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The Juice is not aware of any stats on the quickest violation of a protective order. If any such compendium existed, this case would have to be near the top. As reported by sonomanews.com:

Deputies didn’t have to go far to arrest an individual who had violated a court order – he was still in jail. The man had been arrested earlier that morning on a domestic violence charge and was served with an emergency protective order forbidding him or any third party from having any contact with his wife. The man called his wife three times from the county jail, leaving messages on her answering machine. The man’s grandmother also called the wife and left a message saying she was going to bail her grandson out. The man, who was still in jail, had a probation violation and disobeying a court order added to the charges he’s facing.

A two-fer! Violations by calling directly, and through granny. Brilliant!

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Generally, when you get plastered, it’s a good idea to just sleep it off. Ah, but it’s very important where you chose to do so. Just ask this gent from Kentucky. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, KY):

According to the arrest slip, around 6:30 a.m. Saturday police responded to reports of a vehicle facing north in the southbound lane near the 4400 block of Shepherdsville Road. When police arrived at the scene, they found 21-year-old Cruz Santiago at the wheel.

Okay. They found him at the wheel. So what’s the problem?

Police say the 2008 Pontiac was running and in gear, and that Santiago was asleep at the wheel with his foot on the brake as the car inched forward. When confronted, Santiago said Santiago smelled of alcohol, had bloodshot eyes and was unsteady on his feet.

Big, big problem. Dude could have killed someone.

Santiago failed a field sobriety test, police say, and registered .184 on a portable breathalyzer test.

He was arrested and charged with one count of DUI.

You’ll find the source, including a mug shot, here.

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If you’re this lady, you plunder her home! And then do it again! The plunderer’s timing wasn’t the best, as reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

At first, on Wednesday, she helped herself to some craft supplies. And a knife. A purse. One hundred CDs. The window curtains.

Shellie Leonard wanted more, authorities said, and on Thursday she went back to her neighbor’s house on Dalwood Drive with plans to steal a computer and electronics. Her neighbor was incarcerated at the Pasco County jail.

But, and this is a big “but” …

But Thursday happened to be the day the neighbor came home — and caught Leonard stealing, the Pasco County Sheriff’s Office said.


Leonard, 43, of 4004 Darlington Road in Holiday, was arrested and charged with two counts of burglary.

Leonard remained Friday at the Pasco jail in lieu of $10,500 bail.

Should be an extra charge for hitting someone when they’re down.

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This story is truly wacky. First, you have a Proctor, Minnesota man who took a La-Z-Boy chair and put a lawnmower motor in it, and a steering wheel. Per the Duluth News Tribune, “It has a stereo, cup holders and other custom options, including different power levels.” All tricked out and no place to go? Not exactly. Dennis LeRoy Anderson (62!) took his chair out on the town. And got lit. Then he took to the streets – and crashed into a parked car! How drunk was he? Really, really drunk (.29). Oh, and …

He has one prior DWI conviction.

Doh! In fairness, I should mention that Mr. Anderson offered an explanation for the accident:

Anderson claimed he was driving the chair fine until a woman jumped on it and knocked the chair off course.

Curse you woman! You know the crime (he pleaded guilty). The time?

Judge Heather Sweetland sentenced Anderson to 180 days in the St. Louis County Jail or at the Northeast Regional Corrections Center and fined him $2,000 plus court fees. She stayed the jail time and one-half of the fine for two years of supervised probation. As conditions of his probation, Anderson must submit to a chemical dependency assessment, follow all recommendations, abstain from alcohol and unprescribed drugs, be subject to random testing and undergo 30 days of electronic monitoring.


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Can you really get four years in prison for driving a riding mower through town? Yes, you can. As you might expect, there’s more to it than that. As reported by qconline.com:

For the sixth time in his life, William “Pete” White is heading to the Illinois Department of Corrections.

 A Mercer County judge sentenced the former Viola man Tuesday to four years in prison for driving with a revoked license back on July 18, 2011.

Mr. White, 43, was arrested for driving a riding mower through town.

Mr. White’s defense attorney, Dan Dalton, argued he never had seen someone sent to prison for driving a mower.

Maybe so. But how many folks who drive mowers through town on a suspended license have a record like this?

Judge Greg Chickris said he also considered other factors, such as Mr. White’s 57 prior convictions for various criminal felony and misdemeanor offenses, the first when he was 15 years old.


Note: That’s 57 convictions. Yikes.

He (Mr. White) was basically on a crime spree here,” Judge Chickris said. “He has a horrendous history of prior delinquency and criminal activity.”

This was Mr. White’s 11th conviction for driving on a revoked license, according to Mercer County Probation and Court Services Director Vicky Hansen. He has been convicted six times for driving under the influence of alcohol, she said.


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It’s really nice when a 4-year-old brings snacks to school to share with his friends, right? Well, let’s just say the boy’s intentions were good. As reported by news4jax.com:

Police in Connecticut are investigating after they say a 4-year-old special needs student brought nine bags of marijuana to school and offered it to his friends during snack time.

Meriden police planned to seek an arrest warrant for the boy’s mother on charges of risk of injury to a child, possession of a controlled substance and intent to sell, according to the Meriden Record-Journal.

A teacher at Hanover Elementary School called police Tuesday after seeing the student produce the drugs, which appeared to be wrapped for sale, NBC Connecticut reported.

Here’s the source.

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It should go without saying that every kid ought to hear “the talk” from his parents. But a 42-year-old British dad apparently wanted to go the extra mile for his 14-year-old son – by hooking him up (sorry) with a prostitute! Alas, the woman dad approached was … a cop! And, of course, now dad is ashamed.

The father’s barrister Matthew Smith said: “There is a thorough sense of shame the defendant feels.

Said the Judge, per the BBC News:

What you were doing that night was to expose your 14-year-old son to a prostitute because you didn’t know she was a police officer.

You have a duty of care to your son and that is to look after his moral welfare not, as you might think, to break him into the ways of sex through a prostitute.

So dad pleaded guilty to attempting to solicit a woman to have sex with a minor. Jail time?

Judge Jonathan Teare said he was not sending the father to prison because of his previous excellent character and that he believed he did not mean any harm to his son.

Mr. Smith added that the boy would be allowed to continue to live with his father.

But …

[dad] will be placed on the sex offenders register for five years.

Go figure. A man of “previous excellent character” who retains custody of his son is put on the sex offenders registry? Huh? Here’s the source.

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Even if you like sweet and sour sauce, ain’t no way you like it as much as this Washington State man. As reported by The Highline Times:

A man entered a fast food restaurant at the 14800 block of 4th Ave. S.W. asking for some condiments. The clerk told him no. That angered him so he pulled out a knife and demanded they hand over some sweet and sour sauce. There were no reported injuries and it was unclear if they had the suspect in custody.

Clearly a head-scratcher.

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What’s the big deal? It was 4:00 a.m. for goodness sake. Can’t a fella go out for a little stroll without getting busted? Well, there is at least one prerequisite to taking that stroll … As reported by wmbfnews.com:

… the suspect, 21-year-old Kerry Joseph Jasiak of Myrtle Beach, was walking down Robert Grissom Parkway toward SC 31 completely nude around 4 a.m. Saturday.

Jasiak told responding officers he did not know where his clothes were, the report said.

See, he had a perfectly logical explanation! Even so, guess what the Five-O did?

Jasiak was taken into custody and transported to the Myrtle Beach Jail where he was charged with Disorderly Conduct (Public Nudity).

Here’s the source, including the mug shot.

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The Juice thinks this breathalyzer must be busted. Why? Because this dude blew way too low considering the circumstances. As reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

The deputy saw sparks and smoke coming from Kevin Blazer’s Lexus just after 1 a.m. Wednesday and pulled the car over on Little Road near Trouble Creek Road. The driver was so intoxicated, the Pasco sheriff’s deputy later wrote in a report, he didn’t realize he had been driving with his left front tire missing. Blazer, a 34-year-old college student, was arrested and charged with DUI. His blood alcohol level was between 0.129 and 0.131, according to the Sheriff’s Office. The state presumes impairment at 0.08.

Blazer, of 4039 Vista Verde Drive in New Port Richey, was released from the Pasco Jail on Wednesday.

Kudos to Mr. Blazer for returning to college while in his 30s. A big black mark for Mr. Blazer for not maturing much in the intervening years.