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People use the words “chicken shit” all the time. This fella, though, is accused of doing much more than using the words. As seen at todayskccr.com:

Prosecutors say [Tom] Parsons [49] , following a dispute with the county treasurer over a vehicle registration, placed the registration card in chicken feces and mailed the material to the official in a zip-lock bag.  The first-class mail piece was sent from the Pierre Post Office.

Brilliant! They’ll never trace it back to you… The plea?

Parsons entered the plea to a single count of Injurious Articles as Nonmailable Friday afternoon before U.S. Magistrate Judge Mark Moreno in Pierre Federal Court. A trial date has not yet been set.

In the mean time …

Following a discussion on conditions, Moreno released Parsons on a personal recognizance bond with supervision meaning he has to remain in contact with the parole office. Parsons also can have no contact with postal service employees except for regular transactions during the normal business day.

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Sure, there’s an old saw about “hiding in plain sight.” But really, does it sound like a good idea to grow marijuana on school property? And if you’re going to throw out there that it was in “a wooded area,” you probably think that “hiding in plain sight” is actually a good idea. As reported by News4Jax.com:

A homeless man was arrested Monday after a school resource officer at Lake City Middle School [Florida] found several marijuana plants growing in a wooded area on school property, Columbia County deputies said.

Detectives said they were able to use surveillance of the area to find 33-year-old Damon Crosby caring for the plants.

Crosby was arrested while taking care of the plants Monday and was booked into the Columbia County Detention Facility with bail set at $16,000.

The nine marijuana plants ranged from 1 foot to 2.5 feet in height. The estimated value of the plants is more than $5,000.

The charges?

… cultivation of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and trespassing on school grounds.

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So this guy’s estranged wife visited him regularly. How did he repay her kindness? He put mercury in her tea! At least five times! Why? So that when she got sick, he could take care of her, and win her back. How much jail time do you get for something like this? Zippy. Nada. Zilch. Squadoosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are mitigating factors. But still, not a single day in jail? To read the entire story at Metro.co.uk, and to see a video report, click here.

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It’s so nice when family and friends get together and just hang out, maybe have a cocktail, right? Before you say yes, remember that there are many kinds of cocktails … Per khou.com:

HFD arson Investigators said the incident started as an argument between [Darius] Owens [26] and a family member during a gathering in the apartment.

Uh oh.

Authorities said Owens, who is related to the apartment’s tenant, left for a while but then returned with a lit Molotov cocktail. Witnesses said he tossed the cocktail into the apartment, which still had three or four people inside.

Yup, that kind of cocktail.

HFD firefighters were called to a complex on Hayes Road at Westheimer Road shortly before midnight Thursday. Several units were already on fire when they got there, but crews managed to put out the blaze before it spread to all 16 units in the building.

Five apartments were destroyed, and a firefighter sustained minor injuries to his hand, but there were no other reports of serious injuries.

What about Mr. Owens?

Bystanders later caught the suspect as he tried to jump a fence, witnesses said. A neighbor told KHOU 11 that residents helped hold Owens down until police arrived.

As firefighters put out the flames, police were busy taking Owens into custody. He was captured on video laughing as he was placed in the back of a patrol car.

You’ll find the source here, including a picture of Mr. Owens smiling.

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Do not read this within 30 minutes of eating. It’s gross. It’s about diarrhea. As reported by Syracuse.com, there was a dispute between two roommates about said diarrhea.

Palmieri, 59, was suffering from severe diarrhea March 10 in the apartment he shared at 473 Pleasantview Ave. with David Utt, 62, according to a Syracuse police report.

“I asked him to use the bathroom fan so that it wouldn’t smell up the house,” Utt said in a written statement. The request upset Palmieri.

Seems like a reasonable request to The Juice.

“Thanks for the sympathy,” Palmieri said, according to Utt.

“It’s common courtesy,” Utt replied.

Uh-oh.

Palmieri then vowed to “crap all over the house, the bathroom and my car,” Utt told police.

Oh it’s on.

Palmieri got into his pajama bottoms, then went outside, Utt told police. Utt was suspicious because Palmieri doesn’t smoke.

During the night, Utt discovered Palmieri had defecated “all over the floor in the bathroom and in the hallway near the bathroom,” Utt’s statement said.

The next morning, Utt opened the door to his 1997 Lincoln and saw “that Palmieri had, in fact, defecated over the back seat of his car, on the leather seats,” a police report said.

Utt had to drive the feces-laden car because he had to get to a doctor’s appointment that morning, he said. When he got home, he gave Palmieiri five minutes to start cleaning it all up.

Yeah. Think that happened?

“How does it feel to be (expletive) on?” Palmieri asked, Utt told police. Then Palmieri punched him in the face, Utt said.

So you shit all over the place, and then you punch him in the face?

Utt told police he doesn’t know how much it will cost him to have the car professionally cleaned, the report said.

Just junk it pal. You’re wasting your time.

Palmieri told police in a phone interview that he didn’t want to give his version of the story or return to the scene, “adding that he has diarrhea,” said the report written by Officer Shawn Prue.

The Juice hopes the new roommate has a bad sniffer. The charges?

Palmieri was charged with second-degree harassment and fourth-degree criminal mischief.

Here’s the source, including a link to the actual Syracuse police report.

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A convenience store clerk in Florida might as well have said “Hey fellas, want some money? Help yourself!” Here’s how it went down, as reported by www.wpbf.com:

Boynton Beach police said two men entered the store [the aptly-named E-Z Market] and found the clerk asleep in the back.

Police said one of the men took between $300 and $400 from the register while the other man kept watch to make sure the clerk didn’t wake up.

Both men then rode off on a bicycle, police said.

Fellow cyclists? Dagnabbit. Please, don’t hold this against The Juice and the ever-increasing number of cyclists out there.

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This Florida woman has never been luckier. Actually, her estranged husband was lucky too. What is The Juice talking about? Check this out, from the Hillsborough County [Florida] Sheriff’s Office:

On May 19, 2013 at approximately 1:27 a.m., the defendant, Julio Villanueva-Vasquez used a tool to puncture the tires of a friend who was visiting the defendant’s estranged wife. The defendant then went to the main entry of the residence and used a tool to attempt to pry the door open. The victim heard strange noises at the door and observed the defendant through the window crouched down. The victim opened the door to take a picture as proof of the defendant being there. The defendant rushed in uninvited.

Here’s where the luck comes in.

The defendant and the victim engaged in a physical struggle before the defendant pulled a semi-auto handgun from his waist area. He then pulled the trigger after pointing the gun at the victim’s chest. The gun did not fire so he racked the slide twice and fired twice more, but the gun malfunctioned. The defendant fled on foot.

Three misfires? That’s some serious luck.

The victim sustained a small laceration to the face. She positively identified Villanueva-Vasquez as her attacker. A domestic violence injunction was in effect against the defendant. He was located at his residence and arrested without incident.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot, here.

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Dude could have earned $100 many times over with all the effort he put into trying to collect $100 he claims a woman owes him. As reported at www.phillyburbs.com:

A Falls man is accused of sending a woman 75 text messages threatening to set her house on fire, bomb her house and harm the woman’s special needs child if she didn’t pay off a $100 debt.

Say what? Let’s break it down.

Edward Mellor, 40, at first was charged with disorderly conduct following a confrontation at the woman’s house on West Bridge Street in Morrisville Friday night. That’s when he allegedly punched and kicked open the woman’s front door, then fought with one of her friends.

Still, he didn’t stop texting or calling her, police said.

Done? Nope.

He even posted a Facebook message saying that Morrisville police let him go Friday night and “there isn’t anything they can do,” according to the affidavit.

Mellor told the woman he would “put her in a grave” and get his “biker buddies” to “get her,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

And it appeared – to Mr. Mellor – that it worked.

The woman called police and then sent Mellor a text message with a photo of a $100 bill and told him to come get his money. Mellor responded saying he’d be right over and wanted no cops, police said.

Right, no cops. Uh-huh.

But police in an unmarked car were waiting outside the woman’s home and took Mellor into custody when he arrived.

Doh!

Mellor now faces charges of terroristic threats, harassment and disorderly conduct. He was arraigned Saturday before Warminster District Judge Daniel Finello Jr. and sent to Bucks County prison in lieu of 10 percent of $100,000 bail.

 

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Yes, there is such a thing. Just ask this young man. As reported by The Arab Times:

A GCC youth, who is the son of a diplomat, has been released after being arrested for the third time for driving without a drivers’ license, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. According to security sources, the youth was arrested three times but was released without receiving penalty, as he is the son of a diplomat and holds a diplomatic passport. Securitymen have submitted a report in this regard to the senior officials.

Now that’s a handy document for a little miscreant.

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The dumb part? Getting so drunk that he passed out. The lucky part? That he passed out on train tracks. Yes, that is the “lucky” part because this youngster crashed in between the tracks. So when the train ran over him, per The Des Moines Register:

Two railroad engineers for Iowa Interstate Railroad said they saw 17-year-old Christian Latshaw on the railroad tracks as they were moving east and crossing a Des Moines River bridge to East First Street south of Court Avenue about 10:45 p.m., according to a Des Moines police report.

When the engineers, David Good Jr. and John Knutson, realized a person was in front of the train, they applied the emergency brake, but the engine and first car still went over the top of Latshaw before the train stopped.

Latshaw told officers he had been drinking at the 80/35 Music Festival, about a mile away, then blacked out and woke up on the tracks.

Officers said Latshaw had bloodshot, watery eyes and smelled of alcohol. He was taken to Mercy Medical Center for treatment of two lacerations on the back of his head and a bruise on his right thigh.

The charges?

Latshaw was arrested and received a delayed referral to juvenile court on trespassing and public intoxication charges, according to the police report.