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When you have a flat tire, you’re already having a bad day. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

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It’s never a good idea to leave the keys in the ignition. It’s an especially bad idea under these circumstances, as reported by The Brooklyn Paper

A thief stole a $50,000 tractor trailer packed with $200,000 in beef on Grand Street on May 30.

The driver told police that she was making a delivery to Western Beef at 3:30 am, and parked her truck near Gardner Avenue with the key in its ignition. She returned 10 minutes later to suffer a bum steer.

$200,000? That’s some seriously choice meat, or a helluva lot of it, or both.

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You can allege anything. The question is, can you prove it? Check out the allegations in a lawsuit currently pending in Fairfax County (Virginia) Circuit Court, as reported in The Washington Post:

Paragraph 10. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was going 85 miles per hour.”

Paragraph 12. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was having sex with a female.”

Paragraph13. “At the time of the collision, Defendant was driving admittedly drunk.”

Paragraph 14. “At the time of the accident, Defendant was partially or totally in the backseat of the car.”

So those are the allegations. Said the defendant’s lawyer …

… there was “no statement by anyone that they were driving on the Beltway having sex” and “no facts on it.”

The Post also reports that …

Records show the defendant, from Woodbridge, was convicted in Fairfax district court of drunken driving near Telegraph Road in May 2010. But now he denies he was driving. (What?) He was coming from his 21st birthday party in Baltimore, court records state. The woman involved has been dismissed from the case. There was someone ELSE in the car too, and HE denies driving as well.

Should be quite the trial. (It’ll take place next week.) Here’s the source.

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Remember The Juice’s post 2 days ago about the epic thermostat battle between 2 sisters? Well, this post involves 2 brothers who got into it over a bottle of shampoo! As reported by The Sheboygan Press:

Two brothers were charged Monday with disorderly conduct for fighting over a bottle of shampoo, according to a criminal complaint.

Jonathan R. Pippert, 32, and Jared J. Pippert, 27, came to blows Sunday at their home at 2728 S. 10th St., where both live with their mother. Jonathan Pippert faces up to two years behind bars due to prior offenses, while his brother face a maximum of 90 days.

2 years! Shazam!

According to a criminal complaint: Police called for a reported disturbance found Jonathan Pippert was on the lawn swearing at his mother. He and his brother both had scrapes and bruises throughout their upper bodies.

Both brothers said the fight began when Jonathan Pippert went into his brother’s bedroom and took a bottle of shampoo while Jared Pippert was in bed. Each claimed the other attacked him, forcing him to defend himself.

The Juice’s call: offsetting fouls. Dismissed!

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Well, it’s certainly not the first place folks would look for missing property. Nevertheless, by her own admission, Ms. Jones hid the jewelry in her, uh, um … you know. As reported by The Sandusky Register:

Erie County Sheriff’s deputies arrested an Elyria roofer who told them she stole valuable jewelry from a Wakeman home and concealed it inside her body.

Elizabeth N. Jones, 19, is in the Erie County jail on charges that include theft, burglary, tampering with evidence and possession of drugs.

Michele Halliwell, 12000 block Ohio 113 East, told deputies Jones had been part of a crew working on her roof when she went inside to use the restroom and asked to use the bathtub to wash her legs. Shortly afterward, Halliwell noticed her husband’s wedding ring and grandmother’s diamond ring were missing.

Someone had also rifled through her purse and wallet.

… [Jones] also admitted she’d gone inside the Halliwell home looking for something to steal and had concealed the rings inside her vagina. Deputies asked a female nurse at the jail to recover the rings, which together had an estimated value of $5,000.

Yikes. Surely the nurse was thrilled to get that call. Here’s the source, with a mug shot.

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In probably every household, there is disagreement regarding the desirable thermostat temperature. In almost every household, a compromise is reached. In this household, not so much. These sisters, who share a home, got into it over one degree. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

Ilona Sales and Wanda Lupina both say they ended up bruised in the tussle sparked when Sales turned the heat up to 68 degrees.

Lupina turned the heat down one degree, to 67, and that’s when the trouble started …

Lupina, claims Sales then punched her, pulled her hair and knocked her to the ground. Sales has been charged with misdemeanor battery and a court date was set for Monday afternoon in Joliet.

Hmm. Do you think Sales would agree with that version? Nope.

Sales alleges that Lupina started the fight and left her with bruised arms.

And if you think these ladies might have a hard time living together after this, you’re right.

It apparently was the last straw. Now Sales wants to move out and has filed a civil lawsuit over their home.

Sales moved in with Lupina a couple of years ago and helped pay off Lupina’s mortgage after selling her Arizona home. The idea was that they’d both save expenses by living together.

Sales wants to get her name off the house title, and has asked a judge to order Lupina to return her money, which could force Lupina to buy out Sales or sell the home, Haney said.

The Juice feels for the judge that ends up with this one.

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You did NOT just pull a gun on the clerk for that amount of money. As reported by The Chicago Tribune:

A Cook County judge set bail at $50,000 today for a man charged with displaying a handgun to a convenience store clerk who refused to give him 99 cents.

According to court records, Christopher Tisley, 34, walked into a convenience store in the 2800 block of West Lawrence Avenue in the Ravenswood neighborhood around 3 a.m. Saturday and demanded the money. When the clerk refused, he displayed a gun.

Tisley, of the 5800 block of South Morgan Street, exited the store after a customer walked in, allowing the clerk to lock the door. Tisley then returned and repeatedly pounded on the windows of the store, court records state.

He returned to the store! But not for long …

Police were notified and arrested Tisley a block away. The gun Tisley allegedly displayed was not recovered, but prosecutors say police found 3 grams of methamphetamine in his possession.

Tisley is charged with aggravated assault and possession of a controlled substance.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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In her wake, a woman from Lillington, North Carolina, left 2 injured men, one of them a police officer. Warning: Men, reading this will likely cause you to cringe. From The Daily Record:

Rebecca Arnold Dawson of Lillington was in court again on charges of assaulting Lillington Police Officer Ronnie Bass. Officer Bass tried to arrest Ms. Dawson after she allegedly attacked Kevin Russ, left him with one of his testicles partially removed, after a party shortly after Christmas in 2006. She recently pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault charges in the attack on Mr. Russ.

I’m not sure why the paper says “alleged” since she pleaded guilty. How did she “allegedly” partially castrate the man?

…with her bare hands …

So it probably doesn’t surprise you that her arrest did not go smoothly.

Assistant District Attorney Victoria Hardin said Officer Bass had his hands full when he tried to arrest Ms. Dawson. Ms. Hardin said Officer Bass used a flashlight to a detain Ms. Dawson because of an allergy to pepper spray. He repeatedly hit Ms. Dawson on her legs which Ms. Hardin said was necessity. “He used the flashlight because Ms. Dawson refused to put her legs in the car,” Ms. Hardin said.

Officer Bass eventually had to put Ms. Dawson in leg irons to help control her.

She went on to describe a scene that resulted in Ms. Dawson kicking out the windshield of Officer Bass’ vehicle once she was forced inside. She said Ms. Dawson made a clear effort to spit on the officer and did so, with a bloody mix going into his face. She also said Ms. Dawson used profane language during the entire arrest event.

And at the trial for assaulting the police officer, her defense was … self-defense! How did that play?

“Self-defense is not available in this case,” Judge Weeks told Ms. Dawson. “You are clearly not without fault in this case. It is also clear you were trying to do what you wanted and the officer was doing what was necessary to ascertain what was going on. Your injuries are clearly attributable to your conduct.”

Tough talk indeed, but what was the result? No jail time! She pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor.

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This crew makes the Montana Board of Barbers and Cosmetologists look great! I’m talking about the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation. As reported in The Ledger:

It began in 2005, when Sydney Bacchus, who holds a master’s degree in biology from Florida State University, spoke at a public hearing on behalf of opponents of a proposed sand-mining operation in Putnam County.

You see the problem, right? Of course you don’t! But those pointy-headed bureacrats did.

Soon after the appearance, Bacchus received a “cease and desist” order from the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation. Bacchus, the department claimed, was practicing geology without a license.

Would it surprise you to know that the complainant is a genuine state-licensed geologist (and supporter of the sand mine)? I didn’t think so.

Then those geniuses on the Board tried to fine Ms. Bacchus up to $5,000, and have her reprimanded. So she sued the Board, and they caved, dropping the case against her. What do you think the Judge said when the Board asked that her suit [against the Board] be thrown out? Nope. Now the Board has offered her $100,000 to settle the case! To read more, click here.

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