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Here’s how short this woman’s tenure at her new job was: Welcome Casi! You’re under arrest. Doh! As reported by The Beacon-News:

An Aurora woman has been accused of stealing a designer handbag from a resale shop in Naperville — on the day before she was to start a new job there. Casi L. Biggiam, 27, is charged with retail theft.

Biggiam was arrested March 14, the day she was to report for work at Plato’s Closet, Naperville police said. The store is in the Naper West Plaza, across from the Westfield Fox Valley mall in Aurora.

What was her shoplifting technique? It’s probably one resale shops have seen before.

Police said Biggiam went to the shop about 5:30 p.m. March 13 to sell articles of used clothing and accessories. A red Coach purse was one of the items Biggiam allegedly presented to a clerk. After being given the total of what the store would pay for her goods, Biggiam said she would keep the handbag and accept payment for the other items, police said.

As crimes go, not too stupid, accept for the part about returning to the scene of the crime.

Employees contacted police after determining the purse had been part of their inventory. Police said Biggiam had stolen the bag, which had been on display in the shop.

As for how that first day went …

A police officer and store management confronted Biggiam the next day, when she reported to work for the first time, police said.

Here’s the source.

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Unlike some folks out there, The Juice is not about denigrating women. The “dog” in question is actually a dog.

As reported by The Helena Independent Record: At about 11:30 p.m. [on March 1], East Helena police responded to a report of an intoxicated dog being cared for at Smith’s Bar and found Arly II, a Pomeranian or Pomeranian cross, who could not walk a straight line and kept falling over when placed on the floor, according to an affidavit filed by police in District Court.

An intoxicated person who claimed part ownership of the 20-pound dog told police that ]Todd Harold] Schrier [age 49] had given the dog about a “to-go cup of vodka,” police wrote.

Police took the dog to Alpine Animal Clinic, where veterinarian Dr. Michelle Richardson drew blood and sent it to St. Peter’s Hospital, which found a blood-alcohol level of 0.348 percent. The legal limit for driving is 0.08 percent.

Richardson said alcohol affects dogs similar to the way it affects humans. An alcohol level of 0.4 percent can be fatal in humans.

What about Mr. Schrier?

Police caught up with Schrier at the VFW in East Helena and say they found a bag of hydrocodone pills on the ground outside where he had been standing smoking, leading to the [felony] drug charge. He is also on probation for a pair of previous drug charges.

Schrier is in the city-county jail with bail at $30,000. He is scheduled for an initial appearance in District Court today.

Looks like Arly II will have the last laugh.

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How crazy is this guy? Or, wow, I didn’t know copper prices were that high! As reported by The Salisbury Post (North Carolina):

A thief pulled a fast one on the Department of Corrections Sunday night after police said someone broke into a minimum-security prison, stole copper and escaped.

Ouch. That’s embarrassing.

Authorities believe someone climbed a fence at 3750 South Main Street at the Piedmont Correctional Institution and “dismantled an A/C unit and stole the copper out of it,” the incident report said.

This raises the question: “Is there a category below ‘minimum-security’ for prisons?”

Salisbury Police are investigating the incident, Capt. Shelia Lingle said, but no one has been arrested.

 

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Let’s just say this lady does not take criticism well, especially when she’s behind the wheel. What did she do when her husband took exception to her driving? As reported by The Argus Leader (South Dakota):

A Sioux Falls woman tried to run down her husband with a Chrysler New Yorker Thursday night for questioning her driving skills, police say.

Shazam! You might be wondering about the logistics of running someone down for “backseat” driving. The Juice will explain.

The officer had responded to a report of a dispute in the street near the intersection of West 29th Street and South Lake Avenue, where neighbors reported that a man had been hit with a vehicle after arguing with the driver.

Iron Heart sped away quickly when the officer tried to pull her over near 33rd Street and West Avenue, Clemens said, and the pursuit ended due to high speeds near 33rd and Willow Avenue.

The officer returned to the scene of the dispute and spoke with Iron Heart’s husband, who told him he’d upset her when he complained about her erratic driving and demanded to get out of the car. She apparently followed him with the car when he got out, and he later told the officer he’d “bounced” off the hood at one point during the ensuing argument.

Lady, are you high? Well …

Police caught 37-year-old Crystal Lee Iron Heart at the Arena Motel at around 8 p.m. … Iron Hawk was charged with DUI, aggravated assault and aggravated eluding. She also was charged with one count of hit-and-run for allegedly tagging a parked car at 33rd and West.

[HT to a lawyer-source who prefers to remain anonymous. Can you blame him?]

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Certainly domestic life often presents challenging situations. But this? As reported by
BeeNews.com (New York):

Police responded to a North Seine Drive residence where a 
male and female
 were having an argument about how the pizza had been 
sliced.

Really?

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What the hell was this guy thinking? He had just been released from jail. From the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s office:

A Crestview man released from the Okaloosa County Jail on a domestic violence battery charge Wednesday didn’t even make it out of the parking lot before committing crimes which put him right back in a cell.

38-year old Gabriel Allen Kirkpatrick of Grady Lane in Crestview is charged with four counts of burglary.

Kirkpatrick had just been released March 14th when Okaloosa Sheriff’s deputies say he went into the jail parking lot and started trying to break into cars. In one case, he unscrewed the radio antenna from the exterior and was trying to use it to gain entry.

Kirkpatrick was placed into custody and taken back inside for processing.

Dude! Dude? Here’s the source.

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You’re thinking “of course.” Like most things in life, though, it’s not that simple. Or … is it? Dude got married in Pennsylvania, and years later married his girlfriend in Nevada. Pennsylvania charged him with bigamy, and got a conviction.

Not so fast, said Mr. Seiders. I got married in Nevada, not in Pennsylvania. So, even if I did commit bigamy, it was in Nevada, not here. Case dismissed!

What does the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania think of this argument? Not so much. Being married, it says, is conduct that occurred in Pennsylvania. Case closed!

So who won? Mr. Seiders. Said the Court:

The crime of bigamy, under section 4301, is committed at the time when and in the place where the second marriage is contracted or purported to be contracted.

Sentence reversed! Appellant (Mr. Seiders) discharged! The case is Commonwealth v. Seiders (2010 PA Super 194).

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So the police will investigate you if your husband merely claims you are using black magic? Apparently so, at least if you live in Kuwait. As reported by the Arab Times:

A Kuwaiti man has filed a complaint with the Adan Police Station accusing his ex-wife of doing black magic. He claims the magic harmed him and his two daughters, reports Al-Rai daily.
 According to the man the woman planted some magic charms in his home to promote hatred between him and his daughters.
 He also said because of the magic he and his daughters are suffering from dermal disease. The suspect will be summoned for interrogation.

Hmm. Perhaps your daughters don’t like you because you’re a yutz? And maybe your daughters have “dermal disease” because they are teenagers? Just sayin’ …

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If these allegations are true … what a great example this Florida school superintendent is setting for her students. As reported by TCPalm.com:

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement is reviewing allegations that Martin County Schools Superintendent Nancy Kline cheated on a certification exam in 2009.

Yikes.

In a memo to School Board Attorney Doug Griffin dated Jan. 22, Kim Sabol, the district’s labor/employment representative, wrote that Terrie Kenney, a former consultant and volunteer with the district, claimed Kline phoned Kenney “for help in answering test questions while taking what Ms. Kenney later learned was a certification examination for the Florida Superintendent Special Certification Program.”

What are the specific allegations?

According to the memo, Kenney reported Kline called from a hotel room, said some of the questions were “really hard” and admitted she didn’t attend all the class sessions leading up to the test.

So like, if you don’t go to class, that makes the test harder? Who knew?

When Kenney suggested Kline call Frank Raffone, the district’s assistant superintendent, for help on some questions, “the superintendent did not say anything in response.”

Kline’s unwillingness to get help from a school official “solidified” for Kenney that the superintendent “knew what she was doing was wrong,” Sabol wrote.

Kline’s defense?

Kenney reportedly suggested to Sabol that Kline’s calls could have been allowed because it was an “open book exam.”

Sabol wrote that she replied, “Terrie, open book, if that is even true, does not mean cheating!”

“These allegations have no credibility – this is nothing more than a smear campaign,” Kline said Monday night.

Speaking of campaigns …

Kline is up for re-election this year, facing a challenge by School Board member Laurie Gaylord.

You can read more (a fair amount) and see a video here.

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It would be misleading, though not totally false, to say this guy walked into a Florida Papa John’s and stole pizza. Here’s what happened, per wptv.com:

Polk County deputies say a man walked into Papa John’s Pizza restaurant, put on a pizza costume, and then walked out of the Lakeland restaurant Sunday evening.

You stole a pizza costume? The Juice is guessing you didn’t know they have video cameras in the store.

Detectives say a white man, perhaps 18 years old, entered the restaurant with six others, wearing a white button-up shirt, dark pants and a dark tie. He put the costume on and left the store wearing it.

The costume is described as approximately six feet tall, and looks like a giant slice of pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms, green peppers and black olives.

Video surveillance shows the images of the suspect and four persons of interest. They are described as three older white males with dark hair. One had a full beard. The fourth person of interest is described as a white female with dark hair.

Here’s the source, including a photo and a video (skip to around 2:35).