Legal Juice

Australian Christian Marchesani has unambiguous contempt for speed cameras. Per the Australian Broadcasting Corporation:

... in January Marchesani sat on the fuel tank of his motorbike and rode past a speed camera twice with his thumbs up, reaching speeds of up to 130 kilometres an hour in a 70 zone.

The birds?

In March, he rode past another camera at 117 kilometres an hour while kneeling on his fuel tank and making obscene gestures [think middle fingers].

Maybe he just had a bad few months?

At the time of the offences he was riding under suspension and serving a suspended prison sentence for similar driving offences.

Um. Nevermind. Mr. Marchesani was sentenced to 10 months in jail. Here's the source.

Hey, it's not so easy to start a cult. Just ask Tennessee resident Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey. As reported by News Channel 9:

He called himself "The Impaler". He claimed to be a vampire. Now, Jonathan Sharkey can call himself an inmate.

Sharkey wanted to start up a commune in rural Grundy County. Now, Sharkey is headed to jail after pleading guilty to threatening to torture and kill a judge in Indianapolis. Sharkey who calls himself "the Impaler" will spend more than two years in jail for making those threats. Prosecutors say Sharkey threatened to beat, torture, impale and decapitate Judge David Certo, who is presiding over another case involving Sharkey. Last October, Sharkey spent time in a Grundy County jail on outstanding warrants from Minnesota.

Olay hires Twiggy (age 60) to promote a product (the Definity eye illuminator) that supposedly makes your eyes look younger. Said the ad, next to a photo of Twiggy ...

Olay is my secret to brighter-looking eyes.

There's just one small problem - the photo was airbrushed! I kid you not. And it was for this reason, as reported by The Guardian, that the ad ...

... has been banned by the advertising watchdog, after more than 700 complaints gathered for a campaign against airbrushing in ads by the Liberal Democrat MP Jo Swinson.

In its ruling, the ASA said that it considered that the post-production retouching of the original ad, specifically in the eye area, could give consumers a "misleading impression of the effect the product could achieve".

A combination of the retouching and the language of the ad was likely to mislead consumers, it ruled.

What was Procter & Gamble's (they own Olay) defense?

P&G said that there would "always be differences between uncomplimentary paparazzi shots and professional beauty photographs".

Really? Just fess up. You perpetrated a fraud (albeit not earth-shattering). You got caught. You're sorry. And it won't happen again. But Nooooooooooooo! (channeling John Belushi from SNL) ...

P&G added that it was "routine practice to use post-production techniques to correct for lighting and other minor photographic deficiencies before publishing the final shots as part of an advertising campaign".

That's your defense? That this shit happens all the time? Nevertheless ...

The company said that there had been some "minor retouching" around Twiggy's eyes, which was inconsistent with its own policies; this had already prompted it to withdraw the original ad and replace with one in which there was no post-production work around the eyes.

Here's the source, with a picture of the ad.

(Full disclosure: "Hair" is one of The Juice's top ten favorite films.) Even in late 2009, long hair is STILL an issue in some schools. The crazy thing about this story is, we're talking about a 4-year-old boy! (Click on the link at the end of the post to see his picture.) Seems Taylor's long hair violates this Texas schools dress code. As reported by The Dallas Morning News:

It's too long, Mesquite ISD administrators say, and Taylor can't attend class with other students until he gets a haircut.

Since early November, the pre-kindergartner has had lessons with a teacher's aide in the library at Floyd Elementary School, cut off from other students. Neither his parents, who refuse to cut his hair, nor the school district is happy about that, but no one knows when it is likely to end.

A 4-year-old essentially in solitary confinement because of his hair. Brilliant!

"The school cannot give us an honest reason why we should force him to cut his hair. He loves his hair," said Taylor's father, Delton Pugh Jr., on Tuesday. "I'll move out of this school district before I'll force him to cut his hair."

According to Taylor's mother, Elizabeth Taylor, no one complained about her son's hair until October, when the principal told her it needed to be cut. She refused because he likes his hair long, his father has long hair and the family has American Indian heritage.

Even so, she tried to work with the school and this idiotic rule.

She did trim the child's hair along the sides and back, but school officials said it was still too long. She offered to put Taylor's hair in a pony tail and slick back the front so it "will look nice," she said.

Aaaargh! You can read more (a lot) and see a picture of Taylor here.

I know lots of states still have stupid laws criminalizing premarital sex. But the Juice found this Minnesota law to be particularly amusing.

609.34 Fornication.

When any man and single woman have sexual intercourse with each other, each is guilty of fornication, which is a misdemeanor.

Now I understand the backstory for Minnesota's state slogan: "Minnesota - Three's Not A Crowd." Here's the statute.

Yeah, you generally want to be clean when you leave the house. The Juice would suggest, though, that this does not apply when it's a house you've broken into! A Texas man would beg to differ. As reported by KETK News:

Around three thirty [Sunday] morning, [Tyler, Texas] officers got a call that someone had kicked in the door of a house on the 3300 block of Garden Valley Road.

Okay. Just another break-in ...

When officers entered the residence, they found 25 year-old Larry Ticey naked in the bathtub.

After a brief struggle, Ticey was arrested and taken to the Smith County Jail. He's charged with criminal trespassing.

I mean, really! Can't a man just take a bath in peace!

No, it's not the "give us cash to protect yourself from us" kind of protection. Without even being there, Chuck Norris has singlehandedly ended a series of break-ins at a bakery in Split, Croatia. From the Croatian Times:

Store bosses have seen off burglars by placing a life-sized photo of Hollywood action star Chuck Norris in the window.

The posh bakery shop in Split, Croatia, had often been broken until they put up the poster of the karate champ with a sign saying: "This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris."

Now the bakery hasn't had a single burglary for more than a month. "People seem to respect him," said a sales assistant.

Don't mess with Chuck Norris.

Truth be told, "Snowzilla" is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News:

It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz.

Camera crews came from Russia and Japan.

Russia's just across the pond (wink!), but Japan! But, alas, not everyone was keen on Snowzilla and his legions of fans.

So, city officials have deemed Snowzilla a public nuisance and safety hazard.

A few weeks ago, city code enforcers left three red signs at Snowzilla's bottom body ball telling its builders to cease and desist.

The city also tacked a public notice on the door of the Powers family home at 1556 Columbine St.

You bastards! You killed Snowzilla! And it's unlikely he'll be brought back to life. Why?

Under the city's nuisance abatement order, if [Mr. Powers] tries, he could get arrested.

Bunch of Scrooges.... Here's the source.

Here's a wacky current Minnesota law I stumbled upon:

609.294 Bestiality.

Whoever carnally knows a dead body or an animal or bird is guilty of bestiality, which is a misdemeanor. If knowingly done in the presence of another the person may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000 or both.

I have several questions. Exactly why would would having sex with a dead PERSON fall under the bestiality law? What kind of mind would conceive of a person having sex with a bird? Is this even possible? (Please, don't answer that.) The Juice is at a loss. Here's a link to the statute.

You betcha. A 20-year-old construction worker named Cory Bishop got a ticket for having "indecent" stickers on his car. Where are things apparently going so well that they have time to write tickets for such a harmless "offense?" Harrisonville, Kansas. Per the Kansas City Pitch, here's what the stickers said:

Imports are like tampons. Every pussy has one.

Spark plugs are for Pussies.

Stroke this Bitch.(with an illustration)

Bishop fought the ticket and ... lost. But ...

... the prosecuting attorney eventually threw out the charge against Bishop...

That's not it, though.

On September 5, the ACLU’s new chief counsel and legal director, Doug Bonney, fired off a letter to Harrisonville Mayor Kevin Wood questioning the ordinance. He cited case law that upholds citizens’ right to display language that others deem “vulgar.” He suggested the city at least amend the measure. “The current ordinance’s ban on display of ‘indecent’ signs on private property is unconstitutional and cannot stand,” Bonney wrote. “We would like to work with the City to resolve this problem.”

Here's betting that law won't be on the books very long. Click here for the source.