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Oh my god! Did you hear that screaming out back? I’m going to call the police! What did the police find? As reported in the Northern Territory News:

Officers scrambled to respond to an emergency call from a woman who reported a possible attack when she heard someone “in distress” behind a fence about 6.30am.

But when police arrived they discovered what the resident had heard was, in fact, cries of passion.

They found a naked couple having sex on a mattress in a laneway backing on to the resident’s property on Gap Rd, Alice Springs.

Um, er, uh …

The officers did not charge the man and woman and asked them to move on.

Talk about ruining the mood …

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Darn it! I went and gave it away, didn’t I? If I asked you to guess what some of the members of Polk County’s High Intensity Drug Trafficking Area task force were doing while their coworkers were executing a search warrant, you’d probably guess “playing a Wii” right? As reported by Florida’s News Channel 8:

With guns drawn and flashlights cutting through darkened rooms, Polk County undercover drug investigators stormed the home of convicted drug dealer Michael Difalco near Lakeland in March.

As investigators searched the home for drugs, some drug task force members found other ways to occupy their time. Within 20 minutes of entering Difalco’s house, some of the investigators found a Wii video bowling game and began bowling frame after frame.

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So what’s the problem with a guy washing his pants at a laundromat? Um, he apparently didn’t have any other pants to wear … and was walking around bottomless. Per the Naples Daily News:

Arresting Deputy Jeffrey S. Magner reported making contact with [Mr. James T.] Lowe while he sat against the window of the laundromat at 6000 Radio Road, and states he was wearing a jean jacket around his waist, but no pants. However, the report notes, “it was not completely covering his genitalia. At this time, there were several adults and small children walking around the plaza and in and out of the coin-operated laundry.”

Exposed genitalia? Dude must have been high. Actually …

The report further states that Lowe appeared impaired, and had a plastic mug with a “Bud Light” logo on the ground next to him, filled with a partially-consumed substance that smelled like alcohol. While taking him into custody, the report states, deputies also found a baggie of white pills on Lowe, but were unable to identify them through poison control.

The charges?

… indecent exposure in public, trespassing, having an open container of alcohol in a public area and resisting an officer without violence.

Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Lowe.

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The name police, in addition to residing in Sweden, also reside in Australia. Today’s installment involves a couple who wanted to name their child “Ned Kelly.” If you’re wondering why that name would be a problem, click here for more information on this notorious Australian. Per The Daily Telegraph:

The [New South Wales] Registry [of Births, Deaths and Marriages] can reject a name for a number of reasons under the Registration Act 1995. Reasons include that the name might be obscene or offensive, is too long or includes “symbols without phonetic significance.”

And if the Registry thinks a name is a problem but it doesn’t fit in any of the offending categories, check out this catch-all provision:

The Act also bans … names “contrary to the public interest for some other reason.”

That seems to cover EVERYTHING! Here are a few other names that shared Ned Kelly’s fate:

– Post Master General

– Chief Maximus

– Jesus Christ

– a blank space

– the child’s Medicare number

– the number seven

Check out these names that made the grade:

– God Bless

– Metallica

– Fully Hektik Sik

Here’s the source.

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Um, a douchebag. Yeah, I’m sure I wouldn’t be too thrilled if I were featured in a book called “Hot Chicks With Douchebags.” As reported by RadarOnline, Mr. Michael Manelli was pissed enough to file a lawsuit against the publisher and Mr. Jay Louis, the author of the book and the creator of the website www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com, for including him in the book.

The lawsuit includes claims for libel, negligent infliction of emotional distress, intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy, and loss of goodwill.

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If the Guinness folks had a category for peeping toms, there is no doubt that this 46-year-old Canadian man would be in the book. (His name has not been released.) As reported at canada.com, he was arrested after “an apparent bungled break and enter.” His real purpose was soon revealed.

He was carrying a digital video camera and two tapes, which contained 23 instances of alleged voyeurism in the form of women photographed in secret, said Sgt. John Price, police spokesman.

Yes, 23 is a big number, but …

Later that day, officers searched the man’s home and found 16 additional tapes containing as much as 90 hours of footage.

Shazam! 90 hours! The good news:

“He’s been collecting material for his own use, it’s pretty unusual to see that,” said [criminology professor] Beauregard. “You would have thought you would collect such material to sell it to people or distribute it on the Internet… It looks to me like this guy is very into his own fantasies and he’s using all this material just to fulfill all his fantasies.”

Maybe that’s why the neighbors haven’t seen him in years … Here’s the link to the story.

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So, not only did Adam Michael Kelly violate a parking meter, he also cussed out a police officer! Brilliant! As reported by The Cairns Post:

Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets on August 31 about 8.40pm and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: “Yeah baby, you know you want it.”

Police prosecutor Sen-Constable Michelle Long said Kelly was making large pelvic thrust actions and officers saw people walking by reacting with disgust at the performance.

This definitely sets a new standard for beer goggles … Although some might find the parking meter behavior humorous, the conduct that followed was extremely offensive:

Then, while talking to police, a woman of Asian appearance walked by and in a loud voice Kelly looked at her and said “fucking gook, fuck off home”, Sen-Constable Long said. [expletives reinserted]

At that point, police arrested the young labourer and took him to the watch-house.

The defense?

Kelly’s lawyer Richard O’Shane said his client had been extremely drunk after an extended binge-drinking session with teammates to celebrate the end of the CDRL football season.

“He can’t remember much of the incident,” Mr O’Shane said.

You know the crime. The time?

…Kelly spent the night in the watch-house … and was fined $150 in court yesterday for causing a public nuisance.

Here’s the source.

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If you do a good job, you should get a good tip, right? Let’s say you work for Notre Dame University’s catering department, and you earn a tip of $29.87. Such was the case for Sara Gaspar. As luck would have it (good luck, initially – now, not so good), per The South Bend Tribune:

…because of a “mistake,” court documents say a total of $29,387 was deposited into her account.

Shazam! Uh-oh. I think he said “court documents.” He did. Seems the school wants its money back (in addition to getting its pound of flesh – they fired her too). There’s just one small problem…

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Is there really a law that forbids you from tipping someone for good service? Yup. (Okay, technically it’s a by-law that applies to city-owned cemeteries.) In Hamilton, Ontario, you are forbidden from tipping a cemetery worker! Really. Props to The Hamilton Spectator for digging this up (sorry!). Here it is:

24. No tips or gratuities are to be given to cemetery workers by visitors or Rights Holders, nor shall any be accepted by any cemetery worker.

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The Juice loves bicycles. He even commutes to work by bike. But if he were ever going to attempt a robbery, he wouldn’t use a bicycle for the getaway! That’s what James Lachenauer, Jr. is charged with. Incredibly, he wasn’t caught on his bike. Per the South Florida Sun Sentinel:

Police said Lachenauer was armed with a silver revolver and entered the Medication Station Pharmacy on Woolbright Road around 10:30 a.m. He ordered the six people inside the business to the ground and pointed the revolver at a clerk and demanded oxycodone and morphine.

Lachenauer handed a backpack to the pharmacist, who filled it with 18 bottles of morphine sulfate, Oxycontin and oxycodone.

Lachenauer ran out of the pharmacy and onto a bicycle. He then dumped the bicycle and ran to his house in the 2300 block of Southeast Fourth Street, where he asked his mother for a ride to the store.

So how was he caught?

… officers combed the area for the suspect. Detective Jason Llopis observed a small green SUV on South Federal Highway driven by a woman and occupied by a man who matched the suspect’s description. The car was stopped and the passenger was identified as Lachenauer.

And the goods?

Detectives recovered the backpack, which contained the 1,524 pills, in the car. Police found the revolver at Lachenauer’s house.

Doh! The charges?

… armed robbery and trafficking in oxycodone and hydrocodone.

I doubt he’ll be cycling anytime soon. Here’s the source.

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