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And what exactly was this man referring to when he asked his neighbor if she “wanted a piece of this?” His penis! Brilliant! And of course his name is “Mr. Smart” – really. Here’s the skinny, per The Cairns Post:

A man taking a pee in his front yard waved his penis at the woman living next door then sprayed her car with urine during a neighbourhood row at White Rock, Cairns.

Father of four Stephen Charles Smart, 42, who pleaded guilty to wilful exposure in Cairns Magistrates’ Court recently, also asked the neighbour if she “wanted a piece of this”.

Yes, of course there’s a defense. Here it is:

Smart’s lawyer Tom Eckersley said … there had been an ongoing feud between the neighbours for some time during which [Mr. Smart’] roof had been rocked and stones thrown at his dog.

and …

Smart … had been having a barbecue in his front yard in Malibu Close and had gone to urinate against his own front fence when he called out to the neighbour, thinking he was semi-shielded.

Continued the lawyer:

But Mr Eckersley said the woman had walked further down her driveway than he thought and was able to see him clearly.

The time?

Magistrate Suzette Coates .. released Smart on a six-month good behaviour bond and did not record a conviction …

Seems just to the Juice.

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No doubt there are many ways to smuggle things into a country. But check out this lizard-smuggling story from KTLA-TV:

A man was arrested at LAX for trying to smuggle 15 live lizards into the United States by strapping them to his chest.

Special agents with the U.S. Department of Fish and Wildlife arrested Michael Plank, 40, of Lomita, as he tried to clear U.S. customs at the airport on a flight from Australia last week.

Agents say the lizards were concealed in a money belt that was strapped to Plank’s torso. Inspectors seized two geckos, eleven skinks, and two monitor lizards. Monitor lizards are a protected species under the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species. The lizards are valued at $8,500 according to U.S. Fish and Wildlife Special Agent Mona Ianelli.

The crime and the time?

Federal law required that travelers declare items brought to the United States from abroad, including wildlife. Concealing the illegal import of wildlife into the United States is a felony. The maximum penalty is 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.


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streaker%20streak%20streaking.gif Clearly, this man belongs in the Streaking Hall of Fame. As reported by The Times of India:

Students at the varsity were stunned to see a youth walk stark naked right past them, said MSU officials. “Though it was a holiday due to Moharram, there were several students on the campus as the youth festival is on. Girls looked the other way as he walked towards the Law faculty, unabashedly,” said an official.

How ’bout those security guards?

“Security personnel tried in vain to stop the youth, who had entered through the gate opposite MSU’s Experimental School at noon,” the official said. “Five security guards accosted him only to be snubbed by the youth, who asked them to call higher officials. The guards even gave him a sound thrashing, so much so that their batons broke,” the official narrated.

Seriously, 5 guys with batons couldn’t stop a naked man? Nope. …

…this did not deter the youth who ran to Experimental School and supposedly vanished out of the gate.

At least they didn’t tase him.

And if that wasn’t enough excitement on campus for the day …

Meanwhile, the dust was just about to settle on the matter when another incident took the campus by the storm. A group of monkeys wreaked havoc after a baby monkey was electrocuted in the morning when it came in contact with a live wire.

The apes started attacking passers-by walking near the site of the accident. The crisis ended when fire brigade officials disentangled the monkey’s body from the electric wire, after which monkeys picked up their deceased offspring and left.

Damn. That’s more excitement than I saw in my entire 7 years of college.

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thief%20stop%20cop%20chasing%20criminal%20shoplifter%20running.gif Former Home Depot employee Michael Boyer probably couldn’t believe it either. As reported in The Detroit News:

“It sounds crazy but he was not fired for confronting or physically restraining a customer. He was terminated for involving professionals, the police, to catch someone with a shopping cart full of stolen goods,” said Joey Niskar, Boyer’s attorney.

Yeah, crazy alright. Crazy like… really stupid! Mr. Boyer has filed suit under the Michigan Whistleblower Protection Act. A sorry example of the aphorism that “no good deed goes unpunished.” Damn you Home Depot!

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Having been ticketed for almost every imaginable violation of the traffic code (parking too close to an intersection, parking too close to an alley, parking too far from the curb, parking at a broken meter [under prior law], along with all the typical violations), the Juice no longer parks illegally. Back in the day, though, say, when he was 28, like Englishman Michael Raphel, he would park just about anywhere.

It would not be a stretch to assume that Mr. Raphel’s carefree parking days are behind him too. Why? Because the police blew up his illegally parked car! As reported by The Telegraph:

Michael Raphel, 28, left his £18,000 red Honda Civic Type R on double yellow lines less than a quarter of a mile from Number 10.

But, fearing a potential terrorist attack, the Metropolitan Police carried out two controlled explosions after CCTV footage showed him running from the parked vehicle.

The force of the blast blew the doors off and smashed the windows, leaving the car wrecked.

£18,000! ($30,000 US!) Alright, pal, what were you really doing there?

… visiting London to celebrate a friend’s birthday …

How did Mr. Raphel react?

”We have laughed about it a bit now but I’m bit gutted to be honest.

”I know in this day and age they have to be suspicious but I didn’t feel this was warranted.

”I wasn’t treated badly, but they could’ve been a bit more tactful.

”The car was registered to me, I’m sure there are ways they could have contacted me if they had really tried to.”

Agreed. Here’s the source.

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Suspected of smoking in the boys room, you are escorted to the principal’s office. Tactically, it’s probably not smart to call the principal a “fucker,” a “fag,” and a “fucking fag.” That’s what Mr. L was alleged to have done. And the punishment? Suspension? Expulsion, maybe for a repeat offender? No, young Mr. L was charged with a crime – “Interference with Staff, Faculty or Students of Educational Institutions” – a class three misdemeanor!

His public defender, Eric Vanatta, after asking his client “what the fuck he was thinking” [okay, I added that part], decided to attack the constitutionality of the law, arguing that it violates his client’s right to free speech under both the United States and Colorado Constitutions. He does so by tracing the origin of the word, and discussing, in a hilarious way, how pervasive the word is in our culture. No fucking way (cuff me) I can do this justice. So here it is, the entire Motion to Dismiss the Constitutionality of Fuck, “Fucker” and “Fucking Fag”
from Colorado v. C.L., a Child (Dist. Ct. of Larimer County, Co.)

Thanks to Cindy Hill for submitting this Motion to Legal Juice!

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Yes, folks, this bird is protected by the Constitution, as the City of Pittsburgh learned the hard way. Back in 2006, David Hackbart (of Butler, Pennsylvania) flipped off a cop, and got a disorderly conduct citation. He fought it, hard. Per the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

Pittsburgh City Council initially approved today a $50,000 settlement for a lawsuit filed by a Butler County man who gave the middle finger to a motorist and a police officer in 2006.

The officer cited him for disorderly conduct. The county eventually dropped the charge, but Hackbart sued to recover the cost of defending himself. U.S. District Judge David S. Cercone ruled in March that the officer violated Hackbart’s First Amendment right to free speech.

You can read more bird-flipping stories here, here, here, and here

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This Ohio bank robbery suspect was much more alert than the police officers who were dutifully searching him as he was face down on the hood of a car. So how did he get rid of what was likely the note he used when he allegedly robbed a bank? He ate it! Check it out:

As reported at Ohio.com:

Twinsburg police Patrolman Daniel Biada said a dash cam video of Thursday’s arrest of John H. Ford, 35, of Cleveland, shows Ford gobbling a piece of paper while officers searched his pockets.

”As we’re searching him, officers are removing items and throwing them on the cruiser [hood],” Biada said. ”We’re searching him for weapons. We’re not looking at his head.”

Twinsburg police reviewed the images captured on camera and said they observed Ford leaning over to eat something off the hood of the cruiser.

”He grabbed it in his mouth, just like Pacman,” Biada said. ”He just ate it right there.”

Notwithstanding his quick thinking, it’s not looking too good for Pacman.

Authorities said they found a .38-caliber pistol on the driver’s side floor of Ford’s car and a wad of cash covered in red ink on the passenger side of the vehicle.

Ford is also a suspect in bank robberies in Stow and Akron.

Suggestion: Don’t hold Mr. Ford anywhere near the evidence room.

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No doubt coffins are heavy. But it’s probably easier to carry them when you are sober! As reported by The Local:

Two sisters are claiming damages [20,000 kronor ($2,895 US] from a firm of funeral directors after their father’s coffin was plunged ungracefully into a grave by undertakers unsteady on their feet.

During the funeral, which took place in February 2008, they claim a number of undertakers were clearly drunk while being in charge of the coffin.

Not cool.

As they approached the grave they are reported to have lost their grip which resulted in a heavy fall into the ground with the coffin landing on its side.

Having earlier been close to overturning the coffin whilst in the church, it was the final blow in a number of incidents the grieving sisters list in a summons sent to Södertörn district court in Stockholm. “Both daughters were in chock and ran away in tears from the cemetery,” their lawyer Michael Abejon wrote in the claim. “They didn’t dare to look in the grave as they were convinced the coffin had opened and their dead father had fallen out.

This will make for some great PR, no? Pay the claim!

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Generally, The Juice is not inclined to prejudge a pending action, but, IMHO, THERE IS NO WAY THIS WOMAN SLEPT THROUGH THIS! NFW. As reported by the Chicago Tribune:

A Buffalo Grove woman is accused of allowing an underage drinking party in her home after her son and 17 other teenagers were cited over the weekend for unlawful possession and consumption of alcohol, police said Monday.

17 other teenagers! But wait …

Police officers went to the house in response to reports of loud music and people yelling about 3:20 a.m. Sunday, Husak said. The teenagers, ranging in age from 16 to 19, were given breath tests at the scene and cited for violating a village underage drinking ordinance …

It was so loud somebody called the cops!

Margaret Couch, 46, told officers who were called to her home in the 200 block of Cottonwood Road that she was sleeping and unaware of the party, said Buffalo Grove Police Cmdr. Steve Husak. Couch was cited for violating a Buffalo Grove nuisance ordinance.

No! Sleeping? That’s the best you can do? How about “What was that, sonny? I’m a little hard of hearing.” Or “I thought it was that ‘non-alcoholic’ beer.”

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