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Before you jump all over 19-year-old Calvin Morett [not pictured above – that dude is a “model”], remember that you were once 19 too. It seems Mr. Morett was not content to throw his cap in the air. Instead, he came to graduation dressed as a 6-foot penis, and sprayed students and school administrators with silly string (per The Albany Times Union). It didn’t go over well. He was apprehended when he tripped on his, um, costume. He was charged with, and pleaded guilty to, disorderly conduct. The punishment for this “crime?” Three apologies (one of which will be published in the local paper), $95 in court costs, and 24 hours community service. What did Mr. Morett have to say for himself?

… he recently told a local television station that he thought the prank was worth whatever punishment he would face because he made people happy.

The Juice is a fan.

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Many of you are too young to have watched “The Odd Couple” on tv. There’s a courtroom scene (see above) in which Felix is representing his buddy Oscar. Felix warns the court that, when you “assume,” you make an “ass” of “u” and “me.” That would apply in this case from Sweet Home, Oregon. Sweet Home resident Richard Bryan Smith has the misfortune of sharing his name – and birth date! – with a registered sex offender. Per the Albany Democrat-Herald,

… someone printed and distributed flyers from a California sex offender watch list bearing the picture and registration information for the offender named Smith. Below the printout information was a handwritten note with the Sweet Home Smith’s address and the message: “He has relocated … Right down our street!”

Neighbors Ray and Tracy Kelly admit making the flyer, but say they only gave it to one neighbor. Mr. Smith believes otherwise, and is suing Mr. and Mrs. Kelly for defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress.

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judge%20mad%20angry%20upset%20pissed%20irate%20.gif An asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, “a two-syllable curse word—a crude term referring to the anus.” Must be a “family” newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.’s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty. Twice. First, she cited her poor health, which the Judge rejected. Then, she said she was a racist, which the Judge also rejected. That’s when she called the Judge an asshole, only he didn’t quite hear it. So…

When the judge asked Muller to clarify her remark, [she] repeated it. He charged her on the spot with direct criminal contempt of the court — a second-degree misdemeanor— and Muller was promptly handcuffed by a court bailiff and taken into custody.

Now Judge McCune was pissed.

“How in the world did you think that running your mouth in such a foul, profane way would be appropriate in court, of all places?” McCune asked Muller. “Did it even dawn on you that you were already here and you might as well make the most of it?”

Ms. Muller’s reaction? Not a “crude term referring to the anus.”

Muller apologized to the judge as tears streamed down her face. “I’m very sorry for calling you that. I did not know it was illegal, and I did not mean to cause disrespect,” she said.

Muller added that cursing was “a very bad habit” of hers and that she was feeling upset, sick, and very broke. “I’m very poor, and I barely have any money at all,” she protested. “I do not appear to be sick, but I am internally sick.”

Now you know the crime. The time? Three days in jail (plus $233.00 in court costs and fees). One final nugget from Ms. Muller:

“I didn’t know I would go to jail for freedom of speech.”

Zoinks! Here’s the source. And if you like “contempt” stories, click here.

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lawn%20decoration%20funny%20wacky%20christmas%20yard%20front.jpg Actually, Maryland resident Erin Alban has a raised middle finger sticking up from her mailbox support. As reported by The Baltimore Sun, her neighbors aren’t real happy about that, or the …

used-car-lot-style pennants [that] run between trees;

plastic reindeer;

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socks%20lots%20bunch%20pile%20funny.jpg If you’re Mr. James Dowdy, a long time. Per the Belleville News-Democrat:

In 1993, Dowdy received a three-year-prison sentence for attempted burglary after police caught him with a bag of stolen socks.

Damn. Three years for that? But wait …

[In 1997] … Dowdy was sentenced to six-years in prison for breaking into another woman’s home and stealing socks…

Okay. This is surely the strangest life of crime I have ever seen. But wait …

In 2004, Dowdy, received a seven-year prison sentence after he pleaded guilty to walking into a female neighbor’s home and taking her socks.

And just recently …

Dowdy … was charged with residential burglary, a class X felony. He’s accused of stealing a pair of socks early Monday morning from a victim’s basement.

His bail? $100,000! All the socks out there can relax. Mr. Dowdy is in jail, as he was unable to post bail. If there’s not more to this story, then, damn! Here’s the source.

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Pilot.jpg Spirit Airlines pilot Wayne Giles, age 46, was not exactly an ideal neighbor. Here’s a sampling of what he did to his neighbors over a six-year period:

throwing shit [really], old fruit, and eggs at an elderly couple’s home;

sending anonymous letters, for more than 5 years, graphically detailing sex acts.

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Actually in the United Kingdom, what Americans call potato chips, they call “crisps.” The burning question before a UK High Court judge was: Are Pringles “crisps” or not? Why is this important? Because if they are crisps, they get taxed at 17.5%! If not, they are exempt from the tax, as is most other food. So what was the decision?

Judge Justice Warren said Pringles’ “unnatural shape”, distinctive tube packaging, and non-potato ingredients meant that the snack could not be classified as a crisp.

The ruling yesterday pointed out that Pringles – who are most famous for their irritatingly catch adverts “once you pop, you can’t stop” – contain corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, emulsifier, rice flour and dextrose, and just 42 per cent potato content.

I am shocked, shocked I say … that anyone would argue Pringles are potato chips. You can read more in The Telegraph article here.

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Here’s the defense: “It wasn’t me. It was all the bear’s idea.” The crime? Per The Sydney Morning Herald:

Police said in April this year [22-year-old Russell] Hounslow’s 21-year-old flatmate found a camera inside a teddy bear on her bedside table and discovered it was linked to a video cassette recorder.

Mr. Hounslow has been charged with “using an optical device to record a private activity and possessing an obscene article.” Not cool. Here’s the source.

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How long was the Complaint filed by a Vancouver, Washington attorney against GMAC Mortgage, et al.? 465 pages! You probably won’t be surprised to hear that the Defendants filed a Motion for a More Definite Statement (in laymen’s terms, “What the hell is this crap?”). Here’s a paragraph from the Complaint. Do you think Judge Leighton granted the Motion?

Plaintiffs, for a Fifty-Fourth Claim for Relief, reallege and incorporate herein Paragraphs 1 through 105, including the First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth, Sixteenth, Seventeenth, Eighteenth, Nineteenth, Twentieth, Twenty-First, Twenty-Second, Twenty-Third, Twenty-Fourth, Twenty-Fifth, Twenty-Sixth, and Twenty-Seventh Claims for Relief alleged under the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act of 1970 [“RICO”][Title 18 U.S.C.A. §§1961 et.seq.], and the Twenty-Eighth, Twenty-Ninth, Thirtieth, Thirty-First, Thirty-Second, Thirty- Third, Thirty-Fourth, Thirty-Fifth, Thirty-Sixth, Thirty-Seventh, Thirty-Eighth, Thirty-Ninth, Fortieth, Forty-First, Forty-Second, Forty-Third, Forty-Fourth, Forty-Fifth, Forty-Sixth, Forty-Seventh, Forty-Eighth, Forty-Ninth, Fiftieth, Fifty-First , Fifty-Second, and Fifty-Third Claims for Relief.

Okay, now breath. Judge Leighton granted the Motion, using the following prose:

Plaintiff has a great deal to say,

But it seems he skipped Rule 8(a),

His Complaint is too long,

Which renders it wrong,

Please re-write and re-file today.

Nice. Here’s the Order and a Seattle Times article about the case.

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baby%20flipping%20the%20bird%20finger%20fuck%20you%20off.jpg A 9-year-old kid made a bomb! And threw it on his neighbor’s porch, where it exploded! When the neighbor came to the door, the boy flipped him off and ran. As reported by Gannett New Jersey:

The boy made the bomb using three simple household items, police said: a plastic soda bottle, drain cleaner and aluminum foil.

Mixing drain cleaner and aluminum foil creates a gas which, when capped, will eventually explode.

Who knew? Junior, of Millville, New Jersey, is looking at charges of possessing an explosive device and disorderly conduct. Here’s the source.

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