(No, not in the book.) Warning: This post is not suitable for children. And The Juice isn’t just saying that to pique your interest. You will not believe this woman’s hiding place. As reported by The News-Press:
A Pompano Beach woman is in custody at the Lee County Jail for possession of a counterfeit driver’s license and a fraudulent credit card, which she allegedly hid inside her vagina.
Shazam!
This is really gross and weird. Who likes sucking blood so much that he would do it for 2-3 minutes? Why would you let someone do that? As reported by The Arizona Republic:
A vampire-crazed man was sentenced Monday to three years probation for stabbing a friend who had refused to let him suck his blood.
Some “friend” he turned out to be …
[Aaron] Homer [age 24] stabbed the arm of Robert Maley, 25, of Chandler on Oct. 4 after Maley refused to let him suck his blood a second time, the police report said.
Maley had let Homer suck his blood before, but only because Homer was threatening to cut his ex-girlfriend or her friend. Homer sucked his blood for two to three minutes that time.
Two to three minutes!
On Oct. 4, Homer was demanding to suck his blood a second time.
“I said no, and he flipped,” Maley told police. “He said, ‘I’m doing it,’ and then boom . . . he stabbed me.”
Maley fled from Homer’s apartment on the 600 block of North Alma School Road, leaving a trail of blood in addition to fake blood that Homer or his girlfriend, Amanda Williamson, 21, had spread on the floor, according to the police report.
“They think they are vampires,” said Maley of Homer and Williamson. The pair, he said, are also into paganism.
Homer later admitted to police he stabbed Maley because he was making fun of their “religion.”
How do you get no jail time after admitting that you stabbed someone? Here’s the source.
A frog? Forget about the mechanics of it (if you can). How can someone possibly derive sexual pleasure watching a woman and a frog? At least one gent did, as reported by The Sun:
Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.
When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.
Police acted on a tip-off after learning the magistrate, from Rotherham, South Yorks, had an account on a file-sharing website which was raising concerns.
Guess those animal fetishists aren’t the most loyal bunch. Maybe they coveted the same frog.
They found the filthy porn stash when they raided his home in Swinton, Rotherham, last September.
Hall admitted 21 specimen charges of possessing hard-core pornography when he appeared before Leeds magistrates.
Jail time? Nope.
He was sentenced to a three-year community order which requires him to spend 144 days completing a programme for sex offenders.
Can you imagine when, during group therapy, this dude has to stand up and say “I’m Michael, and I love frogs, gerbils, dogs, donkeys …” You can read more [a fair amount] here.
Please, if you are prone to being grossed out, stop here. Remember, The Juice warned you. So, it started with what appeared to be a routine suspected DUI. Then it got weird, and gross. As reported by The Durango Herald (Colorado):
According to an arrest affidavit, the events began at 11:59 p.m. Feb. 11 when a Durango Police Department officer observed a vehicle turn right onto 32nd Street from Main Avenue without using a turn signal.
The officer, Chad Langley, pulled Kausalik [a 31-year veteran of the U.S. Postal Service who has been in Durango since 1982] over …
While speaking to Kausalik, the officer detected alcohol on his breath, according to the affidavit. Kausalik said he had not been drinking.
Kausalik performed voluntary roadside maneuvers, but not to Langley’s satisfaction, the affidavit says.
A preliminary breath test indicated he had a blood-alcohol level of 0.142, almost three times the 0.05 legal driving limit in Colorado.
Fairly routine stop thus far. Man appears to be drunk, smells of alcohol, denies drinking, fails field sobriety test, fails initial BAC test.
Langley arrested Kausalik and took him to the Durango police station … for a formal breath test.
Please, not the formal breath test…
At the station, Kausalik asked to use the restroom. Officer Langley twice found Kausalik asleep in the restroom.
He told Kausalik he could not stay in the restroom all night to avoid the breath test, and he needed to either take the test or choose a refusal.
Actually, there is another option, which could be considered a refusal of sorts …
Kausalik eventually left the bathroom looking at the floor, walking toward the officer.
Langley asked Kausalik what was in his mouth, and he continued to walk toward the officer, head down and expressionless.
When Kausalik was about 4 feet from the officer, Kausalik looked up, opened his mouth and took a deep breath.
“As I observed what he had in his mouth, I took a step back and began turning my head as he violently spit the contents of his mouth toward my face,” officer Langley wrote in the affidavit. “I felt the matter [FECES!!!!!] strike the left side of my face and head.” Kausalik also had feces on his hands, the affidavit says.
If you’re not completely grossed out, check your pulse. You can read the full story here.
Most of the stuff speaks for itself – but not all of it. Per the Herald-Tribune (Sarasota, Florida):
A homeless man went to court and was arrested on Friday, but the notable part of the story is what he hid from the judge as he stood before him.
The judge sent Neil Lansing to jail, where corrections deputies conducting a routine search in a cell block found part of a condom sticking out of his rectum, the sheriff’s office said.
Conducting those “routine” searches must be a highly sought after assignment.
According to sheriff’s officials: inside the condom they found 17 round blue pills, one cigarette, six matches, one flint, one empty syringe with an eraser over the needle, one lip balm container, one additional unused condom, a receipt from CVS pharmacy and a paper coupon.
A CVS receipt and a coupon? Say what? Adding insult to injury …
Lansing, 33, now faces charges he possessed a drug and a tobacco product inside the Sarasota County Jail. He is being held there without bond.
Click here for the source.
After this experience, it’s hard to imagine any of these young men snorting anything again, EVER. Although they thought they were snorting drugs, turns out they were snorting dogs and a man. Yes, you read that correctly. As reported in The New York Post:
Waldo Soroa, 19; Matrix Andaluz, 18; Jose Marrero, 19; and two juveniles broke into a house in Florida, spotted white powder in two urns, decided it was coke or heroin, and promptly began snorting it, officials said.
Nope.
… the “drugs” turned out to be the cremated remains of homeowner Holli Tencza’s dad and her two Great Danes.
The [young men] said they eventually realized their mistake, and had a brief attack of conscience.
“Brief” being the key word …
They talked about returning the ashes that were left, but then they decided their fingerprints would be pulled off the urns, so they dumped the evidence in a nearby lake.
Here’s the source. [HT to a regular reader (who wishes to remain anonymous – can you blame him?) for bringing this story to The Juice’s attention.]
Just when you thought you’d heard them all… Check out this excuse for speeding, as reported in The Local:
A woman from southern Sweden has lost her bid to have a speeding fine overturned on the grounds that she was suffering from diarrhea at the time of the offence.
The 49-year-old woman from Trelleborg explained to the local district court that she was experiencing stomach problems when she was pulled over for driving 86 kilometres per hour in a 70 km/h zone.
Only 86 in a 70 zone? How bad could it have been? Said the court:
A situation can only be classed as an emergency if somebody’s life is in danger or if a driver hits the gas in an attempt to prevent a serious crime.
As the woman’s desire to get home to her toilet did not fit into either category, the court ordered her to pay the speeding fine.
Newman! (It’s a Seinfeld thing.)
No, not that. So 65-year old Pamela Fox thought 50-year-old neighbor Marija Andric harmed her flowers. Ms. Fox then allegedly “poured a caustic substance over the borders and lawn of [Ms.] Andric,” per The Telegraph. But that wasn’t the end of it.
Mrs Fox confronted Miss Andric, who opened her door to find Fox pointing an aerosol spray at her face.
Olive Lycourgou, prosecuting, at Reading Crown Court, Berks, said: “Miss Andric put her hands up to protect her face. Mrs Fox leaned in and bit off the end of Miss Andric’s little finger.” After the alleged assault she said Fox spat blood out of her mouth and ran away. Surgeons were unable to reattach the finger.
Ouchee! Here’s the source.
This simple plan failed in the execution (of the plan, not the flies …). As reported in The Nanjing Morning Post:
Police in Nanjing, Jiangsu province, recently arrested three men who cheated restaurants of money after putting dead flies in their food.
Wu, Wang and Zheng, all in their 20s and jobless, extorted money from three restaurants using this modus operandi, threatening to smash the eatery if they are not compensated.
Smash the joint? Crude, but definitely faster than filing a lawsuit. So how were they caught?
They were arrested after a restaurant owner spotted them putting a fly in their food and phoned the police.
Should have eaten the evidence …
Let’s just say this story involves seeking comfort from an animal, specifically, a donkey. You have been warned. As reported in The Sunday News:
In an incident that left the people of Filabusi dumbstricken, a 71-year-old widower was last week arraigned before the courts after he was caught raping a donkey.
The accused, Edwin Ndlovu, resides at Lunyame Village [in Zimbabwe] under Chief Bekezela Sibaya. He was charged for contravening section 74 of the criminal law (Codification and Reform Act) chapter 9:23, Beastility.
Legal Juice