Legal Juice

Let's just hope that this was the culmination of a series of unsuccessful attempts to get the local government's attention on some issue. Why? Because if this was the opening salvo, yikes! As reported by The Burlington Free Press:

Witnesses said they saw a middle-aged woman with short blond hair bring the bloody, dripping raccoon up the steps and angrily whack it against the white double doors on the east side of the building, smearing the doors with blood.

Yikes.

Police said the woman is white, with blond hair and was wearing a green winter hat, a tan coat and blue jeans on Nov. 17 when the incident occurred.

Here's the source, including a picture of the woman provided by the Burlington Police.

Let's just say that this is not a crime women usually get busted for. Men? All the time. But, as with most things, women are usually more discreet. Not this time. As reported by wdrb.com (Louisville, Kentucky):

It happened around 2:30 a.m. in the 900 block of Baxter Avenue. According to the arrest report, more than a dozen people -- including an LMPD officer -- saw 23-year-old Amanda M. Moore sit down in a chair, pull her underwear down around her ankles and "pull her dress up around her waist, completely exposing herself, and began to urinate on the chair and sidewalk."

Shazam. Her next mistake?

Police say Moore refused their offers for help to get home safely.

Should have accepted those offers. Why?

That's when she was arrested and charged with indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and public intoxication.

Here's the source, including a mug shot.

You've had a bad banking experience. We all have. Call him crazy, but The Juice is guessing this is not how you dealt with it. As reported by wftv.com:

A customer at a bank in Palm Coast got a unpleasant surprise this morning at the bank's drive-through.

This is truly a gross understatement.

A male customer of the RBC Bank apparently urinated in a bank tube Wednesday morning after he was told he couldn’t purchase a money order, sheriff's deputies report. Later, another customer arrived and the urine spilled onto her and her car.

Sheriff’s deputies said the customer suspected of urinating in the tube pulled into the drive-through around 8:50 a.m. and asked if they sold money orders. When he was told no, he became upset and mumbled something about bad customer service, deputies said.

A bank employee told deputies that a short time later, another customer pulled into the same drive-through lane. The customer said that there was liquid in the tube and that it smelled like urine.

Don't open that ...

The customer then picked the tube up, and the liquid spilled onto her and her car. The bank employee took the tube and also determined it was urine.

... tube! Nasty. And didn't the perp teach that bank a lesson? Brilliant. Any charges?

Deputies are working to identify the culprit, who could face a second-degree misdemeanor charge.

Here's the source.

Unfortunately The Juice doesn't have the surveillance video yet. Anyone? Anyway, suffice it to say that a Florida woman was not pleased with a woman she believes slept with her boyfriend. Check out how she displayed her displeasure, as reported by The Gainesville Sun.

According to the Alachua County Sheriff’s Office, the incident happened inside the store at 5200 NE Waldo Road, where a woman was working as a clerk. Deputies said a 23-year-old woman entered the store and began cussing at the clerk and asking her highly personal questions.

Based on witness statements and a surveillance video, deputies said the woman apparently was angry because she was involved in a sexual relationship with a man who also had been in a relationship with the clerk.

And she showed how angry she was by ...

When the clerk declined to answer the questions, the woman opened a bag of used condoms and dumped them onto the counter, sheriff’s spokesman Sgt. Todd Kelly said.

Um, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

“Next she pulled her shorts down and lifted her shirt, which fully exposed her to the clerk — and the camera,” Kelly said. The woman left the store but returned shortly after and threw a condom that hit the clerk, deputies said.

Yikes!

The Sheriff’s Office filed a sworn complaint against the woman, accusing her of battery and indecent exposure. A sworn complaint means the case has been forwarded to the State Attorney’s Office before an arrest is made.

Kelly said the store had to stop making sales for a short time so that the contaminated counter could be thoroughly cleaned.

Nasty. Here's the source.

This is just gross - really, really gross. A guy broke into two separate cars and, well, you'll have to hear it from The Star-Ledger (via nj.com):

Twice in one night, a burglar entered cars in Carteret, ransacked the vehicles and then defecated inside, according to police.

How would you like to be the police officer who catches this case? "Yeah, we'll need some of that for DNA testing."

On Tuesday night, an intruder entered a 2005 Chrysler Pacifica parked on Park Avenue, grabbed a GPS unit, and before leaving, relieved himself on the backseat, police said.

The same night somebody entered a 2007 Toyota Camry parked on George Street. Nothing was taken, but the burglar also relieved himself on the rear seat, authorities said.

Not cool, dude. Not cool. (It reminds The Juice of a certain Seinfeld episode.)

Why on earth would it matter if a chicken is a "beast" or not? Well, it mattered a great deal to a man in Indiana who was charged with sodomizing a "beast." Or, as set forth in the opinion:

[Mr. Murray], without benefit of counsel, entered a plea of guilty to a charge by affidavit that he committed the "abominable and detestable crime against nature with a beast ..."

Armed with a lawyer, based on the title of the post, you can probably guess what the defense was.

[Mr. Murray] contends that the term "beast" as used in Sec. 10-4221, supra, does not include "fowl" ...

This is Indiana - in 1957. How do you think that argument was received? Webster's Dictionary looked to offer some encouragement.

2. Any four-footed animal, as distinguished from birds, reptiles, fishes and insects.

Hmm. What about definitions 1. and 3.?

1. Any living creature; any animal. 3. An animal; - distinguished from man.

Uh oh. The court also noted that ...

Under a statute concerning cruelty to animals, this court has held [in 1887!] that a fowl, i.e., a goose was an animal.

A duck has been held to be an animal under an English statute pertaining to sodomy. Reg. v. Brown (1889).

Said the Supreme Court of Indiana ...

In our opinion a chicken is a beast within the meaning of that term as used in Sec. ... Judgment affirmed.

The case is Murray v. Indiana, 143 N.E.2d 290 (1957).

That Chinese cooking oil you brought is probably be fine. It's probably not the product of a certain illegal operation, as reported by chinadaily.com:

Chinese police have arrested 32 suspects for producing and selling illegal cooking oil in a cross-province crackdown, the Ministry of Public Security said in a statement Tuesday.

Why is it gross? Well ...

More than 100 tonnes of such oil, made from leftovers dredged from gutters behind restaurants, were seized after busting a criminal network spanning 14 provinces, the ministry said.

Tasty! Here's the source.

Unless he just hasn't been caught other times, there is a clear pattern to this man's behavior. As luck would have it (bad luck, that is), a Washington woman happened to be on the job when, per
The Highline Times,

A registered sex offender [allegedly] exposed himself to a bikini barista at a coffee stand in SeaTac. The man has two similar convictions for indecent exposure in 2007 and 2009. The 25-year-old Seattle man has not yet entered a plea to the latest charge. He is currently under supervision of the state Department of Corrections.

Maybe it's the proliferation of profiling shows out there, but it kinda makes you wonder what is going on with this dude. Here's the source.

When you have a flat tire, you're already having a bad day. The next time you get a flat, remember this story, and know that it could have been a LOT worse.

It all started when this gent was just fixing his flat tire, and a police officer stopped to help him. As reported in The Post & Courier:

A man arrested for marijuana possession now faces a drug trafficking charge after officers and jailers found 14 grams of crack cocaine inside his body.

Derrick Andrew Guest, 24 of North Charleston is charged with simple possession of marijuana and trafficking crack cocaine.

You can probably guess where they found the crack ...

Officers found the cocaine in his rectum while conducting a strip search [while he was being booked] at the Charleston County Detention Center, according to an incident report.

Guest was initially arrested about 5 p.m. Monday after an officer who had stopped to assist him with a flat tire smelled marijuana on him.

Guest told police he didn’t have any marijuana on him but he agreed to let officers examine the contents of his pockets. They found two clear bags of marijuana, the report said.

Damn you flat tire!

Well, it's certainly not the first place folks would look for missing property. Nevertheless, by her own admission, Ms. Jones hid the jewelry in her, uh, um ... you know. As reported by The Sandusky Register:

Erie County Sheriff's deputies arrested an Elyria roofer who told them she stole valuable jewelry from a Wakeman home and concealed it inside her body.

Elizabeth N. Jones, 19, is in the Erie County jail on charges that include theft, burglary, tampering with evidence and possession of drugs.

Michele Halliwell, 12000 block Ohio 113 East, told deputies Jones had been part of a crew working on her roof when she went inside to use the restroom and asked to use the bathtub to wash her legs. Shortly afterward, Halliwell noticed her husband's wedding ring and grandmother's diamond ring were missing.

Someone had also rifled through her purse and wallet.

... [Jones] also admitted she'd gone inside the Halliwell home looking for something to steal and had concealed the rings inside her vagina. Deputies asked a female nurse at the jail to recover the rings, which together had an estimated value of $5,000.

Yikes. Surely the nurse was thrilled to get that call. Here's the source, with a mug shot.

Now remember, we're talking about an iPad 2, not just an iPad ... From a report in the Global Times ...

A teenager in China sold one of his kidneys to buy an iPad 2 ...

A kidney!!!!!

The 17-year-old boy, identified only by the surname Zheng, searched the internet and found a buyer who was willing to pay 22,000 yuan ($3400) for the organ.

Without telling his family of his plans ["Oh mom, dad - I'm going to sell my kidney for an iPad 2. Back in a bit."], he travelled north from his home in the eastern Anhui province to a hospital in the city of Chenzhou in Hunan province, where he was operated on under the supervision of a kidney-selling agent.

Whew. At least it was supervised ...

His mother's suspicions were aroused when her son returned home with an iPad 2 and an iPhone, and Zheng, who was left with a deep red scar from the surgery, was forced to admit what he did.

Wo there. An iPhone too? That changes everything!

She took him back to Chenzhou to report the crime, but the contact numbers the kidney agents gave Zheng were not working. The hospital, which admitted contracting out its urology department to a businessman, denied any connection with the kidney-removal operation.

On to another town. Yikes.

Really. Mr. Bryson Pillars was chewing some tobacco when ... [I'll let the Mississippi Supreme Court take it from here. They just don't write them like they used to.]

It seems that appellant [Mr. Pillars] consumed one plug of his purchase, which measured up to representations, that it was tobacco unmixed with human flesh, but when appellant tackled the second plug it made him sick, but, not suspecting the tobacco, he tried another chew, and still another, until he bit into some foreign substance, which crumbled like dry bread, and caused him to foam at the mouth, while he was getting "sicker and sicker." Finally, his teeth struck something hard; he could not bite through it. After an examination he discovered a human toe, with flesh and nail intact. We refrain from detailing the further harrowing and nauseating details. The appellant consulted a physician, who testified that appellant exhibited all of the characteristic symptoms of ptomaine poison. The physician examined the toe and identified it as a human toe in a state of putrefaction, and said, in effect, that his condition was caused by the poison generated by the rotten toe.[emphasis added]

I ... think ... I'm ... going ... to ... be .........sick. So I guess you know what happened to Pillars at the trial court.

Continue reading "Excuse Me, But There's A Rotten Toe In My Chewing Tobacco!" »

Ecotourism is so yesterday. There's a new kind of tourism you may not have heard of. Per Whatcom County (Washington) Sheriff Bill Elfo, as reported in The Seattle Times:

[Douglas Spink] was "promoting tourism of this nature for bestiality."

Oh my.

When county deputies and federal investigators searched the property they found videotapes that included images of a man, who was visiting the property, having sex with several large-breed dogs.

The man, a 51-year-old British national, was arrested for investigation of four counts of bestiality, Elfo said. He is being held in the Whatcom County Jail in lieu of $150,000, Elfo said.

How do federal prosecutors allege this all came about?

Douglas Spink, 39, a one-time dot.com millionaire, convicted drug smuggler and horse trainer, was quietly living on rural property south of Sumas when he connected with James Tait, who was in a Tennessee jail on a bestiality charge.

Tait had earlier been convicted of trespassing in 2005 in the Enumclaw case, in which a Gig Harbor man died after having sex with a horse.

The two men's communications set in motion an investigation that resulted in Spink's arrest Wednesday at the Sumas farm for suspicion of violating his federal probation for drug smuggling. Federal prosecutors and Whatcom County sheriff's officials say Spink also allowed people to come to the farm and have sex with animals.

This is a wild one, readers. You should click here to read a lot more.

You just have to wonder WTF this Kansas woman was thinking, or drinking, or ... As reported by The Wichita Eagle:

Police said the woman reportedly pulled into the driveway of a house in the 5000 block of West Douglas at about 8:20 p.m. Wednesday. She got out, urinated in the yard and then slapped a 3-year-old child in the face a number of times.

She then drove away, pulling into a second yard and then a third, where she ran over a mailbox. The locations were several blocks apart, Capt. Darrell Atteberry said.

The woman was pulled over at a fourth address and taken into custody.

Yikes.

(No, not in the book.) Warning: This post is not suitable for children. And The Juice isn't just saying that to pique your interest. You will not believe this woman's hiding place. As reported by The News-Press:

A Pompano Beach woman is in custody at the Lee County Jail for possession of a counterfeit driver's license and a fraudulent credit card, which she allegedly hid inside her vagina.

Shazam!

According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, Ann Marie Hernandez,46, was arrested during a traffic stop on Interstate 75 on Friday night when deputies discovered thousands of dollars in items bought with a fraudulent credit card aboard her vehicle.

Members of the Highway Interdiction Unit pulled her vehicle over at about 7 p.m. Upon making contact with the driver, the detective immediately noticed the vehicle was full of high-end power tool equipment, some of which still had security tags attached.

As the investigation unfolded, a detective determined the items were recently purchased at a Cape Coral Home Depot using a fraudulent credit card account.

Home Depot was contacted and Citibank confirmed the fraudulent transactions totaling more than five-thousand dollars. Nearly half of the fraudulent items purchased were recovered during the traffic stop.

Yeah. Yeah. But how do you get from there to ...

After a female deputy was called to the scene, Hernandez admitted to concealing a fraudulent credit card and fraudulent Florida driver’s license inside her vagina.

Say what? Having gone to the trouble of concealing the items in this manner, it's unlikely Ms. Hernandez would have just fessed up. So? For now anyway, it's a mystery. Here's the source, including a mug shot.

This is really gross and weird. Who likes sucking blood so much that he would do it for 2-3 minutes? Why would you let someone do that? As reported by The Arizona Republic:

A vampire-crazed man was sentenced Monday to three years probation for stabbing a friend who had refused to let him suck his blood.

Some "friend" he turned out to be ...

[Aaron] Homer [age 24] stabbed the arm of Robert Maley, 25, of Chandler on Oct. 4 after Maley refused to let him suck his blood a second time, the police report said.

Maley had let Homer suck his blood before, but only because Homer was threatening to cut his ex-girlfriend or her friend. Homer sucked his blood for two to three minutes that time.

Two to three minutes!

On Oct. 4, Homer was demanding to suck his blood a second time.

"I said no, and he flipped," Maley told police. "He said, 'I'm doing it,' and then boom . . . he stabbed me."

Maley fled from Homer's apartment on the 600 block of North Alma School Road, leaving a trail of blood in addition to fake blood that Homer or his girlfriend, Amanda Williamson, 21, had spread on the floor, according to the police report.

"They think they are vampires," said Maley of Homer and Williamson. The pair, he said, are also into paganism.

Homer later admitted to police he stabbed Maley because he was making fun of their "religion."

How do you get no jail time after admitting that you stabbed someone? Here's the source.

A frog? Forget about the mechanics of it (if you can). How can someone possibly derive sexual pleasure watching a woman and a frog? At least one gent did, as reported by The Sun:

Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.

When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.

Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South Yorks, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.

Guess those animal fetishists aren't the most loyal bunch. Maybe they coveted the same frog.

They found the filthy porn stash when they raided his home in Swinton, Rotherham, last September.

Hall admitted 21 specimen charges of possessing hard-core pornography when he appeared before Leeds magistrates.

Jail time? Nope.

He was sentenced to a three-year community order which requires him to spend 144 days completing a programme for sex offenders.

Can you imagine when, during group therapy, this dude has to stand up and say "I'm Michael, and I love frogs, gerbils, dogs, donkeys ..." You can read more [a fair amount] here.

Please, if you are prone to being grossed out, stop here. Remember, The Juice warned you. So, it started with what appeared to be a routine suspected DUI. Then it got weird, and gross. As reported by The Durango Herald (Colorado):

According to an arrest affidavit, the events began at 11:59 p.m. Feb. 11 when a Durango Police Department officer observed a vehicle turn right onto 32nd Street from Main Avenue without using a turn signal.

The officer, Chad Langley, pulled Kausalik [a 31-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service who has been in Durango since 1982] over ...

While speaking to Kausalik, the officer detected alcohol on his breath, according to the affidavit. Kausalik said he had not been drinking.

Kausalik performed voluntary roadside maneuvers, but not to Langley’s satisfaction, the affidavit says.

A preliminary breath test indicated he had a blood-alcohol level of 0.142, almost three times the 0.05 legal driving limit in Colorado.

Fairly routine stop thus far. Man appears to be drunk, smells of alcohol, denies drinking, fails field sobriety test, fails initial BAC test.

Langley arrested Kausalik and took him to the Durango police station ... for a formal breath test.

Please, not the formal breath test...

At the station, Kausalik asked to use the restroom. Officer Langley twice found Kausalik asleep in the restroom.

He told Kausalik he could not stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test, and he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.

Actually, there is another option, which could be considered a refusal of sorts ...

Kausalik eventually left the bathroom looking at the floor, walking toward the officer.

Langley asked Kausalik what was in his mouth, and he continued to walk toward the officer, head down and expressionless.

When Kausalik was about 4 feet from the officer, Kausalik looked up, opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter [FECES!!!!!] strike the left side of my face and head.” Kausalik also had feces on his hands, the affidavit says.

If you're not completely grossed out, check your pulse. You can read the full story here.

Most of the stuff speaks for itself - but not all of it. Per the Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Florida):

A homeless man went to court and was arrested on Friday, but the notable part of the story is what he hid from the judge as he stood before him.

The judge sent Neil Lansing to jail, where corrections deputies conducting a routine search in a cell block found part of a condom sticking out of his rectum, the sheriff's office said.

Conducting those "routine" searches must be a highly sought after assignment.

According to sheriff's officials: inside the condom they found 17 round blue pills, one cigarette, six matches, one flint, one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle, one lip balm container, one additional unused condom, a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon.

A CVS receipt and a coupon? Say what? Adding insult to injury ...

Lansing, 33, now faces charges he possessed a drug and a tobacco product inside the Sarasota County Jail. He is being held there without bond.

Click here for the source.

After this experience, it's hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:

Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.

Nope.

... the "drugs" turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza's dad and her two Great Danes.

The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.

"Brief" being the key word ...

They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.

Here's the source. [HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous - can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice's attention.]