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Now I like women’s shoes, but … Hell, I don’t even like men’s shoes. For me, shoes are purely functional. Not so with 26 year-old mechanical engineer Omar Adb-el-Gowd, who told police that he has been obsessed with ladies shoes since he was 12, and that he has taken shoes “for sexual purposes” for years.

For Mr. Adb-el-Gowd, moving to the big city (London) was a HUGE mistake. He was blown away by the incredibly fine footwear. He stole shoes from women in London for over a year before that fateful day when, while stealing a shoe, he allegedly “sexually caressed” the calf and ankle of his victim. For that, he is on trial for sexual assault. Said the prosecutor:

He found that fashionable — to him — and sexually attractive shoes were to be found in greater abundance in the capital. He told police this was the trigger for him to go beyond simply taking shoes.

So, does Mr. Adb-el-Gowd prefer women’s shoes over women? Per prosecutor Fitzgerald:

He said, although he was sexually attracted to women and had had a sexual relationship with a girlfriend as recently as November 2005, his past relationships with women had been somewhat complicated by the fact that he would find a particular girlfriend’s shoes more sexually attractive than the girl herself.

Note to prosecutor: Having sex 1 1/2 years ago is not “recent.” For more details, click here.

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And how is it that trial lawyers get so much bad press?

Psychiatrist Juan Ernest Tejeda Rosario was charged with sexual abuse, sexual impropriety, and “disgraceful, dishonourable and unprofessional conduct. The allegation made by two patients (of 15 and 16 years) include:

Tying a rope around the patient’s genitals and leading him around the office;

Penetrating the patient with objects, including a riding whip and a toilet brush;

Piercing the patient’s penis and genitals with a needle;

Engaging in intercourse with a patient while the man put his head in the toilet;

Having the patients perform oral sex on him and masturbate him;

Having the patients masturbate in front of him;

Paying $3,000 to one of the patient’s girlfriend (who was also his patient!) to keep her quiet.

So what do you think happened at the disciplinary proceeding, scheduled to last 16 days?

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The contest put on by Sacramento radio station KDND was called “Hold your wee for a Wii.” Eighteen contestants drank lots of water over a 4-hour period. They would be disqualified if they urinated. Contestant Jennifer Strange drank almost 2 gallons of water, then began to experience headaches and disorientation. So she dropped out of the contest and went home.

SHE DIED THAT DAY – from water intoxication. Her family has sued the radio station, among others (Click here to see the lawsuit on The Smoking Gun).

What about criminal responsibility? Do you think anyone involved is being prosecuted for this? Nope. The District Attorney decided not to charge anyone at the station because Ms. Strange could have stopped anytime, and because “there were no observable indications or symptoms that [she] was experiencing a serious medical emergency…”

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Throughout the years since our nation’s inception, the American courtroom has been the stage for some rather formidable legal battles. Marbury v. Madison, Brown v. Board of Education, and Bush v. Gore come to mind. Sometimes, however, it is highly unlikely that some of the biggest match-ups ever make it to the Law School curriculum. Such is the case of a recent Seventh Circuit decision (remember, these Judges are just below the Supreme Court) between two competing individuals: Pull My Finger® Fred and Fartman.

As described by Circuit Judge Wood, Fred “is a white, middle-aged, overweight man with black hair and a receding hairline, sitting in an armchair wearing a white tank top and blue pants.”

In contrast, Fartman “is a white, middle-aged, overweight man with black hair and a receding hairline, sitting in an armchair wearing a white tank top and blue pants.” Did I say “In contrast”? My mistake…

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Although there are usually two sides to every story, in this case, both are a little whacky. There is no dispute that Mr. Fulmer shot Mr. Penny, who suffered a fractured femur, and a broken nose and cheek. Penny had scratches on his neck, torso, face and hands.

The shooting took place in Fulmer’s house. Here is Penny’s version:

Appearing jealous over the affection the cat was showing Penny, Fulmer attacked him and then shot him.

Here’s Fulmer’s version:

Because Penny was mistreating Napolean (the cat!) and acting strangely, Fulmer asked Penny to leave. Penny then tackled him, and while they fought for the gun, it went off, hitting Penny in the leg. He was just defending himself and his pregnant wife against the “drunken and aggressive” Penny. [Penny was legally intoxicated.]

The trial in the Nova Scotia Supreme Court took 4 days. So what do you think the jury decided?

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Winnipeg attorney Ingrid Chen was caught on tape telling the head of a biker gang that she wanted her clients attacked or even “dead.” He also told Ms. Chen that “the first visit is a nice visit. After that, if I have to break legs, I break legs.” Ms. Chen’s lawyer said that she just made a “few stupid mistakes.”

Queen’s Bench Justice Greenberg disagreed, stating that Ms. Chen “took professional misconduct to a whole new level.” Said the Justice, “Not surprisingly, there is no case law on how to deal with a lawyer who hires a thug to collect money from her clients.”

Ms. Chen was convicted of extortion, sentenced to 18 months in jail, and taken away in handcuffs. Quite a disappointment for her, as she was seeking to avoid jail altogether.

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American Airlines Pilot James Yates showed up at the Manchester, England airport for the Manchester- to-Chicago flight. Yes he was a little late, and DRUNK! Almost 8 times the legal limit.

It seems that Mr. Yates had been out drinking with his two co-pilots the night before. He visited at least 4 pubs before returning to his hotel. He then took a sedative around midnight. He was awakened at 9:00 a.m. the next morning by his captain’s banging on the door. But what about that bottle of Irish whiskey he had purchased the day before? One-third of it was gone! Mr. Yates said he had no memory of drinking it.

When he arrived at the airport, Yates could not find his security pass. He smelled strongly of alcohol and had a red face. Hmmmmm. He was charged with carrying out an activity ancillary to an aviation function while over the drink limit.

HIs trial lasted three days. Testifying for Mr. Yates were senior American Airlines executives, and Brigadier General Thomas Botchie, who was a fighter pilot with Mr. Yates. The defense theory was a good one – he never intended to fly. He went to the airport (in full uniform) to tell his captain that he was unable to fly. Did the jury believe him?

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This feels like an “only in New York” story. The Taubs hate each other. (Simon Taub built a wall dividing their townhouse in 2 to keep them apart.) Two years ago, Chana Taub filed for divorce, alleging that Simon subjected her to cruel and inhuman treatment. (Does it surprise you that Simon is described as a “millionaire sweater mogul?”) She asked that a jury decide the case, thinking that they would give her a better shake than a judge. BIG MISTAKE, Chana. The 10-day trial – which included allegations that Simon attacked her with a telephone and a treadmill [?!], and testimony from all four kids against Simon – just ended.

Simon won! The judge dismissed the case. (New York does not have a “no-fault” divorce law, resulting in cases just like the Taubs, who now must remain married.)

On the very night of the jury’s decision, Chana tried to serve Simon with a protective order. She claims that, when she was trying to do so, Simon punched her in the eye. Not to be outdone, the day after the divorce case was dismissed, Simon went to court to get an order of protection against Chana! Oh, and they each think that the other is going to murder them. I can tell you 2 people who will make sure that won’t happen – their divorce lawyers, who are getting mighty fat from this case!

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Zoinks. Judge Kerry Evans was before the Ontario Judicial Council in 2004. The charges included:

patting the groins and buttocks of co-workers;

French-kissing co-workers;

force-feeding Jujubes to his co-workers; and

engaging in oral sex with a court worker in his office washroom.

In his defense to the “oral sex in the washroom” charge, Judge Evans submitted photographs of his shaved genital area, taken by his brother. Why, you might wonder? Because if the incident really happened, surely she would have mentioned this. Brilliant! The old “shaved balls” defense. (Actually, for a variety of reasons, probably not the photographs (!), he prevailed as to that allegation.)

Alas, Judge Evans resigned from the bench in 2004 before he was sanctioned for misconduct. He recently applied for reinstatement to the bar, and got it! He may return to the legal profession after spending 2 years working for another lawyer, which he is now doing. To read more about this, click here.

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This is just WRONG! Nobody disputes that you paid your taxes ON TIME, and you still get assessed a 10% late fee! Ms. Jansen, of the village of Sleepy Hollow (really) in Westchester County, New York, tried to pay her property tax bill on-line ($6,516.84 for 6 months!) 5 days early. Her payment was rejected because the town requires payment by check, in an envelope postmarked on or before the due date. So the Sleepy Hollow Bank issued a check for the taxes, which was sent 5 days early, and which the village acknowledges it received before the due date. Yet they still hit Ms. Jansen with a 10% late charge, plus a $2 fee! ($653.68)! Guess why?

Because her bank issues checks through Bill Pay, which uses bulk mail, which does not produce a postmark! Surely the Bill Pay log showing that the taxes were timely paid would satisfy the town, right? Wrong. While the Sleepy Hollow tax collector admitted that the law was antiquated, she said that she could not accept a bank log as proof of timely payment!

Oh, and if she doesn’t pay the late charge by this Friday, March 30, she’ll be hit with another penalty!