Squeezed on:

guilty.jpg

At some point you go from being a repeat offender to a career criminal. There’s no set number for that, but The Juice is comfortable saying that, after 42 convictions you become a career criminal. As reported by The Anchorage Daily News:

A suspected drunken driver with a long history of DUIs left a trail of wrecked vehicles and injury between Midtown and South Anchorage Wednesday evening, police reported on Thursday.

John Hamilton, 52, faces 13 new charges resulting from, as police tell it, a drunken rampage on wheels. He crashed into police vehicles, rear-ended a sedan and broadsided a Subaru, sending two passengers to the hospital, police say. An officer was hurt too. Hamilton had no insurance or driver’s license, police said.

His lengthy criminal record in Alaska is mainly misdemeanors but includes sexual assault and felony theft, according to the charging document filed Thursday. He has repeat convictions as a peeping Tom and for indecent exposure, five convictions for driving under the influence and three more for refusing to take a breath test, which counts the same as a DUI. His first conviction came in 1979 when he was 18 and underage in a bar, and one of his most recent stemmed from an incident last year when, according to court records, he peeped on girls in the family dressing room and a woman in the shower at Alaska Club South.

If you want the details on the rampage, and if you want to see a photo of Mr. Hamilton, click here.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

sign%20wacky%20crazy%20silly%20dumb%20stupid.jpg

Who is the source of these strange driving-related laws? Avis. Here are some of the laws Avis found, which are published in a “Holiday Highway Code.”

In Cyprus, it’s illegal to drink ANYTHING while you are driving, including water.

In Greece, if you park illegally, the police may seize your license plates!

In Romania and Russia, “it’s actually against the law to drive a dirty vehicle.”

In Denmark, “before you turn the ignition, make sure you check for people under the car – a legal requirement alongside checking the brakes, lights, steering and horn before you drive.”

Here’s the source.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

mug%20shot%20female.jpg

If you have ever doubted the highly addictive nature of crack, this body cavity smuggling story will disabuse of that notion. As reported by The Gainesville Sun:

A Gainesville woman is facing multiple drug charges after being arrested initially for possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia and then, authorities say, trying to smuggle into the jail two crack pipes — one still loaded with crack — in a most uncomfortable fashion.

Let’s take it from the top.

Cynthia M. Scholes, 41, of 328 SW 34th St., Apt. 29, was a passenger in a car stopped just before midnight Wednesday in the 100 block of Williston Road for speeding, police reported.

Okay, a routine speeding stop …

After the driver consented to a search of the vehicle, police reported finding a cigar wrapper containing about 3 grams of marijuana in the passenger seat where Scholes was sitting. A further search of her purse revealed a crack pipe, police said.

So, not so routine after all.

As she was being taken to jail, Scholes was asked three times, police said, whether she had additional drugs in her possession, which she denied.

Define “possession.”

But as Scholes passed through an X-ray machine during booking, possible contraband was detected concealed within her vagina, according to the arrest report.

Yikes. Time to draw straws for the actual search.

A follow-up search by a female deputy uncovered two crack pipes, one containing about 0.01 grams of crack cocaine. Police later said the pipes were found in the general area of Scholes’ groin.

In addition to the earlier misdemeanor charges of possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia, Scholes then was charged with felony counts of cocaine possession and smuggling contraband into the jail.

Click here for the source, including a mug shot.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Squeezed on:

candy.jpg

Why are you trying to rain on my parade? The expression “rain on my [your] parade” is very common and used often, though obviously more so by geezers like The Juice than by the youngsters. Well, for years, Rapid City, South Dakota has had a law that takes a huge bite out of the fun of parades. Here’s the law:

12.20.100 Throwing items from vehicles prohibited.

No person participating in a parade or event shall throw or scatter candy, balloons, pamphlets or any other items from any vehicle, float or other unit onto the street or sidewalk. The items may be distributed by walking persons.

Say what? But before you go starting a Change.org petition, please note that happy days are right around the corner! Come Monday, this downer is going to be dead and buried. You can read more here.

Squeezed on:

//www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4VaumTuWu8

It’s 7/11, so why not a post about … a 7-Eleven.

So you get a bunch of people together for a very specific purpose, and it’s to loot a 7-11? As reported by cbsnews.com:

Police in Maryland are now investigating a so-called “flash mob robbery” of a 7-Eleven in Germantown, a city 20 miles outside of Washington, D.C.

Montgomery County police say it happened around 1:45 a.m. Sunday morning. That’s when more than two dozen teenagers entered the store and stole snacks, drinks and other items. They immediately left the store a minute later without paying.

Police have now identified several of the suspects through surveillance video. However, a police spokeswoman says she doesn’t know how the robbery was organized.

Not cool. Not funny. Here’s the source.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

candy%20.jpg

If this boy can’t get his candy on, well, there’s gonna be trouble. And there was. As reported by the Northwest Florida Daily News:

According to a Niceville (yes, Niceville!) police report, the [13-year-old] boy was told by his mother that he could not have any candy.

Oh shizzle.

The boy told his mother, “(Expletive) you, (expletive)” and refused to go home.

Two of the three quoted words deleted? Not cool, or necessary. Let The Juice attempt to decode it for you. “Fuck you, bitch.” (Deep breath. Another deep breath. There – everyone alright?)

Mom was not hearing any of that. So …

The woman said she attempted to whip the boy with a belt on his rear end, but he turned around and was struck on his arm.

The 13-year-old then turned around and punched his mother.

That oughta get you a battery charge. It did. Any defense there, sonny?

The boy told officers the incident happened because of candy that he wanted to get for someone else and not for himself.

Oh, well in that case …

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

new%20job.jpg

Here’s how short this woman’s tenure at her new job was: Welcome Casi! You’re under arrest. Doh! As reported by The Beacon-News:

An Aurora woman has been accused of stealing a designer handbag from a resale shop in Naperville — on the day before she was to start a new job there. Casi L. Biggiam, 27, is charged with retail theft.

Biggiam was arrested March 14, the day she was to report for work at Plato’s Closet, Naperville police said. The store is in the Naper West Plaza, across from the Westfield Fox Valley mall in Aurora.

What was her shoplifting technique? It’s probably one resale shops have seen before.

Police said Biggiam went to the shop about 5:30 p.m. March 13 to sell articles of used clothing and accessories. A red Coach purse was one of the items Biggiam allegedly presented to a clerk. After being given the total of what the store would pay for her goods, Biggiam said she would keep the handbag and accept payment for the other items, police said.

As crimes go, not too stupid, accept for the part about returning to the scene of the crime.

Employees contacted police after determining the purse had been part of their inventory. Police said Biggiam had stolen the bag, which had been on display in the shop.

As for how that first day went …

A police officer and store management confronted Biggiam the next day, when she reported to work for the first time, police said.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

soccer%20field.jpg

If you ever needed evidence supporting the fact that soccer fans are extremely invested in their teams, look no further than this bizarre incident. As reported by espnfc.com:

The shocking incidents occurred in Maranhao, Brazil, last Sunday. According to reports, referee Otavio Jordao da Silva fatally stabbed footballer Josenir dos Santos Abreu.

A ref doesn’t just stab a player right? Right.

Dos Santos Abreu is believed to have struck the referee after questioning a decision. In retaliation, Jordao da Silva stabbed the player.

This was a very bad decision.

Having witnessed the incident, an outraged group of spectators turned on the referee. He was tied up, beaten, stoned and quartered. They then put his head on a stake and planted it in the middle of the pitch.

That’s just really, really hard to fathom.

One man, Luiz Moraes de Souza, 27, has been arrested over the incident. Police are searching for two more suspects.

You’ll find the source here.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–

Posted in: Yikes
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

Angry%20mad%20judge%20evil%20bad%20mean.gifReverend John Dear and 8 others “occupied the elevator of Sen. Pete Domenici’s Santa Fe office for more than five hours” in 2006, per the The Albuquerque Tribune. They were protesting the Iraq War. They remained in the elevator because they were denied access to the Senator’s third-floor office.

Keep in mind that Reverend Dear was recently nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and the Gandhi Peace Prize. U.S. District Court Judge Don Svet was unimpressed. Said Dear to the court:

“This war is unjust, morally sinful and just downright impractical,” he said.

Dear added that he had contemplated the words of Mohandas Gandhi, who Dear said advocated to reject a court’s sanctions if the cause was just.

“I want to take my case to a higher court, to a higher judge —————- the God of peace,” Dear said before uttering a prayer.

What did the judge have to say?

… Svet would have none of it, calling Dear a “renegade priest,” “a coward” and “no Gandhi.”

“Mr. Dear, you frankly are a phony,” Svet said. “You preach nonviolence but you are the same man who took a hammer and a can of paint against a U.S. aircraft.”

Huh? Technically taking a hammer to a plane is “violence,” but really? The sentence? 40 hours of community service and $510 in fines and court costs. You can read more here. And here is Reverend Dear’s website.

—–
EXTENDED BODY:

—–