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drinking%20booze%20rocker%20hound%20funny.jpg Admittedly being a rocker is not your average profession. So, you would expect that, come tax time, they would claim some unusual business expenses, right? What about booze? Yup. As reported by UPI, a Swedish rocker …

tried to claim that because rockers drink a lot as part of their jobs, he should be allowed to import 12 gallons of spirits, 16 gallons of wine and 300 beers into Sweden without having to pay hefty import duties.

Said the rocker at his court hearing:

“I … drink a great deal more than the average Swede. I’m a singer in a rock band and whiskey is a part of it.”

The court’s ruling? Fuhgeddaboutit.

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… and never toss a lighter to someone who has just doused himself with gasoline. Because if you do, charges of assisting suicide might await you, as they did a 30-year-old South Korean man. His girlfriend’s distraught ex poured gasoline on himself, then stopped the couple, and threatened to kill himself. As reported by Reuters,

The defendant then threw him a lighter, saying: “Go ahead and kill yourself.”

Unfortunately, he did. The current boyfriend was charged with assisting in a suicide and was convicted. He then appealed and prevailed. Why?

The appeal court ruled that the fact the ex-lover had given his own cigarettes and lighter to a friend so they would not get damaged by the petrol and had not left a will showed he had not planned to commit suicide.

Fortunately for the defendant, having a heart of stone is not a crime.

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Warning to cats: the following story may be disturbing to your kittens. As reported by wcbstv.com:

A man accused of forcing his 7-year-old daughter to stab the family cat by holding a knife in her hand has reached a plea agreement that would send him to prison for 18 months. Danield John Collins, 39, pleaded guilty Thursday to one count of domestic violence/animal cruelty and two counts of neglect of a dependent. He was being held on $40,000 bond.

If a judge accepts the plea deal, Collins will be sentenced to 18 months in prison and prosecutors will dismiss an intimidation charge. Sentencing was set for Aug. 28.

Collins was arrested March 13 after police said he forced his daughter to stab Boots, the family’s 8-month-old cat. The girl and Collins’ 11-year-old son said their father ordered them to stab the cat because he wanted them to “learn to kill.”

Police said the boy tried to hide the cat from his father, but Collins found the animal and strangled it as his children watched.

Collins said at Thursday’s hearing that he was intoxicated when the cat was killed and remembered little about that day’s events – other than falling on the cat at some point. He did not dispute his children’s account of his actions.

Perhaps Mr. Collins shouldn’t drink anymore if this is how he acts when he’s feeling uninhibited?

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No, it’s not another butt cleavage, low rider pants story. And actually, it was meth, not crack, that Brian James Verdoes snuck into jail. How was he caught? From the Worthington Daily Globe:

While in the jail, Verdoes exhibited strange behavior, lying on the floor with his legs raised in the air. He had requested to use the bathroom, and then changed his mind when told he would be watched.

Verdoes was transferred to the Nobles County Jail, and the agent told jail staff he believed Verdoes was hiding contraband in his rectum. He was placed in isolation, where he was required to ask staff when he needed to use the bathroom. More than 24 hours later, the agent was informed Verdoes had not used the bathroom, but staff said they observed him lying on his back with his feet in the air.

The agent obtained a search warrant asking that Verdoes be brought to Sanford Regional Hospital Worthington to be examined by medical staff and have any foreign objects removed from his person. After being informed of the warrant, Verdoes agreed to use the bathroom and passed a plastic bag containing 1.8 grams of meth. He was examined at the hospital, but no evidence of any more foreign objects was found.

No more foreign objects were found? Were they expecting to find a potpourri of drugs and paraphernalia?

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no%20dancing%20dance%20ban%20sign%20allowed.gifClearly they have not seen “Footloose,” one of the best Kevin Bacon movies of all time. People, people, people. You can’t stop dancing, as Kevin Bacon proved beyond any reasonable doubt. So who dares to question the lessons of “Footloose?” Well sir, the Indian State of Andhra Pradesh, that’s who. Why? To stop obscene dancing. This is sounding very familiar… Just swap out preacher John Lithgow for Home Minister K. Jana Reddy.

What does the new law do? It bans “dancing in clubs, bars and pubs.” Not to worry though. Per Mr. Reddy, “orchestra and singing accompanied by eating and drinking, however, [is] permitted at these places if the managements obtained amusement licences.”

Look, I’ve seen “Footloose” several times (please, please, don’t tell anyone), so let me tell you how this is going to end. The leaders will realize that dancing is not really a problem, and Kevin Bacon will dance off into the Andhra Pradesh sunset. (You can read a little more here.)

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tickle.jpg This Thomas Blacine is one weird dude. (Though that is apparently urine in the photo below, it’s not Mr. Blacine.) He has been breaking into women’s homes, naked, and tickling them while they sleep. And videotaping them while they sleep. And peeing in at least one woman’s milk container!

Now he obviosly likes the way Linda Combs looks while she’s sleeping – because he’s hit her house twice! “I felt something on my leg and thought it was my cat and I look up and it was this naked guy, and he ran again,” said Ms. Combs. Surely she must be able to describe him?

“Well, not really. I would recognize him more if there was a shot of his skinny, white butt. The second time he was naked as could be.”

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porno%20cartoon%20tera%20comic%20picture%20animated.jpg A 16-year-old Indiana boy had a 15-inch video screen in the rear window of his car. And he was driving around, playing porn on it! He was busted, and appealed the conviction. The ruling? The Indiana Court of Appeals upheld the conviction. As explained by police Sgt. Paul Thompson:

People have to be responsible for what’s on those screens. We had a situation where someone had a pornographic video that was visible to people outside the vehicle. Indiana has laws that protect children from obscene matter.

It’s been awhile since I was 16. Maybe that’s why I’m still having a hard time trying to figure out why this kid would think this is funny … Here’s the source.

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drunkdriving.jpgThis will blow your mind. Alan Hogg, age 34, was convicted of drunk-driving – for the 13th time. He’s also had 34 convictions for driving while disqualified. You may have guessed that this didn’t happened in the United States. Dude would have been executed, at least. Mr. Hogg resides in New Zealand.

Surely the Judge wouldn’t give Hogg another chance? Especially since he was also just convicted of possession of meth and three counts of possession of drug utensils? Wrong! The dude WALKED. No jail time (just 200 hours of community service). I’m not going to get into the mitigating factors because WHO CARES! Said the Judge: “In the long term, surely the courts must be in the business of avoiding offending.” What about doling out some justice? Protecting innocent citizens? judge.gifBeware, Kiwis – Hogg has now obtained a learner’s permit.

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Only in Montana (really – it’s the only state that allows it.) A couple can get married without either of them attending! It’s called a double-proxy wedding. Per Montana Code Section 40-1-301:

If a party to a marriage is unable to be present at the solemnization, he may authorize in writing a third person to act as his proxy. If the person solemnizing the marriage is satisfied that the absent party is unable to be present and has consented to the marriage, he may solemnize the marriage by proxy.

Only one problem with the law – folks from around the world are using it. Because of language issues, it takes the court clerks quite a spell to do the paperwork. So, a bill has been introduced requiring one of these folks to make the trip to Montana. (“Do you, proxy, take this man/woman to be that-person-who-is-paying-you’s husband/wife?” “Yes, he/she does.” “You may now #%@*#! the bride/groom.” It’s unclear, as of this writing, exactly what the legal limits are on the proxy’s interaction with the bride/groom, post-solemnization.) Maybe Borat shoud have hit a double-proxy wedding in Montana on his way to meet Pamela?

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Randy Miller always wanted to be a soldier. In 2004, he achieved that when he enlisted and was assigned to the elite 82nd Airborne at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. He volunteered to be a paratrooper, not the safest of choices. He made 22 jumps and, along the way, picked up two Army Achievement Medals and a Combat Infantryman Badge.

One of the jumps didn’t go so well. Miller’s parachute didn’t open, and the backup only partially opened. He hit the ground pretty hard after falling from 900 feet, but walked away, though not uninjured. He didn’t know it, but he had torn the meniscus in his knee.

Then he was shipped off to Iraq, where he served from the winter of 2005 until the spring of 2006. Upon his return, his knee having gotten much worse (the meniscus tear increased to four times it’s original size) he went to a bunch of military doctors, none of whom did anything.

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