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I sure didn’t. I was reading through the Idaho Code (couldn’t sleep – and was almost there when I got to the definition of “mayhem”)

Every person who unlawfully and maliciously deprives a human being of a member of his body, or disables, disfigures or renders it useless, or cuts out or disables the tongue, puts out an eye, slits the nose, ear or lip, is guilty of mayhem. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5001)

Now wide awake, I read on:

CANNIBALISM DEFINED — PUNISHMENT. (1) Any person who willfully ingests the flesh or blood of a human being is guilty of cannibalism. (2) It shall be an affirmative defense to a violation of the provisions of this section that the action was taken under extreme life-threatening conditions as the only apparent means of survival. (3) Cannibalism is punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not exceeding fourteen (14) years. (Idaho Code, Section 18-5003).

So, if you’re ever in Idaho, (1) watch your back, because someone can legally eat you if the cupboard is bare, (2) don’t drink anything red, and (3) if you’re not sure what it is, don’t eat it!

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Just what is the condition imposed by Judge Tom Broadmore for granting bail to Mr. Ben Hana (who was charged with cannabis possession and obscene exposure)?

That he wear underwear.

For real. Per The Dominion Post, it seems that Mr. Hana is “… well known around Wellington [New Zealand] as Blanket Man.” Unfortunately, that’s apparently all he wears – a blanket. As his lawyer described it …

“He wears high-risk clothing. It’s a way of life rather than a deliberate attempt at lewdness.”

“High-risk.” Nice touch. What did the Judge think?

Judge Tom Broadmore was sceptical of Ms Dixon’s explanation: “I was walking down Courtenay Place and I’m sure he was exposing his genitals. It’s just not something the public should have to tolerate.”

Counselor?

Ms Dixon suggested making the wearing of underwear a bail condition as a “precautionary measure”.

Done? Done.

The judge agreed to bail on condition that Hana not enter licensed premises, other than supermarkets, not drink alcohol and that he wear underpants or boxer shorts while in public.

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Does it really matter if “Pig-pig” is a pig or hog? Turns out it does. As reported by The Tacoma News Tribune:

A pig named Pig-pig was at the center of a courtroom drama this spring in Tacoma Municipal Court. The weighty legal question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

Seriously, the question for the learned legal scholars: Is a pig a hog?

The saga began back in 2006 when a Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department inspector told Judson Morris III he was not permitted to keep a hog at his house within the City of Tacoma. Chapter 5.32 of the Tacoma Municipal Code forbids it.

Morris fought the charge, and his public defender successfully argued that the swine at Morris’ house was not a hog, and therefore not subject to the city ordinance.

It was, he said, a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig. The city rules don’t say anything about pigs, the attorney argued.

The judge dismissed the case, but the city appealed to Pierce County Superior Court. A judge there reversed the dismissal and ordered the case sent back to Tacoma Municipal Court.

A jury trial is scheduled for Jan. 14. Seriously.

Somehow I doubt they’ll be able to look to the legislative history to resolve this one …

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As reported in the Tacoma Washington News-Tribune:

In May, a 22-year-old Gig Harbor man spent a night drinking at a tavern with a friend before seeing how fast he could drive his car – on an airport runway. According to court documents, the man, who worked at the Tacoma Narrows Airport, used a code to let himself in, drove onto the runway – and floored it. He hit 105 mph before the car sheared off a runway light, went airborne and landed upside down at the bottom of an embankment, court records said. He suffered minor scrapes, police said. His passenger was more seriously injured. The man pleaded guilty to DUI and had his pilot’s license, er driver’s license, suspended 90 days.

Motha trucka!

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If your dog is looking over your shoulder, be warned that this story may really disturb her. Hell, it really disturbs me. As reported by Kansas station KAKE:

Police make an unusual arrest Tuesday evening. A woman in the 3700 block of E. Clark heard someone break into her garage. When she went to check on the noise, she says she found a man sexually assaulting her four year old female rottweiler.

Police arrested Josh Coman, 20, for aggravated burglary of a home and criminal sodomy. Coman pleaded guilty last year to a similar crime involving a dog in Reno County. Police say the state’s new Magnum’s Law, designed to protect animals from abuse, does not cover sexual assaults. However, state law prohibits sexual contact between humans and animals.

Authorities say Coman knew the family of the dog he reportedly attacked. Investigators plan to present their case to the District Attorney later this week.

rottweiler%20love%20bumper%20sticker%20dog%20dogs.jpg A serial dog cornholer? Dude has some serious issues (not that a one-timer doesn’t …) Here’s the source.

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doctor%20bad%20operating%20suspended.gif If you or I ever try to pull the shit that Tennessee doctor Robert E. Grindstaff admitted to doing, fuhgeddaboudit. While he was in the hospital, here’s what went down, per The Kingsport Times-News:

[from August 3 through September 8] unlicensed personnel at Grindstaff’s Pinecrest Family Practice in Johnson City treated 115 patients by evaluating and questioning them about their needs and calling in refills for prescriptions without consulting a physician.

… during those dates If the patient required a Schedule II controlled substance, a member of Grindstaff’s staff took a note to Grindstaff to have him sign the prescription without his review of the patient’s records.

During the same time period, Grindstaff’s office billed patients for nursing visits despite the fact the doctor was not in the office and there are no nurses or staff members at the practice “with any formal training or experience in any medically related field.”

doctor%20nurse%20syringe%20bad.gif Really serious shit, right? Apparently not. Dr. Grindstaff did not even have his medical license suspended!

The board placed Grindstaff’s license on probationary status for two years, during which he must complete an educational seminar on prescribing controlled drugs, a comprehensive physician assessment, and a clinical education program.

The board further ordered Grindstaff to pay up to $1,000 of the cost of the health department’s prosecution of his case.

Excuse me, but la-di-fucking-da! This punishment was imposed notwithstanding that …

According to the board, Grindstaff’s actions violated both state statutes and medical practice acts governing gross malpractice, unprofessional conduct, prescribing and dispensing drugs, and medical record keeping.

Please, tell me it’s not just me. Absent some incredible mitigating factors, this guy should have had his license revoked.

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If you fancy a little weed with your milk delivery, you could have had it, for a little while. As reported by The Belfast Telegraph:

An OAP milkman supplied cannabis to pensioners to ward off their aches and pains, a court heard today.

Robert Holding, 72, delivered the drug – which he kept in an egg box – while doing his daily milk round. Burnley Crown Court heard that he had 17 customers and built up his trade through “word of mouth”.

Judge Beverley Lunt said Holding said in his police statement that the cannabis “was for elderly people who had aches and pains”. Philip Holden, for the defence, said Holding’s customers “were of a certain age” and he built up his clientele through “word of mouth”.

Mr Holden said it was a “somewhat bizarre case”.

Holding, of Fair View Road, Burnley, Lancashire, pleaded guilty to supplying cannabis resin, a Class C drug, between April 1 and July 18 this year. He also admitted possessing cannabis resin on July 17. The case was adjourned for a pre-sentence report. Holding was released on bail and will be sentenced at Burnley Crown Court on February 6.

Judge Lunt warned him: “You must understand these are serious offences and in my judgment the likely outcome is an immediate custodial sentence.”

“Serious offences?” A little weed for some old folks who are in pain, or maybe just looking for a buzz? I might have agreed, but we just got this new milkman, and life is now different shades of mellow …

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People often ask how I find the stories for Legal Juice. I found this one on the back page of the “A” section of yesterday’s Washington Post. I was skimming a full-page ad for a new allergy drug called “Xyzal.” Ignore, if you can, the idiotic name “Xyzal.” In the not-so-fine print, I read the following:

Do not take Xyzal if you are allergic to Xyzal …

I had to read it again, and again, because it was SO STUPID. I’m trying to think of an equally stupid analogy, but … my … head … is … about … to … explode …

But there’s more. The “don’t operate heavy machinery while taking this drug” warning is very common. But what about driving your car?

“Patients taking Xyzal should avoid operating machinery or driving a motor vehicle.”

You can’t take this allergy drug and safely drive a car? Doesn’t this eliminate MOST PEOPLE IN THE DEVELOPED WORLD? And just to be sure it wasn’t a misprint, I checked the company’s website, and found the same warning! Brilliant!

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Florida resident Charris Bowers is no Lorena Bobbitt, but that’s probably not much consolation to husband Delou Bowers, who has teeth marks on his … What went down (sorry) depends on who you believe. As reported by The Orlando Sentinel:

According to a sheriff’s office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis.

He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report.

What did she say happened?

Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report.

“She then bit it to get him away from her,” the report said.

She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it.

Who do you believe? Regardless, she was arrested for misdemeanor battery after “… the deputy saw the injury, [and] photographed it …” Yow!

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Seriously, I thought you were someone else … As reported by The Arkansas Times:

Best reason not to work under your car

In August, a Springdale man, angry at his girlfriend, went to the trailer park where she lived, saw her doing some mechanical work under a jacked-up car, kicked the jack away, causing the car to fall, seriously injuring the woman underneath it. Man was charged with assault, among other felonies, and got no satisfaction from the crime since, uh, it wasn’t his girlfriend the car fell on. Some other woman. No word on whether his plea was, “Oops, sorry! Meant to kill somebody else.”

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