Legal Juice

They did. They summoned him to court (on charges of creating a law and order problem!), and 3-year-old Mukesh Prasad came with his daddy. The Magistrate was pissed. The summons was immediately dismissed. How did this happen? Seems a couple of police officers in Sultanpur, India were looking for Mukesh's 19-year-old brother, Sunil. As reported in The Indian Express:

Since he [Sunil] was missing, the police moved an application in the court to book his brother. The application was moved on April 22, and Mukesh was asked to appear on May 9.

Um. Er. Sorry. What became of the summons-happy officers? They were suspended. You can read more (just a tiny bit) here.

This is a strange one. See if you make the same call the jury did. Here's the scene, as described in The Oregonian:

The petite 24-year-old Beaverton woman got out of the shower wrapped in a towel, stopped to watch a couple minutes of TV and then sat down on her bed.

While putting lotion on her legs, she realized a man was standing in her closet, staring at her with bright blue eyes. He was wearing a lacy negligee with fishnet stockings open at the crotch, a woman's miniskirt, sheer white blouse and long, brown wig.

Then she screamed twice, ran to another room and called police. The man fled without saying a word ...

The man in the closet was Eric Triton Kincaid, age 29. How did the police catch him? By tracing the DNA on the meth pipe he left in the woman's closet. Mr. Kincaid was charged with first-degree burglary, attempted first-degree sexual abuse, and invasion of personal privacy. His defense?

He was high on methamphetamine, he said [to the jury], and went to the Beaverton apartment complex on March 3, 2007 because he was invited to have sex by a woman he barely knew. But when he saw the woman sitting on the bed half naked, he realized she was the wrong woman and that he was in the wrong apartment. Basically, he was as surprised as she was, he said.

Okay, how did he end up in that apartment?

Kincaid said the woman he was going to meet was staying with friends and gave him directions that neither of them were too sure about. He arrived at what he thought was the right apartment, and when he turned the doorknob, it opened.

Think the prosecutor is buying that explanation? Me either.

The prosecutor told jurors it was more likely that Kincaid tried every basement apartment door until he found one that was unlocked. Investigators couldn't find the mysterious friend Kincaid knew only as "Kate."

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, what do you think?

Continue reading "Um. What Address Did You Say This Was?" »

Malcolm Williams came to the Houston County Courthouse to pay some fines and to report to his probation officer. When he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, as reported in the Dothan Eagle:

...out spilled two baggies of marijuana along with a wad of cash and a cell phone.

Doh! And you know what else he had on him? A pocket knife and rolling paper! What did the deputies do? They tased him, bro! But it didn't work because of his clothing. Mr. Williams was otherwise subdued and taken into custody, where he is looking at not just probation violation, but a few new charges too. Here's the source.

Okay, so after discovering the glitch (the man's account was only debited 1/1,000th of the amount withdrawn!), he made an additional 171 withdrawals, to the tune of about $25,000. And yes, it was in China, where he could have been sentenced to death (for real). But really, isn't a life sentence just a little bit harsh? Yes, said the Guangdong Provincial High People's Court. After a retrial, Xu Ting was sentenced to 5 years. Here's what his father had to say:

He is innocent He just made a silly mistake. So he should be set free.

Dude - 171 "silly mistakes?" After which your son was on the run for a year before being caught? Xu said he won't appeal. To read more (just a bit), click here.

Tyler J. Meverden of Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin, went to the bank to make what he probably thought was a routine deposit. There was just one problem, as reported in the Door County Advocate:

The money Tyler J. Meverden, 21, tried to deposit at a Sturgeon Bay bank reeked of marijuana, according to a Sturgeon Bay Police Department investigation into the incident.

How strong was the smell?

The odor was so noticeable and so distinctive that a teller put the cash — $4,000 in bundled bills — into a plastic bag.

How right was the teller?

The contact between the bills and marijuana was so intense that when the Sturgeon Bay Police Department tested a bill, the chemicals reacted positively for marijuana, according to a department report.

The money tested positive for pot! Zoinks! And when the police searched his residence, they found about one pound of weed. And if that's not bad enough, his residence is very close to an elementary school and a ball field, making him eligible for enhanced penalties. And if that's not bad enough, this bust was actually a probation violation.

He was serving probation from convictions in 2005 and 2006 for possessing marijuana, possessing drug paraphernalia, bail jumping, obstructing police, battery and criminal damage to property.

Separate drawers, dude. Separate drawers. (Here's the Door County Advocate story.)

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It's definitely the coolest place I've ever visited. But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can't bring the patient's horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

"On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital]," [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. "We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse."

Ma'am, I want to LIVE on your island! Yes, we understand. Oh - one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative - he brought the wrong horse!

Not the good kind of "unforgettable," though. A fellow named Stephen Chang was at the Hot Lap Dance Club, when, he alleges in his lawsuit, he got a lap dance that was - sorry - not so hot. Seems he caught a heel in the eye, causing "serious injuries." And this was no cheapee, either. The cost? $40 per dance, plus a $50 one-time club membership fee, and a $10 admission fee.

It must have been a really, really major injury (or a serious lapse in judgment), as Mr. Chang is a married securities trader in his early 30s. This can't be good for his career, or marriage. Here's a little more.

Okay, it wasn't just another day for one Dunkin' Donuts worker. On that day last month, John Greco, age 46, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, decided to pick up some coffee at the drive-thru, without any pants on! So when he picked up his order, his toolkit was there for all to see. The ever-vigilant worker got his tag number, leading to Greco's subsequent arrest for public lewdness. Per the AP report:

Police released a statement Thursday saying it was "unknown how Mr. Greco took his coffee that day."

Ba-da-bing. Everybody's a comedian.

... you happen to be a Montgomery County (Maryland) police officer. I know what you're thinking - they're chasing criminals, so it's okay. That's true, but only for 76 of the 224 tickets the officers received from speed cameras over the last 8 months of 2007. So, are the officers going to pay the tickets?

The police union says officers shouldn't pay because the citations are issued to the owner of a vehicle, in this case the county, and not to the driver.

Interesting. What does the police chief think of this argument?

"We are not above the law," [Police Chief] Manger said. "It is imperative that the police department hold itself to the same standards that we're holding the public to." Manger said officers who continue to ignore citations might be disciplined.

I'm with the chief on this one, especially since I just got a #@&%*$%#* ticket from a speeding camera! Here's the source.

But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn't take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene ...

I think even Barney Fife (see below) might have solved this one. To the dismay of Vincent Jonathan Whitley, age 19, and Adam Brett Hancock, age 21, these officers quickly put the pieces together. The cowboys were arrested. In addition to the doughnuts, they stole cigarettes and candy from the Looking Glass Store. That's the crime. The time? 20 days plus 18 months probation, plus restitution of $895. Here's the source.

This will be the only defense available to a man who robbed a convenience store in Des Moines, Iowa and left his jacket behind - WITH HIS W-2 IN THE POCKET! Doh! The man is still at large, though probably not for long, since he only netted $115 in the heist. Here's the source.

...I would put "in front of the police station" near the bottom of the list. Of course, the calculus changes, when, like a 40-year-old Appleton, Wisconsin man, you have consumed so much booze that your blood-alcohol level is 4 times the legal limit. He was busted for ... public urination and jailed on a probation violation! (Here's the story.)

Okay, so the 2 cops were in an unmarked car in street clothes [sort of]. But perhaps alleged prostitute Rose M. Townsend should have picked up on the following signs:

Detective Osborne was wearing a tactical vest with the word "Police" in large letters!

Detective Hamblin was wearing his badge on the outside of his clothing.

Oh, and after Ms. Townsend had approached the car and said "I'm looking to party," both Detective's radios "received transmissions dispatching units on a run," per Detective Hamblin.

So she took off, right? Nope. As reported in The Indianapolis Star:

Townsend, unaware that the men were officers, allegedly offered to perform a sex act in exchange for $20, according to the report.

"Are you kidding?" Hamblin reportedly asked Townsend.

"No, I am not kidding," she replied, according to the report.

Osborne then got out of the vehicle and placed Townsend under arrest.

"What did I do wrong?" Townsend reportedly asked as the handcuffs were being placed on her wrists.

Zoinks! You can read more (not much) here.

Kansan Austin Jones found out when he and some friends tried to set an SUV ablaze. He set his own pants on fire! So he took off his pants and boxers, and took off. How do we know this is the way it went down? The incident was recorded by a neighbor's security camera. Why Austin, why? As reported by the UPI:

Police allege the teenagers torched the Chevy Tahoe in the early hours Sunday as an act of revenge after a fight.

Gary Darpel, a neighbor of the torched car's teenage owner, said the victim explained to him why he was targeted.

"They got into this fight. He broke it up, but they thought he was instigating it, so they came for retribution," Darpel said.

Jones was arrested after seeking treatment at a local hospital.

Not a good night for young Mr. Jones.

So said 27-year-old professional soccer player Bob Malcolm after being arrested for driving while intoxicated. Here's a man who truly believes in accepting responsibility for his actions:

I recognise that footballers are role models and that, as such, they should set a positive example. On this occasion, I have failed to do that.

Okay. Sounds good.

"But I must say that I was very upset and frustrated with the poor performance of the referee in our match at Plymouth the evening before."

Doh! What were the circumstances of his arrest? As reported in the Daily Mail:

The drama happened on the M1 northbound at Tibshelf, Derbyshire, at around 6.30am on December 27 last year.

A shocked motorist told police he nearly smashed into Malcolm's car, which was straddling the middle and fast lanes of the motorway.

The other driver pulled over, woke up Malcolm, persuaded him to move to the hard shoulder, and then phoned 999.

Malcolm's blood alcohol level was more than double the legal limit. In addition to blaming the ref, Malcolm did have one more comment to try and distance himself from the crime:

"I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car. "I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment."

Wow. And how exactly did you get there, Malcolm? By getting shitfaced, and then driving to your parking spot in the middle of the road? NO EXCUSES. Just cop to it, and people will respect you a lot more. (I'm sure that ref is looking forward to his next match with you.) Here's the article.

How about, unknowlingly, marrying your twin sister? They were separated at birth, and adopted and raised by different families. When they met as adults, there was an "inevitable attraction." [Creepy, no?] After they got married, they learned that they are twins. All together now - YUK! The marriage was annulled. To read more (very little) click here.

Hmm. Maybe not when your car totally reeks of pot - from the 2 ounces you're carrying! As reported in the Star-Ledger (New Jersey):

John Fleming certainly did not hinder his own apprehension.

Following an argument with another driver over a parking space in a Route 10 lot in East Hanover, Fleming followed the driver while dialing 911.

Patrolman Tom McPartland, who responded to the call, smelled the scent of raw marijuana wafting from the car when Fleming rolled down his window to talk to the patrolman.

It seems Fleming, a 39-year-old West Orange florist shop employee, had two ounces of pot packaged in 12 plastic bags when the car was stopped on Ridgedale Avenue last May.

He was charged with possession of over 50 grams of marijuana with intent to distribute within 1,000 feet of a school, and possession of drug paraphernalia, police said.

The other motorist involved in the parking lot spot spat was not charged. Fleming ultimately was sentenced to two years' probation.

As reported in The Star Ledger:

In nearby Hackettstown [New Jersey] in April, Jerry Mahaffey Jr. wound up in trouble, police said, for sitting at the computer in the middle of the night, naked and drunk, surfing the Web for porn.

This isn't a crime, unless you do it in the home of a complete stranger.

Mahaffey, 26, was charged with trespassing, lewdness and public intoxication. His case is pending.

Uh. Sorry.

Attorney David Cwik represented the Plaintiff in a medical malpractice case. He was not pleased when defense attorney Marilee Clausing filed a Motion to Dismiss because she claimed Mr. Cwik failed to disclose his expert witnesses. How did Mr. Cwik repond? He wrote her a letter with the following sentence:

Should you succeed on your motion, we would merely dismiss the case, refile it shortly thereafter, and in the interim send somebody over to perform a clitorectomy on you.

Dude! Dude! And here's what he told the disciplinary commission:

He had the letter personally delivered on August 18, 1989 believing that Ms. Clausing would "get a kick out of this."

As it turned out, the only kick came from the disciplinary commission, which reprimanded Mr. Cwik. You can read the commission's entire report here (search "Cwik" and click on the last result.)

No, not that. This guy fell asleep while ... burglarizing a house! He must have been exhausted, because he slept through the homeowner coming home and calling the police, and the police coming to the home. So what finally woke the burglar up? A police officer tripped over him while gathering evidence and taking photographs! As reported in the Herald Sun:

An officer was having a look around taking photos when he tripped over something on the floor... A 30-year-old man from Keysborough, Victoria [obviously not cut out for a life of crime, like the guys in the video below] was swiftly arrested, interviewed and charged with burglary and theft.

To read more (very little) click here.

... with someone in it! Over a $28 debt! And the tipper was running for city council! True! And there's more. Here's the story from the Salem News:

Ken Sawicki, a candidate for Salem City Council, spent two weeks of the campaign behind bars this fall for allegedly locking a man inside a portable toilet and knocking it over in an attempt to collect a $28 debt.

Police said Sawicki confronted the man over the missing money at Riley Plaza one morning in October. The man said he needed a moment to use the bathroom and stepped inside the portable toilet. Sawicki then allegedly locked the man inside with a padlock and began rocking it back and forth.

As a crowd began to gather, Sawicki allegedly tipped the whole thing over.

He was arrested and spent two weeks in jail, but his campaign went on as the 54-year-old resorted to tactics that seemed to resemble, well, bathroom humor.

Days before Election Day, Sawicki was seen on a Route 114 traffic island sitting on a toilet (a real one) that he had dragged across the street. At one point, he even held a fishing rod and dropped a hook into the toilet basin.

A sign on the back read what most had already concluded: "My campaign is in the toilet."

But Sawicki may have had the last laugh.

And 712 voters (11 percent of voters) cast at least one of their votes for the alleged toilet-tipper.

Here's the article. (This story is at the end.)