Squeezed on:

By

zipper.jpg

Judges have to put up with a lot of crap, day in and day out, and deal with it, on the record. I’m not sure how long I would last. Judge Mark Chow of King County, Washington made it from 1991 until just recently. As reported in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Chow was presiding in a King County Jail courtroom Jan. 23, when a male defendant snapped at him with a vulgar sexual demand. Chow replied, “I would if you pulled it out, but you can’t find it.”

Snap? That’s all you got? I’d be embarrassed to go before the Commission on Judicial Conduct because the retort was so lame. Here’s incident number two:

While presiding in Mental Health Court that same day, Chow also asked a female defendant, “What flavor are you?” — a question about her ethnic background. He told another, “I think I know what flavor you are, so I’m not even going to ask.”

So what punishment did the Commission on Judicial Conduct deem appropriate? The weakest possible one available – an admonishment. Click here for the source of this tale of judicial woe.

Squeezed on:

By

teeth.jpg Choppers, choppers, choppers. Eric White, 42, of Edinburgh, Scotland, just can’t get enough of the pearlie whites. He roamed the city streets, telling women that he worked for a dental company, and wanted to photograph their teeth. And he didn’t just roam the streets in search of worthy teeth. In 2004, he drove alongside a woman, flashing his lights and beeping his horn to get her to pull over. As reported in The Scotsman:

When she did so, he told her about his work for a dental company, commented on her “beautiful teeth” and asked if he could photograph them for a dental magazine. She initially agreed, but became suspicious and left when he told her she had a “sexy mouth” and a “beautiful tongue”. He repeatedly approached her until she finally reported him to the police in March 2006 when he reappeared at her new home in Newtongrange.

teeth%20nice.jpg Although he wasn’t prosecuted for that one, there were plenty of others. Mr. White was arrested for breach of the peace by placing three women in a state of fear and alarm. He pleaded guilty, and is awaiting sentencing. You can read more by clicking here for The Scotsman article.

Squeezed on:

By

red_blood_cells.jpg It’s Valentine’s Day, and your girlfriend wants to tie you up. What the hell, you figure, and you agree. If your girlfriend is Tiffany Sutton, you have just made a huge mistake, as Robert McDaniel learned – the hard, bloody way. No worries for her, though, because she had him sign a release beforehand! Brilliant! It probably didn’t help that they had both smoked meth and consumed a 6-pack of beer, and 1/2 a bottle of whiskey.

Back to the blood. After tying him up, she cut his leg, and [ouch!] stabbed him in the back, neck, abdomen and … through his arm! Then, as reported in The Arizona Republic, she drank some of his blood. When McDaniel escaped, Sutton chased him with a pickax. Then he passed out.

What happened to McDaniel and Sutton? He was okay. She got busted. And what did she have to say to the court? “I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.” Really? Was that the pickax of love you were carrying?

Squeezed on:

By

cell%20phone%20woman.jpg In Florida, a minor can’t be prosecuted for having sex with another minor. So if you are the 16-year-old girl and the 17-year-old boy who engaged in “sexual behavior” (it’s not described beyond that), you won’t get in trouble, right? Wrong! And you won’t believe what they got busted for.

It all started when they took digital photographs of themselves engaging in “sexual behavior.” They then sent the photographs from the girl’s computer to the boy’s e-mail account. They didn’t show the photographs to anyone. Still wondering why they got busted? For violating Florida’s child pornography law! And they are the “children!” Per Cnet news.com:

Each was charged with producing, directing or promoting a photograph featuring the sexual conduct of a child. Based on the contents of his e-mail account, the boy was charged with an extra count of possession of child pornography.

Were they convicted? She pleaded “no contest,” and he was convicted. They both appealed and … lost, 2-1! Click here for the source of this story,and more information, including excerpts from the majority opinion and the dissent.

By
Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

burglar_searching_hg_clr.gif “Why me?” the 64-year New York homeowner had to be thinking after burglar Luis Hidalgo broke into his home and bit his ear off! So badly that it couldn’t be reattached! And Hidalgo punched and kicked the homeowner, and whacked him in the head with a karaoke machine. Okay, so why this house? Mr. policeman?

“This guy just randomly picked this house,” said Sgt. Anthony Repalone, a police spokesman. “There were no proceeds and there’s no connection between the victim and the subject. Obviously, his behavior was such that there may have been some drug involvement.”

Ya think?

By
Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

police%20sexy.jpg No sir! Not on my watch! Charlotte, North Carolina State Highway Patrol Commander Fletcher Clay announced a zero tolerance policy for officers doing the dirty sexy while on duty. Get caught, and you get fired. The Commander Clay scorecard? Per The Charlotte Observer:

When a trooper on duty exposed himself to a woman in his patrol car and allowed her to show her breasts to him on a second occasion, Clay supported a three-day suspension.

In another case, when two friends of a woman said they saw a trooper having sex with her on the hood of his patrol car, the result was a one-day suspension for neglect of duty.

And when did details of these incidents come to light?

…during Clay’s testimony in March in the now-infamous case of a trooper who admitted having sex in a patrol car and an office.

Zoinks!

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

5.png
FIVE! Since May! Fortunately, California resident Tiffany Anne Adamo did not kill anyone, though her most recent DUI resulted in a 7-year-old kid getting pinned against his mom’s car. Why has it taken so long to pull Adamo’s license? Because she was driving while drugged, not drunk, prosecutors said the blood work had to be processed. But since May? That’s insane, especially since in prior arrests police determined she had taken Soma, Vicodin, hydrocodone and marijuana! And they couldn’t speed up the bloodwork? Please. Finally, Ms. Adamo’s license has been yanked. She pleaded not guilty to one felony count and four misdemeanors of driving under the influence of drugs. Her bail was jacked up to (cue Dr. Evil) one milllllion dollars. For more on Ms. Adamo, click here.

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

narrowboat.jpg So far it hasn’t set David King back any, either. And this has to go down as the slowest getaway in the history of crime. Mr. King rented a narrowboat for 2 weeks in Cheshire, England. The boat’s top speed – 4 MPH! You can probably guess what Mr. King did when his 2 weeks on the $80,000 boat were up. He kept right on going. Despite a national manhunt, King avoided capture for 5 weeks! And we’re not talking about open water. We’re talking CANALS!

What did the Judge have to say?

Your behaviour was quite bizarre and I’m bound to say quite inexplicable. Due to stress engendered by debts and family pressures you went off the rails and stole a narrow boat and then went off for a month. That is very off behaviour.

Continue reading →
Squeezed on:

By

severed.jpgYou won’t hear Dwayne Goff talking about the “spirit” of the law. The letter of the law will do just fine, thank you. See, he used to work in a hospital, for a company that disposed of, among other things, body parts. Using his cell phone, he took a picture of some toes, and made a video of a co-worker manipulating a leg. As reported in The West Australian:

Police alleged that during the footage of the leg, which was played to Magistrate Elizabeth Woods but not the rest of the court, Mr Goff was heard to say “It’s a f…… knee-cap. Meaty”. Mr Goff claims he said “a bit of meat”, not “meaty”.

The charges? Interfering with and making indignant comments about human remains. The charges seem pretty solid, right? Nope. Goff’s lawyer argued that the law deals with a “dead human body or human remains.” Since the toes and leg were most likely amputated from a live body, argued the lawyer, the statute doesn’t apply. Did the judge agree? He did, saying that the law must be construed strictly, else it could be applied to donated blood, sewage, or a baby’s tooth. Me thinks that’s a bit of stretch, Meaty, though I do agree with the judge.

Why would Mr. Goff, whose employer said he was a good worker, do this? He wanted the photo and footage as “memorabilia,” and to see if his friends could stomach what he does. Crikey! You can read more here.

Squeezed on:

By

passed%20out.jpg
This is eerily similar to a recent Juice post, though with a much less compelling rationale, and no bags of poop. How would you like to return to your home on a Sunday morning and find some dude passed out on your couch? In his underwear? Having raided your refrigerator? A couple in Pierson, Florida was not too pleased. So they woke the dude up, and he went right back to sleep! When a cop came – he still couldn’t get the dude up! Two more cops came and took him to jail, where he is being held on $5,000 bail.

By
Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated: