Articles Posted in Juice Drops

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If you are Matthew Dietrich of Berks County, Pennsylvania, you are PISSED! You just paid Christopher Katz $500 for a pound of marijuana. But when you open the bag – BROCCOLI! So what do you do? Kick his ass? Just leave? Not Mr. Dietrich. He was going to get the last laugh. Or was he? (Cue the creepy, mysterious laugh.) Young Mr. Dietrich called 911, joining the brotherhood of really stupid criminals. He told the police that he was beaten up and robbed by Mr. Katz, who then joined the brotherhood too, telling the police about the failed drug deal. Said Lansdale police Sgt. Robert McDyre:

It is bizarre, isn’t it? ‘You’d think [Dietrich would] just say, ‘I can’t believe I’m that stupid’ and leave.

 

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surgeon2.gifThey both sew with a steady hand, right? Somehow, a 30-year-old Indian man posed as a doctor for almost a year without raising even an eyebrow. So how was he caught? A security guard overheard the “doctor” telling a patient that he did not know the way to the pathology lab! And what did the man say when he was caught? He said he was a surgeon in India, had a applied for a job, and was just wandering around waiting for word on his application. But when the police checked him out, they learned that he works in a women’s tailor shop! No doubt that’s where he made (really) the doctor’s uniform that he wore around the hospital.

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Regular Juice visitors will recall this story, and this one too, about folks who claimed to have done things in their sleep. To read about a series of crimes alleged to have been committed while the perpetrator was sleeping, click here. You will be amazed at the crimes, and the results of the use of the automatism defense.

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They can in Lake County, Florida. I was just kidding about Jackass. It was Jackass Number Two that a kid who appeared to be about 11 rented! And the issue was born.

Last week, the library board voted 9-0 against a policy that would prohibit kids under 17 from renting R-rated movies. Lake County commissioners are set to discuss the board’s recommendation today.

So what’s the reasoning behind the unanimous vote? Movie ratings are set by a private group, the Motion Picture Association of America. According to Assistant County Attorney Kimberly Williams, “It’s an unconstitutional delegation of authority for the county to use those MPAA ratings as a guideline for obscenity.” Her opinion is supported by several court decisions, including one by a federal judge in Minnesota last year.

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Daphne-Boogie-Nights.jpgSo this Israeli guy is convicted of attempted murder and, incredibly, is put on house arrest until his sentencing hearing. Don’t worry, though, because he had to wear an electronic ankle monitor, until, that is, he took it off and put it on his dog’s neck! Yup. When the police came to get Nabil Farumi to take him to his sentencing hearing, only Spot Farumi was there (sporting the latest in canine neckware). Nabil was nowhere to be found.

Props to Cindy Hill for sending this article to the Juice.

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A good friend sent this to me. Hopefully it hasn’t been around the world too many times, without finding it’s way into my inbox. Anyway, there’s a town in Austria called “Fucking.” Seems people keep stealing the signs. Go figure. Enjoy the article!

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kidnap-60.jpgThat’s exactly what Lem and Julia Redd of Provo, Utah did. Seems good ‘ole Perry Myers just wasn’t exactly the fella they had in mind for their daughter, Julianna. So, the day before her wedding, they told her they were going shopping (for religious undergarments for the ceremony), but kept right on going to Colorado! Julianna claims that, at a rural gas station, they used force to get her back in the minivan. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? We’ll never come home? Well, they came home the next day. The wedding took place a few days later. (The couple has since had a child.)

As you might expect, the parents were charged with kidnapping. Do you think Julianna forgave them, after they apologized on national TV? No way. Here are a few of her comments:

We have to protect our new baby. I don’t trust my mom.

I’m past forgiveness. I can’t do anything more. They’ll have to (show) accountability.

[This case] clarifies to society that you can’t do this because you’re a parent and you want to. You’re accountable, no matter who you are.

And what do the relatives have to say?

Lem Redd, Bride’s Father: “We have made an apology and said that what we did was incorrect, but we feel this is definitely wrong.” Dude, you kidnapped your 21-year-old daughter. You expected a $50 fine?

Julia Redd, Bride’s Mother: “We don’t carry any animosity for her, we don’t have any animosity towards Perry or his family. We don’t know them or him, we were hoping to get to know him better.” You don’t know him? And you still did this? And let me get this straight: You, the kidnapper, don’t “have any animosity towards Perry?” Okay, my head stopped spinning. Go with an “insanity” plea.

Although the Redds are clearly ready to forgive themselves, the groom’s family is not of the same mind.

[Read on to see what happened to the Redds.]

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pants.gifIf you like to wear your pants on the low side, you might want to bypass Delcambre, Louisiana. The town council just approved an ordinance that will outlaw pants that reveal undergarments or certain parts of the body (I’m guessing one of them is two words, with the second one being “crack.”). And what does the Mayor think of this ordinance, which will punish offenders with up to 6 months in jail and a $500 fine? She’s going to sign it into law. Said Mayor Carol Broussard:

It’s gotten way out of hand out here … Just wear it properly. Cover your vital parts. I mean, if you expose your private parts, you’ll get a fine. If you walk up and your pants drop, you get a fine. They’re better off taking the pants off and just wearing a dress.

Fine, fine, fine. We get the idea!

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True enough. Former Iowa Judge James A. Weaver swore in an affidavitthat he was permanently disabled. He’s been receiving disability benefits from Iowa for more than 2 years. Yet he is running a private law firm and doing court-appointed work (paid for by the state of Iowa!) for indigent defendants. Crazy.

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Defendant Bruce Young (who was awaiting trial on federal drug charges) was pissed – twice! (blank-sucking little blank?). But he was not in court on the drug charges when the outbursts occurred. He was there on charges of attempted escape and conspiracy to commit escape. Per the court, “during proceedings conducted in open court on December 18, 2000, and July 20, 2001, the Defendant went berserk, to put it quite mildly… During the in-court proceeding conducted on December 18, 2000, the Court, counsel and the Defendant were discussing a trial date for [the escape charges] prosecution… When the Court asked Government’s counsel about her availability for a possible trial in February, 2001, she responded that she had inadvertently left her calendar at home… At that point the Defendant went berserk:

Defendant: This is wrong, your Honor. This is wrong. This is wrong.

Court: Mr. Young?

Defendant: This is wrong. It’s bull shit too.

Court: All right. Mr. Young, you have just earned yourself an extra six months.

Defendant: I’ve got 52 fucking years coming man. I mean, what does another fucking day mean?

Court: Get this man out of here, immediately.

Defendant: The bitch has me pinned in a five-by-seven box for nine fucking months. This is bull shit.

Court: We are in recess.

Defendant: Hateful bitch.

Courtroom Deputy Clerk: All rise.

Defendant: Fuck this court. Fuck this court. Fuck you and I won’t be back, you bitch. You’re playing goddamn games.

Marshal: Calm down.

Defendant: Fuck the constitution, you assholes. Fucking wipe on a mother fucker. That’s what you can use it for — (Defendant continued screaming “F” word comments as leaving courtroom and into the hall).

Okay, that didn’t go so well. “[Seven months later] on July 17, 2001, the Court engaged in a colloquy with the Defendant, required by Faretta v. California …, and permitted him to represent himself, despite his outrageous behavior during the proceedings of the previous December 18th… The Court explained that it did not want the Defendant to have the discovery materials in the jail, where he has been incarcerated prior to trial, lest those materials become circulated throughout the jail and compromise pending prosecutions.” Oh shizzle – give him the discovery materials. Here it comes.

Defendant: Your Honor, can I go back to the jail? I am about to have an anxiety attack. I can’t go on with this shit. Have the marshals take me back before I do something stupid. I’m being nice. Can I please go back.

Court: Well, I appreciate the advance warning.

Defendant: I’m telling, your Honor, I know myself.

Court: Marshals, if you would.

Defendant: I know myself. This is crazy. I can’t have my fucking discovery packet. What kind of shit is that? Shit. God. You mother fuckers.

Court: Once again Mr. Young–

Defendant: You fucked-up asshole. You Jew bitch and bastard.

Court: You’ve earned yourself another six months.

Defendant: Fuck you. Kiss my dick. I’m not going to have my discovery packet. You’ve got me fucking bent, you bitch, mother fucker. Kiss my ass. You too, Chema. You dick sucking little faggot.

So what happened to Mr. Young?

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