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Oh no you didn’t just cite Ludacris, federal Judge Terence T. Evans. Okay, maybe “cite” is a little misleading, but still … from footnote 1 in U.S. v. Murphy

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch “hoe.” A “hoe,” of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden’s response. We have taken the liberty of changing “hoe” to “ho,” a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps “You doin’ ho activities with ho tendencies.”

I like it. Here’s the case: U.S. v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857 (7th Cir. 2005).

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This story is truly wacky. First, you have a Proctor, Minnesota man who took a La-Z-Boy chair and put a lawnmower motor in it, and a steering wheel. Per the Duluth News Tribune, “It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.” All tricked out and no place to go? Not exactly. Dennis LeRoy Anderson (62!) took his chair out on the town. And got lit. Then he took to the streets – and crashed into a parked car! How drunk was he? Really, really drunk (.29). Oh, and …

He has one prior DWI conviction.

Doh! In fairness, I should mention that Mr. Anderson offered an explanation for the accident:

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Curse you woman! You know the crime (he pleaded guilty). The time?

Judge Heather Sweetland sentenced Anderson to 180 days in the St. Louis County Jail or at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center and fined him $2,000 plus court fees. She stayed the jail time and one-half of the fine for two years of supervised probation. As conditions of his probation, Anderson must submit to a chemical dependency assessment, follow all recommendations, abstain from alcohol and unprescribed drugs, be subject to random testing and undergo 30 days of electronic monitoring.

Here’s the source.

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There are more 5 million people in Scotland. So would it shock you to learn that some people have the same name? Me either. One name that at least 2 people in Scotland share is “Derek Lyon.” One of them is a convicted drunk driver who lost his license, and the other is … just Derek Lyon. Guess who the police busted? The wrong Derek Lyon. He told them that – but – you see – the machine had spoken.

And it got worse after the bogus bust. Mr. Lyon was taken to jail, where he spent 4 hours before being released. His car was impounded. Because he couldn’t afford to pay the fees to get his car back, the police CRUSHED it! Nooooooooo! Without his car, Mr. Lyon couldn’t get to work, and was fired. He also couldn’t visit his kids for months because he lacked transportation. (He was arrested in July, and just recently acquitted.)

Think he’s going to sue? Hell yes. As reported by Scotland TV:

Speaking after his court appearance, Mr Lyon, 36, of Balgarthno Terrace in Dundee, said he was going to sue Aberdeen Sheriff Court’s clerk’s office, the DVLA and Tayside Police.

He said: “I’m going to take legal action against the police for taking my car, the DVLA for putting somebody else’s offence on my licence, and the court in Aberdeen.

“I haven’t been able to drive until today. I spent four hours in the cells when I got arrested and my car got crushed even though I told them at the time it wasn’t me.

“The police came the next day and I told them again that I’d never been in Aberdeen Sheriff Court and that I wasn’t disqualified. The police in Dundee didn’t believe me but a local policeman in Blairgowrie where I lived at the time did and he tried to sort things out for me.”

To see the story as reported by Scotland TV, click here.

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Most of us have had a few too many a few times. But this dude sets a new standard for public intoxication (of some sort).

UFB right? I’d really like like to know the backstory (and the frontstory [?]) on this guy.

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It would appear that Mr. Octavian Borges is Taserproof. Check this out, from The Courier Mail:

A North Queensland man, aged 21, has stunned police by proving impervious to a Taser deployment and casually removing the barbs – not once but three times.

Octavian Borges casually removed the barbs fired into his upper body by police during a tense situation at Townsville on Monday.

He was Tasered again twice, but on both occasions only one barb made contact and the weapon could not make a circuit.

The incredible situation developed after Borges allegedly stole a car from a Garbutt address early Monday morning.

He was chased by the vehicle’s owner until he became bogged at Rowes Bay.

A brutal roadside fistfight then broke out sparking a flood of Triple 0 calls to police from passers-by.

When a crew arrived, a bleeding Borges ran off towards an RSL retirement village where he is alleged to have broken into an elderly lady’s apartment.

As officers entered the unit Borges was alleged to be rifling through a cutlery drawer and removed an item placing it under his shirt.

When he approached officers in a threatening matter and refused to drop the object a Taser was presented.

He failed to comply so the weapon was deployed with the barbs hitting him in the shoulder and rib area.

Incredibly, the Taser appeared to have no effect on him and he removed the barbs, taunting police with “is that the best you’ve got?”

He then ran off out of the apartment with stunned police following close behind.

He was approached and Tasered a second time, but only one of the barbs made contact – which he again pulled out.

A third deployment was also unsuccessful and Borges allegedly pulled out a torch he was hiding under his shirt.

When police realised he was not armed with a knife, they approached him and after a short struggle were able to physically restrain him.

He was taken to Townsville Hospital for treatment for a drug-related condition and the injuries he suffered in the roadside fight.

Police said the Tasers involved in the incident had been sent to Brisbane for testing to ensure they were functioning properly.

Borges was charged with enter with intent, unlawful use of a motor vehicle and multiple counts of obstructing police and appeared in Townsville Magistrates Court on Tuesday.

He was remanded in custody until his next hearing on Monday.

Can a jail cell hold this guy?

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With an estimated 200 million-plus guns in the United States, it’s a good thing most folks aren’t this crazy about politics. As reported in The South Asian Post:

Hyderabad, India – A die-hard fan of actor-turned-politician Chiranjeevi killed his father for not casting his vote for the superstar’s newly formed Praja Rajyam Party. The incident took place in Visakhapatnam district in coastal Andhra after the first phase of the ongoing Indian general elections. Rajubabu is said to be an ardent fan of superstar Chiranjeevi since his childhood, but his father was a supporter of legendary actor N.T. Rama Rao and the Telugu Desam Party he founded. In Andhra Pradesh, especially in the coastal region, popular Telugu actors enjoy the status of demi-gods. The fan following of superstars like the late N.T. Rama Rao and Chiranjeevi borders on madness.

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elevator%20broken%20down%20stuck%20in%20trapped.jpg Yes, it is possible to be outsmarted by an elevator, as demonstrated by a pair of Norwegian vandals. As reported in the Fayetteville Observer:

[The vandals]overlooked a small but crucial detail when they started smashing up a train station elevator: They were inside it.

And the elevator at the Lillestroem Train Station, north of Oslo, appeared to be the vengeful sort, sealing its doors and holding the two for the police.

“Vandalism is always sad, but a lot of people do see the humor in this,” said Ellen Svendsvoll, of the National Rail Administration. “They got what was coming to them.”

The two vandals, identified only as men in their early 20s, went into the elevator late on April 21, waited for the doors to close, and started to kick them, she said. They kicked so hard that the doors jammed, and the elevator stopped, sending an alarm to security guards. The guards tried to lower the elevator, which only jammed the doors more, so they called the police and fire department.

The firemen freed the two suspects, while the police waited outside.

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The Route 66 Kitchen in Toledo is apparently the place to be … if you like out-of-control gunfights. Check out the security video below. Incredibly with all those people shooting at each other (police believe at least 20 shots were fired), nobody was hurt! You can read more (a lot) in the Toledo Blade article.

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This guy could not have made it easier for the police officer to bust him. He just flat-out looked guilty. From pennlive.com:

Cesar Lopez, a 29-year-old Lebanon, Pa., man, was busted Saturday when he walked up to a police officer with a small bag of marijuana stuck to his forehead, according to Lebanon police.

Police said the officer went into a Turkey Hill convenience store on Lehman Street at 3:25 a.m. Saturday and saw Lopez holding a baseball cap and peering inside it. When Lopez approached the officer, he looked up, and the officer said he saw a small plastic bag stuck to Lopez’s forehead. The bag appeared to contain marijuana, police said.

The officer retrieved the bag from Lopez’s forehead and said, “Is this what you are looking for?,” according to the police report. Lopez was charged with possession of a small amount of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Kind of bizarre, right? Not too.

It is not uncommon for people to hide drugs in the inside lip of a cap, police said.

Here’s the source.

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Yes, Mr. 9-year bus driver, they are. As reported in The State Register-Journal:

A Springfield Mass Transit District bus driver received a one-day unpaid suspension recently for wearing a pink tie to help raise awareness for breast cancer.

The driver had to serve the suspension, but his action also led to the SMTD agreeing that employees could wear pink on Fridays in recognition of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October.

William “Bill” Jones, 46, said he didn’t think wearing a pink tie on the first Friday of the month would be a problem, since National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is a nationally recognized event.

Incredible, no? You can read the rest of the article here.

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