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Forget about flying first class. Men may soon be asking for “Martz” class. Why? Pilot Martz was flying a helicopter while receiving oral sex from a porn actress! How do we know this? It’s on video! (“The video shows the woman disrobing before engaging Martz in a sex act while the San Diego landscape is passing by the [ahem] cockpit windows,” as reported by the San Diego Union-Tribune.)

In his defense (in filings relating to his pilot’s license) Martz “… said … that the video showed he had his hands on the flight controls while receiving oral sex.” Shazam! I guess if you’re going to fight it, you have to offer something up. So what happened?

[The] judge has upheld the revocation of the license …

Is there any future (in flying) for Mr. Martz?

[He] … will have to reapply for his license next year when the revocation ends.

Did his past record play a part? Perhaps …

Martz is a commercial pilot with a history of FAA violations, including two license suspensions and two revocations going back to the 1980s.

Furthermore…

Lawyers for the federal agency argued Martz’s conduct was careless and reckless. His attention was diverted from flying; the woman’s position prevented him from reaching flight controls; and she could have caused him physical harm that would have precluded him from operating the helicopter, according to Ian Gregor, an FAA spokesman.

And, um, you’ve read Martz’s defense. [Also, “Martz has argued that since the 2005 incident, he served a suspension last year on an unrelated matter and had corrected any defects in his flying skills.”] “Hence, careless and recklessness cannot be made as a finding of fact,” according to Martz’s filing.

Um, yes, they can. The end? Not necessarily. “Martz can appeal the ruling to the NTSB.”

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Bart%20poster%20streak%20streaking%20simpsons.jpg Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera:

Whipkey’s attorney argued his client’s actions didn’t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he “knowingly” exposed himself. Defense attorney Harvey Steinberg said Whipkey thought he was alone.

“Did he say, ‘Hey, look at me. I’m naked. Take a look at my genitals?’” Steinberg said. “When he realized for the first time that someone was out at 4:30 a.m., he immediately covered up.”

Do you think the defense worked? As Maxwell Smart would say, “missed it by that much.” The jury found Reverend Whipkey guilty.

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You’ll have a hard time believing what this Minnesota man’s fetish is, and that he will be spending a year in jail because of it. Per the Duluth News Tribune:

Christopher Neil Bjerkness is not a rapist, but a Duluth judge lectured him on Wednesday that unless he stops carrying out a bizarre sexual fetish of slashing exercise balls with a knife, he could some day find himself facing an indeterminate civil commitment as a sexual psychopath.

Bjerkness was sentenced in St. Louis County District Court to 21 months in prison, but as part of a plea agreement the sentence was stayed for five years of supervised probation, which includes a one-year sentence at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center, where he will enter a sex offender treatment program.

Why jail?

The judge said no one wanted to send him to prison at this time but that his behavior was a violation of privacy and his predilection for the fetish seemed to be escalating.

And after that year in prison?

If he doesn’t change his ways, the judge said, Bjerkness could wind up in prison and potentially face a civil commitment process.

Sexual psychopaths can be civilly committed after their prison sentences when the court determines they still pose a risk to the public. It can be a lifelong commitment.

If you’re wondering why Mr. Bjerkness does this …

In a July interview, [he] told the News Tribune that he couldn’t explain his fetish. He said he suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome, bipolar depression and cerebral palsy. That information was later confirmed by his adoptive parents.

Does anyone else think that outpatient therapy would have been appropriate instead of jail?

Bjerkness said his fetish for exercise balls has nothing to do with the people who work or exercise at gyms and he doesn’t believe he is a threat to anyone. He is unemployed, but said he has worked mowing lawns, as a dishwasher and as a telemarketer.

No, this wasn’t his first conviction. In 2005, he was convicted of … breaking into a facility and … damaging inflatable exercise balls.

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Oftentimes, some things you just have to live with, like, say, smells you don’t like. Actually, if a proposed Honolulu bill passes, you might not, at least in Honolulu. The question is, how does one determine if an odor “unreasonably disturb[s] others or interfere[s] with their use of the transit system?” Hey, Axe disturbs me. I think that’s reasonable. The stench of stilton cheese disturbs me. Is that “reasonable?” If this law passes, and I’m driving the bus, ain’t gonna be any Axe-wearing, stilton-toting passengers on board.

Here are the relevant portions of this idiotic proposed law:

SECTION 5. Chapter 13, Article 3, Revised Ordinances of Honolulu 1990, is amended by adding a new Section 13-3.1 to read as follows:

Sec. 13-3.1 Activities prohibited on transit property.

(b) The following actions are prohibited in, on or in relation to, all transit properties. … a person who commits one of the following acts in, on or in relation to transit property is in violation of this section and subject to the penalties listed in Section 13-3.3(b).

(13) Bringing onto transit property odors that unreasonably disturb others or interfere with their use of the transit system, whether such odors arise from one’s person, clothes, articles, accompanying animal or any other source.[emphasis added]

The penalty?

Any person violating Section … 13-3.1(b), or aiding, abetting, or assisting in any manner whatsoever another person to violate any of such provisions shall, upon conviction thereof, be fined in an amount not exceeding $500.00 or be imprisoned for a period not exceeding six months or be both so fined and imprisoned.

Know what “disturbs” the Juice? This ridiculous, ultra-vague proposed law. Here’s a link to the Bill.

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Great. Just what the world needs – another reason for iPhone users to brag about their beloved phones. You can bet that Carnegie Mellon University student Can Duruk will be talking it up. He was mugged the other day in Pittsburgh. Per ThePittsburghChannel.com:

Police said two men flashed what looked like a gun at Can Duruk and demanded his wallet, PIN and iPhone early Saturday morning in the 400 block of Amberson Avenue.

Should have let him keep the iPhone, or at least turned it off. Why?

He got on his computer and tracked his iPhone using its global positioning satellite chip. The feature allows users to pinpoint the location of their phone if it’s ever lost or stolen.

Doh!

Police officers tracked the three suspects to an Eat N’ Park in North Versailles, where police arrested the men.

Police said Brent Potter and Bryant Rather will be charged with robbery, and Myron Knox Jr. will also face charges related to using stolen credit cards.

Duruk got most of his belongings back.

Here’s the full story, including photos and a video.

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Of course the Juice would never condone vandalism, but … how about that artwork! No doubt the City of Ottawa will think twice before installing a sign with an empty panel. A skilled vandal took the opportunity to fill that empty panel with … well … look at the picture above and figure it out for yourself.

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Not only did this doctor have sex with his patient … he did so in his office, weekly, and at least one of those times … her husband was in the waiting room! Per metro.co.uk:

A doctor ‘nearly fell off the couch’ when a patient told him her husband was in a surgery waiting room outside while they had sex, a disciplinary panel heard.

Dr Michael Rusling indulged in regular sex sessions with the grandmother, the General Medical Council heard. Known as Patient A, the grandmother enjoyed weekly liaisons with him in a seven-month affair at the Sydenham House Group Practice in Hull in 2006-07.

Dr Rusling, of Beverley in East Yorkshire, admits inappropriate conduct and an abuse of power but denies his fitness to practise is impaired. The hearing continues.

Dude. You really don’t think your fitness to practice is impaired? One has to question the judgment of a doctor who doesn’t question his judgment under these circumstances.

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Mr. Joe Scola, of Gloucester, Massachusetts, heard the front door of his restaurant slam. As reported in the Gloucester Daily Times,

When he glanced outside, he saw his waitress returning from a break. She asked him, “Who’s that guy carrying the meat down the street?” Scola recounted yesterday.

The dude was loaded up with 20 pounds of Scola’s frozen meat. So Scola chased him and caught him.

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So this guy’s estranged wife visited him regularly. How did he repay her kindness? He put mercury in her tea! At least five times! Why? So that when she got sick, he could take care of her, and win her back. How much jail time do you get for something like this? Zippy. Nada. Zilch. Squadoosh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are mitigating factors. But still, not a single day in jail? To read the entire story at Metro.co.uk, and to see a video report, click here.

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No nude sculptures or paintings were hauled away, but 26-year-old model KC Neill was. As reported by NBCNewYork.com:

Police arrested a woman at the Metropolitan Museum of Art for stripping naked in the middle of the Arms and Armour exhibit.

You can see the video here.

The model was posing yesterday for photographer Zach Hyman who has gained recent notoriety for his photos of nude models posing at New York landmarks, snapping shots of naked New Yorkers (all volunteers) from Times Square to Chinatown for his portrait series.

Hyman gives himself just 30 seconds to take 10 shots of nude models with his Hasselblad 500 C/M film camera and conducts his shoots in all natural light. The pictures typically can sell for anywhere from $2,000 to $9,500.

Let me get this straight: Hyman makes between $20,000 and $95,000 for a 30-second photo shoot, and he’s not even the one at risk of being arrested? Hmmm. A good camera, a few models … The Juice is taking a leave of absence … (Ms. Neill was charged with public lewdness.)