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When a 51-year-old daughter wants to do something nice for her 80-year-old father, it’s a good thing. All agreed? Okay, what if the “thing” is hooking the father up with a prostitute? The Juice’s opinion remains unchanged. As reported by abcactionnews.com:

The pair, who listed their hometown as Dubuque, Iowa, were arrested on Nebraska Avenue, an area of Tampa known for prostitution activity.

Welcome to Tampa, Iowans!

According to the arrest affidavit, 51-year-old Pia Kirchberg offered an undercover police officer $20 if she would have sex with Kirchberg’s elderly father.

Both Pia Kirchberg and 80-year-old Maurice Kirchberg were charged with soliciting for prostitution.

“Prostitution is illegal. It doesn’t matter how old you are,” said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy.”If we catch you trying to solicit a prostitute you’re going to jail.”

With all due respect, wrong!. No judge or jury is going to send an 80-year-old man to jail for seeking companionship, however fleeting. Here’s the source, with mug shots.

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Men are always trying to think of good ways to meet women. This guy clearly should have continued thinking. Unfortunately, he stopped when he got to the scenario with the monkey … As reported by The Arab Times:

Police [in Kuwait City] have arrested an unidentified youth for disturbing female visitors at a fast food restaurant. It has been reported the youth was deliberately blocking the way of female motorists, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily. 
According to security sources the youth was carrying a monkey and he had placed his telephone number on the glass of his car. 
Police have reportedly impounded the man’s car.

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There’s just no substitute for proofreading. Just ask one lawyer, Mr. Puricelli, who represented a man successfully in a civil rights case. The judge described Mr. Puricelli’s written work as “careless, to the point of disrespectful,” and agreed with the defendants that it was “vague, ambiguous, unintelligible, verbose and repetitive.” What were some of the mistakes? Per the judge:

Throughout the litigation, Mr. Puricelli identified the court as “THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE EASTER [sic] DISTRICT OF PENNSYLVANIA.” Considering the religious persuasion of the presiding officer, the “Passover” District would have been more appropriate.” [Judge Jacob Hart, presiding]

Mr. Puricelli, on the other hand, felt the court didn’t understand his side of the story. When the defendant asked the court to reduce Mr. Puricelli’s fees [that they were required by law to pay] due to his typos, Mr. Puricelli wrote this reply to the court:

Had the Defendants not tired [sic] to paper Plaintiff’s counsel to death, some type [sic] would not have occurred. Furthermore, there have been omissions by the Defendants, thus they should not case [sic] stones.

Do you think the judge reduced Mr. Puricelli’s fees? He did. For 209 hours of work performed before the trial, he cut Mr. Puricelli’s hourly rate of $300 to $150. (For the time spent in court, the judge gave him his full rate of $300.) Maybe, when you’re asking a judge to approve your attorney’s fees, you should spell the judge’s name right! Per Judge Hart:

If these mistakes were purposeful, they would be brilliant. However, based on the history of the case and Mr. Puricelli’s filings, we know otherwise. Finally, in the most recent letter to the court, asking that we vacate the settlement agreement, Mr. Puricelli identifies the undersigned as ‘Honorable Jacon [sic] Hart.’ I appreciate the elevation to what sounds like a character in the Lord of the Rings, but alas, I am but a judge.

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If someone calls the cops on their spouse, chances are it’s going to be for a good reason. This case, out of Fort Wayne, Indiana, is no exception. As reported by WANE:

According to a Fort Wayne Police Department report, when an officer arrived at the 517 Lawton Place apartment, Elizabeth Gibson said she and her husband Kelly had been in an argument and he had gone upstairs to huff paint.

Wait, so that’s not the way most domestic arguments end?

The report said since she was afraid to go inside, she handed the officer her keys and followed him up.

When the officer opened the door, the entire apartment smelled of paint fumes and Kelly was found sitting on the couch with his shirt off, and his hands, mouth, nose and chin covered in silver paint.

And in case you don’t think that evidence is damning enough …

Police said Kelly had a can of silver spray paint in his right hand and a paint-covered plastic bag in his left.

The officer said Kelly had a dazed, glassy-eyed look about him and was unsteady on his feet.

Kelly was taken to the Allen County Jail and charged with inhaling toxic vapors.

So, regarding the title of the post:

This incident was the 48th time Kelly was charged with inhaling since 1992.

Yikes. Here’s the source, including the mug shot. Get this man some help.

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While there’s never a good reason for driving drunk, some are clearly stranger than others. For example, as reported by The Courier Mail:

The 55-year-old [woman] from St Kilda East was caught outside the Prahran Police Station on Friday night and recorded a reading of 0.052.

It was her second offence in 10 years and she received an automatic loss of license.

So why did she do it?

Police say the woman said she had decided to drive because she wanted to try out her new false teeth on KFC.

And if you like that one, you’ll like this one, also reported by The Courier Mail:

A New Zealand schoolteacher who crashed her car while brushing her teeth has landed herself in court.

Police officer Graham Single told the Blenheim district court, 272km north of Christchurch, that Cherie Margaret Davis, 65, set the cruise control of her car to 100km/h, “got out her toothbrush and started brushing her teeth”.

Right, like you’ve never done it…

Ms Davis subsequently lost concentration and crashed into a rock bank by the side of the road, the Marlborough Express reported today.

According to police, Ms Davis had a blood alcohol level almost twice the legal limit at the time of the March 19 crash.

Ms Davis admitted two charges of drunk driving, two of careless use and one of driving while prohibited.

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Well, it wasn’t supposed to be free. In fact, the store wasn’t even supposed to be open. But when you rely on computers too much, well, here’s what can happen, as reported by 3news.co.nz:

A security system computer glitch is being blamed for the doors opening and the lights coming on at a Hamilton supermarket, allowing a number of people to go in and help themselves to stock on Good Friday.

A very “good” Friday for those light-fingered folks …

The central city Pak ‘n Save was open for more than eight hours from 1am until someone rang police saying people were leaving the shop with “truckloads of groceries”, the Waikato Times reported.

How did this happen?

Owner Glenn Miller said he suspected the fault was linked to a command cancelling the normal opening time for the day. Usually the supermarket opens at 8am every day but the shop was meant to stay closed for Good Friday.

An embarrassed Mr Miller said he did not know how much stock was taken but he was delighted that 12 people had used the self-service tills to pay for items.

Wow. Delighted about 12 honest people? That is truly sad. If you want to read more (a fair amount) here’s the Waikato Times article.

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Well … yes, and no. Okay, maybe. According to the Court’s latest ruling, yes. According to some prior rulings, no. Read on, from ANSA.it:

It is OK to say ”Who the f*** do you think you are?” to a boss as an ”instinctive” reaction to being reprimanded, Italy’s highest court said Thursday.

The expression was ”disrespectful but not threatening” and was not the sort of ”full-blown insubordination” that might justify a sacking, the Cassation Court said.

The court’s ruling, which sets precedents, came in the case of a Naples rest home assistant who was fired when he blew his top after his boss scolded him for breaking plates. The supreme court first OK’d the F-word two years ago, earning world headlines, but has since flip-flopped on the issue.

In July 2007, in its landmark ruling, the court cleared an Abruzzo town councillor who told the mayor to ”f*** off” during a stormy town meeting because the expression was now ”common usage”.

But it changed tack a few months later by ruling bosses couldn’t say employees were ”doing f***-all”.

A similar case last May saw the court take another view, saying mayors could use the word to swear at contractors.

But last July it said bosses must not swear at their staff in a case where a Sicilian company director accused an employee of not understanding ”a f***ing thing”.

Make up your mind already!

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Like this young man who is running for Congress in Illinois, The Juice believes that pretty much everyone deserves a second chance. Just one problem for him, he used it, along with a third chance, and a fourth … Said Matthew Woodmancy of Peoria, as reported by The Peoria Journal Star:

“I learned the most from the felony. It was stupid. There are no and there should not be any excuses for it,” Woodmancy said Thursday. “I know it makes things more difficult. I’ve always thought things worth doing in life weren’t supposed to be easy. It was a huge, stupid mistake, but everyone deserves a second chance.”

You learned “most” from the felony? So you were good after that? Well, not exactly. Here they are, pretty much in order:

[The felony:] Woodmancy, who is on probation until 2013, said he was convicted of criminal theft for stealing from a family member and that person’s now-shuttered Bloomington-based business in 2006. He was sentenced to jail time, probation and $45,000 in fines and restitution, Woodmancy said.

After the crime he learned “the most” from …

In 2008, Woodmancy was charged with misdemeanor battery and pleaded guilty. He explained he was defending his mother during an altercation.

And then…

He also pleaded guilty in 2009 to driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol and has more than a dozen other traffic tickets, including driving on a suspended license. Woodmancy said his license has been revoked and most of his fines from the traffic tickets have been referred to collections.

Apparently there’s a significant lag time between the event and the learning from it. Regarding his past, said Mr. Woodmancy:

“While I am not proud of the darker chapters in my life, I firmly believe they have helped shape me into the man I am today. There is not and can never be excuses for what I did.” …

“I allowed my darker demons out-shout my better angels,” he said. “I have turned my life around, thanks to the help of friends and family, and now want to continue upon a dream I have had since I was a small boy, the dream of serving my fellow Americans in public office.”

Even though it’s all public record, props to Mr. Woodmancy for releasing his complete criminal record to the press. Here’s the source.

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Like everyone else (except the perps), The Juice is pleased when drunk drivers make things easy for the fuzz. As reported by The Beacon-News (Illinois):

A 43-year-old Oswego woman was charged with drunken driving after police responded to calls about a woman throwing up out of her car at 6:40 p.m. Monday near Ashlawn Avenue and Circle Drive West, Oswego police said. Officers found the car driving in the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street. Tessy Callas, of the 0-99 block of West Jefferson Street, Oswego, was also charged with illegal transportation of liquor, police said.

Other than vomiting, what else do drunk people do? Here’s a hint: zzzzzzzzzz.

Selina Nieto, 33, of the 200 block of Abbeywood Lane, North Aurora, was charged with drunken driving last week after police were called for a woman asleep at the gas pumps in the 500 block of Montgomery Road, police said Monday.