for her purchase.

When the female customer, identified as Allison Naughton, 22, of Ocean City, pulled out her wallet to take out her driver’s license, a small bag of marijuana fell out of the wallet and onto the floor. Naughton was arrested and charged with possession and has been released.

Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera:

Whipkey’s attorney argued his client’s actions didn’t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he “knowingly” exposed himself. Defense attorney Harvey Steinberg said Whipkey thought he was alone.

“Did he say, ‘Hey, look at me. I’m naked. Take a look at my genitals?’” Steinberg said. “When he realized for the first time that someone was out at 4:30 a.m., he immediately covered up.”

Not if you arrive at the meeting with your parole officer IN A STOLEN CAR. And parolee Marcus George had just been released from prison last week for ... burglary and theft! Per the AP, turns out he took a car for a very long test drive. He never returned it! Mr. George was busted at the parole office.

Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans! If you're thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise:

Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart.

... in 2005, The Northwest Herald in McHenry County, Ill., reported that a woman found an amphibian leg in a can of Allen's Italian Cut Green Beans, The Tribune noted in its story last fall.

In a telephone interview following the Utah case last fall, Allen Canning spokesman James Phillips told The Salt Lake Tribune, "This rodent was rendered commercially sterile. We cook each can individually at a temperature up to 265 degrees."

How much did Allen offer to settle the claims? $25 and some goodies (a gift pack and a cookbook!) for the amphibian leg. And seeing a rat's head in your food must be twice as nasty in Texas as it is in Utah, because the offers were $200 and $100 respectively! Oh, and the grossed out folks would have to sign a non-disclosure agreement too. Does Allen Canning Co. even have a PR department? Click here to read more (a fair amount).

... make sure you're not drunk! This advice comes to late for William Olson, age 38, of Great Falls, Montana. He drove himself to the Highway Patrol, and turned himself in. For what? Per the Great Falls Tribune:

According to charges, Olson was driving in a Toyota 4Runner with his four children, who range in age from 3 to 13, on Morony Dam Road on Sunday.

Olson turned onto a gravel road, then sped up and pulled the emergency break in an attempt to make the vehicle spin, documents state. Olson told police he was trying to impress the kids, documents state.

Instead, the vehicle rolled. The children were not in safety seats, and received minor injuries in the crash ...

driving a vehicle with expired registration, driving a vehicle with plates assigned to another vehicle, failure to give notice of an accident, reckless driving, two counts of failure to have a child properly restrained, four counts of negligent vehicular assault, and obstructing justice.

You might think that the government official who represents the Motor Accidents Authority, and is also the Education Minister for over 1 million kids in New South Wales, Australia, is biking to work to set a good example. You would be wrong. Minister John Della Bosca is riding his bicycle to work because he has gotten seven speeding tickets, from the same camera, in the same place. So his driver's license has been suspended. Here he is!

... reap. A saying that will no doubt be heeded (even though I just made it up) by Jane Kodros, who was substitute teaching at Alton High School in St. Louis, Missouri when the brag bug bit. What did she brag about? Per the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

... having an outstanding warrant for her arrest.

Kodros also allegedly made an obscene gesture with her middle finger and used derogatory words when she taught on Monday...

...failing to appear at a court hearing related to a derelict vehicle in Alton.

her drivers license was suspended due to a drunken driving conviction.

No, I wouldn't normally think of them together either. Catherine McCoubrey and her boyfriend did, though. As reported in the Winnipeg Free Press:

... the couple had been drinking alcohol and were engaged in so-called “rough sex” when the boyfriend asked McCoubrey to carve a heart-shaped symbol on to his chest.

Ms. McCoubrey pleaded guilty to assault. How much time did she get? None - just 3 years probation. Hear's the article.

They did. They summoned him to court (on charges of creating a law and order problem!), and 3-year-old Mukesh Prasad came with his daddy. The Magistrate was pissed. The summons was immediately dismissed. How did this happen? Seems a couple of police officers in Sultanpur, India were looking for Mukesh's 19-year-old brother, Sunil. As reported in The Indian Express:

Since he [Sunil] was missing, the police moved an application in the court to book his brother. The application was moved on April 22, and Mukesh was asked to appear on May 9.

This is a strange one. See if you make the same call the jury did. Here's the scene, as described in The Oregonian:

The petite 24-year-old Beaverton woman got out of the shower wrapped in a towel, stopped to watch a couple minutes of TV and then sat down on her bed.

While putting lotion on her legs, she realized a man was standing in her closet, staring at her with bright blue eyes. He was wearing a lacy negligee with fishnet stockings open at the crotch, a woman's miniskirt, sheer white blouse and long, brown wig.

Then she screamed twice, ran to another room and called police. The man fled without saying a word ...

He was high on methamphetamine, he said [to the jury], and went to the Beaverton apartment complex on March 3, 2007 because he was invited to have sex by a woman he barely knew. But when he saw the woman sitting on the bed half naked, he realized she was the wrong woman and that he was in the wrong apartment. Basically, he was as surprised as she was, he said.

Kincaid said the woman he was going to meet was staying with friends and gave him directions that neither of them were too sure about. He arrived at what he thought was the right apartment, and when he turned the doorknob, it opened.

The prosecutor told jurors it was more likely that Kincaid tried every basement apartment door until he found one that was unlocked. Investigators couldn't find the mysterious friend Kincaid knew only as "Kate."

Continue reading "Um. What Address Did You Say This Was?" »

Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle:

...out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone.

Okay, so after discovering the glitch (the man's account was only debited 1/1,000th of the amount withdrawn!), he made an additional 171 withdrawals, to the tune of about $25,000. And yes, it was in China, where he could have been sentenced to death (for real). But really, isn't a life sentence just a little bit harsh? Yes, said the Guangdong Provincial High People's Court. After a retrial, Xu Ting was sentenced to 5 years. Here's what his father had to say:

He is innocent He just made a silly mistake. So he should be set free.

Tyler J. Meverden of Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin, went to the bank to make what he probably thought was a routine deposit. There was just one problem, as reported in the Door County Advocate:

The money Tyler J. Meverden, 21, tried to deposit at a Sturgeon Bay bank reeked of marijuana, according to a Sturgeon Bay Police Department investigation into the incident.

The odor was so noticeable and so distinctive that a teller put the cash — $4,000 in bundled bills — into a plastic bag.

The contact between the bills and marijuana was so intense that when the Sturgeon Bay Police Department tested a bill, the chemicals reacted positively for marijuana, according to a department report.

He was serving probation from convictions in 2005 and 2006 for possessing marijuana, possessing drug paraphernalia, bail jumping, obstructing police, battery and criminal damage to property.

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

"On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital]," [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. "We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse."

Not the good kind of "unforgettable," though. A fellow named Stephen Chang was at the Hot Lap Dance Club, when, he alleges in his lawsuit, he got a lap dance that was - sorry - not so hot. Seems he caught a heel in the eye, causing "serious injuries." And this was no cheapee, either. The cost? $40 per dance, plus a $50 one-time club membership fee, and a $10 admission fee.

It must have been a really, really major injury (or a serious lapse in judgment), as Mr. Chang is a married securities trader in his early 30s. This can't be good for his career, or marriage. Here's a little more.

Okay, it wasn't just another day for one Dunkin' Donuts worker. On that day last month, John Greco, age 46, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, decided to pick up some coffee at the drive-thru, without any pants on! So when he picked up his order, his toolkit was there for all to see. The ever-vigilant worker got his tag number, leading to Greco's subsequent arrest for public lewdness. Per the AP report:

Police released a statement Thursday saying it was "unknown how Mr. Greco took his coffee that day."

... you happen to be a Montgomery County (Maryland) police officer. I know what you're thinking - they're chasing criminals, so it's okay. That's true, but only for 76 of the 224 tickets the officers received from speed cameras over the last 8 months of 2007. So, are the officers going to pay the tickets?

The police union says officers shouldn't pay because the citations are issued to the owner of a vehicle, in this case the county, and not to the driver.

"We are not above the law," [Police Chief] Manger said. "It is imperative that the police department hold itself to the same standards that we're holding the public to." Manger said officers who continue to ignore citations might be disciplined.

But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn't take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene ...

I think even Barney Fife (see below) might have solved this one. To the dismay of Vincent Jonathan Whitley, age 19, and Adam Brett Hancock, age 21, these officers quickly put the pieces together. The cowboys were arrested. In addition to the doughnuts, they stole cigarettes and candy from the Looking Glass Store. That's the crime. The time? 20 days plus 18 months probation, plus restitution of $895. Here's the source.

This will be the only defense available to a man who robbed a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa and left his jacket behind - WITH HIS W-2 IN THE POCKET! Doh! The man is still at large, though probably not for long, since he only netted $115 in the heist.

...I would put "in front of the police station" near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit. He was busted for ... public urination and jailed on a probation violation!

Okay, so the 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs:

Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word "Police" in large letters!

Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing.

Oh, and after Ms. Townsend had approached the car and said "I'm looking to party," both Detective's radios "received transmissions dispatching units on a run," per Detective Hamblin.

Townsend, unaware that the men were officers, allegedly offered to perform a sex act in exchange for $20, according to the report.

"Are you kidding?" Hamblin reportedly asked Townsend.

"No, I am not kidding," she replied, according to the report.

Osborne then got out of the vehicle and placed Townsend under arrest.

"What did I do wrong?" Townsend reportedly asked as the handcuffs were being placed on her wrists.

Kansan Austin Jones found out when he and some friends tried to set an SUV ablaze. He set his own pants on fire! So he took off his pants and boxers, and took off. How do we know this is the way it went down? The incident was recorded by a neighbor's security camera. Why Austin, why? As reported by the UPI:

Police allege the teenagers torched the Chevy Tahoe in the early hours Sunday as an act of revenge after a fight.

Gary Darpel, a neighbor of the torched car's teenage owner, said the victim explained to him why he was targeted.

"They got into this fight. He broke it up, but they thought he was instigating it, so they came for retribution," Darpel said.

Jones was arrested after seeking treatment at a local hospital.

So said 27-year-old professional soccer player Bob Malcolm after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Here's a man who truly believes in accepting responsibility for his actions:

I recognise that footballers are role models and that, as such, they should set a positive example. On this occasion, I have failed to do that.

"But I must say that I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee in our match at Plymouth the evening before."

The drama happened on the M1 northbound at Tibshelf, Derbyshire, at around 6.30am on December 27 last year.

A shocked motorist told police he nearly smashed into Malcolm's car, which was straddling the middle and fast lanes of the motorway.

The other driver pulled over, woke up Malcolm, persuaded him to move to the hard shoulder, and then phoned 999.

"I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car. "I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment."

How about, unknowlingly, marrying your twin sister? They were separated at birth, and adopted and raised by different families. When they met as adults, there was an "inevitable attraction." [Creepy, no?] After they got married, they learned that they are twins. All together now - YUK! The marriage was annulled. To read more (very little) click here.

Hmm. Maybe not when your car totally reeks of pot - from the 2 ounces you're carrying! As reported in the Star-Ledger (New Jersey):

John Fleming certainly did not hinder his own apprehension.

Following an argument with another driver over a parking space in a Route 10 lot in East Hanover, Fleming followed the driver while dialing 911.

Patrolman Tom McPartland, who responded to the call, smelled the scent of raw marijuana wafting from the car when Fleming rolled down his window to talk to the patrolman.

It seems Fleming, a 39-year-old West Orange florist shop employee, had two ounces of pot packaged in 12 plastic bags when the car was stopped on Ridgedale Avenue last May.

He was charged with possession of over 50 grams of marijuana with intent to distribute within 1,000 feet of a school, and possession of drug paraphernalia, police said.

The other motorist involved in the parking lot spot spat was not charged. Fleming ultimately was sentenced to two years' probation.

As reported in The Star Ledger:

In nearby Hackettstown [New Jersey] in April, Jerry Mahaffey Jr. wound up in trouble, police said, for sitting at the computer in the middle of the night, naked and drunk, surfing the Web for porn.

This isn't a crime, unless you do it in the home of a complete stranger.

Mahaffey, 26, was charged with trespassing, lewdness and public intoxication. His case is pending.

Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would "get a kick out of this."

No, not that. This guy fell asleep while ... burglarizing a house! He must have been exhausted, because he slept through the homeowner coming home and calling the police, and the police coming to the home. So what finally woke the burglar up? A police officer tripped over him while gathering evidence and taking photographs! As reported in the Herald Sun:

An officer was having a look around taking photos when he tripped over something on the floor... A 30-year-old man from Keysborough, Victoria [obviously not cut out for a life of crime, like the guys in the video below] was swiftly arrested, interviewed and charged with burglary and theft.

... with someone in it! Over a $28 debt! And the tipper was running for city council! True! And there's more. Here's the story from the Salem News:

Ken Sawicki, a candidate for Salem City Council, spent two weeks of the campaign behind bars this fall for allegedly locking a man inside a portable toilet and knocking it over in an attempt to collect a $28 debt.

Police said Sawicki confronted the man over the missing money at Riley Plaza one morning in October. The man said he needed a moment to use the bathroom and stepped inside the portable toilet. Sawicki then allegedly locked the man inside with a padlock and began rocking it back and forth.

As a crowd began to gather, Sawicki allegedly tipped the whole thing over.

He was arrested and spent two weeks in jail, but his campaign went on as the 54-year-old resorted to tactics that seemed to resemble, well, bathroom humor.

Days before Election Day, Sawicki was seen on a Route 114 traffic island sitting on a toilet (a real one) that he had dragged across the street. At one point, he even held a fishing rod and dropped a hook into the toilet basin.

A sign on the back read what most had already concluded: "My campaign is in the toilet."

But Sawicki may have had the last laugh.

And 712 voters (11 percent of voters) cast at least one of their votes for the alleged toilet-tipper.

(For the uninitiated, that's from Animal House.) I have no idea if Christopher Kelly is fat or stupid. I do know that on a recent night, he was incredibly drunk. Here are some highlights of his bender, as reported in This Is Lancashire:

When the story of Christopher Kelly's escapes were told to magistrates, a probation service officer had to leave the court in fits of laughter.

The court heard that Kelly, 31, of Railway Street, Nelson, had got extremely drunk on lager and vodka during a night out in Morecambe.

Kelly lost his friends, who were celebrating a friend's birthday and were also drunk, and wandered onto the beach where he got stuck in boggy sand and lost his shoes, trousers and jacket.[Really? He lost his pants in a sand bog? Hmmm.]

Cold and wet, he staggered across the road to Morecambe Town Hall where, seeing a window open, he climbed inside. There he went in various rooms, took a camera and a mobile phone which he tried to use to call his friends.

Then he soiled his underwear which he threw into a black bin bag. [Personally, I would have left that little detail out.]

He found a 'Grim Reaper' fancy dress outfit and put this on before leaving the town hall and wandering down Lord Street towards Poulton Square where he eventually arrived at the police station which was, at that time, unmanned. He stood there for three hours, still in the Grim Reaper gear, until police arrived.

A police car! A MARKED police car! Said the owner of the towing company, Gary Coe, "I think he just lost it." Gresham, Oregon police officer Tom Pohlman was resonding to an assault-in-progress at 2:20 a.m. When he was told over the radio that "They're towing you're car," Pohlman said "#@!&* + !&%*^#!" Actually, he said "You can't print my response." [Note to Officer Pohlman: This ain't The Oregonian. Contact the Juice. We will print your response, unedited.]

Why would tow truck driver Steven Syverson, who had 8 months on the job without incident, try to tow a police car? Because the car was parked in a fire zone. Guess what? The police can do this. What happened to Syverson? Lots of bad stuff. As reported in The Oregonian, he was fired AND "arrested on accusations of car theft, obstructing governmental administration, interfering with a peace officer, and third-degree criminal mischief."

So where does this rate on the weirdness scale? Per Officer Pohlman:

"I've been around cops and done this stuff since 1974," says Pohlman, who, at 55, is eligible to retire. "And this is in the top five or six things that I can say I've ever seen people do. And I've seen some pretty weird things."

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So this dude, Omid Tahvili (per the Globe and Mail, "a top member of a Persian gang in the Lower Mainland that supplied drugs to Toronto"), was the number two flight risk in all of British Columbia. He was being held in the wing of a high-tech prison with 60 other inmates. Guess how many guards were on duty when Tahvili escaped? ONE! With major issues, too! He's been charged with aiding Mr. Tahvili's escape.

Where is Mr. Tahvili? Nobody knows, though he does call his lawyer occasionally. He's willing to turn himself in on one condition - that his sentence is time served! What does his lawyer think about the chances of him returning?

I have no doubt whatsoever that Mr. Tahvili has absconded ... and has no intention of returning for his sentencing hearing.

[Remove the "Liar" graphic? Let me know with the "Contact Us" box at the top of the page.]

15-year-old Eric Crespo was charged with attempted murder and illegal possession of a gun. On the night of his arrest, he was interrogated by Detective Perino for over an hour. In court, though, Perino sang a different tune. As reported in The Village Voice:

Under cross-examination by Crespo’s attorney, Mark DeMarco, Perino denied 11 more times that he had any conversations with Crespo after he was in custody.

“I never interrogated your client, sir,” Perino told DeMarco.

After questioning Perino, DeMarco turned over the MP3 recording to the prosecutor prompting the district attorney’s office to drop the most serious charge of attempted murder. Crespo eventually pleaded guilty to illegal possession of a gun.

DET PERINO: NOW EVEN IF I WENT TO A COURT OF LAW…THEY’RE
GONNA FUCKING ACCUSE ME OF TRICKING YOU, THEY’RE GONNA ACCUSE ME OF FUCKING PUTTING WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH. THEY ALWAYS DO THAT TO THE DETECTIVES. I’M THE BIGGEST FUCKING LIAR IN THE WORLD WHEN THEY BRING ME INTO THE COURT.

Since the entry before and after this (come back tomorrow!) involve "the bird" ...

I don't think there's any doubt that Anthony Vakeva's bird-flipping days are over. In January 2005, Mr. Vakeva flipped off Mr. Blackwell at a red light. I'm guessing he would have thought twice about doing so had he known that Blackwell was a TRAINED AMATEUR BOXER (with a very short fuse.) It didn't end when Blackwell sucker-punched Vakeva and kicked him in the head many times. After he was arrested and released on bail, Blackwell went and shot Vakeva! He was just sentenced to .... 8 years. You can read more here.

Boston Herald reporter Michele McPhee, while reporting on a purse-snatching that took place in a church, reported this:

In 1997, as a New York Daily News reporter, I covered the bizarre arrest of Episcopal priest Rev. Chester LaRue in my own neighborhood, Bay Ridge Brooklyn.NYPD detectives had received a tip that LaRue was selling cocaine out of the parish house at St. John’s Episcopalian Church. When detectives arrived with a warrant, they found the Rev. LaRue smoking crack as he typed out his sermon for Sunday Mass.

The crack-smoking priest was convicted of illegal drug possession, served three years’ probation and was ordered to perform 500 hours of community service at the Salvation Army soup kitchen.

Sweet Fancy Moses. As reported in The Dallas Morning News, here's what Dallas attorney Catherine Shelton has been up to:

Ms. Shelton has been convicted of aggravated assault for shooting a former boyfriend.

She was also convicted of assaulting a pregnant former friend.

She faced a wrongful death lawsuit in 1980 after the death of a former lover. She had sued the man, a Houston anesthesiologist, for divorce, arguing that they had a common-law marriage and that she was pregnant. On the day he was to face her in court, the doctor was found bludgeoned to death in his garage. The doctor's estate sued Ms. Shelton and one of her former clients, alleging they conspired to murder the doctor, but the case was later dropped.

In 1999, she was named a suspect – but never charged – in the shooting death of her office manager's husband. Ms. Shelton's husband, Clint Shelton, is serving a life sentence for murder in that case.

Most recently, she is accused of trying to walk out of Nordstrom at NorthPark Center with a $1,195 designer handbag, two shirts worth $326 and an $8 candle. (A security camera captured Ms. Shelton concealing the items in her purse, according to a Dallas police report.) She is also accused of trying to mislead police about her identity.

Ms. Shelton is also being held on warrants relating to a traffic incident late last year. She is charged with failure to leave information after striking an unattended vehicle.

An additional warrant charging her with driving without insurance requires her to see a magistrate before her release from jail.

Ms. Shelton, the subject of numerous complaints from her legal clients over the years, has been disbarred twice. But the board of disciplinary appeals reversed the rulings and reinstated her license each time – once because she was not properly notified of a disciplinary hearing and once because key paperwork vanished from the court file.

What's the latest vanity plate to be retroactively deemed offensive? Hailing from the great state of New York, the newly banned plate is "GETOSAMA." The plate was issued to retired NYPD sergeant Arno Herwerth, and he is pissed! Said Mr. Herwerth:

This is unbelievable... It's unpatriotic and absolutely disgusts me that anyone would consider that in any way offensive other than if you're a member of al Qaeda... You look back at Pearl Harbor and WWII and you wonder, would they be offended by, 'Get Hitler'?

You can read more (a fair amount) about the plates and Mr. Herwerth here.

At an "Arrive Alive" road safety briefing, before an audience, in an apparent attempt to really drive the point home, Chief Constable Richard Brunstrom included two pictures he really shouldn't have: one of a headless body, the other of the head. The family of the victim (a 40-year-old father of three) was horrified, and filed a complaint. So what do you think the Police Complaints Commission concluded? The report was 84 pages! They concluded that no rules were broken. To his credit, the Chief said:

I bitterly regret the distress my actions have caused.

I think I was stupid - a single bad decision, taken in haste, with wholly unintended consequences.

It was an error of judgment and one I will not repeat.

I placed too much trust in the behaviour and integrity of journalists.

Maybe I got this from TV, but I thought that each time you escaped, you were sent to a higher security facility. Such was not the case with Texas resident Debra Ann Murphey. Over a 2-year period, she escaped 6 times, with the last escape occurring 33 years ago from the Georgia Rehabilitation Center for Women, not the Georgia Ultra-Supermax Penitentiary. Her crimes? A string of armed robberies. And it's not like she was real good at it, either. Two of them resulted in a haul of ... $54.00. In fairness to Ms. Murphey, adjusted for inflation, that would be about $259.00 today.

As usual, neighbors described her as a quiet, law-abiding lady. (That must have been before she went back into the house and got a shotgun when the police came to get her.) As a fugitive, Ms. Murphey became a nurse, got married, and raised two kids. So how did she feel after her arrest? "Relieved," according to the police. She is awaiting extradition to Georgia.

It's September 11, 2001, you're staying at a hotel in New York City, you're an Egyptian named Abdallah Higazy, and, in your hotel room closet, a device that allows for communications with airline pilots is found. Not surprisingly, he was picked up and questioned. Surprisingly, he confessed. Why is that surprising? Well, because a pilot returned to the hotel and asked for his radio back! Higazy was promptly released.

So why did Mr. Higazy confess? We know why because he sued the hotel and the FBI. They tried to have the case tossed and they ... lost! The Court of Appeals ruled that the case may proceed. The 44-page opinion was posted on the Court's website, as reported by Psychsound, who was amazed to read that the FBI obtained the "confession" through some serious coercion.

Higazy alleges that during the polygraph, Templeton told him that he should cooperate, and explained that if Higazy did not cooperate, the FBI would make his brother “live in scrutiny” and would “make sure that Egyptian security gives [his] family hell.” Templeton later admitted that he knew how the Egyptian security forces operated: “that they had a security service, that their laws are different than ours, that they are probably allowed to do things in that country where they don’t advise people of their rights, they don’t – yeah, probably about torture, sure.”

Higazy later said, "I knew that I couldn't prove my innocence, and I knew that my family was in danger." He explained that "[t]he only thing that went through my head was oh, my God, I am screwed and my family's in danger. If I say this device is mine, I'm screwed and my family is going to be safe. If I say this device is not mine, I’m screwed and my family’s in danger. And Agent Templeton made it quite clear that cooperate had to mean saying something else other than this device is not mine.”

... of how not to conduct yourself! David Wichlinski was 18 years-old when he was elected to the Porter Township Board. He was clearly not ready for prime time. First, he was accused of flipping off a police officer. Okay, that one was dropped. A few months later, he was busted for underage drinking and possession of drug paraphernalia, thus ending his political career (he resigned). Wichlinski avoided the pokey, promising to cool it for 6 months. Think he did? Nope. A few months later, he was busted again for underage drinking! A judge will determine his fate on November 29th.

As reported by the Associated Press:

A man was arrested after a government agent allegedly found him in an office building restroom lying next to an inflatable, anatomically correct doll with his pants down.

As reported in The Murfreesboro [Tennessee] Post:

A retired Murfreesboro woman reported a man identifying himself from Publisher’s Clearing House notified her she received a $200,000 prize but she needed to pay $857.75 in taxes before receiving the money. She sent a $857.75 money gram to a Smyrna address. Once the money gram was received, the callers asked for $1,200 more for interstate taxes. Instead of sending money a second time, she called police.

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —President George W. Bush, Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

No sir! Not on my watch! Charlotte, North Carolina State Highway Patrol Commander Fletcher Clay announced a zero tolerance policy for officers doing the dirty sexy while on duty. Get caught, and you get fired. The Commander Clay scorecard? Per The Charlotte Observer:

When a trooper on duty exposed himself to a woman in his patrol car and allowed her to show her breasts to him on a second occasion, Clay supported a three-day suspension.

In another case, when two friends of a woman said they saw a trooper having sex with her on the hood of his patrol car, the result was a one-day suspension for neglect of duty.

...during Clay's testimony in March in the now-infamous case of a trooper who admitted having sex in a patrol car and an office.

FIVE! Since May! Fortunately, California resident Tiffany Anne Adamo did not kill anyone, though her most recent DUI resulted in a 7-year-old kid getting pinned against his mom's car. Why has it taken so long to pull Adamo's license? Because she was driving while drugged, not drunk, prosecutors said the blood work had to be processed. But since May? That's insane, especially since in prior arrests police determined she had taken Soma, Vicodin, hydrocodone and marijuana! And they couldn't speed up the bloodwork? Please. Finally, Ms. Adamo's license has been yanked. She pleaded not guilty to one felony count and four misdemeanors of driving under the influence of drugs. Her bail was jacked up to (cue Dr. Evil) one milllllion dollars. For more on Ms. Adamo, click here.

So you're in a car crash, and you go to see your dentist. It must be bad because, in one day, the dentist performs SEVEN root canals! Now see if you can guess how many should have been done. NONE!

The last word will go to Mr. Chalazan: "Basically, I was tortured." (You can read more here.)

So was Amy Schneider. She opened a can of green beans, and poured them out. Then she noticed a bean that looked a little bit too large. And it had teeth. And it was a snake head, about the size of a golf ball! So claims Ms. Schneider in a recently filed lawsuit. You can read more about this, and a little bit about what the federal government's guidelines allow to be in your food (yikes!), here.

That is what Londoner Tim Brady was clocked at by the police. Of course part of the blame belongs to the car, a Porsche 911 turbo. Brady was, and I mean "was," employed by a company that provides high-end loaner cars. He badly wanted to drive the Porsche, but was denied permission to do so. No worries, though. He returned the following day - his day off - and took the car out for a spin with a co-worker.

While the police were busy ticketing someone for going a mere 115 MPH, Brady flew by. When stopped by the police, here's what he had to say:

Oh shit, oh shit, I've lost my job, everything. I've just got a new job.

Oh, and it took Brady 681 metres (about 7 football fields!) to stop! You can read more here.

Not that a lot of smart people ingest a pill of unknown origin from a drug dealer but... Emma Louise Fischer and Tara Jay Loane, both age 21, definitely put some distance between themselves and the rest of the ecstacy pack.

It all started when the police busted a drug dealer, and started checking the numbers on his cell phone. They put names to the numbers, and then addresses with the names. Our young ladies happened to be on the dealer's phone. When the police went to their house, they found another cell phone. On that phone was a video of 2 girls who filmed themselves ... snorting ecstacy! Brilliant! Not surprisingly, they pleaded guilty. You can read more here.

Yup. Now maybe he wasn't a household name, but he was making some serious cheese - $2 million a year. Former Bengals linebacker James Francis (1990 - 1998) owes $905,000 in back child support for two children! He hasn't made a child support payment since 2000. And where is Mr. Francis right now? He's in jail. Guess why. Because he was convicted of .... failing to pay child support! And when he was charged with violating his probation, he didn't show. Now he's looking at spending 11 months in jail.

Dr. Alfredo Gonzalez, of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, learned this the hard way. While the doc was out, his burglar alarm went off. The police responded and, while searching for a burglar, instead found a $4,000 "BloomBox," and seven marijuana plants. Doh! And guess where doctor Gonzales works? He directs a drug treatment facility! Word is, per court documents, that Dr. Gonzalez was tired of getting hosed, so he decided to cut out the grower and the dealer. Having been charged not just with possession, but with distribution and possession with intent to distribute, perhaps he now understands the reason for the mark-up. Those folks have a little more at risk than a guy caught with a little Mighty Mezz. You can read more here.

Ocean City, Maryland resident Richard Brueckner disappeared 12 years ago, right when Richard Thelander was "born." Now these are just the allegations against Brueckner/Thelander (as reported in The Maryland Coast Dispatch), but it sure doesn't look real good:

The charges against Brueckner ... include about half a dozen cases where he forged his ex-wife’s name to obtain credit cards, which he quickly maxed out to their limits. The amounts ranged from around $5,000 on the low side to as high as $14,000 on another with several different amounts obtained in cash and merchandize on credit cards in between.

He also cleared out several of the couple’s other accounts and holdings, leaving his wife facing bankruptcy and a years-long struggle to clear up the financial mess.

Things either weren't going that well, or maybe it was just time to move on. Thelander applied for Panamanian citizenship - under the name "Richard Brueckner-Thelander" - and was accepted. It won't matter, though, because he was busted a month ago, and is in the process of being extradited back to Maryland to face a whole host of charges. I wonder what they'll call him in prison? You can read more (and there's plenty more) here.

For an update on this story, click here.

Uh. Sorry. A Rhode Island doctor was suspended for operating on the wrong side of a patient's brain! And the same thing happened at the same hospital (Rhode Island Hospital) in January of this year, and in 2001 (different doctors). Surgical protocol, anyone? Magic marker?