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Per the St. Petersburg Times:

To prove he’s incompetent to stand trial on multiple felony charges, Robert Sinclaire Lee hid a razor in his mouth and used it to cut his wrist in court.

He smeared feces on his face.

And Monday, he entered a courtroom with feces hidden in his jail jacket pocket.

Did it work? Nope. Why not? Well, among other evidence of malingering,

Prosecutors also have jail phone call recordings on which Lee laughs about acting “crazy.”

Who knew that prisoner’s phone calls were monitored, other than EVERYONE (except Lee)? To read more, click here.

So what happened at the trial? Guilty. You can read more here.

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I would imagine that 911 operators get a lot of strange calls. Still, I’ll bet they don’t get calls like this too often. As reported by the St. Petersburg Times:

Joshua Basso said his cell phone ran out of minutes Wednesday, so he called the one number that he knew is always free — 911 — with an unusual request.

He wanted someone to have sex with him.

Is there [pardon the pun] stimulus money for that? [Oh!]

When 911 operators hung up on him, he called back four times, police said.

Fifteen minutes after his last call, police arrested Basso at his home, at 4202 N Nebraska Ave., on charges of making a false 911 call. He was taken to the Hillsborough County Jail, where he remains without bail.

No bail?

Basso has been arrested a dozen times in Hillsborough on charges including grand theft of a motor vehicle, violation of probation, domestic violence battery, possession of marijuana, trespassing and burglary, jail records show.

Add one more to that cornucopia of criminal charges. Here’s the source.

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It sounds crazy, right? A light saber beating a taser? But it happened. It all started one night … as reported by kgw.com (Portland, Oregon) …

Officers were dispatched to the [Toys R Us] store shortly before 10 p.m., Wednesday on reports that the man had already assaulted three customers with [two ‘Star Wars’ light sabers]. None of them was injured.

Before officers arrived, dispatchers were told the man had walked out into the parking lot, still swinging the swords. Police found the man in the lot talking incoherently.

An officer tried to use a taser, but the device failed. A second Taser also failed after the man used the light sabers to break one of the wires, Simpson said.

You doubted The Juice? The light saber neutralized the taser! So, it had to be done the old-fashioned way.

Officers then rushed the man, taking him to the ground as he struggled violently and continued to shout nonsense.

David A. Canterbury, 33, was placed on a police hold at a hospital for a mental evaluation.

The charges?

He was cited for three counts of fourth-degree assault, second-degree disorderly conduct, third-degree theft, resisting arrest and interfering with a police officer.

Here’s the source, including a photo.

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You have to be pretty hammered to think that the candor pander has any chance of working when you’re driving drunk. As reported by www.beenews.com (New York):

A man was arrested for driving while intoxicated after patrol observed his vehicle 
pass 
through a steady red light at Seneca Creek Road and swerve several times on 
Union Road.

The 
man told patrol, “I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been drinking,” then produced a Rite Aid 
rewards card 
for ID instead of his driver’s license.

Doh!

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FbombTHfinal.jpgCook County, Illinois Judge Stanley Sacks, during the trial of a Chicago police officer convicted of reckless driving, said:

Pardon my language, but big fucking deal.

So… judicial. For this little doozy, Chief Judge Timothy Evans re-assigned Sacks to non-judicial duties for four months.

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Yup. When Rachel Monk, a 24-year-old Scottish woman with cerebal palsy, wanted to get a tattoo, the first establishment she and her family tried was up a flight of steps. Since Ms. Monk is in a wheelchair, she was referred to another tattoo parlor. At that establishment, called Body Creation, the owner told her

We don’t do people like you.

Me thinks they will now. A discrimination claim was filed. The Disability Rights Commision awarded Ms. Monk £2,500 ($5,000), stating

It was abundantly clear, once one took the trouble to communicate with Rachael, that she knew her own mind, was proud of the small heart (tattoo) already displayed on her right arm, and wanted that tattoo she had chosen for her left upper arm… [Mr Dean] did not attempt to make any assessment of Rachael’s vulnerability or capacity He simply ignored her and made assumptions based upon her physical abilities.

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Barbers Anderson and Banks are opening up a barbershop. While the space was being remodeled, an old, ornate sign was uncovered. As reported in The Argus, the sign reads “J. Barker”, “dispensing chemist” and “practical phrenologist,” and is carved in ornate gold leaf writing. Since the sign has historical significance,

They were then told by planning officers from the city council they must keep the old sign as it is protected by conservation laws – even though it advertised the wrong kind of business.

So they have this cool old sign, and life is good at Trafalgar Barbers, no? No, it’s not.

Last week the barbers received a letter from the Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain saying it was illegal to advertise themselves as a “dispensing chemists” when they weren’t. The letter said it would take further action unless the sign, which contravened the Medicines Act 1968, was taken down.

Only one problem – they paid £500 ($1,000 US) for their sign, and a new “old” sign would cost about £1,000 ($2,000 US)! They don’t have it, and they’re feeling a bit boxed in. Said Mr. Anderson:

The council has made us break the law. It feels like we are in a nowin situation and it is all a bit bizarre. We never wanted the sign in the first place but were told we had no choice. Now we are being told we have to take it down and pay for another one. We are told we have to preserve the cultural heritage of the area but all the other shops in the area have the signs they want above the door.

Yeah! People, get your shit together and let these gents cut hair! Here’s The Argus article.

Update: Fortunately, some agreement was reached, as the gents are still cutting hair. Click on this link, and scroll down to “Cut and dried.” Recognize those blokes?

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Apparently this woman is not familiar with the scientifically proven theorem that “The third time’s the charm.” As reported by The Belleville News-Democrat in the Police Blotter:

Attempted armed robbery — Circle K, 3801 North Belt West. An employee reported that while working on paperwork at the counter, a person wearing a cap and a scarf covering her face approached the counter with a handgun. The person ordered the employee to open a safe but he could not open it. She ordered the victim a second time and again he advised it could not be opened. The suspect fled the area on foot.

Doh! The Juice is just glad nobody was hurt.

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All too often, folks see someone in need, and just keep going. They’re too busy, or have some other reason for not stopping. Well, not this gent. He stopped to help, and, befitting that old saying [it’s BS, but hey, it’s a saying] his good deed did not go unpunished. Per lancasteronline.com, from the police blotter:

Daryl L. King, 37, of Paradise, was charged with DUI and resisting arrest after an incident Saturday at Brimmer Avenue and Orlon Street. Police dispatched for a fight just after 6 p.m. found King pushing a 29-year-old New Holland man. King refused officers’ commands to stop and eventually was taken into custody. The man King was pushing later told officers he stopped to help King, whose truck had gone off the road. He said he realized King was intoxicated and took the keys from the ignition of King’s truck, after which King began fighting with him. King was committed to Lancaster County Prison in lieu of $40,000 bail.

The Juice commends this good Samaritan, who may have saved a life.

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Hey, I’ll bet if clown intruders infiltrated your house, you’d try to blast them with your shotgun too. Shot-up stuff can be fixed or replaced. But if the clowns get you, it’s curtains. As reported by the Hudson Star-Observer, a Roberts,Wisconsin man was not about to take any chances …

St. Croix County Sheriff Dennis Hillstead said the man was apparently suffering from some kind of hallucination when the incident took place at 3:56 a.m. Friday (July 9) at the home of the man’s parents where he resided.

“Deputies got a report that a number of rounds had been fired within the home,” Hillstead said. “More shots were fired when the deputies arrived and he apparently fired a shot at his parents as they fled in a vehicle.” The shots hit the windshield.

The man came out of the house carrying a shotgun, with a bag of shells over his shoulder and yelling at persons unknown, the sheriff said. The man was taken in to custody without incident and has been placed in emergency detention.

The man told investigators that he felt a number of men dressed in clown suits were attempting to invade the house, Hillstead said. The home was severely damaged during the shoot-up.