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Is this justice? In 1987, Jimmy Lee Page was on trial in Austin, Texas for murder. A jury acquitted him (with several of them even shaking his hand.) Yet Page is still in jail for that very same murder. Back in 1975, Page was convicted of killing his friend (according to Page, he and his friend were shooting beer cans when Page accidentally grazed his friend’s thigh, then continued shooting when his friend tried to retaliate) and sentenced to life in jail. He was paroled in 1986. So how can he still be in jail for a crime he didn’t commit?

According to the parole board, he did commit the crime. They heard from only one witness, a police detective. Amazingly, that’s all it takes. Despite having been acquitted by the jury, Mr. Page has been in jail ever since for committing that very same crime. Last year, 91 other parolees in Texas met the same fate. After either being acquitted in court or having the charges dropped, they were returned to jail anyway.

As for Mr. Page, who has been denied parole 12 times: “It can just go on for the next 20 years. It’s been hard. It’s not the time. Doing time for no reason — that’s hard.”

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Only in Montana (really – it’s the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It’s called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301:

If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy. If the person solemnizing the marriage is satisfied that the absent party is unable to be present and has consented to the marriage, he may solemnize the marriage by proxy.

Only one problem with the law – folks from around the world are using it. Because of language issues, it takes the court clerks quite a spell to do the paperwork. So, a bill has been introduced requiring one of these folks to make the trip to Montana. (“Do you, proxy, take this man/woman to be that-person-who-is-paying-you’s husband/wife?” “Yes, he/she does.” “You may now #%@*#! the bride/groom.” It’s unclear, as of this writing, exactly what the legal limits are on the proxy’s interaction with the bride/groom, post-solemnization.) Maybe Borat shoud have hit a double-proxy wedding in Montana on his way to meet Pamela?

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No, unfortunately for movie audio-video engineer and independent filmmaker Dwayne Buckle, it didn’t go down like that. Buckle was selling his DVDs on a New York City sidewalk, when things went really, really bad. Here’s Buckle’s version:

As a group of women walked by, he spoke to one of them because he found her attractive.

A heavyset woman in the group said something rude.”She started dogging me out, being loud and disrespectful. I think I called her an elephant [a common epithet on the streets of NYC – “you, you elephant!”] and told her I wasn’t talking to her.”

Per a police source, one of the women said “She’s my girl, and no one hits on my girl!” Buckle said they trashed his looks and his clothes, and one of them spit on him. The seven women surrounded him and attacked him and whipped him with belts.

Afterward, he began picking up his tapes, when he was attacked again. Per the Assistant District Attorney, a surveillance video shows that Patreese Johnson pulled a steak knife from her purse and stabbed Buckle with it.

Buckle was in the hospital for 5 days, and had surgery on his liver and stomach. Seven women were arrested and charged with assault, while Johnson was also charged with attempted murder.

What do the ladies say happened?

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Aram Berberian had been a Rhode Island lawyer for 31 years when he sent this letter to a member of the Kent County, Rhode Island Courthouse police:

Frank A. Carter, Jr., Esquire
Providence County Supreme Court
250 Benefit Street
Providence, R.I. 02903
Dear Brother Carter:

On 15 October 1980 I intend to present to the Security Officers at the Kent County Courthouse a hand grenade which I will have smuggled into the courthouse. Since you have evidenced an interest in the subject matter, would you care to be present when I make the presentation? If so, I would be pleased to telephone to you the proper time.

I have already informed Officer Keagan of my intention so that he would have ready appropriate medication for his heart.
Yours truly,
Aram K. Berberian

Brilliant! Berberian also sent the letter to several others, including the clerk of the Superior Court, posted it on the Courthouse bulletin board, and hand-delivered it to a courthouse police officer, who gave it to his superior, Officer Dodd (who Berberian had sued over … metal detectors in state courthouses!).

Come October 15th, while speaking with a court security officer in the cafeteria, Berberian said

Gee, today is the 15th, I forgot I was supposed to bring a hand grenade into the building today. Give me a few minutes, I will go and get it. I have some business in Judge DeCiantis’ courtroom.

Berberian then went back to the courtroom where he was trying a domestic matter. Soon thereafter, the Chief of the Courthouse Police (Captain Dodd) entered the courtroom. Per the court:

When defendant noticed that Dodd had entered the room, he interrupted the examination of a witness, turned to Justice DeCiantis, and said, “Your Honor, one moment. I have something I want to give Captain Dodd.” The defendant approached Dodd and removed from his clothing a metal [**5] object that appeared to be a hand grenade. As he did so, defendant said: “Be careful with it. Don’t pull the [*930] pin. It might explode.”

It didn’t. Remotely, the pin was pulled by the Fire Marshal, and nothing happened. The grenade “was filled with an inert metallic substance incapable of exploding.” What was Attorney Berberian’s fate?

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So the police respond to a call regarding a gas station burglary. At the scene, they see old Bullock trying to hide. When told to halt, he runs – and crashes through a plate glass window. He was caught and taken to the hospital. When the cuffs were removed, and put on with his hands in front of him so he could be treated, he ran again! He was caught again, charged with unauthorized entry and simple escape, and convicted on both counts. As a multiple offender, Bullock was sentenced to 17 years at hard labor. (Shazam!) You can imagine this did not sit real well with him. Per the Court, “After the trial judge granted an oral motion for appeal and the appellate counsel was appointed, the following dialogue occurred between the trial judge and defendant:

THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.
THE COURT: Back here.
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.
THE COURT: Back here, padner [sic]. Let the record reflect the defendant just told the Court twice “fuck you.”
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.
THE COURT: No, you, Mr. Bullock.
THE COURT: Three counts in direct contempt of court consecutive, 18 months. Do you want to go for two years?
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.
THE COURT: Two years direct contempt.
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.
THE COURT: Two years, six months.
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you.
THE COURT: Three years consecutive contempt.
THE DEFENDANT: Fuck you, asshole.
THE COURT: Three [**13] and a half years, Mr. Bullock. Three years, six months, direct contempt of court consecutive to the 17 years the Court just gave him.
MR. JOHNSON [DEFENSE COUNSEL]: Just for the record, note an objection.
THE COURT: That will be noted also. Let’s go on the record as to James Bullock, so the Court of Appeals [sic] will know what happened. Mr. Bullock twice screamed “fuck you” to the Court after the Court had sentenced him. The Court found both to be in direct contempt and told the sheriff to escort him out of the courtroom. Mr. Bullock continued the entire way being escorted out of the courtroom, even after he was out of the courtroom before the sheriff’s [sic] could [*458] put him in a holding cell, continued to scream “fuck you” at the Court. The Court finds that each time he did this to be in direct contempt. It is six months on each one consecutive to the 17-year sentence the Court had just give [sic] him on the other charges.

Damn! Three and a half more years for that? Old Bullock appealed. What do you think the Supreme Court of Louisiana did?

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Defendant Howard Freeman sent two letters to the Judge. “On both of them the letterhead reads:

The Committee to Save the Judges From Hanging Even Though They Deserve It.

At the bottom of the stationery the following matter appears:

The Bible and history tell us that an oppressed people have never once regained their freedom until they had hung the `judges’ and stoned the tax collectors to death; it is the fervent wish of the Committee that we can reason with the `judges’ to quit interfering with our common law protections. Then we will have only the tax collectors to deal with. Redloh 2:25.

Shabang! And just what was Mr. Freeman convicted of, a conviction that he appealed to the Supreme Court of Wyoming? Driving the wrong way on a one-way street! Mr. Freeman claimed that the citation was defective, and that the law under which he was charged is unconstitutional.

Loser, on each claim! The Wyoming Supremes were not amused, nor were they put off by the threatening letters. Of the letters, the Court stated:

While these warnings are dire, it well may be that cases such as the one before us constitute a far more severe punishment. Our rules of appellate practice were designed, at least in part, to protect judges from such consequences.

And that was the final word in Freeman v. Town of Lusk, 717 P.2d 331 (WY 1986).

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Some folks just don’t know when to say “when.” June Woo, age 82, died on November 15, 2002. More than 4 years later, she is still in the morgue because her family won’t take custody of her body! Why?

According to the children, their mother was poisoned, a victim of “involuntary euthanasia.” They will not take the body becasue they are demanding that an inquest be held to investigate the death further. I use the word “further” because here is what we know so far:

On November 14, 2002, Ms. Wu was admitted to the hospital due to acute respiratory and renal failure, along with other long-standing health problems (including end-stage lung disease);

Her family was told that she might not survive the night. Ms. Woo died the following day;

Her family insisted that she died due to being over-medicated;

An autopsy report revealed that Ms. Woo was not over-medicated, and that “this lady was frail, elderly and in a poor general state of health.”

The coroner’s office retained one of the country’s top toxicology experts to review the matter, who agreed with the results of the autopsy.

Ms. Woo’s family was told that, since their mother died of natural causes, there would not be an inquest.

Not good enough! To this day, the Woos still refuse to claim their mother’s body! Although the government could bury her under the Burial Assistance Scheme, they have decided not to do so after discussing it with the Woo family. So Ms. Woo’s remains remain in the morgue, almost 4 1/2 years after she died, with no resolution in sight. To read more about this story, click here.

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I don’t think retired teacher Margaret Lieder (age 58) or her partner, lawyer Larry Pierce (age 60) will be dialing either 411 or 911 anytime soon. When Ms. Lieder accidentally dialed “911” and promptly hung up, the police called back. Even though she told them it was a mistake, they told her officers were being dispatched anyway.

When the police arrived, Ms. Lieder would not let them in, and again told them that everything was fine. When their guest left, three more police officers arrived. (Things must be good in British Columbia if this is all the police have to do!) Then things got really crazy. The police broke down the door and arrested both Ms. Lieder and Mr. Pierce. In the process Mr. Pierce suffered cracked ribs, among other injuries. These incredibly dangerous suspects (Margaret “Crazy Fingers” Lieder and Larry “Judo Lawyer” Pierce) were handcuffed and taken to the station. They were kept in jail overnight! When they were taken to court the next day, they were let go before they even got to a judge, without ever being charged! Well, I guess they had learned their lesson! (or the police realized they couldn’t come up with any charges!)

Now maybe the police will learn their lesson, as they have been sued for assault, battery, trespassing, false arrest, false imprisonment, illegal search and abuse of authority.

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A Chinese company called “Beijing Lunar Village Aeronautics and Technology Co Ltd,” but operating as the “Lunar Embassy to China,” offered land on the moon at the low, low price of 298 yuan (about $40) per acre. And just in case you need to check up on your plot, this ambitious company also registered to engage in space travel.

According to the company’s CEO, Li Jie, they sold 49 acres to 34 clients in the first 3 days of operations! Unfortunately for the Lunar Embassy, a Beijing court shut it down, citing a 1983 treated signed by China. The treaty provides that

outer space, including the moon and other celestial bodies, is not subject to national appropriation by claim of sovereignty, by means of use or occupation, or by other means… The exploration and use of outer space shall be carried out for the benefit and in the interests of all countries.

Snap! Naturally, with such a solid claim, the Lunar Embassy appealed … and lost again. The Chinese government revoked their business license, fined them 50,000 yuan (about $6,250 dollars), and ordered that the investors be refunded their money.

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Regular Juice readers may remember the Swedish transvestite who wanted to change his name to “Pia” but was not allowed to. Well, seems Mr. and Mrs. Tomaro want to name their daughter “Metallica.” Her mom says that the name “suits her” because “she’s decisive and knows what she wants.”

Unfortunately, the Swedish Tax Board is also decisive, and knows what it wants. Apparently the name is too close to the word “metal,” so the Tax Board refused to register it. The Tomaro’s appealed the decision and won. Now the Tax Board has decided to appeal, and 6 month-old Metallica Tomaro still does not have an official registered name. “So what,” you might ask? Well, without a registered name, Metallica can’t get a passport. So, the Tomaros have had to cancel several trips until this is all sorted out!