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The chances that authorities would try to enforce this Massachusetts law? Squadoosh!

Section 36A. Whoever, having arrived at the age of sixteen years, directs any profane, obscene or impure language or slanderous statement at a participant or an official in a sporting event, shall be punished by a fine of not more than fifty dollars.

Here’s the source.

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Ma’am, that certainly is a nice television you have there… As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat (Belleville, Illinois)

12/30/12 – Theft — First block of Kingery Court The victim reported the suspect came to her residence, struck up a conversation with her, and while she sat on the couch, he unhooked and unplugged her TV and walked out of the residence with it.

Um. Mister, watcha doing with my tee-vee?

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This really is like the hen picking up the phone, calling the fox, and inviting him over for dinner. As for why this gent would call the police, consider what he was doing in his house. As reported by The Florida Times-Union:

Shaune Lawrence, 54, reported his Fleming Court home had been invaded by two men and gave deputies consent to search, the Sheriff’s Office said. Once inside, they instead found a spare bedroom and bathroom that were being used as “grow rooms” containing the plants and an elaborate setup of lights and chemicals.

Think he was baked?

Lawrence was arrested about 4 a.m., charged with cultivating marijuana, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

The Sheriff’s Office said the plants would have yielded 55 pounds for a street value of about $44,000.

Here’s the source.

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The queen of the McNuggets. The Juice blogged about Ms. Dushane previously, but at the time, the video of the incident had not been released. It has now, and here it is:

As reported by The Toledo Blade:

The video was made public, according to the Lucas County prosecutor’s office, because Dushane did not appeal her July 7 sentencing by Lucas County Common Pleas Judge Linda Jennings to three years probation and 60 days in the Corrections Center of Northwest Ohio.

She was ordered to pay $1,531.97 in restitution. Dushane pleaded no contest May 11 to one count of vandalism at McDonald’s, 90 Main St.

The video shows her throwing a bottle through the drive-through window, which she then further breaks with a fist. She later admitted she was drunk.

Her quest began New Year’s Day in the drive-through at the McDonald’s, where she’d gone for chicken McNuggets. By her arrival, though, breakfast items – not McNuggets – were being served.

You can read a fair amount more here.

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The Juice is a believer in some old-fashioned notions, like men holding the elevator door open for women. Too bad a fellow in Boston, Mohammed Warsame, is not likeminded. Here’s why, as reported by The Boston Herald:

A Roxbury man was slopped with a plate of pasta, punched, kicked, spit on and beaten with handbags by two women who told investigators they needed to “teach him a lesson” for not holding an elevator door for them, police said.

Holy smokes!

When Boston police arrived at 1050 Tremont St. late Saturday night to break up the lift tiff, they said they found noodles dripping off the back of Mohammed Warsame.

Kenyana McQuay, 27, and Waltia Funches, 28, told officers Warsame “was rude to them” because he didn’t hold the elevator door open as they walked into the building, and so “they had to use their fists, their bags and their feet to teach him a lesson.”

Warsame said he threw water bottles at the two women to try and fend them off.

Certainly etiquette sticklers like these ladies would treat the police with respect, right? Wrong.

Police, who described McQuay and Funches as “extremely agitated,” “uncooperative” and “verbally abusive toward officers,” summonsed both women to Roxbury District Court on assault and battery charges.

Oh my!

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In what is clearly a cautionary tale for fisherman, especially those anywhere close to Kuwaiti waters, comes this report from The Arab Times:

An unidentified Iraqi fisherman who was arrested by the Kuwaiti authorities on suspicion after he was caught inside Kuwait’s territorial waters has been released after two years in police custody, reports Al-Shahed daily.
Director of the Sindabad Fishermen Society which is based in Fao, Badran Essa, said the fisherman was handed over to the Iraqi authorities at the Safwan border post.

Um, sorry about that? Just had to check out your story … Not cool at all, Kuwaiti authorities.

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What about the kids? If they find out the government is trying to tax Santa Claus, how can they believe? As reported by Reuters:

The [Ukraine] government faces $9 billion in foreign debt repayments next year and its budget deficit almost tripled in January-October this year to more than $4 billion.

No, not Santa! [He’s called Did Moroz locally.]

By studying internet advertisements, the state tax service found out that a Did Moroz with a traditional female Snihuronka (Snow Maid) helper would earn 250 to 3,500 hryvnias ($30 to $440) per hour in capital Kiev this season.

“Such citizens will need to file forms and pay taxes,” the tax service said in a statement.

Hmm. “Will need to” not “must.”

The service said it was barred from conducting tax checks on small businesses but urged ordinary Ukrainians to report tax-dodging Santas.

Now that’s a loophole Santa could drive his sleigh right on through. Here’s the source.

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No more beer? No more cigarettes? Why not head to the Walgreens down the road? Well, for starters, it’s closed. You say “don’t worry about it?” Okay. As reported by wtsp.com (complete with a video of the break-in):

The burglar first smashed the front glass door of the Walgreens located at 3890 Van Dyke Road in Lutz at 1:30 a.m. on Christmas Eve. At that time, the burglar took a case of Budweiser, two cases of Bud Light beer and two cartons of Marlboro Special Blend cigarettes.

That ought to be enough for … less than 2 hours?

Apparently not content with his loot, the burglar returned at about 3:18, this time smashing the window in the pharmacy area to gain entry.

Dude must like smashing glass.

As the suspect was trying to remove pain medication, the alarm was activated and the lights in the store turned on. The burglar then ran out of the store.

And then the police caught him? Not yet, though his days are probably numbered given the level of criminal expertise on display here. You’ll find the source (and a video of the crime) here.

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If you’re hungry and thirsty, heading to a food market is definitely the right move. This gent did just that. But when he got there, ay ay ay. As reported by madison.com:

The Madison Police Department stated in a news release that officers were called to the store shortly before 11 p.m. Friday for a disturbance involving a man without a shirt.

A shirtless man in December, in Wisconsin?

“Employees pointed out the suspect, who was in the restricted tobacco area,” said police spokesman Howard Payne.

Prior to that, police said, he allegedly poured Sun Drop soda all over himself while in the soft drink aisles. When in the tobacco area, he allegedly opened packs of cigarettes, eating some and throwing some at customers and employees.

Must have filled up on the cigarettes he ate …

“Officers tried to get him out of the tobacco area, but he wouldn’t cooperate until he was threatened with a Taser,” Payne said.

What could possibly have led this 22-year-old man to do this? Well …

“He did state that marijuana laced with something may have played some role in his rather bizarre behavior,” Payne said.

Enough said. Here’s the source.

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Regular Juice readers may recall this post about a marijuana greenhouse set up just 25 feet from a police station. But what if he told you a gent grew marijuana, in prison, with the permission of the guards! And he did it for at least 5 months before he was busted! What do you think he was in for? Drugs? Yup. As reported by The Sun:

Gold-toothed Mohamed Jalloh, 28, convinced jail staff [at Verne Prison in Portland, Dorset] that his super-powerful skunk crop was really tomato plants.

[They] even [let him] decorate one 4ft plant as a CHRISTMAS TREE.

So how was he caught?

Eventually he was grassed up by a jealous inmate – and guards then identified the plants using Google snaps.

Damn you, jealousy! Curse you, Google! Here’s the source.

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