Squeezed on:

tissue%20paper%20blowing%20nose%20nose%20sneezing%20box.jpg

Crime must be down in Strathclyde (Scotland). Why? Because police there apparently have nothing better to do than to give a man a ticket for blowing his nose! And his car was stopped! As reported by Sky News:

Michael Mancini had stopped his van in traffic and wiped his nose with a handkerchief.

When he moved off, he was pulled over by police who told him he had not been in control of his vehicle.

Mr Mancini, from Ayrshire, was handed a £60 fixed penalty and given three points on his driving licence.

He told Sky News: “I thought they were joking and that it was a wind-up.”

If it is a joke, kudos to the police for letting it play out for so long …

“I was stopped in traffic and had the handbrake on and thought to myself, ‘Ive just got time to blow my nose.’

“Then police pulled me over and I was booked. I genuinely thought they were joking, that it was a wind-up.”

The incident occurred in October, but Mr Mancini has refused to pay the penalty.

Well done, sir!

His solicitor wrote to prosecutors earlier this month explaining the offence could not have occurred because Mr Mancini’s handbrake was on.

But prosecutors replied the next day warning that if the fine wasn’t paid, the case would be taken to court.

Mr Mancini added: “I intend taking this all the way to court. I still don’t believe it actually happened.”

A Strathclyde Police spokesman said: “A 39-year-old man is the subject of a report to the procurator fiscal in connection with an alleged traffic offence on October 26.”

Now that would be a fun trial to watch! Here’s the source.

Squeezed on:

toast%20glass%20glasses%20clinking%20make.jpg

Of all the reasons to fire somebody, this has got to be among the most idiotic. As reported by China Daily:

Two women have been fired from their jobs for refusing to drink at a company party.

No doubt they would have been fired had they gotten shitfaced. Maybe each employee should get a breathalyzer, along with guidelines for the acceptable BAC range…

He, an executive manager of an auto parts company in Hanyang, and her assistant refused to drink alcohol when their boss made a toast at their company’s New Year party.

They were fired the next day on grounds of incompetence.

“This is not fair at all,” He, who joined the company just a month back, fumed after receiving her termination letter.

Squeezed on:

firecrackers%20fire%20crackers.jpg

You can put your eyeballs back in their sockets. You read it right: 3 months in the slammer (and a fine of about $600!) for possessing 5 firecrackers. From the New Straits Times (Malaysia):

A jobless man was sentenced to three months’ jail and fined RM2,000 by the magistrate’s court yesterday for possessing five firecrackers.

Mohd Zafizie Mohd Zawawi, 29, pleaded guilty to committing the offence at Gate J of Sultan Mohamed IV Stadium at 9pm on Saturday.

Zafizie, from Kampung Belakang Masjid, who was unrepresented, told magistrate Nik Habri Muhamad neither he nor his parents could afford to pay a high fine.

“I have repented and I promise not to commit the offence again. This will be my first and last offence.”

Krykie! A first offender too.

[The magistrate] told Zafizie that he had committed a serious offence because the stadium was a place for recreation.

Oh, and if Mr. Zafizie’s family can’t pay the fine …

“If you fail to pay the fine, the jail sentence will be extended by another month.”

So it will probably be almost 1 month in jail per firecracker…

Squeezed on:

kauai%20legal%20juice%20birds%20of%20paradise.jpg

Kauai has got to be one of the coolest places on earth (especially the north shore). It’s definitely the coolest place The Juice ever visited.

But even this totally chill tropical paradise has a few rules. For example, when you visit somebody in the hospital, you can’t bring the patient’s horse (in the elevator!) to cheer him up. Now it is Kauai, so the hospital does allow pets, like cats and dogs. And they are almost apologetic about this limitation.

“On Kauai, we have a very warm inviting atmosphere at Wilcox [Memorial Hospital],” [hospital spokeswoman] Yukimura said. “We just hope people understand this is not a place for a horse.”

Yes ma’am, we understand. Oh – one more thing about the horse. After all the man went through to cheer up his ailing relative – he brought the wrong horse!

legal%20juice%20coral.jpg

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

class%20of%202010.gif

The Juice definitely doesn’t – and not just because it would reduce the amount of material out there. Anyway, talk about a harmless prank. And a damn funny one too … Check this out, as reported by khou.com:

What happens when you drop the C and the L from class? You get in trouble, that’s what.

Three Cypress Ridge High School students were suspended and fined $135 each for allegedly pulling a prank in the senior class photo.

Seniors posed for the panoramic photos last month. First, there was a formal picture with students in the front row wearing t-shirts that spelled out “Class of 2010.”

So far, no problem. But then …

The second panoramic was an informal shot. The students were allowed to move around so they rearranged themselves, leaving only “ass” on the front row.

“I heard C and L ran off. That’s not ass’s fault. That’s C and L’s fault, said senior Austin Knight. “It was funny and they shouldn’t have been punished.”

Right on, sir! You have just been awarded “quote of the month” – “That’s not ass’s fault.”

But it was the three students wearing A, S and S that got in trouble. Along with the fine and suspension, they lost their positions as officers for various clubs.

“S” man George Bermudez, who was the senior class secretary, said it was an accident.

Cy-Fair ISD officials didn’t buy that story.

In a statement, the district said: “Three students were disciplined in accordance with the Student Code of Conduct. ”

Uncool. Here’s the source, including video.

Posted in: Uncool
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

judge%20mad%20angry%20upset%20pissed%20irate%20.gif She did. She called the Judge an asshole! (Or, as reported at Ocala.com, “a two-syllable curse word—a crude term referring to the anus.” Must be a “family” newspaper. Please.) Anyway, Ms. Sarah E. Muller was not pleased with Marion County [Florida] Judge R. James McCune Jr.’s denial of her request to be dismissed from jury duty. Twice. First, she cited her poor health, which the Judge rejected. Then, she said she was a racist, which the Judge also rejected. That’s when she called the Judge an asshole, only he didn’t quite hear it. So…

When the judge asked Muller to clarify her remark, [she] repeated it. He charged her on the spot with direct criminal contempt of the court — a second-degree misdemeanor— and Muller was promptly handcuffed by a court bailiff and taken into custody.

Now Judge McCune was pissed.

“How in the world did you think that running your mouth in such a foul, profane way would be appropriate in court, of all places?” McCune asked Muller. “Did it even dawn on you that you were already here and you might as well make the most of it?”

Ms. Muller’s reaction? Not a “crude term referring to the anus.”

Muller apologized to the judge as tears streamed down her face. “I’m very sorry for calling you that. I did not know it was illegal, and I did not mean to cause disrespect,” she said.

Muller added that cursing was “a very bad habit” of hers and that she was feeling upset, sick, and very broke. “I’m very poor, and I barely have any money at all,” she protested. “I do not appear to be sick, but I am internally sick.”

Now you know the crime. The time? Three days in jail (plus $233.00 in court costs and fees). One final nugget from Ms. Muller:

“I didn’t know I would go to jail for freedom of speech.”

Zoinks! Here’s the source (including photos). And if you like “contempt” stories, click here.

Posted in: Best Of
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

No%20Fear%20fearless%20brave%20sign.jpg

The day may come when The Juice reveals the 11th commandment… But this day, we have the story of a man who violated the 12th commandment: Don’t Be Afraid. And his dog almost paid the ultimate price. Per the Cairns Post:

A man was so convinced he was going to jail for hosting a noisy New Year’s Day party he put his things in storage and arranged to have his dog put down, a Cairns court heard.

But an anxious Keat Paul Wylie, 20, who faced Cairns Magistrates’ Court yesterday for contravening a police direction to turn his stereo down, was told he could only be fined for the offence.

“Mr Wylie has been very stressed, he had actually sought legal advice and was told by the lawyer he was definitely going to jail for six months,” duty lawyer Michelle Emeleus said.

Hmm. Can you say “bar counsel?”

“As a result he had put his property in storage and he was about to have his dog put down.”

Yikes.

The court heard police told Wylie to turn down the music at his home in Cooktown Rd, Edmonton, about 10.30pm on January 1.

But when the loud music continued, they returned at 2.17am to issue him with a notice to appear in court for contravening the direction.

Wylie, who is on a suspended sentence, was fined $250 and had no conviction recorded.

Remember, Juice readers, to heed the 12th commandment: Don’t be afraid!

Posted in: Oops
Squeezed on:
Updated:
Squeezed on:

phone%20call%20make%20telephone%20calling%20man%20on.jpg

No! No! No! If you’re doing something illegal – like soliciting a prostitute! – don’t call the cops to complain when it goes south! As reported by WMUR in New Hampshire:

A man and a woman were charged with prostitution Tuesday after, police said, the man called them to report that the woman didn’t have sex with him after he paid for it.

Jeanna Mercure, 22, of Manchester, N.H., and Robert Smith, 32, of Marlborough, were charged with prostitution.

Police said Smith called the Marlborough Police Department on Monday and reported that he had paid Mercure and a third party $150 to have sex with him on Sunday night. Smith called police after Mercure failed to have sex with him, police said.

Doh! Doh! Doh! Here’s the source, including mug shots.

Squeezed on:

Bat%20scary%20frightening%20teeth%20bats.jpg

What’s worse than getting bitten by a rabid bat? Having to pay for all of the treatment out of your own pocket. Fortunately for David Froelich of Delaware County, Ohio, he only got bitten once. As reported by the Columbus Dispatch:

A little-known Ohio law allows a person bitten or injured by a rabid animal to ask county commissioners to reimburse up to $1,500 for medical treatment. The request must be made within four months of the bite, and a doctor must verify the treatment.

The debate came when Froehlich, 61, asked the county commissioners to help cover his $5,000 hospital bill for a series of rabies-vaccine shots.

… the commissioners unanimously agreed to pay Froehlich the maximum reimbursement allowed under the law. Commissioners weren’t obligated to fulfill Froehlich’s request, because it was made two days after the four-month window had closed.

Fortunately for Mr. Froelich …

… a 1928 state attorney general’s opinion grants commissioners discretion when considering such claims, so waiving the timeline is within the law.

Think this happens often? Nope.

Brad Cole, managing director for research at the County Commissioners’ Association of Ohio, said he knew of no other such rabies-bite reimbursements.

Whew, and ..

Cole said the reimbursement law was revised in 2000 to increase the payment amount from $200 to $1,500, which was the estimated cost of treatment at the time.

Whew. You can read more here.

Squeezed on:

Car%20burning%20fire%20on%20fire%20flames%20smoke%20smoking.jpg

Yes sir. This is one lucky man. But just remember, there are two kinds of luck … As reported in the police blotter of the Sun Star Courier (Ohio):

At 4:04 p.m. on Friday, a man was arrested on an active warrant after putting out a fire in his own vehicle on Barr Road.

The 34-year-old man’s truck caught fire due to failed wiring with the LED lights. A resident gave him a fire extinguisher to calm down the blaze.

After running the man’s information it was discovered that he had an active warrant from Cuyahoga County for failure to appear in connection with child support.

Doh!