Squeezed on:

By

burning%20car%20on%20fire%20flames.jpg

Yes, I know that gas prices are even higher in Europe than here. Even so … [As reported by the AP]:

A German man doused his BMW with gasoline and torched it on Friday in protest at skyrocketing fuel costs, police said. The unemployed 30-year-old man drove the black 1995 BMW 3-series sedan onto the lawn outside Frankfurt’s convention center grounds at about 7:30 a.m., police spokesman Karlheinz Wagner said.

He then jumped out, emptied a canister of gas over the vehicle, and set fire to it, Wagner said. By the time the fire department got to the scene, the car was entirely burned out.

The Bavarian man, whose name was being withheld because he has not been charged with a crime, told police that gas prices were so high he could no longer afford to drive the vehicle.

As in many countries, gasoline prices have risen steadily in Germany; a liter of regular gasoline now costs about euro1.55, or $9.40 per gallon.

Police were investigating whether the man could be charged with violating German environmental laws with the stunt, Wagner said. Penalties range from fines to five years in prison.

Brilliant!

By
Posted in: Wacky
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

LIAR.gif

15-year-old Eric Crespo was charged with attempted murder and illegal possession of a gun. On the night of his arrest, he was interrogated by Detective Perino for over an hour. In court, though, Perino didn’t remember it quite that way. As reported in The Village Voice:

Under cross-examination by Crespo’s attorney, Mark DeMarco, Perino denied 11 more times that he had any conversations with Crespo after he was in custody.

“I never interrogated your client, sir,” Perino told DeMarco.

Turns out that was 12 outright lies!

After questioning Perino, DeMarco turned over the MP3 recording to the prosecutor prompting the district attorney’s office to drop the most serious charge of attempted murder. Crespo eventually pleaded guilty to illegal possession of a gun.

Doh! And it was quite an interrogation, too. Check out this morsel from Detective Perino:

DET PERINO: NOW EVEN IF I WENT TO A COURT OF LAW…THEY’RE
GONNA FUCKING ACCUSE ME OF TRICKING YOU, THEY’RE GONNA ACCUSE ME OF FUCKING PUTTING WORDS IN YOUR MOUTH. THEY ALWAYS DO THAT TO THE DETECTIVES. I’M THE BIGGEST FUCKING LIAR IN THE WORLD WHEN THEY BRING ME INTO THE COURT.

At least he was telling the truth then. You can read a huge chunk of the recorded interrogation in The Village Voice piece.

By
Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

lawnmower%20funny%20riding%20mower.jpg North Pole, Alaska (really) resident Wyatt Lewis got an unusual DUI. As reported by the Anchorage Daily News, here’s how fellow North Pole resident Anne Sterle described it:

“I was woken at about 1 in the morning by hearing a lawn mower outside my window,” Sterle said. “And it scared the heck out of me, because my husband was out of town.

“The first thing that went through my mind was someone was stealing our mower. And then I thought, wait a minute, we don’t have a riding mower.”

Newman! This was bad news for Mr. Lewis, as Ms. Sterle then called 911. What happened when the police arrived?

There was a chase, reaching speeds up to 5 mph.

The trooper followed Lewis for about 200 yards, according to a report in the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. The trooper turned on his lights and siren. Lewis kept on mowing.

The trooper “was too embarrassed to call it a pursuit over the airwaves,” spokeswoman Megan Peters said.

Mr. Lewis, coming in at over twice the legal limit, was charge with driving under the influence and failing to stop at the direction of a peace officer. Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

Bart%20poster%20streak%20streaking%20simpsons.jpg Reverend Robert Whipkey was arrested in Frederick, Colorado for jogging naked (around the high school track) at 4:30 a.m. He was busted while walking home, still naked. So what was his defense to the indecent exposure charge? Per the Daily Camera:

Whipkey’s attorney argued his client’s actions didn’t satisfy an element of the indecent-exposure law that requires proof he “knowingly” exposed himself. Defense attorney Harvey Steinberg said Whipkey thought he was alone.

“Did he say, ‘Hey, look at me. I’m naked. Take a look at my genitals?’” Steinberg said. “When he realized for the first time that someone was out at 4:30 a.m., he immediately covered up.”

Do you think the defense worked? As Maxwell Smart would say, “missed it by that much.” The jury found Reverend Whipkey guilty. He’ll be sentenced on August 11. You can read more (a fair amount) here.

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

god%20drugs%20sign%20stoners%20welcome%20here.jpg Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. A man named God Lucky Howard was busted in Tampa, Florida for selling cocaine. And the charges include selling drugs near a church… Click here for the source.

Squeezed on:

By

eye%20crying%20tears%20person%20sad.jpg

Really. As reported by the AP from Hamilton, Ohio:

Prosecutors in southwest Ohio say there should be no crying during closing arguments in death penalty cases. Motions were filed this week, saying defense attorneys have strategically been known to cry on cue and beg for their client’s lives. The motions came after a man received life in prison last month for killing a woman. His attorney, Greg Howard, cried while urging jurors to spare his client from the death penalty. Howard calls the motions “petty.” He says prosecutors are “tired of losing” so they’re trying to limit what he says in his closing arguments. But prosecutors say a trained professional should be able to control emotions in court.

The motion brings to mind an old legal saying:

If you have the facts, argue the facts. If you have the law, argue the law. If you have neither, just argue.

Squeezed on:

By

oops%20sign%20funny%20stop.jpg Not if you arrive at the meeting with your parole officer IN A STOLEN CAR. And parolee Marcus George had just been released from prison last week for … burglary and theft! Per the AP, turns out he took a car for a very long test drive. He never returned it! Mr. George was busted at the parole office.

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

i%20love%20my%20car.jpg Mr. Sandy Wong, of Edmonton – he really loves his car. As reported in the Edmonton Sun, here are a few details of his relationship with a BMW:

Wong was busted for masturbating while sitting on the roof of a 2007 BMW 328i sedan on display at the Home and Garden Show at the Northlands AgriCom.

According to psychiatrist Dr. Curtis Woods, Wong says he is “sexually attracted” to the BMW’s rooftop because “it’s curved like a woman’s body, the sex appeal, it felt good.” Court heard Wong also gets aroused by certain classic cars, motorcycles and women with big feet.

Shazam! The time? After pleading guilty to indecent exposure and mischief, he was sentenced to 90 days in jail and 2 years probation.

Squeezed on:

By

rat%20head%20rathead.jpg Not to worry. Those teeth? They are in the mouth of a rat, whose head Texan Dale Cane found in a can of Allen’s Italian Cut Green Beans! If you’re thinking this is a one-time thing, think again. As reported in The Beaumont Enterprise:

Utah mother Marianne Watson in October 2007 made the news after reporting that she found a rat head in a can of Allen’s Italian Cut Green Beans, also purchased at a Wal-Mart.

(Warning to rats: beware of the “Italian cut.”) Okay, so just two times?

Continue reading →
Squeezed on:

By

octopus%20big%20large%20giant%20funny.jpg

Mike Timmer, as you will soon discover, is a huge Detroit Red Wings fan. So it naturally figures that he brought an octopus (under his shirt and jacket) to Game 4 of the Red Wings-Avalanche series. Why, you might ask, did he bring the octopus in? Per the Detroit Free Press:

The tradition began in 1952 when a fish merchant threw an octopus on the ice in Detroit because eight victories were then needed to win the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Carrying on a tradition established more than 50 years ago, Timmer chucked the octopus onto the ice of the Pepsi Arena in Denver. Not only did he get booted from the game, he also got busted by the Denver police. For what? “Throwing stones or missiles.” Really.

“It shall be unlawful for any person to throw any stone or other missile upon or at any vehicle, building, tree or other public or private property, or upon or at any person in any public way or place which is public in nature, or on enclosed or unenclosed ground.”

So what happened? Denver Magistrate Catherine Cary dismissed the charges. To read more, click here.