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That may be an understatement. Sure, if you’re in jail, maybe it’s not a big deal to steal from another inmate. But what about stealing a computer from the jail? Yup. Per the Kalamazoo Gazette:

Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr. sentenced [Western Michigan University student William K.] Bradley on Monday, telling the Kalamazoo resident his jailhouse theft was “the dumbest crime I’ve heard today” and “may be in the top half-dozen in my career.”

Bradley, who has racked up six felonies and four misdemeanors by the age of 25, agreed with the judge, saying, “I’m not the best criminal.”

This had to hurt …

Bradley asked for home arrest, but Giguere instead ordered him back to jail for six months.

Not a good sophomore year for Mr. Bradley.

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Okay so the guy had a knife, but it was a butter knife. And the motel clerk didn’t think much of it either. Per the Rapid City Journal [South Dakota]:

The front desk clerk told police a man pointed a butter knife at her and asked her for money. When she refused, the man left the hotel, walking west, police said.

The clerk gave police a detailed description of the man. Police searched the area, and about 7 p.m., an officer noticed a man matching the description of the robber standing outside an apartment in the 900 block of Fillmore Street, just north of the hotel. Police recovered a knife they believe was used in the attempted robbery.

Police arrested Robert Lee McKinney, 34, of Rapid City. He has been charged with first-degree robbery and is in custody at Pennington County Jail.

What’s he looking at?

First-degree robbery is a class 2 felony with a maximum penalty upon conviction of 25 years imprisonment and a $50,000 fine.


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You know those ideas that leave you asking yourself “why didn’t I think of that? It’s so simple.” Well, this isn’t one of them. The only simple thing about this scheme is the dude that tried to pull it off. From the South Florida Sun-Senitnel:

Add a zero to a $5 bill and it becomes a $50? Well, one would-be thief today tried to pass off a fake fifty at the Ace hardware store, 510 E. Boynton Beach Blvd., police said.

At about 8:08 a.m., an unidentified shopper brought a few items to the counter and handed over the money. When the clerk questioned another store employee about the authenticity of the bill the man ran out of the store, according to a police log.

“A closer examination of the bill revealed that it appeared to be a five dollar bill that the suspect attempted to transform into a fifty,” the report stated.

Look at that fiver up there! How could you possibly turn that into a fifty?

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The old saw remains true: if it’s sounds too good to be true, it is. So how did former high school secretary Caroline McNeal allegedly assure that her daughter increased her grades and SAT scores? Per The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette:

The first clue that something was amiss came when a high school guidance office employee in fall 2007 noticed that the SAT college entrance exam score in the school computer for Ms. McNeal’s daughter was higher than the one sent by the College Board, 1730 vs. 1370.

Further investigation showed the girl’s grades had been altered about 193 times in 24 courses between May 30, 2006 and July 12, 2007, covering school years from 2003-04 through 2006-07.

Many of the changes boosted grades that were already in the 90s, such as changing an accelerated social studies term grade from 94 to 95 and a family and consumer sciences final grade from 98 to 100.

In some cases, the increase was significant, such as raising an exam grade in advanced algebra from 69 to 94.

But that’s not all. She’s also charged with reducing the grades of two other girls!

The girls had higher class ranks than Ms. McNeal’s daughter did before the grades were altered.

According to the affidavit, the grades of the two girls were changed by a couple of percentage points, such as reducing one’s advanced algebra grade for one term from 96 to 94 and the other’s accelerated English grade for a term from 96 to 93.

All very uncool, and felonious.

[Ms. McNeal] was charged with 29 counts of unlawful use of a computer and 29 counts of tampering with public records, all third-degree felonies.

Click here to read more.

Posted in: Uncool
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prank%20call.jpg How many? In Paul Kavanagh’s case, 15,000! He’s been at it since 1995. On one day in February of this year, he made 65 calls! After all these years, how did they catch a guy who used unregistered cell phones? He gave the police a huge clue when he told one of his victims that he “liked the way [her] hair is today.” And, as reported in the Sunday Metro, he often called a gym that he had a clear view of from his home. Why did he get 2 1/2 years? Said the Judge:

It seems to me to simply have been the case that the defendant was taking drink and cocaine and making these calls for the purposes of sexual gratification and I must say to my mind for the purposes of cruelty.

For more (just a bit) click here.

Posted in: Best Of
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What’s a person to do when his boarding housemate’s violin playing has been driving him insane for three years? Per The Courier Mail:

The man approached the violin player, snapped the bow and threw it out the window of the Lutwyche residence.

He said he had been listening to him play it badly for three years and finally had a “brain snap and couldn’t listen to it any longer”.

What do you get for something like that?

He was put on a good behaviour bond in Brisbane Magistrates Court and ordered to replace the bow.

And it begins again …

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An interesting question, and not an academic one, for identical twins Gavin and Rhys Higgins, and for the alleged victim, Darryl Churchill. Per the Daily Mail:

Darryl Churchill had claimed that one of the twins set upon him after a dispute over a game of pool which he had refereed.

He told the court he was ‘punched and kicked’ and needed an operation to fix his nose after the alleged attack, but could not tell which brother was responsible because they look so alike.

And this went to trial why? Was the Cardiff Crown Court Judge supposed to flip a coin? Shockingly, the Higgins brothers …

… walked free today after a jury took less than a hour to acquit them over [the] rugby club altercation.

The jubilant pair were found not guilty of one charge each of assault causing actual bodily harm at a birthday party at their local rugby club.

What did the brothers have to say after the verdict?

Gavin said: ‘Me and my brother always seem to get dragged into trouble because we look alike. People are always mixing us up.

Um, okay. So that would mean one of you gets into trouble, and you both get “dragged” into it because it’s uncertain which one of you caused the trouble? Hmmm. That sounds familiar … Here’s the source, with photos of the brothers.

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BFWI? Breast-feeding while intoxicated. And yes, at least in Grand Forks, North Dakota it is – and it’s a felony. As reported by the Grand Forks Herald:

A Grand Forks mother who police say was “extremely intoxicated” while breast-feeding her 6-week-old pleaded guilty to child neglect Tuesday.

Officers responded to an unrelated call at a Grand Forks residence in the early morning of Feb. 13 and saw 26-year-old Stacey Anvarinia slurring her speech and breastfeeding, prosecutor Meredith Larson told the judge.

Citing a police report, Larson said officers were concerned about the infant’s welfare, so they called Altru Hospital and were told that breast-feeding while intoxicated was not good for the child.

“Ms. Anvarinia was notified of that, and she continued to make attempts to breast-feed,” Larson said.

Judge Juice’s sentence: AA [probably], parenting classes [definitely], and community service [definitely]. (If you like bizarre breast-feeding stories, check out this very uncool multitasking post.)(And if you like wacky multitasking posts, check out this one.) And if you just want some more Legal Juice (as in, all of it), click here.

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Timothy Paul Gatschet of Wichita, Kansas was not exactly a shining example of what a doctor should be. From The Hays Daily News:

[The Kansas State Board of Healing Arts] had taken away his license in 1993 for inappropriate conduct.

In 1996, he was convicted of three felony counts of attempted enticement of a child.

The board reinstated Gatschet’s license in 1998, but limited his practice to geriatrics.

And finally … …

Gatschet … was sentenced Monday in Ellis County court to three years and seven months in prison. He pleaded guilty in March to criminal use of an explosive device and attempted use of an explosive device.

And what about his physician’s license, which appeared to be coated with teflon?

Gatschet gave [it] up in April rather than face disciplinary proceedings by the Kansas State Board of Healing Arts.

I was starting to wonder what a doctor has to do in Kansas to lose his license for good. Here’s the source.

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You live in Pennsylvania, and you just want to pick up a six-pack of beer and be on your way. So you head down to the Sheetz convenience store, which has a license to sell beer. But, under Pennsylvania law, because Sheetz wouldn’t allow folks to drink on the premises, they’re not allowed to sell beer at all! Say what? Sheetz took this absurd law to the Pennsylvania Supreme Court and … lost. Per The Daily Review: …

…state law allows stores to sell six-packs only if consumers also may consume beer on the premises.

The Sheetz store in question didn’t want to accommodate beer-drinking in the store, prompting the court to rule that state law then prohibited it from selling beer for takeout.

It all makes sense, right? We want people to drink, then drive, instead of going home and drinking! Brilliant!