Legal Juice

Let's say you are Sheikh Khalid Ben Abdfullah Rashid Alfawaz, you're rich, and you're getting a divorce in an English court. During a Hearing, here are some of the judge's comments:

That the sheikh could choose “to depart on his flying carpet” to escape paying costs.

That the sheikh should be available to attend hearings “at this relatively fast-free time of the year.”

That he should be in court so that “every grain of sand is sifted.”

And the sheikh’s evidence was “a bit gelatinous . . . like Turkish Delight.”

What a card! The Sheikh was not amused. He asked the judge to recuse himself due to bias. When the judge refused, the Sheikh appealed and ... won. He was booted from the case, and had to apologize. Not to worry, though. Lord Justice Ward threw him a bone.

No little part of my embarrassment comes from my belief that the injection of a little humour lightens the load of high emotion that so often attends litigation and I am the very last judge to criticise laughter in court. For my part I am totally convinced that [the judge's] jokes were not meant to be racist and I unreservedly acquit the judge of any suggestion they were so intended.

Shazam! Next time I do something stupid, I want Lord Ward speaking on my behalf! To read more (a little bit) click here.

What do you do to a guy who feels bad for a trapped animal frying in the sun (with no food or water) so he moves the cage? You arrest him, of course. No worries, though. Read on (from UPI):

Charges were dropped Thursday against a Utah man who moved a city-owned skunk trap into the shade because he felt sorry for the animal inside.

Paul Roberts, a lawyer for South Salt Lake City, said after 90 minutes of testimony that the case should be dismissed, The Salt Lake Tribune reported. Ryan Turner told the court he moved the trap because the skunk had been caught in it for two days, with no food or water and the sun blazing down during the day.

"I don't see any crime in helping an animal," Roberts said.

Turner had asked for a trap around his property because of a skunk problem. A city employee said Turner complained the skunk had invaded the house at least twice by a cat door.

The case attracted a lot of attention with Gene Baierschmidt of the Utah Humane Society calling Turner a "hero" who "made the morally right choice." Turner said he found it "baffling" that it proceeded as far as it did.

I see your "baffling" and raise you an "idiotic" and a "WTF."

Think this guy is drunk? You'll know for sure at 45 seconds.

Since the Juice is against school dress codes, how do you think he feels about "hair" codes? Check this out, from The Hindu (the "Online edition of India's National Newspaper"):

In a bizarre incident, a teacher snipped off the hair of five students in a school in Burdwan district of West Bengal for allegedly not adhering to the institute’s code of conduct related to hairdo.

The teacher, Manisha Ray, cut short the hair of the students for violating the rule of tying two plaits and coming with with a single plait during the morning prayers. As news of the incident spread, irate guardians entered the school premises in protest. They locked the teachers in a room and demanded Ms. Ray’s suspension. The police arrested Ms. Ray following complaints by the guardians of the students whose hair was cut off.

“We have arrested the teacher, based on a complaint. Charges against her will be framed under relevant sections of the Indian Penal Code,” Burdwan’s Additional Superintendent of Police Utpal Naskar said.

Members of the school’s managing committee later suspended Ms. Ray indefinitely from service.

Paws (and scissors) off the hair.

A few days ago, I had a post on Ohio Judge James Heath. He essentially walked after a DUI and a refusal. After having seen the YouTube video of his arrest below, now I am really incensed. Judge Heath repeatedly tried to used his position as a judge to weasel out of the arrest. It's truly nauseating. He was seen weaving and running a red light. He begs, and he begs, and he begs. Then he begs some more. He threatens the officer, saying it will ruin his (the officer's) career. And the officer even reminded the Judge that the incident is being taped!

The Juice does not think a judge should lose his job for a first-time DUI with no injuries, if the judge accepts responsibility for the crime. Judges make mistakes, like everyone else. But when a judge repeatedly, unequivocally tries to use his position to subvert the law, we've left "I made a mistake" and entered "this person can't be trusted with judicial power." Hopefully the judicial disciplinary process will work better than the criminal process did.

Like many shoppers before him, Mr. Walter Tessier walked into a grocery store (in Amsterdam, New York) and bought a lobster. He later returned to the store claiming that the lobster was bad, and exchanged it for a bag of king crab legs. So whatsamatta? Just this: the lobster shell was empty! As reported by The Times Union:

When confronted, the man with a passion for seafood ran from the store with the bag of crab legs in hand, they said.

Deputies said they caught up with him at his home only to discover that he had already eaten the crab legs.

Walter Tessier, giving new meaning to the phrase "eat and run" ... (We actually had a case involving a woman who admitted to eating a crab she had just purchased - while she was driving! Not surprisingly, she rear-ended our client.)

Tessier was charged with petit larceny and given an appearance ticket to return to court at a later date.

The headline from the story by WXYZ in Detroit sums it up nicely: "Teacher By Day, Inmate By Night." For 30 days anyway, when Mr. Donald Colpaert is not teaching social studies to middle schoolers in Macomb County, he's in jail. Here's an exchange between WXYZ reporter Heather Catallo and Mr. Colpaert:

"I’m wondering why you’re still teaching if you’re in jail? I’m not in jail. I’m bringing lunch for my friends. No, you’re going back to your work release position. How can you be a role model for your students? Are you familiar with what’s going on at all with the case? Why don’t you tell us? I don’t really feel like explaining it. The court’s done a pretty good job of that."

Alrighty then.

According to court records, the secretary says Colpaert started harassing her husband with phone calls and text messages after she decided to patch up her marriage.

During a hearing to obtain personal protection orders against Colpaert – the secretary and her husband submitted several of Colpaert’s email messages to Macomb County Judge Ed Servitto.

In one from October – Colpaert writes to another school co-worker about what he was allegedly planning to do at a party that the secretary was going to attend with her husband. One message states: "me and some of my friends will be waiting outside." and "the s**t is definitely gonna hit the fan." In another message Colpaert allegedly told the party hostess "I cant [sic] and WILL NOT promise that nothing will go down at your house."

As for the text messages that Colpaert allegedly sent to the secretary’s husband – they’re so obscene we can not describe them on television.

Damn it! The Juice is not fond of censorship. Anyway, here's how Mr. Colpaert ended up in jail:

When the judge granted the PPOs for the school secretary and her husband, according to the hearing transcript, he had some strong words for the teacher. Judge Servitto said "I can’t believe you’re an educator." He also told Colpaert: "I don’t know that you should be a teacher. I don’t know. It just amazes me"

What’s truly amazing is that Donald Colpaert violated the PPO within minutes of leaving Servitto’s courtroom.

According to police reports, in the court hallway-- Colpaert told the secretary’s husband, "we could have settled this man to man, it’s on now, it’s on."

After those comments – a judge sent Colpaert to jail for 30 days for violating the PPO.

So it's definitely "on," with the "it" being the pokey, not an asskicking. How does tenure fit into the equation?

The Van Dyke Public School District did suspend Donald Colpaert for 3 days without pay for violating a directive they had given him to stop contacting the secretary. An attorney for the district tells Action News at this point, that’s the highest level of punishment that can be leveled against a tenured teacher.

Time to take a long, hard look at those tenure provisions ... Click here for the source.

How does a Judge who refused to take a Breathalyzer test, and gets arrested for DUI, and has his license suspended for one year, essentially walk? I don't know. But that's what happened to Warren County (Ohio) Common Pleas Judge James Heath.

And on top of that, apparently as recorded in the police video of the incident, Judge Heath tried to weasel out of the DUI. (Warren County Commission Mike Kilburn, who wants Judge Heath to resign, "called the judge girly at an open commissioners' meeting where he showed the police tape of Heath's traffic stop," as reported by The Western Star.)

Here's what happened to that DUI charge and one-year license suspension: the suspension was stayed, and then vacated when Judge Heath pleaded guilty to reckless driving. DUI? What DUI? Here's the source.

That's what Natasha Riley, not pleased with the way things were going for her client, said to Judge Mangano in the Brooklyn Family Court during a custody proceeding. But Judge Mangano would have the last laugh. Because most lawyers aren't dumb enough to address a judge that way [even if it is bullshit!], Judge Mangano became suspicious. Turns out Ms. Riley, who had at least 8 clients, and 4 court appearances, is not a lawyer! Her punishment? Five years probation and $3,267 in restitution. You can read more here.

How come nothing this exciting ever happened in my school? If they didn't already know about prostitutes, students at the Western Intermediate School in Bellefontaine, Ohio now do, courtesy of fourth grade teacher Amber Carter. And yes, "Amber" is her real name. As reported by The Columbus Dispatch:

The principal tried yesterday to tell a class of fourth-graders why their teacher was arrested just after lunch Tuesday and hauled to jail.

She couldn't tell them that Amber Carter, a 13-year employee of the Bellefontaine City School District, had been arrested in an apparent sex sting at the local Super 8 Motel just after noon Tuesday.

Click here for the source, and a picture of Ms. Carter.