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So, not only did Adam Michael Kelly violate a parking meter, he also cussed out a police officer! Brilliant! As reported by The Cairns Post:

Police were called to a disturbance at the corner of Shields and Abbott streets on August 31 about 8.40pm and found Kelly dry-humping a parking meter and yelling out: “Yeah baby, you know you want it.”

Police prosecutor Sen-Constable Michelle Long said Kelly was making large pelvic thrust actions and officers saw people walking by reacting with disgust at the performance.

This definitely sets a new standard for beer goggles … Although some might find the parking meter behavior humorous, the conduct that followed was extremely offensive:

Then, while talking to police, a woman of Asian appearance walked by and in a loud voice Kelly looked at her and said “fucking gook, fuck off home”, Sen-Constable Long said. [expletives reinserted]

At that point, police arrested the young labourer and took him to the watch-house.

The defense?

Kelly’s lawyer Richard O’Shane said his client had been extremely drunk after an extended binge-drinking session with teammates to celebrate the end of the CDRL football season.

“He can’t remember much of the incident,” Mr O’Shane said.

You know the crime. The time?

…Kelly spent the night in the watch-house … and was fined $150 in court yesterday for causing a public nuisance.

Here’s the source.

Posted in: Say What?
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If you do a good job, you should get a good tip, right? Let’s say you work for Notre Dame University’s catering department, and you earn a tip of $29.87. Such was the case for Sara Gaspar. As luck would have it (good luck, initially – now, not so good), per The South Bend Tribune:

…because of a “mistake,” court documents say a total of $29,387 was deposited into her account.

Shazam! Uh-oh. I think he said “court documents.” He did. Seems the school wants its money back (in addition to getting its pound of flesh – they fired her too). There’s just one small problem…

Gaspar … says she tried to alert the university about the large sum that showed up in her bank account, but that when her messages [at least 3 of them] weren’t returned, she decided it was meant to be.

“I guess because it was there and I was in a bad situation, I went out and spent it [on medical bills and a 2002 Jetta],” Gaspar said when reached by phone.


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Is there really a law that forbids you from tipping someone for good service? Yup. (Okay, technically it’s a by-law that applies to city-owned cemeteries.) In Hamilton, Ontario, you are forbidden from tipping a cemetery worker! Really. Props to The Hamilton Spectator for digging this up (sorry!). Here it is:

24. No tips or gratuities are to be given to cemetery workers by visitors or Rights Holders, nor shall any be accepted by any cemetery worker.

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The Juice loves bicycles. He even commutes to work by bike. But if he were ever going to attempt a robbery, he wouldn’t use a bicycle for the getaway! That’s what James Lachenauer, Jr. is charged with. Incredibly, he wasn’t caught on his bike. Per the South Florida Sun Sentinel:

Police said Lachenauer was armed with a silver revolver and entered the Medication Station Pharmacy on Woolbright Road around 10:30 a.m. He ordered the six people inside the business to the ground and pointed the revolver at a clerk and demanded oxycodone and morphine.

Lachenauer handed a backpack to the pharmacist, who filled it with 18 bottles of morphine sulfate, Oxycontin and oxycodone.

Lachenauer ran out of the pharmacy and onto a bicycle. He then dumped the bicycle and ran to his house in the 2300 block of Southeast Fourth Street, where he asked his mother for a ride to the store.

So how was he caught?

… officers combed the area for the suspect. Detective Jason Llopis observed a small green SUV on South Federal Highway driven by a woman and occupied by a man who matched the suspect’s description. The car was stopped and the passenger was identified as Lachenauer.

And the goods?

Detectives recovered the backpack, which contained the 1,524 pills, in the car. Police found the revolver at Lachenauer’s house.

Doh! The charges?

… armed robbery and trafficking in oxycodone and hydrocodone.

I doubt he’ll be cycling anytime soon. Here’s the source.

Posted in: Say What?
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That depends. In this case, the offender had 2 previous drug offenses. He also had hidden over a pound of weed in a washing machine. But, and this was a big “but” for the Judge, the offender is a high-achieving environmental scientist, as reported by The Cairns Post (Australia). So, not only did Isha James Segboer, 34, get off with just 100 hours of community service …

… Supreme Chief Justice Paul de Jersey took the unusual step of not recording a conviction, despite two previous drug offences, because he did not want to ruin the high-achieving environmental scientist’s career potential to help others.

What what what? [Funnier for South Park fans.] I almost forgot the “cake” defense.

Segboer’s lawyer Bebe Mellick said Segboer had been given the shopping bag of drugs by an associate and had intended to bake a cake out of it because of its poor quality, but had forgotten about it.

Huh? An interesting defense, to be sure. Here’s the source.

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Back in the day, getting high in the back of the bus was something that happened when the bus driver hit a bump in the road. This was not the case with two Ohio boys who were busted recently, as reported in the South Side Neighborhood Watch at Akron.com.

LAKEMORE: On Sept. 1, police charged a Samuel Road male and an Albrecht Avenue male with illegal use and possession of drug paraphernalia after a school bus driver reported they smoked marijuana on the bus and police found a drug pipe hidden in a seat and lighters on both of the boys.

I can’t say I always behaved on the bus, but seriously!

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doctor%20mask%20scary%20creepy%20strange%20weird.gif I will forever think of this case when I hear anything about the European Court of Human Rights. As reported by The Argus:

[Hypnotherapist Imad Al-Khawaja] was convicted in 2004 of indecently assaulting two women, then aged 20 and 47, while they were hypnotised.

Al-Khawaja was handed consecutive 12-month and 15-month jail sentences after the jury returned unanimous guilty verdicts.

Said the Judge:

“This was an appalling breach of trust. You abused two vulnerable woman in your charge and under your control. You have not expressed any remorse for the distress you caused.”

About that remorse …

When a disciplinary panel met in December to decide if he should be banned from medicine, Al-Khawaja sent them a letter quoting television comedian Catherine Tate: “Look at my face, am I bothered?”

Do you have a pulse? His 2 appeals within the United Kingdom were unsuccessful. But wait! What about the European Court of Human Rights? While they didn’t overturn his convictions, they awarded him 6,000 euros (about $8,000 US) plus attorney’s fees. And why would they do that?

Because he “inevitably suffered a degree of distress and anxiety as a result” of not being able to cross examine one of his accusers, whose written statement was read to the jury, but was not able to testify in person because she committed suicide before the trial! I still can’t believe any court would give this man – who inflicted so much suffering – money for his “distress and anxiety.” Here’s the source.

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You may recall the case involving Nevada Judge George Assad, who jailed a guy’s girlfriend until he showed up in court. Problem was, she hadn’t done anything! (This innocent nurse had just come to court to explain that her boyfriend just started a new job, so he couldn’t make it.)

So, in June 2008, the Judge was ordered to apologize. But he didn’t send the letter to the Judicial Discipline Commission until over a year later – on July 24, 2009! How was it received by the wrongfully imprisoned girlfriend? We may never know! Per The Las Vegas Sun:

[Ms.] Chrzanowski could not be reached for comment, but her lawyer, Cal Potter, said Wednesday that the apology, coming so many years later, is “hollow” and now “meaningless” to his client. He said he hasn’t been able to locate Chrzanowski, who may have left Las Vegas, to send her a copy of the letter.

You can read more (a fair amount) here.

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If you are among those who can look at a piece of bologna and still eat it, that may change after you read this. As reported by The Columbus Dispatch:

[Ex-deputy] Joseph M. Cantwell, 38, pleaded guilty to two misdemeanor health-code violations for giving Joseph Copeland a bologna sandwich that had been rubbed against another prisoner’s penis.

What was the evidence that this grade-school prank actually happened?

Cantwell, of Park Point Lane in Lewis Center in Delaware County, and another deputy, Phillip Barnett, photographed the sandwich incident in the Downtown jail. Both were fired by Sheriff Jim Karnes in May.

Photos? Were these guys in a cave when the Abu Ghraib photos were EVERYWHERE? So what was the punishment?

Franklin County Municipal Judge Harland H. Hale fined Cantwell $500 but suspended a 90-day jail sentence, provided that he complete his [5 years of] probation.

What about the sandwich-eater?

Copeland and two other prisoners have sued the county.

Since the Juice has a soft spot for personal injury lawyers, he is really hoping that Mr. Copeland filed this action pro se. You can read more here.

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Just how did 2 men in Drexel Hill, Pennsylvania avoid the daily maximum withdrawal amount on the ATM at the Delaware County Memorial Hospital? They took the ATM! During visiting hours! Per myfoxfilly.com, it may have had up to $96,000 in it. The security tape above shows most of the heist.