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Surely she didn’t mean she literally had a gun there… But, after Ms. Patterson was arrested in Orlando, Florida, when the police asked her if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, here’s what she is reported to have said:

“I have a gun in my vagina, you fucking idiot!” [expletive reinserted]

As to how this came to pass, per wftv.com:

A woman called 911 Tuesday night from outside of a nightclub in an attempt to locate her keys. Kelly Patterson was told to leave Pulse nightclub (see map) and given a trespass warning by an employee.

Patterson, officers say, began to shout obscene comments and make gestures towards the employees. She was told a second time to leave the parking lot, but police said she replied by saying. “Fuck you, I need to get my keys from my friend.” [expletive reinserted]

Perhaps this wasn’t the best approach. Nevertheless, the police still tried to assist her.

An officer on scene told Patterson he would help her get her keys, but her friends told the officer they did not have her keys. Investigators said she was given four chances to leave property and was told she would be arrested.

It was then that she called 911, shopping for a more sympathetic cop. Not a good idea.

Patterson refused [to leave the property] and called 911, telling the operator that the officer would not give Patterson her keys and to please send out someone to help her. Patterson was arrested and, when asked if she had any weapons or drugs on her person, police said she replied, “I have a gun in my …

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Many, many parents with teenage sons (or younger!) cringe at the mere mention of “COD” or “Call of Duty.” Cringe turns to dread when a new version is introduced. For the record, it should be noted that COD isn’t just a kid thing. As proof, The Juice offers you Exhibit A, as reported by The Aurora Sentinel (Colorado):

Instead of breath-taking violence and graphics, a Denver man hoping to snag the new, coveted video game “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” scored only an old-fashioned paper summons.

Police say Lomorin Sar, 31, became irate, threatened to shoot employees at an Aurora Best Buy and blow up the store because they didn’t have a copy of the ballyhooed game he said he pre-ordered.

Snap! (or “snapped.”)

Sar was charged with disorderly conduct after the incident Monday night at the store near Tower Road and Interstate 70.

Witnesses told police Sar asked employees when they were leaving work because he planned to shoot them in the parking lot as they left. Police say he also threatened to blow up the store.

A store manager called police and officers stopped Sar in his SUV and issued him a citation.

“Investigating officers issued a criminal summons to a man who threatened to carry out his own version of Modern Warfare at the electronics store. Fortunately, this situation did not end in violence,” said Aurora police spokesman Detective Bob Friel.

Yikes. Here’s the source.

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When you get some bad news, how do you react? Probably not like this young man in Fresno did. As reported by The Fresno Bee:

A Fresno Pacific University basketball player went on a naked rampage Monday night near campus after being told that he had been kicked off the team, Fresno police said Tuesday.

Leonard Tyrell Young, 21, ran naked through a convenience store parking lot, tried to steal a police car, beat a police officer and police dog and withstood three Taser strikes before finally being subdued, police said.

He was booked Tuesday into Fresno County Jail on suspicion of carjacking, resisting arrest, vandalism, harming a police dog and being under the influence of a controlled substance, according to jail records.

Wo. You can read more (a lot) here.

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Check out the new $20 coin! What do you mean there is no new $20 coin? But that guy said … Per The Patriot News:

State police are looking for a man who passed a fake $20 coin at an ice cream parlor in Williams Township, Dauphin County. Police said the man, described as white, short and stocky, with black curly hair, used the coin Friday evening to purchase ice cream at Willow Tree Ice Cream. After the suspect convinced the owner of the shop the coin was a new issue that was just entering circulation, the owner gave the man change.

Police said the man left in a teal Dodge Caravan registered to Mervin M. Horst of Newmanstown, Pa. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Horst is asked to contact state police at Lykens at 717-362-8700.

Damn you Mervin! (or “Damn you man driving Mervin’s car!”) The store owner would have been thrilled had he received the coin pictured above, which is a 1933 GOLD $20 coin (a double eagle), and was last minted in 1933.

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Let’s just say that this is not a crime women usually get busted for. Men? All the time. But, as with most things, women are usually more discreet. Not this time. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

It happened around 2:30 a.m. in the 900 block of Baxter Avenue. According to the arrest report, more than a dozen people — including an LMPD officer — saw 23-year-old Amanda M. Moore sit down in a chair, pull her underwear down around her ankles and “pull her dress up around her waist, completely exposing herself, and began to urinate on the chair and sidewalk.”

Shazam. Her next mistake?

Police say Moore refused their offers for help to get home safely.

Should have accepted those offers. Why?

That’s when she was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and public intoxication.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

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The moment was right. And this gent was not going to let it pass. So when a car presented itself … As reported by The Palm Beach Post:

A 59-year-old man was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail after he admitted to stealing a Palm Beach County Sheriff’s vehicle so he could have intimate time with a woman, a probable cause affidavit says.

Alexander Pratt and 53-year-old Clara Pearson, both of Lake Worth, were arrested Thursday night on charges of grand theft auto.

If you’re wondering why they would steal a police car …

A sheriff’s probable cause affidavit says that plainclothes deputies from the sheriff’s auto theft task force parked their green Honda Civic in front of a Quick Stop on South Dixie Highway. The Civic, which is owned by the sheriff’s department and has video, audio and GPS surveillance, was left unlocked while running.

Doh! A Honda Civic? That is deep undercover. Any regrets?

… Pratt told deputies he knew the car was stolen but didn’t regret it because he wanted to “go to have intimate relations with Pearson,” the affidavit says.

You’ll find the source, including mug shots, here.

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cop%20eating%20doughnut%20police%20policeman.jpg But not for the reasons you might suspect. Up in Douglas County, Oregon, 2 fellers dressed like cowboys offered some doughnuts to a couple deputies. Now they didn’t take offense, mind you, just notice of how these dudes were dressed. So when they responded to a burglary, in which doughnuts were among the stolen items, and there were cowboys boot prints at the crime scene …

cop%20eating%20doughnut%20tiny%20policmean%20police.jpg I think even Barney Fife (see below) might have solved this one. To the dismay of Vincent Jonathan Whitley, age 19, and Adam Brett Hancock, age 21, these officers quickly put the pieces together. The cowboys were arrested. In addition to the doughnuts, they stole cigarettes and candy from the Looking Glass Store. That’s the crime. The time? 20 days plus 18 months probation, plus restitution of $895.

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You’ve had a bad banking experience. We all have. Call him crazy, but The Juice is guessing this is not how you dealt with it. As reported by wftv.com:

A customer at a bank in Palm Coast got a unpleasant surprise this morning at the bank’s drive-through.

This is truly a gross understatement.

A male customer of the RBC Bank apparently urinated in a bank tube Wednesday morning after he was told he couldn’t purchase a money order, sheriff’s deputies report. Later, another customer arrived and the urine spilled onto her and her car.

Sheriff’s deputies said the customer suspected of urinating in the tube pulled into the drive-through around 8:50 a.m. and asked if they sold money orders. When he was told no, he became upset and mumbled something about bad customer service, deputies said.

A bank employee told deputies that a short time later, another customer pulled into the same drive-through lane. The customer said that there was liquid in the tube and that it smelled like urine.

Don’t open that …

The customer then picked the tube up, and the liquid spilled onto her and her car. The bank employee took the tube and also determined it was urine.

… tube! Nasty. And didn’t the perp teach that bank a lesson? Brilliant. Any charges?

Deputies are working to identify the culprit, who could face a second-degree misdemeanor charge.

Here’s the source.

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Perhaps some regulation is required to prevent street photographers from setting up shop on the sidewalk (but perhaps not, as this is most likely covered by other regulations regarding businesses operated in public spaces), but 5 minutes? That’s just stupid. Here’s the DC Regulation:

523 STREET PHOTOGRAPHY: REQUIREMENTS AND RESTRICTIONS

523.3 While engaged in taking photographs, no person licensed under §521 or §522 of this chapter shall impede traffic as defined in the District of Columbia Traffic Acts; nor shall any photographer remain longer than five (5) minutes at any one (1) location on the streets, sidewalks, or other public spaces.

Ridiculous. You can find the regulation here (at 24-523).

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What’s up with the whole paddling thing? It makes about as much sense as any other hazing ritual. (“Thank you sir may I have another?”). Why all the “paddle” talk? A paddler from across the pond is in the soup because of his paddling ways. As reported by kotatv.com:

Police spokesperson, Tarah Heupel said Tuesday that 54-year-old [United Kingdom resident] David Spencer offered to sell the clerk a paddle on Saturday. When she turned him down, he told her she could spank him six times for one dollar. Finally, she allowed him to spank her once so he would leave her business but then he spanked her a second time without her permission.

Just couldn’t walk away David. Bad move. Why?

When she [the clerk] saw him again Monday, she alerted mall security.

Spencer told police he was trying to sell the paddles to keep traveling in the United States.

Good luck with that, especially trying to do it from a padded cell.

[Mr. Spencer] was arrested in Rapid City Monday for swatting a mall clerk on the buttocks with a paddle.