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Son of a biscuit! She did crash that funeral. As reported by FoxCarolina.com:

According to a[n] incident report, Nicole Leonard walked into the church while the funeral was going on and started dancing near the casket.

Sure, that’s weird, but read on.

The report said that Leonard then started waving a wand around the casket before opening it and laying her hands on the deceased. Leonard then started tapping the deceased man’s head with the wand, which was described as a car antenna.

You might be wondering, as I did, what her connection was to the deceased. None!

“(It’s) kind of ironic and weird in its own right, especially for someone with no connection to the family or the deceased in any way that we can find,” [Laurens County Sheriff Ricky] Chastain said. [He happened to be at the funeral.] “(She) just picked this funeral at random to stop in and do what she did.”

Surely Ms. Leonard can clear this up.

According to the incident report, when Leonard was asked why she did it, she said that she thought it was the right thing to do at the time.

See? It all makes sense. (She was charged with “disrupting a funeral.”)

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No offense (really) to the kid who started all of this “no cussing” stuff (notice I didn’t say “shit” – doh!), but really, are words in and of themselves “bad?” Has the word “shit,” by itself, ever hurt anyone? What about “You’re fat” or “You’re ugly” or “You’re stupid?”
Off my soapbox, and on to Mr. Anthony Ruano, who probably wishes I were King. Seems that young Mr. Ruano (age 18) had an argument with his dad, then headed across the street, spray paint in hand. On the wall of the building facing his dad’s house, he wrote a 7-foot-long message – “Fuck You.” Unfortunately for Mr. Ruano, that building WAS AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.

As luck (bad) would have it, Mr. Ruano chose to do this during Los Angeles County’s “No Cussing Week.” Per The Contra Costa Times,

Ruano finds himself prosecuted under a City Attorney’s Office plan to work to improve safety and security at the city’s school campuses….

[He] was charged with one count of vandalism and could go to jail for a year and pay up to $10,000 in fines if convicted.

It’s pathetic, but props to The Contra Costa Times for at least saying the graffiti rhymed with “Muck
Goo,” placing it one notch above the legions of “expletive deleted” censors.

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Is it just me (it often is), or is it a little strange for a couple to exchange cell phone videos of their genitals? Because that was Christopher Walker’s explanation for sending a cell phone video of his genitals to … not his girlfriend! Doh! Per the BBC:

When interviewed, Walker said he had been off work and and been drinking when he tried to send the call to his girlfriend, but had got the number wrong.

He said the footage of his genitals was meant for his partner …

Hmm. Wouldn’t his girlfriend’s number be in his contacts, so he wouldn’t need to dial it? Although he got probation, Mr. Walker will be a registered sex offender for 3 years, and must attend a community sex offender’s group program. Here’s the source. For a few more cell phone stories, click here.

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Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.

17 other teenagers! But wait …

Police officers went to the house in response to reports of loud music and people yelling about 3:20 a.m. Sunday, Husak said. The teenagers, ranging in age from 16 to 19, were given breath tests at the scene and cited for violating a village underage drinking ordinance …

It was so loud somebody called the cops!

Margaret Couch, 46, told officers who were called to her home in the 200 block of Cottonwood Road that she was sleeping and unaware of the party, said Buffalo Grove Police Cmdr. Steve Husak. Couch was cited for violating a Buffalo Grove nuisance ordinance.

No! Sleeping? That’s the best you can do? How about “What was that, sonny? I’m a little hard of hearing.” Or “I thought it was that ‘non-alcoholic’ beer.”

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Sure, I’ll bet just about every one of you has talked on a cell phone while driving. But a Kettering, Ohio woman took it to another level. As reported by The Dayton Daily News:

Police in Ohio say a woman has been charged with child endangering after another motorist reported she was both breast-feeding a youngster and talking on a phone while driving.

Police in the Dayton suburb of Kettering say the caller told them he saw the woman Thursday.

Officer Michael Burke says authorities used a license plate number to track down 39-year-old Genine Compton.

He said the woman told officers she was breast-feeding and wouldn’t let her child go hungry.

Burke said the legal concern is that Compton had a child in her lap while driving, not that she was breast-feeding in public. He said the child was under 2 years old.

Police say the woman faces up to 180 days in jail and a $1,800 fine if convicted of the misdemeanor.

Here’s another multitasking story.

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“I used to hate my body so much, but it was my breasts that won in court.”

Shazam! Props to wizbangblog and Japundit for finding this story. Click here to see the story as posted on Weird Asia News (including photos and video).

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That, Juice readers, is the question of the day. It will be answered when Sarah Welch has her day in court from … (see YouTube video below).

As reported by TMZ.com:

Sarah Welch — a model and former contestant on “The Bachelor” — is suing several companies involved with the fashion show she worked at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood on October 18, 2007.

Welch claims she suffered “great injuries to her body, shock and injuries to her nervous system” after she fell through a hole in the runway which was created by the performer who went on before her. [She] is suing for negligence and is seeking unspecified damages.

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Colorado bus driver Jim Moffett is a hero, regardless of what the State Patrol thinks. As reported by the Rocky Mountain News:

Two elderly women exited the bus and tried to walk across Federal to their trailer home on the east side, Moffett’s stepson Ken McDonald said Tuesday.

“With that light snowstorm, my stepdad didn’t think they could cross the street safely,” McDonald said. “So he got off the bus with another passenger, and they helped the ladies cross.”

The four people had made it about halfway across Federal, and most of the northbound traffic had slowed to let them go the rest of the way, McDonald said.

“But one pickup driver got impatient and passed in the left- hand turn lane,” McDonald said. “He plowed right into my stepdad – but not before (my stepdad) pushed the old ladies and the other guy out of the way.”

Not only did Mr. Moffett prevent the elderly ladies [and a passenger who was helping out] from being injured or killed, he did so at his own expense.

Moffett is at St. Anthony Central Medical Center with bleeding in the brain, broken bones in his face, a dislocated shoulder, a broken wrist and possible ruptured spleen and liver.

For his trouble, Moffett got a jaywalking ticket!

Ryan Sullivan, of the State Patrol, said that while Moffett’s “intentions were good,” jaywalking caused the accident.

Think maybe those “good intentions” would cancel out the jaywalking ticket? Discretion? Compassion? Anyone? Bueller?

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Oh no you didn’t just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe “cite” is a little misleading, but still … from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch “hoe.” A “hoe,” of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden’s response. We have taken the liberty of changing “hoe” to “ho,” a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps “You doin’ ho activities with ho tendencies.”

I like it. Here’s the full cite (with a link to the case): U.S. v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857 (7th Cir. 2005).

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Certainly all relationships have their ups and downs, but this is ridiculous. Chalie Simon, a 19-year-old sophomore at the University of Colorado, and her ex-boyfriend had, according to him, broken up about 20 times over the course of a year!

I’m guessing that he broke up the 20th time, and here’s why, as reported by The Boulder Daily Camera:

Cmdr. Tim McGraw said Simon … went to her former love interest’s apartment in the early morning hours and began throwing rocks at his window.

When the man opened the door for her and offered to let her come in from the cold, she allegedly became irate and tried to make her way into the man’s bedroom [where there was another woman], McGraw said.

After several attempts to remove her from the apartment, the woman allegedly grabbed the man’s genitals and “squeezed hard,” McGraw said.

Ouch!!!!!! thought the males reading this. BFD, thought the females. The police?

[Ms. Simon] was arrested and booked into the Boulder County Jail on suspicion of third-degree assault, domestic violence and first-degree criminal trespass.

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