Squeezed on:


Talk about dressing for the occasion. You will not believe what this drunk-driving dude’s shirt said. As reported by The New York Post:

A fashion-forward Long Island boozehound lost control of his car and rammed it into a marked Suffolk County cop car that was on DWI patrol — all while wearing a T-shirt with a message that couldn’t be more fitting for the occasion.

So what did the t-shirt say?

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.”


The self-professed “drunk” — who has 13 prior arrests and seven convictions for various crimes — spun his 2000 Saturn out of control at about 1:45 a.m. yesterday as he attempted to turn east from County Road 83 to Route 25A in Mount Sinai.

As he came around the bend, he hit the side of a parked Suffolk cop car that was part of the department’s Selective Alcohol Fatality Enforcement Team, in which an officer had been observing traffic for possible drunk drivers.

Oops. You can read more (a fair amount) and see the mug shot here.

Squeezed on:


If you were in a food fight, you’d definitely want this guy on your side. As reported by The Union City Messenger (Tennessee):

Emanual Cordell Kennedy, 37, of 907 North Glendale St., Union City, was arrested at 4:38 p.m. Tuesday on a charge of domestic assault, according to a Union City Police Department report.

Brenda King, 55, told police she and her son, Kennedy, had a disagreement at her home at 907 North Glendale St. She claimed the disagreement escalated until Kennedy allegedly threw something and hit her in the back while she was walking down the hall. She left the residence and went to the police department to report it.

So what was it that hit her?

Police reported Kennedy admitted to officers that he threw a ham, but he told police he was not expecting Ms. King to be walking down the hall and did not expect to hit her. He was taken into custody for the domestic assault charge.

You threw a ham at your mama? Not cool, sir. Not cool.

Squeezed on:


Sure, all kids complain. But if they’re complaining about something you’re doing that’s illegal, ignore the complaints at your peril. A Minnesota couple learned this the hard way. Per The Duluth News Tribune:

A criminal complaint says the boy told investigators he had complained numerous times to his mother about the smell of the marijuana. He finally took the matter to his biological father, who told his son to take pictures of the marijuana. The father then forwarded the photos to authorities.

Drug agents served a search warrant on the house in Ravenna Township near Hastings last month and arrested Heidi Siebenaler, a Dakota County probation supervisor, and her husband, Mark Siebenaler. Both face charges in the case.

The defense?

Heidi Siebenaler told KMSP-TV that her husband smokes marijuana for medicinal purposes.


Squeezed on:


A while back, there was an expression made popular by comedian Flip Wilson: “The devil made me do it.” A gentleman in Maine flipped [doh!] that around, as reported by wgme.com (Portland, Maine):

State Police say a suspect started making bizarre claims after he broke into a home in western Maine last week.

They say the suspect, a male who isn’t identified, was squatting at a home in Andover while the homeowner was on vacation. A state trooper says the suspect told him that his dog and Jesus told him to break into the home because he was supposed to meet Taylor Swift there and marry her in the back yard.

You will not believe this, but Ms. Swift didn’t show!

He’s facing theft and criminal trespass charges.


Squeezed on:


It cannot be said that this man was liked by his co-workers, or even his “paramour.” Then again, there may be 5,000 reasons why they id’d him. As reported at nola.com:

Fingered by his co-workers and paramour, a man pleaded guilty Wednesday to robbing a bank in Metairie of $6,203. Don Lee Alexander Jr., 36, admitted to U.S. District Judge Sarah Vance that he robbed the Whitney Bank branch at 4845 Veterans Memorial Blvd. on Aug. 19.

After the robbery, authorities distributed an unusually sharp surveillance picture of the bandit. Alexander’s former co-workers (5 of them!) and a paramour of 12 years identified him from the photograph, according to court records. FBI agents arrested Alexander six days after the holdup and found two pistols and $974 in his bedroom at 920 Starrett Road in Metairie.

About those 5,000 reasons? The reward offered was “as much as $5,000.” Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Alexander.

Squeezed on:


It’s not hyberbole to say that this is almost certainly the strangest ticket ever issued. The offense? As reported by Al-Anba Daily:

In the first incident of its kind, a traffic policeman [in Kuwait City] issued a citation against an Arab motorist for having bad breath. 
A police source said it is a very strange incident and problematic too because the penalty is not known. “Will the motorist be fined; if so, how much will he have to pay and if his car is impounded, how long will it be in the police garage?” he asked. 
Incidentally, it is also mentioned on the citation that the motorist admitted that his mouth smells.

Squeezed on:


Really? A frog? Forget about the mechanics of it (if you can). How can someone possibly derive sexual pleasure watching a woman and a frog? At least one gent did, as reported by The Sun:

Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.

When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.

Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South Yorks, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.

Guess those animal fetishists aren’t the most loyal bunch. Maybe they coveted the same frog.

They found the filthy porn stash when they raided his home in Swinton, Rotherham, last September.

Hall admitted 21 specimen charges of possessing hard-core pornography when he appeared before Leeds magistrates.

Jail time? Nope.

He was sentenced to a three-year community order which requires him to spend 144 days completing a programme for sex offenders.

Can you imagine when, during group therapy, this dude has to stand up and say “I’m Michael, and I love frogs, gerbils, dogs, donkeys …” You can read more [a fair amount] here.

Posted in:
Squeezed on:
Squeezed on:


Surely she didn’t mean she literally had a gun there… But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here’s what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!” [expletive reinserted]

As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn’t the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my …

Squeezed on:


Many, many parents with teenage sons (or younger!) cringe at the mere mention of “COD” or “Call of Duty.” Cringe turns to dread when a new version is introduced. For the record, it should be noted that COD isn’t just a kid thing. As proof, The Juice offers you Exhibit A, as reported by The Aurora Sentinel (Colorado):

Instead of breath-taking violence and graphics, a Denver man hoping to snag the new, coveted video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” scored only an old-fashioned paper summons.

Police say Lomorin Sar, 31, became irate, threatened to shoot employees at an Aurora Best Buy and blow up the store because they didn’t have a copy of the ballyhooed game he said he pre-ordered.

Snap! (or “snapped.”)

Sar was charged with disorderly conduct after the incident Monday night at the store near Tower Road and Interstate 70.

Witnesses told police Sar asked employees when they were leaving work because he planned to shoot them in the parking lot as they left. Police say he also threatened to blow up the store.

A store manager called police and officers stopped Sar in his SUV and issued him a citation.

“Investigating officers issued a criminal summons to a man who threatened to carry out his own version of Modern Warfare at the electronics store. Fortunately, this situation did not end in violence,” said Aurora police spokesman Detective Bob Friel.

Yikes. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:


When you get some bad news, how do you react? Probably not like this young man in Fresno did. As reported by The Fresno Bee:

A Fresno Pacific University basketball player went on a naked rampage Monday night near campus after being told that he had been kicked off the team, Fresno police said Tuesday.

Leonard Tyrell Young, 21, ran naked through a convenience store parking lot, tried to steal a police car, beat a police officer and police dog and withstood three Taser strikes before finally being subdued, police said.

He was booked Tuesday into Fresno County Jail on suspicion of carjacking, resisting arrest, vandalism, harming a police dog and being under the influence of a controlled substance, according to jail records.

Wo. You can read more (a lot) here.