Squeezed on:

By

mp3.jpg

I didn’t steal that MP3 player. It’s my sister’s… Okay, and you’re sticking with that? As reported by The Herald-Tribune:

A teen suspect in several car burglaries, while being questioned by a sheriff’s deputy, reportedly claimed that the MP3 player in his possession belonged to his sister.

Okay, so what’s the problem?

When the deputy turned the device on, however, he reportedly saw another deputy’s family photo. That deputy’s sister-in-law reportedly confirmed that the MP3 player had been stolen from her unlocked car.

Um. I found it? My friend gave it to me? I …

Deputies arrested William Kyle Campbell, 18, of the 9200 block of Anita Avenue, in his Englewood neighborhood Sunday morning after residents complained about suspicious males on bicycles.

Campbell reportedly dropped gloves and a GPS when confronted. Deputies said Campbell had bulging pockets that contained the MP3 player, two flashlights, a wallet, a ring, a woman’s earring, two necklaces, sunglasses and a large amount of coins.

The charges?

… four counts of burglary of a conveyance, four petit theft charges and a count of possession of burglary tools.

Here’s the source, including a mug shot.

By
Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

shampoo.jpg

Sure, there have been mistakes made in the “war on drugs” and the “war on terror.” But exactly how Australian customs could make such a colossal mistake is hard to fathom. As reported at news.com.au:

Neil Parry was arrested in June last year at Darwin Airport and charged with trafficking 1.6kg of liquid ecstasy in two bottles of Pantene.

After spending three days in jail last year, and having friends’ homes searched, Mr Parry was granted bail.

There was just one teeny, tiny problem with the case against Mr. Parry.

Customs later admitted the toiletries contained no illegal drugs and all charges against Mr Parry were dropped.

NO DRUGS!

Today, Mr Parry told ABC Radio he had been given $100,000 in compensation for his ordeal and an apology.

Wow, so it worked out well for him after all? Not exactly.

“It is not worth it, no,” Mr Parry said.”I would rather it never happened,” he said.

He said most of the money would go towards his legal expenses.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

Nothing this exciting ever happened to The Juice during high school. Of course, The Juice attended high school even before the advent of those brick cell phones. Anyway, aren’t teachers supposed to be telling kids NOT to do this? As reported by The Cleveland Plain Dealer:

A North Ridgeville High School teacher is on paid administrative leave while police investigate reports that she had an affair with a student.

Police said rumors of a sexual relationship were circulating Wednesday after the teacher sent scantily clad pictures of herself to a student. Police said she admitted sending photos of herself in a bikini.

Police said the teacher admitted having “flirtatious conversations” and texts with one or two students, but denied rumors that she had a sexual relationship with any student.

That would be akin to pulling a Weiner, although a lighter version.

A statement from Captain Marti Garrow indicated that it is likely the information gathered in the investigation would be presented to the Lorain County Grand Jury for consideration of prosecution.

Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

By

toilet%20planter%20garden.jpg

Whatever happened to “live and let live?” Something surely happened to it in the village of Lakemoor, Illinois. Just ask Ms. Tina Asmus, who used two toilets and a sink as planters in her yard. For this abominable crime, she was fined $25 under the village’s public nuisance ordinance, as reported by The Northwest Herald. Fortunately, Ms. Asmus fought the fine. And?

While McHenry County Judge Michael Caldwell said on Wednesday that the planters were “not something that appeal” to him, he cited his decades of experience as a village attorney to say the ordinance was not designed to apply in instances like this. Instead, it was meant to stop old, nonfunctional cars from sitting in driveways and prohibit unauthorized scrap metal recycling yards.

You go Judge. The Juice agrees with Ms. Asmus’s attorney.

“It may be that some of [her neighbors] don’t like it,” [Mr. George] Kililis said. “But frankly, that’s their problem.”

And check this out:

One of the toilets also had “God bless my neighbors” written on it, as well as a smiley face.

Well played, madam.

By
Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

By

shirt%20question%20mark.jpg

Talk about dressing for the occasion. You will not believe what this drunk-driving dude’s shirt said. As reported by The New York Post:

A fashion-forward Long Island boozehound lost control of his car and rammed it into a marked Suffolk County cop car that was on DWI patrol — all while wearing a T-shirt with a message that couldn’t be more fitting for the occasion.

So what did the t-shirt say?

“I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.”

Doh!

The self-professed “drunk” — who has 13 prior arrests and seven convictions for various crimes — spun his 2000 Saturn out of control at about 1:45 a.m. yesterday as he attempted to turn east from County Road 83 to Route 25A in Mount Sinai.

As he came around the bend, he hit the side of a parked Suffolk cop car that was part of the department’s Selective Alcohol Fatality Enforcement Team, in which an officer had been observing traffic for possible drunk drivers.

Oops. You can read more (a fair amount) and see the mug shot here.

Squeezed on:

By

sorry.gif
If you were in a food fight, you’d definitely want this guy on your side. As reported by The Union City Messenger (Tennessee):

Emanual Cordell Kennedy, 37, of 907 North Glendale St., Union City, was arrested at 4:38 p.m. Tuesday on a charge of domestic assault, according to a Union City Police Department report.

Brenda King, 55, told police she and her son, Kennedy, had a disagreement at her home at 907 North Glendale St. She claimed the disagreement escalated until Kennedy allegedly threw something and hit her in the back while she was walking down the hall. She left the residence and went to the police department to report it.

Continue reading →
Squeezed on:

By

marijuana%20pot%20cannabis%20mary%20jane%20weed.jpg
Sure, all kids complain. But if they’re complaining about something you’re doing that’s illegal, ignore the complaints at your peril. A Minnesota couple learned this the hard way. Per The Duluth News Tribune:

A criminal complaint says the boy told investigators he had complained numerous times to his mother about the smell of the marijuana. He finally took the matter to his biological father, who told his son to take pictures of the marijuana. The father then forwarded the photos to authorities.

Drug agents served a search warrant on the house in Ravenna Township near Hastings last month and arrested Heidi Siebenaler, a Dakota County probation supervisor, and her husband, Mark Siebenaler. Both face charges in the case.

Continue reading →
Squeezed on:

By

dog%20question%20mark%20curious.gif
A while back, there was an expression made popular by comedian Flip Wilson: “The devil made me do it.” A gentleman in Maine flipped [doh!] that around, as reported by wgme.com (Portland, Maine):

State Police say a suspect started making bizarre claims after he broke into a home in western Maine last week.

They say the suspect, a male who isn’t identified, was squatting at a home in Andover while the homeowner was on vacation. A state trooper says the suspect told him that his dog and Jesus told him to break into the home because he was supposed to meet Taylor Swift there and marry her in the back yard.

Continue reading →
Squeezed on:

By

money%20bag.jpg

It cannot be said that this man was liked by his co-workers, or even his “paramour.” Then again, there may be 5,000 reasons why they id’d him. As reported at nola.com:

Fingered by his co-workers and paramour, a man pleaded guilty Wednesday to robbing a bank in Metairie of $6,203. Don Lee Alexander Jr., 36, admitted to U.S. District Judge Sarah Vance that he robbed the Whitney Bank branch at 4845 Veterans Memorial Blvd. on Aug. 19.

After the robbery, authorities distributed an unusually sharp surveillance picture of the bandit. Alexander’s former co-workers (5 of them!) and a paramour of 12 years identified him from the photograph, according to court records. FBI agents arrested Alexander six days after the holdup and found two pistols and $974 in his bedroom at 920 Starrett Road in Metairie.

About those 5,000 reasons? The reward offered was “as much as $5,000.” Here’s the source, including a photo of Mr. Alexander.

Squeezed on:

By

bad%20breath%20halitosis%20stinks%20smells.jpg

It’s not hyberbole to say that this is almost certainly the strangest ticket ever issued. The offense? As reported by Al-Anba Daily:

In the first incident of its kind, a traffic policeman [in Kuwait City] issued a citation against an Arab motorist for having bad breath. 
A police source said it is a very strange incident and problematic too because the penalty is not known. “Will the motorist be fined; if so, how much will he have to pay and if his car is impounded, how long will it be in the police garage?” he asked. 
Incidentally, it is also mentioned on the citation that the motorist admitted that his mouth smells.