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No, it’s not the “give us cash to protect yourself from us” kind of protection. Without even being there, Chuck Norris has singlehandedly ended a series of break-ins at a bakery in Split, Croatia. From the Croatian Times:

Store bosses have seen off burglars by placing a life-sized photo of Hollywood action star Chuck Norris in the window.

The posh bakery shop in Split, Croatia, had often been broken until they put up the poster of the karate champ with a sign saying: “This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris.”

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Truth be told, “Snowzilla” is the real name of the 16-foot snowman in question. Some families in Anchorage, Alaska began building him in 2005. He was a huge hit. Per The Anchorage Daily News:

It was just a few years ago that 16-foot-tall Snowzilla arose in a residential yard in Airport Heights, launching an annual procession of local gawkers and an international media blitz.

Camera crews came from Russia and Japan.

Russia’s just across the pond (wink!), but Japan! But, alas, not everyone was keen on Snowzilla and his legions of fans.

So, city officials have deemed Snowzilla a public nuisance and safety hazard.

A few weeks ago, city code enforcers left three red signs at Snowzilla’s bottom body ball telling its builders to cease and desist.

The city also tacked a public notice on the door of the Powers family home at 1556 Columbine St.

You bastards! You killed Snowzilla! And it’s unlikely he’ll be brought back to life. Why?

Under the city’s nuisance abatement order, if [Mr. Powers] tries, he could get arrested.

Bunch of Scrooges…. Here’s the source.

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Here’s a wacky current Minnesota law I stumbled upon:

609.294 Bestiality.

Whoever carnally knows a dead body or an animal or bird is guilty of bestiality, which is a misdemeanor. If knowingly done in the presence of another the person may be sentenced to imprisonment for not more than one year or to payment of a fine of not more than $3,000 or both.

I have several questions. Exactly why would would having sex with a dead PERSON fall under the bestiality law? What kind of mind would conceive of a person having sex with a bird? Is this even possible? (Please, don’t answer that.) The Juice is at a loss. Here’s a link to the statute.

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You betcha. A 20-year-old construction worker named Cory Bishop got a ticket for having “indecent” stickers on his car. Where are things apparently going so well that they have time to write tickets for such a harmless “offense?” Harrisonville, Kansas. Per the Kansas City Pitch, here’s what the stickers said:

Imports are like tampons. Every pussy has one.

Spark plugs are for Pussies.

Stroke this Bitch.(with an illustration)

Bishop fought the ticket and … lost. But …

… the prosecuting attorney eventually threw out the charge against Bishop…

That’s not it, though.

On September 5, the ACLU’s new chief counsel and legal director, Doug Bonney, fired off a letter to Harrisonville Mayor Kevin Wood questioning the ordinance. He cited case law that upholds citizens’ right to display language that others deem “vulgar.” He suggested the city at least amend the measure. “The current ordinance’s ban on display of ‘indecent’ signs on private property is unconstitutional and cannot stand,” Bonney wrote. “We would like to work with the City to resolve this problem.”

Here’s betting that law won’t be on the books very long. Click here for the source.

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Please, MADD, no emails. As a personal injury lawyer, the Juice is very aware of the dangers of drunk drivers. Fortunately, this guy didn’t hurt anyone. He had the good fortune to pass out while waiting for his food in a McDonald’s drive-thru in New Jersey! As reported by The Daily Journal:

Police responded to the McDonald’s for a report of an unconscious person in the driver’s seat of a vehicle in the drive-thru line at 1:30 p.m. Friday.

1:30 p.m.? Early start there, dude.

Officer Rick Earl said in his report that when he opened the driver’s side door of McRae’s truck, he smelled a strong odor of alcoholic beverage. McRae then awoke and said to the officer, “Hey, Sarge,” according to the report.

When Earl asked McRae if he had been drinking, McRae replied, “Yeah Sarge, I had a few, but we can work this out,” the report states.

Unlikely.

McRae refused to perform field sobriety tests, according to the report, and was taken to police headquarters, where he needed help walking into the building. His vehicle was towed from the scene.

The charges?

… driving while intoxicated, refusal to submit to a breath test and reckless driving.

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The Juice enjoys skiing, but this is just nuts. A Colorado woman tried to pass herself off as her boyfriend so that she could use his ski pass! From The Aspen Times:

The trouble started when a woman was caught trying to use a man named Daniel’s ski pass at Keystone Resort. When asked for a date of birth, she complied but “was slow to recall it” according to a report from the Summit County Sheriff’s Office.

The woman claimed to be in the middle of a sex change and couldn’t provide any personal information beyond the birthday and middle name.

“The female stated her parents knew of her sex change, and she stated they disowned her when she told them,” according to the report.

So if we call your parents …

[Daniel’s] father was “shocked” last weekend when a local deputy called asking whether his son was having a sex-change operation.

So shocked that he called the police back to make sure the call was legit. The jig was really up when …

An hour later, the Keystone scanning supervisor told the deputy there was a phone number on Daniel’s ski pass file. The deputy called the number and Daniel answered, informing the deputy that he had given the pass to his girlfriend, Wanda.

Doh! Time to come clean?

The woman spoke with Daniel then told the deputy that she was actually Wanda.

Case closed, the investigation anyway…

[Wanda] was arrested and booked on charges of theft of more than $500 and criminal impersonation.

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Regular Juice readers will recall this recent post about a marijuana greenhouse set up just 25 feet from a police station. But what if I told you a gent grew marijuana, in prison, with the permission of the guards! And he did it for at least 5 months before he was busted! What do you think he was in for? Drugs? Yup. As reported by The Sun:

Gold-toothed Mohamed Jalloh, 28, convinced jail staff [at Verne Prison in Portland, Dorset] that his super-powerful skunk crop was really tomato plants.

[They] even [let him] decorate one 4ft plant as a CHRISTMAS TREE.

So how was he caught?

Eventually he was grassed up by a jealous inmate – and guards then identified the plants using Google snaps.

Damn you snitch! Damn you Google! Here’s the source.

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I would bet that even troglodytes are aware of the depth and breadth of the Xbox craze. Even people in their – um – 40s are caught up in it. Even amidst this craze, I think it’s fair to say this guy overreacted. As reported by WXYZ (Troy, Michigan):

Clerks inside the Gamestop store at the Oakland Mall weren’t allowed to talk on the record [really?], but say it was a bizarre scene that played out inside the store Wednesday around noon.

They say one of their regular customers, whom they describe as odd, walked into the store wearing a blue fur coat. He was irate even before talking to the salesmen, cursing and demanding a refund for his Xbox.

One of the salesmen figured his behavior could spell trouble and, as trained, went into the mall to alert security.

Mall security came to the store and spoke with the 43-year-old customer from Detroit, his anger heightened as he threatened to kill someone.

That’s when security called Troy Police.

Admit it. You’re swept up in the story now… And then …

Store employees, knowing police were on their way, tried to stall the customer, and told him they needed his receipt. The customer went to his car and came back with the proof of purchase. Moments later, four police officers arrived, armed with rifles and clearing out the store. Officers say they frisked the man, and according to workers, they held a gun to his head and took him into custody.

That’s it? A proof of purchase and a stun gun? The charges? Making threats against mall workers. The Juice hopes the gent opts for a little more life, and a little less Xbox live.
 

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Um… A police car! A MARKED police car! Said the owner of the towing company, Gary Coe, “I think he just lost it.” Gresham, Oregon police officer Tom Pohlman was resonding to an assault-in-progress at 2:20 a.m. When he was told over the radio that “They’re towing you’re car,” Pohlman said “#@!&* + !&%*^#!” Actually, he said “You can’t print my response.” [Note to Officer Pohlman: This ain’t The Oregonian. Contact the Juice. We will print your response, unedited.]

Why would tow truck driver Steven Syverson, who had 8 months on the job without incident, try to tow a police car? Because the car was parked in a fire zone. Guess what? The police can do this. What happened to Syverson? Lots of bad stuff. As reported in The Oregonian, he was fired AND “arrested on accusations of car theft, obstructing governmental administration, interfering with a peace officer, and third-degree criminal mischief.”

So where does this rate on the weirdness scale? Per Officer Pohlman:

“I’ve been around cops and done this stuff since 1974,” says Pohlman, who, at 55, is eligible to retire. “And this is in the top five or six things that I can say I’ve ever seen people do. And I’ve seen some pretty weird things.”

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So you think you’re a good multitasker? Could you do all of this simultaneously?

Light up a joint …

… while holding a beer…

… while speeding down the road?

I didn’t think so. Per The Cairns Post (Australia):

A driver lit up a joint while speeding past an unmarked police car with an open can of beer in his clutches, incredulous police have alleged.

The El Arish man, 29, was clocked at 115km/hr [71 mph] when he overtook police on on the El Arish-Mission Beach Rd on Cassowary Drive at Bingil Bay, south of Cairns.

When they pulled him over, police say they detected the smell of cannabis emanating from his vehicle.

A subsequent search located a small quantity of cannabis in the car.

It will be alleged that the man admitted to police that he had just lit up a joint as he overtook the police vehicle.

Hey, at least he wasn’t texting … And if you like multitasking stories, here’s a really good one,and here’s another.