Legal Juice

Let's say you rob somebody, and then you're foolish enough to call him the following day to taunt him. Would you do it from a phone that could be traced to you? A young man in New York did. And it led to his arrest, along with his 4 alleged accomplices. As reported in New York's "The Journal News" ...

[Lt.] Clark said the incident occurred Tuesday, when the victim, who works at the Scarsdale Public Library, left work about 9 p.m. to catch a bus home. About 20 minutes later, as he waited at the Post and Olmsted roads bus stop, he was attacked by a group of young men who police said beat him until he momentarily blacked out. They fled in a car after taking the man's briefcase.

Knocking the dude out? That's cold. Why'd they do it?

"The investigation revealed that this was a completely random attack, and that these young men set out to beat somebody up,'' Clark said. "Taking the briefcase was almost incidental. One of the men said that his mother had died recently, and that he was angry and just wanted to beat someone up."

Really? I didn't know random asskicking was one of the 5 stages of grief. Just how did the bust go down?

The next day, [the victim] received the taunting phone call, which he immediately reported to police. Within hours, Scarsdale Detectives Russ Morvant and Servando Rodriguez were able to trace the call to a house on North Kensico Avenue in White Plains. They found Marzano, of 100 N. Kensico Ave., there, along with Pacicca, of 1649 Hall Ave., and Brown.

Find anything else?

The detectives also found the stolen briefcase and other items belonging to the victim ...

Doh!

Certainly nobody (save some of the cheaters) would argue that it's wrong to cheat on your spouse. Likewise, just about everybody (save a few vengeful souls) would argue that Rajni Narayan, of Adelaides, Australia, went too far when she "... set fire to her husband's genitals..." As reported by the Press Trust of India:

An Indian-born Australian woman who allegedly set fire to her husband's genitals suspecting his fidelity has appeared in a local court with fresh charges of murder slapped against her.

Rajni Narayan, 44, who allegedly murdered her husband, in a bizarre manner by torching his genitals which set her Cleveland Avenue townhouse in Adelaides ablaze had later told her neighbourers "it's just a penis I wanted to burn I didn't mean this to happen" Narayan who suspected her husband of having an affair told the neighbours, "I am a jealous wife, his penis should belong to me, I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else."

Narayan was remanded to police custody until Friday and had to undergo a Psychological assessment as prosecutor said that her engineer husband Satish was asleep in their double-storey house when his wife set his genitals on fire after dousing them with methylated spirit on Dec 8 last, Adelaide Now reported.

The blaze reduced to rubble the couple's USD 700,000 house and also damaged neighbouring houses. Satish Narayan, 47, succumbed to his burns in hospital last week, the paper said. After being produced before the local magistrate here the public prosecutor said the charges against the widow had been upgraded to murder.

Here's the source. And you can read more here.

You would think that even a petty thief would be mindful of the the old adage about "going to the well once to often." Not this guy. As reported by the Australian publication The Age:

A serial beer bandit who was caught after stealing beer on three separate occasions from the same house. Wendouree man Leigh John Parkes first stole beer and some loose change in January after seeing a carton of lager in an open garage. Parkes, 25, struck again two months later, lifting the roller-door and stealing 36 stubbies worth $50. Within weeks he was back, but when he found the roller-door locked, he forced open a window. He stole another carton of beer and some tools, worth $170. Parkes was jailed for six months.

The same house, 3 times within less than 3 months? Should get some extra time just for that ...

Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren't real happy about that, or the ...

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

smiley faces painted on the driveway;

lampshades tied to bushes, and ...

the stuffed animals and signs, some with religious slogans, [that] cover virtually the entire yard, the house and the carport.

So what have the neighbors done?

[They] have complained repeatedly over the past year, leading to visits by police officers, firefighters, elected officials, and representatives from several county agencies. Residents aired their objections recently at a public forum held by County Executive Ken Ulman.

The results?

... inspectors have uncovered no violations of county codes. In a county where many newer neighborhoods follow Columbia's example of controlling appearances through stringent private covenants, Alban's yard seems beyond the reach of government regulation.

Squadoosh. Zippy. Nada.

"We don't do pretty," said county zoning enforcement chief George Beisser. "What's one person's junk is another person's art."

I'm with Cato Institute "expert on private property rights" Roger Pilon who suggested that the neighbors should "lighten up."

Certainly it's no State v. Johnson, but the Buldoni case will have to do for today. As reported at myCentralJersey.com, here's what happened in a case involving Mr. Buldoni, before Judge Emery Toth:

After pleading not guilty, Buldoni, also known as Luis Martinez, tried to explain the offenses to Toth.

But Toth was having none of it ...

Toth suggested that the reason Buldoni got arrested was for failing to appear in court in November 2007 for the summonses. But Buldoni told the judge he was wrong.

This is not usually something judges like to hear.

"All right. Well if you'd stop getting arrested, then you wouldn't have any of these problems, right?" the judge said.

Snap!

"Excuse me, your honor?" Buldoni replied.

"I don't want to have a debate with you," the judge said. "I don't want to have an Oprah Winfrey conversation with you...See you around."

(Are we clear?! Crystal, sir.)

As he was leaving the video-conference room, Buldoni made a noise, which Toth later described as "raspberries."

"I don't want to tell you what you really are, but I'm a street guy. So when I said, "See you later,' hey, I didn't really get offended when you gave me the old fist up in the air. That's okay. I didn't really care about that. But when you give me the raspberries when walking out and you give me some kind of disrespect, I'm telling you that's contempt in the face of the court. You're going to jail. You'll stay there for another 30 days...you open your mouth, you give me any more attitude, I'm going to give you some more jail time."

Okay, 30 days ... um, hold on ...

"Appreciate it," Buldoni said.

"Okay, I'm giving you 40, 45 days," Toth said.

The exchange grew even more heated. Buldoni made another remark that the transcript lists as indiscernible.

"Sixty days. Get out of here," the judge said.

"No, give me 70," Buldoni said.

"Seventy-five," Toth said.

The quarrel continued until Buldoni got 180 days.

Did he serve all 180 days? Apparently so, according to Judge Toth. So why was this exchange reported? Because Judge Toth recently had a disciplinary case filed against him as a result of this case! For the source, click here.

This man clearly belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India:

Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. "Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on. Girls looked the other way as he walked towards the Law faculty, unabashedly," said an official.

How 'bout those security guards?

"Security personnel tried in vain to stop the youth, who had entered through the gate opposite MSU's Experimental School at noon," the official said. "Five security guards accosted him only to be snubbed by the youth, who asked them to call higher officials. The guards even gave him a sound thrashing, so much so that their batons broke," the official narrated.

Seriously, 5 guys with batons couldn't stop a naked man? Nope. ...

...this did not deter the youth who ran to Experimental School and supposedly vanished out of the gate.

At least they didn't tase him.

And if that wasn't enough excitement on campus for the day ...

Meanwhile, the dust was just about to settle on the matter when another incident took the campus by the storm. A group of monkeys wreaked havoc after a baby monkey was electrocuted in the morning when it came in contact with a live wire.

The apes started attacking passers-by walking near the site of the accident. The crisis ended when fire brigade officials disentangled the monkey's body from the electric wire, after which monkeys picked up their deceased offspring and left.

Damn. That's more excitement than I saw in my entire 7 years of college.

Here's the story from ABC News (that's the Australian Broadcasting Corporation):

A Darwin man has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the Stuart Highway.

The man is already in jail until August after pleading guilty to carrying cannabis in the car boot and two plants on the back seat.

Brenton Alan Erhardt, 39, pleaded guilty in the Darwin Magistrates Court to dangerous driving.

He was pulled over by police on the Stuart Highway in July speeding at 147 kilometres per hour, south of Daly Waters. He admitted to officers he filmed himself masturbating while driving from Adelaide to Darwin.

He also pleaded guilty to driving unlicensed, carrying two cannabis smoking pipes, administering the drug and carrying a loaded rifle. Magistrate Sue Oliver says the driving was bizarre to say the least and conduct she expects of someone much younger.

Just to recap: While driving 91 miles per hour (without a license), dude was filming himself while masturbating. And, he had a loaded gun, pot pipes, and pot plants with him in the car. Oh my.

I sure didn't. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn't sleep - and was almost there when I got to the definition of "mayhem")

Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5001)

Now wide awake, I read on:

CANNIBALISM DEFINED -- PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who willfully ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism. (2) It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. (3) Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5003).

So, if you're ever in Idaho, (1) watch your back, because someone can legally eat you if the cupboard is bare, (2) don't drink anything red, and (3) if you're not sure what it is, don't eat it!

Just what is the condition imposed by Judge Tom Broadmore for granting bail to Mr. Ben Hana (who was charged with cannabis possession and obscene exposure)?

That he wear underwear.

For real. Per The Dominion Post, it seems that Mr. Hana is "... well known around Wellington [New Zealand] as Blanket Man." Unfortunately, that's apparently all he wears - a blanket. As his lawyer described it ...

"He wears high-risk clothing. It's a way of life rather than a deliberate attempt at lewdness."

"High-risk." Nice touch. What did the Judge think?

Judge Tom Broadmore was sceptical of Ms Dixon's explanation: "I was walking down Courtenay Place and I'm sure he was exposing his genitals. It's just not something the public should have to tolerate."

Counselor?

Ms Dixon suggested making the wearing of underwear a bail condition as a "precautionary measure".

Done? Done.

The judge agreed to bail on condition that Hana not enter licensed premises, other than supermarkets, not drink alcohol and that he wear underpants or boxer shorts while in public.

To see a photo of Mr. Hana in his new attire, click here.

Does it really matter if "Pig-pig" is a pig or hog? Turns out it does. As reported by The Tacoma News Tribune:

A pig named Pig-pig was at the center of a courtroom drama this spring in Tacoma Municipal Court. The weighty legal question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

Seriously, the question for the learned legal scholars: Is a pig a hog?

The saga began back in 2006 when a Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department inspector told Judson Morris III he was not permitted to keep a hog at his house within the City of Tacoma. Chapter 5.32 of the Tacoma Municipal Code forbids it.

Morris fought the charge, and his public defender successfully argued that the swine at Morris’ house was not a hog, and therefore not subject to the city ordinance.

It was, he said, a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. The city rules don’t say anything about pigs, the attorney argued.

The judge dismissed the case, but the city appealed to Pierce County Superior Court. A judge there reversed the dismissal and ordered the case sent back to Tacoma Municipal Court.

A jury trial is scheduled for Jan. 14. Seriously.

Somehow I doubt they'll be able to look to the legislative history to resolve this one ...