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It boils down to this: If you want to tax paranormal practitioners in Romania, prepare to become a four-legged animal – if you’re lucky. So maybe that’s an oversimplification, but not by much. As reported by The Independent:

Everyone curses the tax man, but Romanian witches angry about having to pay up are planning to use cat excrement and dead dogs to cast spells on the country’s government, which has introduced a new levy on those practicing the paranormal.

Superstitions are no laughing matter in Romania – the land of the medieval ruler who inspired the Dracula tale – and have been part of its culture for centuries. President Traian Basescu and his aides have even been known to wear purple on certain days, supposedly to ward off evil.

Romanian witches from the east and west went to the country’s southern plains and the Danube river yesterday to threaten the government with spells and spirits because of the tax law, which came into effect on 1 January.

A dozen witches hurled the poisonous mandrake plant into the Danube to put a hex on government officials “so evil will befall them”, said a witch named Alisia. She added: “What is there to tax, when we hardly earn anything? The lawmakers don’t look at themselves, at how much they make, their tricks; they steal and they come to us asking us to put spells on their enemies.”

So, at a minimum, don’t drink from the Danube for a while. And lawmakers, you might want to go all purple, all the time. Got any purple skivvies?

The new law is part of the government’s drive to collect more revenue and crack down on tax evasion in a country that is in recession.

In the past, the less mainstream professions of witch, astrologer and fortune teller were not listed in the Romanian labour code. People who worked in those jobs used their lack of registration to evade income tax.

Under the new law, like any self-employed person, they will pay 16 per cent income tax and make contributions to health and pension programmes. But the law may be hard to enforce as payments to witches and astrologers are usually made in cash and relatively small.

Okay, so it’s virtually unenforceable. For this, lawmakers are willing to give up their entire non-purple wardrobe?

Supporters of Mircea Geoana, who lost the presidential race to Basescu in 2009, blamed his defeat on attacks of negative energy by their opponent’s aides. Geoana aide Viorel Hrebenciuc alleged there was a “violet flame” conspiracy during the campaign, saying Basescu and other aides dressed in purple on Thursdays to increase his chance of victory. They continue to be seen wearing purple clothing on important days because the colour supposedly makes the wearer superior and wards off evil.

This isn’t new in Romanian politics.

Such spiritualism has long been tolerated by the Orthodox Church in Romania, and the late Communist dictator Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, Elena, had their own personal witch.

Queen witch Bratara Buzea, 63, who was imprisoned in 1977 for witchcraft under Ceausescu’s regime, is furious about the new law. Sitting cross-legged in her villa in the lake resort of Mogosoaia, just north of Bucharest, she said she planned to cast a spell using a particularly effective concoction of cat excrement and dead dog, accompanied by a chorus of witches.

Cat excrement and dead dog? It’s certainly not “a dog’s life” in Romania (at least not when the recipe dictates).

“We do harm to those who harm us,” she said. “They want to take the country out of this crisis using us? They should get us out of the crisis because they brought us into it.” She added ominously: “My curses always work.”

Got that, tax man? Always! Here’s the source, with a photo of the queen.

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People do need to have private lives, though at least one school superintendent feels otherwise. He suspended Kimberly Hester, a teacher’s aide, because she wouldn’t show him her Facebook page. Here’s the story, as reported by wsbt.com:

“It was very mild, no pornography,” she said of the picture she posted in April 2011. The picture shows that co-worker’s pants around her ankles, and a pair of shoes. “It wasn’t at work, it was off work time,” Hester added.

Wait, naked ankles? And pants around those naked ankles? No wonder she was suspended! Think of the children!

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OMG, that is a sausage in your pants! A bunch of them, as it turns out. Per The Cairns Post:

A man has been caught stuffing sausages down his pants in a bizarre alleged theft at an Innisfail supermarket.

The 38-year-old Innisfail man was charged with stealing after he was seen leaving IGA Innisfail about 6.15pm on Friday.

Police allege he had items of meat concealed in his shorts and several other items in his pockets.

If you happen to buy your sausage at the IGA Innisfail, you’ll be glad to hear that …

The items were not returned to sale …

Whew! Here’s the source.

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Driving an ice cream truck must get really boring, really fast. One man found a way to make it a little less boring, though clearly a LOT more dangerous. As reported by fox59.com:

An Indianapolis man was arrested last Saturday in Mooresville for allegedly driving an ice cream truck while under the influence.

Clarel Padgett, 58, was charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated, as well as operating a vehicle with a blood alcohol content of .15 or more, both Class A misdemeanors.

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Sadly, Michiganders, you are now on notice of this law, though you were previously bound by it nonetheless. Here’s the law:

436.201 Drunkenness on train prohibited.

No person shall while in an offensive state of intoxication enter or be on or remain upon any railway train or interurban car as a passenger.

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Of course vehicles get stolen all the time. You report it to your insurance. They send you a check… This gent probably did that, but he didn’t stop there. He’s pissed! As reported by www.kens5.com (San Antonio, Texas):

On March 10, Daryl McClain’s truck was stolen from his home in the 5700 block of Clearwood. So what did he do?

He tagged his own house, and neighbors say he did not keep the message clean.

“I speak my mind,” McClain boasted outside his tagged garage door. “Most people keep it in.”

What does it say?

“To the mother f—– that stole my truck. You are a dead man. 2K NQA.”

That last part means that Mr. McClain is offering a $2,000 reward, no questions asked (NQA). Some neighbors are not happy, especially with the “word” f—–.

“What is wrong with the guy across the street?” asked Roy Patty. “It’s like a parade route. Everybody comes by. I take pride in my house.”

“I’d never come home and do something like that because I was mad,” said Patty. “Children shouldn’t be able to read something like that.”

But McClain sees it differently. “That’s why I didn’t spell it out,” he said. “Code Compliance says I’m not doing a thing wrong.” Then he said, “It’s freedom of speech.”

Is Mr. McClain correct? Yup.

According to the San Antonio Police Department, McClain is not breaking the law.

SAPD spokesman Matt Porter said McClain did not use profanity, because he did not spell out the expletive. Also, he says according to homicide detectives, McClain did not threaten anyone specifically. Finally, the city is not allowed to regulate what people paint on their homes.

Here’s the source, including a photo of the tagged garage doors, and a video news story.

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We’ve all heard a story about someone mistakenly thinking somebody is pregnant. The Juice will wager you haven’t heard of anything remotely similar to this. As reported by TCPalm.com:

A woman told police a dispute began after Jessie Mae Dorsey told her she was pregnant but she said she was “just getting fat.”

Awkward. But okay? Nope, not okay. Here’s how it went down:

“I’ve had five kids, I know how you walk when you’re pregnant,” Dorsey is quoted as saying.

The victim said she was “just getting fat,” and told police Dorsey walked toward her.

“Who the (expletive) are you catching an attitude with,” Dorsey is quoted as saying.

“You,” the victim said.

Dorsey is then accused of lobbing a cinder block chunk at the victim, hitting her head. Dorsey jumped on her, pulled her hair and bit her face.

The man walking with the victim pulled Dorsey off, and Dorsey beat feet.

Um, dude, think you could have jumped in a little sooner? And Ms. Dorsey, you bit her face! After you insulted her!

The victim had teeth marks on her face and bumps on her head.

Dorsey, 46, was arrested [for aggravated battery] March 16 on a warrant stemming from the … fracas … in Fort Pierce.

Go figure. Here’s the source, including a photo of Ms. Dorsey.

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People wanted to park, and these gents charged them. What’s the problem? Well, it helps if you own the parking lot! As reported by The Tampa Bay Times:

Two men collected about $100 charging for parking over the weekend at Chasco Fiesta. Only they didn’t own the land. The city does.

Doh! And guess whose headquarters [that’s a hint] are right down the street?

Michael John Roberts II told an officer he wasn’t actually taking money from people so they could park on the public lot at Central Avenue and Adams Street, just down the street from the New Port Richey Police Department headquarters. He said “he was only charging people to ‘watch their vehicle,'” said Roberts, 24, according to a police report.

Brilliant!

Roberts and his friend, Michael Wayne Manis, 28, collected money Saturday and Sunday before they were caught, the report states. They charged $2 for three hours of parking and $5 for all day, plus $1 for water.

Both men were arrested and charged with scheme to defraud. Manis, of New Port Richey, was released Sunday from the Pasco jail on $150 bail. Roberts, of Hudson, remained Monday in the jail in lieu of $150 bail.

You’ll find the source here.

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How does someone just up and lay claim to a street? When it’s abandoned by the city, and reclaimed, but the documents are never filed in the land records, that’s how. Unfortunately for Mullinville, Kansas, Mr. M.T. Liggett learned of this and took action. As reported by kwch.com:

Head north on Elm Street in Mullinville and you’ll hit a road block–a series of them actually.  It’s not the city that has closed that stretch of road–it’s M.T. Liggett. He says he owns it.

Liggett says the street is vacated property and therefore belongs to adjacent landowners including himself. Traffic can still pass through on the east side of the street–the side Liggett says his neighbor owns. The situation is not causing a traffic jam, but Mayor Andy Kimble says it’s far from an ideal situation.

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What’s in a name? Plenty, if you’re talking about beer names and the Michigan Liquor Control Commission. You’re in trouble when the standard you’re using, as here, is whether the product is “deemed … to be detrimental to the health, safety or welfare of the general public.” A little vague, perhaps?

As reported by www.mlive.com:

Flying Dog Brewery is suing the state Liquor Control Commission, alleging the agency is censoring its free speech by rejecting labels for the bottler’s “Raging Bitch” 20th Anniversary India Pale Ale.

So Michigan has a problem with “Raging Bitch” beer. What Flying Dog beers has it okayed, you might be wondering?

[Flying Dog] markets approved labels, including “Doggie Style” Classic Pale Ale [and] “In Heat Wheat” Hefeweizen Ale … at many chain and specialty stores in West Michigan.

And don’t forget about this one …

… the state has allowed sales of alcoholic beverages with a vulgar term on the label. Among those are a Grand Rapids brew “Dirty Bastard,” crafted by Founders.

If you’re wondering why “Doggie Style,” “In Heat Wheat,” and “Dirty Bastard” are okay but “Raging Bitch” isn’t, The Juice also wonders. To read a lot more, including Flying Dog’s connection to Hunter S. Thompson, click here.

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